The Great Wedding Debate: Elope Or Extravaganza?

To elope or not to elope? That is the question.

If you're reading this, you're probably engaged and trying to decide whether to have a big wedding or elope. It's a big decision, and it's not one that should be made without discussing it with your partner. There are pros and cons to both options, and ultimately, the right choice for you will depend on your priorities and what you envision for your special day.

So, what's the difference between eloping and having a big wedding?

An elopement is typically a smaller, more intimate celebration with a guest list of 20 or fewer people. It's often held outdoors or in a non-traditional venue, and the focus is on celebrating the couple's relationship in an authentic and meaningful way. Elopements tend to be more flexible and relaxed, with less emphasis on strict timelines and traditions. They can also be more affordable, with the average cost of an elopement ranging from $200 to $16,000, compared to the average cost of a big wedding, which is around $30,000.

On the other hand, a big wedding is usually a larger, more traditional celebration with 50 to 300 guests. It's often held in a conventional venue, such as a church, barn, or hotel, and the focus is on creating a unique experience for the guests and incorporating wedding traditions. Big weddings tend to involve more planning, logistics, and expenses, but they offer the opportunity to celebrate with a wider community of family and friends.

Now, let's look at some signs that eloping might be the right choice for you:

- You intend to invite a small number of guests (0-20 people).

- You prefer an intimate setting, such as a small venue or outdoor location.

- Your budget is limited ($3,000 or less).

- The idea of live-streaming your ceremony excites you.

- You're able to take time off work to travel or prepare for your ceremony.

- You feel overwhelmed by the idea of planning a large event.

- You'd rather have a chill and unique celebration than a traditional, extravagant wedding.

- You don't resonate with traditional wedding traditions.

- You want to get married in nature or at a unique venue.

On the other hand, here are some signs that a big wedding might be more your style:

- You're the life of the party and feed off social interactions.

- You've always dreamed of having a big wedding.

- You have a large guest list that you can't bear to cut down.

- You want to share your special day with your entire community.

- You want to be the centre of attention and have all eyes on you.

- You enjoy the idea of a big, traditional party.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to weddings. The most important thing is to choose the option that feels right for you and your partner. Whether you decide to elope or have a big wedding, your day will be special and memorable as long as it reflects your relationship and priorities.

Budgeting

Traditional Wedding Budgeting:

• Venue: Traditional weddings typically require renting a venue such as a barn, resort, church, country club, or winery, which can be expensive.
• Catering: Catering costs can quickly add up, especially when feeding a large number of guests.
• Attire: Wedding dresses can cost thousands of dollars, and suits, although usually less expensive, can also be pricey.
• Decorations and Flowers: Decorating a large venue and purchasing flowers for centrepieces and bouquets can be costly.
• Photography and Videography: Capturing high-quality photos and videos of the event is important, and these services can be expensive.
• Other Costs: There are also additional costs such as wedding planners, music, and transportation to consider.

Elopement Budgeting:

• Travel: Elopements may involve travel costs, including flights, accommodation, and transportation to and from the location.
• Attire: Elopement attire is typically less expensive than traditional wedding attire, as couples often opt for more casual and comfortable options.
• Officiant: The cost of an officiant or celebrant can vary depending on their experience and the location of the elopement.
• Bouquet and Decorations: Flowers and decorations are usually less expensive for elopements since there are fewer people and a more intimate setting.
• Photography: Photography is often the most expensive part of an elopement budget, as couples want to capture and cherish these memories.
• Other Costs: Some elopements may also include costs for witnesses, a small reception, or other personal touches.

Cost Comparison:

According to various sources, the average cost of a traditional wedding in the United States ranges from $28,000 to $34,000. In contrast, the average cost of an elopement is estimated to be between $10,000 and $16,500, with some elopements costing as little as a few hundred dollars. The cost of an elopement largely depends on the location, the number of guests, and the couple's personal preferences for their celebration.

