George Boyle
The phrase speak now or forever hold your peace is a common saying heard during wedding ceremonies. It originates from Christian weddings in medieval times, when there were concerns about the legality of the marriage, such as one or both parties being already married. While the phrase is rarely used in modern ceremonies, it is still incorporated by some Christian denominations. In the event that someone does speak up during this part of the ceremony, it is advisable to handle the situation with care and acknowledge the objection privately.
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What You'll Learn
The origins of the phrase
The phrase "speak now or forever hold your peace" is rooted in Christian weddings from medieval times. Back then, there were legitimate concerns that one or both parties to be married might already be married, which would render the ceremony illegal. The phrase was also used due to the slow and complicated communication between areas during that time, which made record-keeping disorganized.
The phrase originates from the marriage liturgy section of the Book of Common Prayer, which was published in England. The complete wording is: "Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace." This phrase was included in the liturgy due to legal and practical concerns, particularly the difficulty of announcing upcoming marriages.
Today, the phrase is rarely used in wedding ceremonies, and some couples opt to replace it with something more positive, such as a "declaration of consent" or a "community vow of support." However, some Christian denominations, such as the Episcopalian Church, still incorporate the traditional phrase into their wedding ceremonies.
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The phrase's use in modern times
The phrase "speak now or forever hold your peace" is rooted in Christianity and European customs. It originates from the marriage liturgy section of the Book of Common Prayer. In medieval times, when communication and record-keeping were challenging, this phrase served a legal purpose, allowing time for any issues, such as a bride or groom being already married or related, to come to light.
Today, the phrase is rarely used in its traditional form during wedding ceremonies. Some Christian denominations, such as the Episcopalian Church, still incorporate it. However, many couples opt to replace it with more positive alternatives, such as a "declaration of consent" or a "community vow of support." In these newer traditions, the officiant asks guests to vow to support the couple's union.
While the traditional phrase may be fading, the concept of addressing objections or interruptions during a wedding ceremony persists. Wedding experts advise that if someone has concerns about the marriage, they should voice them privately and well in advance. If an objection arises during the ceremony, it is essential to handle it with care. Couples can acknowledge the objection, express appreciation for sharing concerns, and calmly reinforce their commitment.
The modern approach to handling objections prioritizes privacy and respect for the couple's decision. While the dramatic proclamations of love depicted in movies and TV shows make for great entertainment, they are not reflective of the sensitive nature of real-life wedding interruptions.
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Alternatives to the phrase
The phrase "speak now or forever hold your peace" is rooted in Christianity and European customs. It originates from the marriage liturgy section of the Book of Common Prayer. The phrase was included in medieval times to address the legal and practical concerns of that time, such as the possibility of one or both parties being already married or related.
Today, the phrase is rarely used in wedding ceremonies, and couples often opt for more positive alternatives. Here are some alternatives to the traditional phrase:
Declaration of Consent: Instead of asking if anyone objects, the officiant can invite guests to rise and take a vow to support the couple in their union. This can be done right after the couple recites their vows. The officiant can say:
> Our [bride and groom/brides/grooms] have asked all present to take vows as well—to pledge your support and love for them as they embark on this new path together. After I’ve spoken these vows, please answer with “we do.”
- Community Vow of Support: Similar to the declaration of consent, the officiant asks the guests to vow to support the couple, and they respond with "We do." This option encourages guests to stand in celebration of the marriage rather than object.
- Ring Passing Ceremony: Couples can choose to pass their wedding rings to their loved ones, allowing each guest to hold the rings and wish the couple well.
- Inclusive Wording: Instead of focusing on objections, the officiant can use inclusive wording to emphasize the couple's love, respect, and commitment. For example:
> It is our privilege and great joy to witness this union and celebrate their mutual love, respect, and commitment.
Omission: Many couples choose to simply omit the "speak now or forever hold your peace" portion of the ceremony altogether, recognizing that it is mostly null and void for modern weddings.
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What to do if someone objects
The phrase "speak now or forever hold your peace" is rooted in Christianity and European custom. It was introduced by the Catholic Church during the 12th century as a means of ensuring the legality of a union before making it official. Grounds for objection included factors like a party already being married to another, pre-existing vows of celibacy or commitment to the church, being underage without parental consent, or close blood relations.
Today, the phrase is rarely used in ceremonies, and wedding objections are uncommon. However, if someone does object during a wedding, the course of action depends on the nature of the objection. If the objection is personal or emotional, it is up to the couple to decide how to proceed. They may choose to take a moment to gather themselves and continue with the ceremony, or they may decide to halt the proceedings.
If the objection is on legal grounds, such as one party being already married or fraud, the ceremony must be stopped, and the issue must be investigated. The registrar, bride, and groom would need to clarify the details of the objection, and if it is found to be legitimate, the wedding cannot legally proceed.
In any case, it is important to handle the objection with extreme care. If possible, it is advisable to have a private discussion with the objector before the wedding to air out any concerns and decide how to proceed. If the objection comes as a surprise during the ceremony, the couple may choose to have the objector escorted out and continue with the wedding or halt the proceedings, depending on the severity of the objection.
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Funny stories about objections
Although it is generally considered a bad idea to object during a wedding ceremony, even as a joke, some people still do it. Here are some funny stories about wedding objections:
One story involves a man who objected at his aunt's wedding when he was five years old. He thought that since his aunt was walking down the aisle with his uncle, who was his father's youngest sister, she was marrying his father. He stood up and said, "You can't marry my daddy. He's already married to my mommy!"
In another story, a bride's father objected during the wedding by taking the mother and running away, leaving the groom standing there awkwardly. The groomsmen had to take him away, and although the reception continued, the couple did not get married that day.
Another story involves a man who wore a flamboyant suit and burst through the entrance of a city wedding in London, declaring, "Stop this wedding! You can't marry her!" He turned out to be a long-lost friend of the groom known for his outrageous behaviour.
In one case, a bride's cousin, who was also the ex-girlfriend of the groom, wore a scandalous red dress to the wedding. She waited for the moment when the minister would ask if anyone objected, but the bridal party had paid off the minister to skip that part. When she realised she wouldn't get her chance, she stormed out during the kiss, stomping her heels.
Sometimes, it's not an official objection, but a wedding party member's speech that clearly disapproves of the union. In one instance, a maid of honour gave a back-handed speech, listing all the qualities she disliked about the groom, and ending with, "But he makes my friend happy, and in the end, that’s the most important thing."
While objections can be funny in hindsight, they can also cause discomfort and drama. It's important to remember that any interruption during a wedding ceremony, even as a joke, can be a mood killer and should be planned and approved by the couple beforehand.
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Frequently asked questions
The phrase originates from Christian weddings in Medieval times when there were concerns that one or both parties may already be married, rendering the ceremony illegal.
The phrase is rarely used in modern wedding ceremonies. Some Christian denominations, such as the Episcopalian Church, still incorporate the tradition.
Many couples opt for a "Declaration of Consent" or a "Community Vow of Support" instead. This involves the officiant asking the guests to vow to support the couple, to which the guests respond, "We do".
If you have an objection, it is best to politely voice your concerns to the couple or the closest family member in private and well in advance of the ceremony.
If someone objects to your wedding, it is best to handle the situation with extreme care. Thank the person for their concern, reinforce your relationship with your partner, and proceed with the ceremony.
