Wedding Invite Etiquette: Plus Ones Included Or Not?

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite and whether to include plus-ones. Plus-ones are additional guests that someone brings to a formal event, usually their spouse, partner, or a date. While there are no set rules, wedding plus-one etiquette suggests that certain guests should receive a plus-one, such as married or engaged couples, members of the wedding party, and guests who won't know many people at the wedding. Budget and space constraints may limit the number of plus-ones a couple can offer, so it's essential to establish consistent criteria to avoid offending anyone. When inviting guests with a plus-one, it's best to include and guest on the invitation envelope or, ideally, find out and write the guest's name.

Married, engaged, and cohabitating guests traditionally receive a plus-one

When it comes to wedding guest lists, the question of plus-ones can be a tricky one. While there are no hard and fast rules, there are certain traditions and best practices to follow. One such tradition is that married, engaged, and cohabitating guests receive a plus-one. This is a widely accepted practice and is considered good etiquette.

Tradition and Etiquette

Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette guide states that spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of each guest should be invited. The authors, Anne and Lizzie Post, explain: "Even if you've never met or they are not your favorite people, your guest is part of a package deal." This traditional view is shared by many wedding planners and experts, who advise couples to follow this rule to ensure smooth planning and happy guests.

Serious Relationships

In today's world, many couples live together before getting married or choosing not to marry at all. As such, it is now common practice to acknowledge these serious, long-term relationships with a plus-one invitation. While judgement calls can be made by the couple, a good rule of thumb is to grant a plus-one to any couple who has been dating longer than a year. This shows respect for their commitment and ensures they feel comfortable and welcomed at the wedding.

Practical Considerations

From a practical standpoint, inviting the spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of your guests can help you avoid awkward situations. For example, you may not know your guest's partner very well, and excluding them could cause tension. Additionally, these guests are less likely to know other attendees, so having their partner there can make them feel more at ease.

Budget and Space Constraints

Of course, not all couples can afford to invite every guest with a plus-one due to budget and space constraints. In these cases, it is important to be consistent and establish clear criteria for who gets a plus-one. For instance, you could offer plus-ones only to the wedding party or only to those who don't know anyone else at the wedding.

In conclusion, while there is no one-size-fits-all approach to plus-one etiquette, married, engaged, and cohabitating guests traditionally receive a plus-one. This is considered good form and helps ensure that your guests feel valued and comfortable during your special day.

Everyone in the bridal party should receive a plus-one

When it comes to wedding planning, there are many factors to consider, from budgeting to venue capacity. One of the most common questions couples ask is who should get a plus-one. While there are no set rules, here's why everyone in the bridal party should receive a plus-one.

Time, Love, and Financial Investment

Your bridal party has likely been by your side throughout the entire wedding planning process, from dress shopping to organising the bachelorette party. They have dedicated their time, love, and energy to supporting you. Additionally, they have incurred various expenses, including attire, lodging, and transportation. Offering them a plus-one is a way to show your appreciation for their efforts and financial contributions.

Avoiding Awkward Pairings

Allowing a plus-one for bridal party members can help avoid any potential awkwardness during the ceremony. The person each member walks down the aisle with may not be their date or significant other, and while you may envision a perfect pairing, it could end up feeling forced and uncomfortable for both individuals. By offering a plus-one, you eliminate this potential issue and respect their relationships.

Enhancing Their Experience

Attending a wedding alone can be a daunting and isolating experience, especially if the other members of the bridal party are close, related, or married. By offering a plus-one, you are alleviating potential discomfort and allowing your bridal party members to share the experience with someone they know and feel comfortable with. It also makes the role of a bridesmaid or groomsman more enticing when their long-term partner is invited to share in the celebration.

Consistency and Fairness

Consistency is crucial when it comes to plus-ones. If one person in the bridal party is offered a plus-one, it is only fair that everyone in the bridal party is given the same opportunity. This eliminates any perception of favouritism and ensures that all members feel valued and appreciated for their contributions to your special day.

A Happy Bridal Party Means a Happy Couple

A happy and content bridal party will contribute to a joyful and memorable wedding day for the couple. By offering a plus-one, you are not only showing gratitude to your bridal party but also prioritising their enjoyment and comfort. This gesture will go a long way in fostering a positive dynamic between the couple and their bridal party, making the day even more special and meaningful.

For additional guests, have clear criteria

Deciding on a clear set of criteria for offering plus-ones is essential to avoid any potential drama or hurt feelings between wedding guests. Here are some tips for establishing clear criteria for additional guests:

Be Consistent

If one person in the wedding party is offered a plus-one, it is advisable to extend the same courtesy to everyone in the wedding party. This eliminates any favouritism and ensures fairness. After all, your wedding party has given their time, love, and energy, and they have likely incurred expenses for attire, lodging, and transportation.