Guest list

The guest list is one of the biggest differences between a traditional wedding and an elopement. Most weddings have over 50 guests, often including a wide range of people from the couple's family members to friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. Elopements, on the other hand, are much smaller and more intimate, usually with no more than 30 guests, and sometimes none at all. If you're inviting guests, an elopement typically includes only those whose relationship is very meaningful to the couple; the ones they couldn't imagine celebrating without.

If you're planning a traditional wedding, you'll likely need to invite extended family members, friends, and colleagues, whereas with an elopement, you can keep the guest list limited to your nearest and dearest. This might include only immediate family and best friends, or even just a handful of people to act as witnesses.

If you're torn between the two options, consider how many people you absolutely need to have at your wedding. If you're planning to invite 25 or more guests, a traditional wedding might be a better fit. However, if you're looking for a more intimate celebration with fewer than 12 guests, an elopement may be the way to go.

Another factor to consider is whether you want your wedding to be focused on the guests and their experience or centred around the couple and their relationship. A traditional wedding is often about creating a unique experience for your guests, whereas an elopement allows you to focus on your relationship and create a day that reflects your intentions and priorities as a couple.

Additionally, the size of your guest list can impact the location and timeline of your celebration. Traditional weddings typically take place at a venue and follow a set structure, while elopements can happen anywhere and often have more flexibility in terms of timing.

Finally, the number of guests you invite can also affect your budget. Traditional weddings can be costly, especially when catering for a large number of guests. Elopements, on the other hand, tend to be more cost-effective, as you don't need to rent a large venue or feed a big crowd.

In conclusion, when deciding between a traditional wedding and an elopement, consider the size of your guest list, the focus of the celebration, the location and timing, and your budget. Remember, there is no right or wrong decision—choose the option that feels most authentic and meaningful to you and your partner.

Planning

Guest List

If you're planning a big wedding, be prepared to invite a large number of guests, typically ranging from 50 to 300 people. On the other hand, elopements are more intimate affairs with a smaller guest list of 0 to 20 people. Consider how many people you want to share your special day with and whether you prefer a grand celebration or a more private event.

Budget

Big weddings can be expensive, with the average cost reaching $33,000. This includes various expenses such as catering, venue rental, wedding attire, and more. Elopements, on the other hand, are more affordable, with an average budget of $3,000 or less. If you're working with a limited budget or prefer to allocate your funds elsewhere, such as a honeymoon or a house, elopements can be a more cost-effective option.

Venue and Location

Big weddings are often held at traditional venues such as churches, barns, hotels, or event spaces. These venues usually have guest capacity restrictions and may require booking well in advance. Elopements offer more flexibility in terms of location, as they can take place outdoors in nature or at a small venue. Consider the type of setting you prefer and whether you want the freedom to choose a unique location.

Timeline

Big weddings typically require a longer planning timeline, often starting 1-2 years in advance. This extended timeline helps coordinate all the details and vendors involved. Elopements, on the other hand, can be planned within a shorter timeframe, ranging from a few weeks to 16 months. If you're eager to tie the knot sooner rather than later, an elopement might be a better option.

Traditions and Customization

Big weddings often follow a scripted and traditional format, including various elements such as a grand entrance, first dances, toasts, cake cutting, and other cultural or religious rituals. Elopements offer more room for customization and allow you to focus on what matters most to you as a couple. You can choose unique activities, write your own vows, or incorporate only the traditions that resonate with you.

Privacy and Alone Time

Big weddings tend to be busier and more crowded, leaving less room for privacy and alone time as a couple. Elopements, with their smaller guest lists, provide more opportunities for intimate moments and quality time together. If having quiet moments to yourselves is important to you, an elopement might be a better fit.

Stress and Planning

Family and Social Dynamics

Big weddings often involve extended family and friends, which can bring both joy and potential challenges. They can be a great way to celebrate with your loved ones and create memories together. However, they may also come with family expectations, unsolicited opinions, and the pressure to include certain guests. Elopements allow you to sidestep some of these dynamics and create a more intimate and personalised experience.

