George Boyle
Afghan weddings are rich with tradition and ritual, from the proposal to the ceremony and beyond. In Afghan culture, weddings are seen as a favour from the bride to the groom, and the groom is expected to pay for all wedding expenses. The bride's family is typically in a more powerful position than the groom's, and they have the option to accept or reject the proposal based on the groom's family and the bride price they offer. So, does the bride see the groom before the wedding? The answer is yes – in fact, it is customary for the bride and groom to get to know each other properly before the wedding.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Bride and groom seeing each other | The groom doesn't go to the women's side, except for a brief visit. The bride and groom sit in decorated chairs at the wedding. |
| Wedding attire | Women may dress immodestly, without a hijab, and wear more makeup. Pashtun weddings may include Punjabi clothing. Black tie attire is common. |
| Wedding colours | Green is the wedding colour of Pashtuns, Hazaras, and Tajiks. Red is the wedding colour of Turkmen, Kyrgyz, and rural Uzbeks. White is used by all Afghans due to Western influence. |
| Wedding customs | The groom's family initiates the marriage proposal, and the bride's family accepts. The bride's family sends "Khimcha" and "Dismal" to signify their approval. The bride receives gifts from the groom's family on special occasions. |
| Dowry | The bride brings basic necessities to the groom's home, unlike the traditional dowry. The groom and his family provide most items for the new home. |
| Wedding expenses | The groom and his family are responsible for all wedding expenses, including food, catering, and clothing for the bride's relatives. |
| Bride price | The bride's family may demand a large sum of money known as "walwar," from the groom's family. The amount is based on family credentials, education, skills, age, beauty, and reputation. |
| Henna night | Hosted by the bride's family, where henna is applied to the bride and groom. |
| Wedding ceremony | Usually begins in the evening and ends around 2 am. Musicians play contemporary or traditional music, including a special song called "Ahesa Boro" for the bride's arrival. The Quran is held above the couple as they walk down the aisle. |
| Post-wedding customs | The bride's family brings her breakfast or lunch to the groom's home the morning after the wedding. "Takht Jami" or "Takhjami" is celebrated one week after the wedding, where the bride becomes a full family member. |
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What You'll Learn
- The bride and groom are often separated from guests of the opposite gender
- The bride's family holds more power than the groom's
- The groom must propose to the bride
- The bride's family receives gifts from the groom's family after accepting the proposal
- The bride brings a dowry of basic necessities to the groom's home
The bride and groom are often separated from guests of the opposite gender
Afghan weddings are rich with tradition and customs, with the bride and groom often separated from guests of the opposite gender. The wedding process starts with a proposal, which is initiated by the groom and his family. The bride's family then decides whether to accept or reject the proposal, and this can take months or even years as the family of the bride investigates the family of the groom.
Once the proposal is accepted, the bride's family sends 'Khimcha' and 'Dismal' to the groom's family. Khimcha is a tray filled with sweets and decorations, and Dismal is a decorated cloth that signifies the arrival of a new family member. The groom's family then starts sending gifts to the bride, including food, traditional dresses, and money. The bride also receives henna decorations on her hands from seven maiden girls of the groom's family during the 'henna night'.
On the day of the wedding, the groom's family comes to the bride's house to pick her up and take her to the salon to prepare. The wedding ceremony usually begins in the evening and ends around 2 am, with musicians playing contemporary or traditional music. The bride and groom are seated in decorated chairs, with a decorated table in front of them. The guests are dressed in their best attire, often black-tie, and adorned with jewellery.
During the ceremony, the bride and groom are often separated from guests of the opposite gender. In the women's section, there is an atmosphere of fun, singing, and clapping, with women dressing immodestly and letting loose without the presence of men. The groom usually does not join this part of the celebration. After the wedding, the bride's family brings her lunch to the groom's home, and a week later, the 'Takhjami' or Takht Jami celebration is held. This is when the bride officially becomes a family member and is no longer a guest in the groom's household.
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The bride's family holds more power than the groom's
In Afghanistan, weddings are traditionally viewed as a favour done by the bride to the groom, as she leaves her family to join his life. This perspective is reflected in the bride's family holding more power than the groom's during the wedding process. This dynamic is evident in several aspects of Afghan wedding customs and traditions.
Firstly, the bride's family has the power to accept or reject a marriage proposal. In traditional Afghan families, the groom initiates the proposal process by sending it to the bride's home. The bride's family then decides whether to accept or reject the proposal, and their approval is signified by sending "Khimcha" and "Dismal" to the groom's family. Khimcha is a tray filled with sweets and decorations, while Dismal is a piece of decorated cloth that symbolises the bride's arrival as a new member of the groom's family. This occasion, called "Shirini Khori" or "Shirni", translates to "'sweets' in Persian" and involves distributing the sweets to all family members.
The bride's family also plays a significant role in negotiating the bride price, also known as "walwar". The father of the bride or her oldest brother determines the amount of the bride price, considering factors such as family credentials, education, skills, age, beauty, and reputation. The groom is expected to bear the financial burden of the wedding expenses and the bride price, often borrowing money from relatives or mortgaging, selling, or transferring property. This dynamic positions the bride's family in a powerful role, as they can make demands and influence the financial arrangements.