Consider the Nature of the Relationship

A good rule of thumb is to offer plus-ones to guests who are married, engaged, or cohabiting. Even if you haven't met their partner or are not particularly fond of them, your guest is part of a "package deal." This rule also applies to the wedding officiant and the parents of ring bearers and flower girls.

Take the Guest's Familiarity with Other Attendees into Account

If you have a guest who won't know many other people at the wedding, it's a kind gesture to offer them a plus-one so they don't feel out of place or lonely. This is especially true if they are travelling from out of town and would appreciate the company.

Manage Guest Expectations

When it comes to addressing invitations, be clear and upfront. If you are using traditional invitations with outer and inner envelopes, the outer envelope should list the recipient, and the inner envelope should include the names of all invited guests, including plus-ones. For modern invitations with a single envelope or online invites, address all invitees clearly, listing couples by their full names. If you are allowing a casual date, write your friend's name and "and guest."

Be Proactive with Guest List Management

Make managing your guest list a priority early on in the planning process. Be sure to include a space for the primary guest to write the name of their plus-one on the RSVPs. This information is crucial for seating chart preparation and reception place cards. It also helps to cut out the possibility of a stranger or problem guest showing up at the last minute.

Prepare a Kind but Firm Explanation

Even if you don't offer a plus-one to every guest, some guests may still reach out to ask for one. Have a kind but firm explanation ready, such as, "We'd love to include everyone, but unfortunately, our budget only allowed us to invite close friends and family. We appreciate your understanding, and we really hope you can make it!" It is recommended to deliver this message over the phone or in person rather than via email.

Be Mindful with Seating Arrangements

Create a seating plan that fosters a comfortable dynamic for solo guests. Avoid seating singles between couples, especially if they are likely to be PDA-heavy. Instead, place them between outgoing and friendly couples with whom they are likely to get along. This will create a more communal feel and help them meet people organically.

Consider an "Evening-Only" Option

If you are struggling to accommodate all your desired guests and their plus-ones, consider having an "evening-only" option. Invite only close friends and family to the ceremony and wedding breakfast, and open up the evening festivities to a larger group. This way, you can still include more people in the celebration while managing your guest count for the more intimate parts of the wedding.

Don't worry about returning plus-one favours

If you were allowed to bring a date to a friend's wedding, you might feel obligated to return the favour. However, wedding planner Matthew David Hopkins advises against this. "Your wedding is—and can be—different from theirs," he says. Hopkins suggests that your friends might not be happy with your decision at first, so it's best to communicate and explain your reasoning to them.

To avoid any hurt feelings, it's important to be consistent when deciding who gets a plus-one. For example, if one person in the wedding party is offered a plus-one, everyone in the wedding party should be offered the same thing. This eliminates any favouritism.

It's also a good idea to work extra hard on your seating chart to ensure that guests without a plus-one are seated with people they know or with personalities that will make them feel comfortable and welcome.

Remember, it's your wedding day, and ultimately, the decision of who gets a plus-one is up to you and your partner.

Include the plus-one on the invitation

When it comes to wedding planning, one of the most important considerations is who to invite. Deciding whether to include plus-ones on the invitations is a tricky aspect of this process. While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, here are some reasons why you may want to include them:

It's a Kind Gesture

Allowing guests to bring a plus-one is a thoughtful gesture that ensures no one feels alone at your wedding, especially if they don't know many other attendees. It can be an excellent confidence boost for your guests, and they will surely appreciate the opportunity to share this special day with a date or close friend.

It's Common Practice for Certain Guests

According to wedding etiquette, certain guests should typically receive a plus-one invitation. These include members of the couple's immediate family, wedding party members, and outlier guests who won't know many other people at the event. It is also customary to extend plus-one invitations to married, engaged, or cohabitating guests, as well as those in serious or long-term relationships.

It's Easier to Address Invitations

When addressing invitations, it is generally simpler to include a plus-one. If you know the name of your guest's partner or date, you can simply write both names on the envelope. If you don't know their name or are unsure who they will bring, a common approach is to write "Miss J. Smith and guest." This lets your guest know they can bring someone, and you can always ask for their date's name before ordering place cards.

It's a Way to Show Appreciation

If you have a wedding party, it is a thoughtful gesture to offer them a plus-one as a token of appreciation for their efforts and support. They have likely dedicated a lot of time, energy, and money to your wedding, so giving them the option to bring a date or friend can be a nice way to say thank you.

It's a Safe Option for Uncertain Relationships

If you are unsure about the relationship status of your guests, offering a plus-one can be a safe option. This way, you don't have to worry about excluding a significant other, and your guests can decide whether to bring someone. It's a good idea to ask your guests beforehand if they plan to bring a date, so you can prepare accordingly.

In conclusion, while including plus-ones on wedding invitations is not mandatory, it can be a thoughtful gesture that ensures your guests feel comfortable and appreciated. It is especially useful when you want to accommodate certain guests, such as those who might feel lonely or those who have contributed significantly to your wedding.

Frequently asked questions