In conclusion, when deciding between a big wedding and an elopement, consider your guest list, budget, venue preferences, timeline, desire for traditions, privacy, stress levels, and family dynamics. Ultimately, the choice is deeply personal, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Choose the option that aligns with your values, priorities, and vision for your special day.

Venue

If you're thinking of eloping, the world is your oyster. You can get married anywhere in the world, from the top of a mountain to a clifftop or a beach. You can choose a place that is meaningful to you, or somewhere you've always wanted to visit.

If you're thinking of having a big wedding, you'll most likely need to stick to a traditional wedding venue such as a church, barn, golf course, hotel, or another type of event space.

Location

If you want to elope, you can choose any location in the world. This could be your favourite national park, a beach, or even an island. If you're choosing a remote location, keep in mind that it may be difficult for guests to get to, and there may be limited amenities.

If you're having a big wedding, you'll be limited to venues that can accommodate a larger group of people. This could include barns, resorts, churches, country clubs, or wineries.

Guest Count

Elope weddings typically have a smaller guest count, usually between 5 and 15 people. This means you'll have more flexibility in choosing a venue, as you won't need to worry about capacity limits.

Big weddings usually have a larger guest count, ranging from 50 to 300 people. You'll need to choose a venue that can accommodate your guest list, which may limit your options.

Budget

Elope weddings tend to be more affordable, as you won't need to rent out a venue for the whole day. You can save money by choosing a less expensive location or even getting married at home.

Big weddings can be more expensive, as you'll need to rent a venue that can accommodate your guest list. The cost of the venue will likely be one of your biggest expenses.

Planning Time

Elope weddings typically require less planning time, as there are fewer details to coordinate. You may be able to plan an elopement in a few weeks to a few months.

Big weddings usually require more planning time, as there are more logistics to figure out. It's common to start planning a big wedding one to two years in advance.

Privacy

Elope weddings offer more privacy and intimacy, as you'll be surrounded by a small group of people. You can choose a remote location or even get married in secret if you prefer.

Big weddings can feel less private, as you'll be interacting with a large group of people. There may be less opportunity for quiet moments with your partner or close friends and family.

Traditions

Elope weddings allow you to break free from traditional wedding venues and create a unique experience. You can choose a location that reflects your personality and interests.

Big weddings often follow traditional scripts and may include religious or cultural elements. You may feel pressure to adhere to certain traditions or expectations when choosing a venue.

Ultimately, the decision to elope or have a big wedding comes down to your personal preferences and what will make your day perfect. Both options offer unique advantages and disadvantages, so it's important to consider your priorities and what will make you and your partner happiest.

Traditions

Wedding Traditions

Big weddings are steeped in tradition, from the walk down the aisle to the first dance, and the cake cutting. These events are designed with guests in mind and often follow a strict timeline to ensure the day runs smoothly.

Elopement Traditions

Elopements, on the other hand, offer more flexibility. Couples can choose to include traditional elements like vows, a white dress, and a first dance, or they can opt for a more non-traditional experience. Elopements are typically more focused on the couple and their relationship, allowing them to be fully present and savour each moment.

Advantages of Wedding Traditions

Wedding traditions can add a sense of familiarity and comfort to the day, especially for those who have dreamed of a traditional wedding their whole life. It is also an opportunity to carry on centuries of tradition and create a unique experience for guests.

Advantages of Elopement Traditions

Elopement traditions allow couples to be intentional and authentic in their celebration. By including only the traditions that are meaningful to them, couples can create a deeply personal and intimate experience.

Disadvantages of Wedding Traditions

The pressure to adhere to traditions can be a disadvantage of big weddings. Couples may feel obligated to include elements they don't care about, and the focus on guests may take away from the couple's experience.

Disadvantages of Elopement Traditions

One potential disadvantage of elopement traditions is the possibility of feeling pressured to include certain elements to avoid disappointing family and friends. However, elopements offer the freedom to create a day that reflects the couple's unique relationship, allowing them to savour every moment.

Frequently asked questions