Additionally, the bride's family is responsible for organising the henna night, a celebration where the bride's hands are adorned with henna by seven maiden girls from the groom's family. This event is typically hosted by the bride's family and involves inviting the women from the groom's family to participate in the festivities.
Moreover, the bride's family provides her with a dowry when she joins the groom's family. Unlike in other Eastern cultures, the Afghan dowry consists of basic necessities that the bride brings to her new home, such as clothes, home accessories, and bedsheets. The groom's family provides the remaining items needed for the household. In some cases, the bride's family may even demand a large sum of money, or walwar, from the groom to ensure she has everything she needs.
Overall, the traditions and customs of Afghan weddings empower the bride's family with significant decision-making authority and financial leverage, reflecting the cultural perspective of the bride doing a favour for the groom by joining his life.
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The groom must propose to the bride
In Afghanistan, weddings are traditionally initiated by the groom's family, who sends a marriage proposal to the bride's family. The proposal is then either accepted or rejected by the bride's family.
Once the proposal is accepted, the bride's family sends "Khimcha" and "Dismal" to the groom's family. Khimcha is a tray filled with sweets and toffees and decorated with flowers and ribbons, while Dismal is a piece of decorated cloth. The sweets from the Khimcha are distributed to all family members, signalling that the bond has been made. This occasion, referred to as Shirini Khori or Shirni, marks the bride's family's willingness to accept the proposal.
After the acceptance of the proposal, the bride receives gifts from her fiancé's family on special occasions such as Ramadhan, Eid, and the Islamic New Year. These gifts are usually in the form of traditional cuisines, sweets, clothes, or money.
In Afghan culture, the wedding is seen as a favour done by the bride to the groom, as she leaves her family to join his life. This is reflected in the dowry tradition, where the bride brings basic necessities to the groom's home, such as clothes, home accessories, and bedsheets.
The groom and his family are typically responsible for all wedding expenses, including the proposal, engagement, henna night, wedding night, and post-wedding celebrations. The bride price, also known as walwar, is negotiated between the families and can be a significant sum of money, often based on the bride's family credentials, education, skills, age, beauty, and reputation.
The Afghan wedding traditions surrounding the groom's proposal and the subsequent exchange of gifts and dowry showcase the cultural significance of family involvement and negotiation in the marriage process.
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The bride's family receives gifts from the groom's family after accepting the proposal
In Afghanistan, a marriage ceremony is a collection of traditions and customs. One of the most important traditions is Nikah, which occurs on the wedding day, though some families prefer to arrange the ceremony earlier. During Nikah, the couple is provided with a shawl to cover themselves, and they are given a mirror through which they see each other's reflection for the first time as a married couple. They then read Quranic verses to each other.
Afghan weddings start with a proposal, which is made by the groom. The bride's family then indicates their acceptance by sending "Khimcha" and "Dismal" to the groom's family. Khimcha is a tray filled with sweets and toffees and decorated with flowers and ribbons. The sweets are distributed to all family members to signify the new bond. Dismal is a piece of decorated cloth that signifies the arrival of a new member of the family. This occasion, where the bride's family shows their willingness to accept the proposal, is called Shirini Khori, or "sweets" in Persian.
After the families exchange these gifts, the groom's family starts sending gifts to the bride and her family on special occasions. These include:
- Iftari - a feast delivered in the month of Ramadan.
- Eidi - traditional cuisines, money, dresses, and other gifts delivered on Eids.
- Nowrozi - gifts, including traditional and seasonal cuisines, given during the new year.
- Barati - gifts given on the night of lights in the Islamic calendar.
These gifts are usually in the form of cuisines, sweets, clothes, or money. Small celebrations accompany the gift-giving, with women and girls playing the tambourine, singing, and dancing to traditional songs.
Afghan weddings are typically held in the evening and can last until 2 am or longer. Musicians play contemporary hits or traditional music, and guests wear their best attire, often with jewellery. The bride and groom sit in decorated chairs in one corner of the room, with a decorated table and candles in front of them.
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The bride brings a dowry of basic necessities to the groom's home
In Afghanistan, weddings are typically initiated by the groom's family, who send a proposal to the bride's family. Once the bride's family accepts, they send "Khimcha" and "Dismal" to the groom's family. Khimcha is a tray filled with sweets and decorated with flowers and ribbons, while Dismal is a piece of decorated cloth that signifies the arrival of a new family member.
After accepting the proposal, the bride receives gifts from her fiancé's family on special occasions. These gifts include Iftari, a feast during the month of Ramadan; Eidi, which includes traditional cuisines, dresses, and money, delivered on Eids; Nowrozi, with gifts of traditional and seasonal cuisines for the new year; and Barati, received on the night of lights in the Islamic calendar.
In lieu of a traditional dowry, the bride brings basic necessities to start her new life in the groom's home. These may include clothes, bed sheets, and home accessories. This is because weddings in Afghan culture are seen as a favour to the groom, as the bride leaves her family to join his life. The groom and his family are expected to provide everything else and bear all the wedding expenses.
In some regions, the bride's family may demand a large sum of money, known as walwar, from the groom to buy what the bride may need for her new home. This is in addition to the bride price, a sum of money paid by the groom's family to the bride's family, which is a contested tradition with no foundation in Islamic law.
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