Rhiannon Hendricks
Afghan weddings are a colourful affair, with a series of traditions and rituals that keep guests entertained from the beginning to the end of the ceremony. One of the most important aspects of an Afghan wedding is the proposal, which is initiated by the groom and his family. Once the bride's family accepts, a series of gifts are exchanged, and the bride receives gifts from her fiancé's family on special occasions. The wedding ceremony usually begins in the evening and ends around 2 am, with musicians playing contemporary hits or traditional music. The bride and groom are seated at the front, with the Quran held above their heads as they walk down the aisle. In some cases, the wedding may be held in separate rooms for men and women, with the groom only popping into the women's section briefly.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Bride and groom seeing each other | The groom doesn't go to the women's side, except for a brief visit. |
| Proposal | The groom's family initiates a marriage proposal, and the bride's family decides whether to accept or reject it. |
| Negotiations | After the proposal is accepted, negotiations about the wedding and the bride price take place at the bride's home. |
| Bride price | The groom is expected to pay for the wedding and the bride price, but his family usually contributes. The bride price is based on various factors, including family credentials, education, and beauty. |
| Gifts | The groom's family sends gifts to the bride, including traditional cuisines, dresses, and money. |
| Dowry | The bride brings basic necessities to the groom's home, such as clothes, home accessories, and bedsheets. |
| Henna night | A party hosted by the bride's family, where henna is applied to the bride and groom. |
| Wedding ceremony | The wedding usually begins in the evening and ends around 2 am. The bride and groom sit in decorated chairs, and musicians play contemporary or traditional music. |
| Takht Jami/Takhjami | A celebration one week after the wedding where guests give gifts and greet the couple. |
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What You'll Learn
The bride and groom sit separately from each other
In Afghan weddings, the bride and groom are often separated, with the wedding featuring separate spaces for men and women. This allows women to dress immodestly, without worrying about the male guests. The groom typically does not join the women's side, and the bride and groom sit separately from each other during the ceremony.
The wedding ceremony usually begins in the evening and ends around 2 am, with musicians playing contemporary hits or traditional music. The musicians play a special song called Ahesa Boro to commemorate the arrival of the bride, and this song plays until the bride and groom take their places. The Quran is usually held above the couple as they walk down the aisle. The bride and groom sit in decorated chairs, with a decorated table in front of them.
Afghan weddings are typically a black-tie affair, with female guests wearing floor-length gowns, and full hair and makeup. Pashtun weddings sometimes feature Punjabi clothing. The groom's family is responsible for all wedding expenses, including the proposal, engagement, henna night, wedding night, and takht jami.
The process of an Afghan wedding starts with a proposal from the groom to the bride's family. The bride's family then has the option to accept or reject the proposal. If they accept, they send "Khimcha" and "Dismal" to the groom's family, with the former being a tray filled with sweets and decorated with flowers and ribbons. The sweets are distributed to family members, and the occasion is called "Shirini Khori", with "shirini" meaning "sweets" in Persian. After this exchange, the bride becomes an honour of the groom's family.
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The bride's family holds more power than the groom's
In Afghanistan, weddings are traditionally viewed as a favour done by the bride, as she leaves her family to join the groom and his family. This perspective, combined with several other customs, places the bride's family in a more powerful position than the groom's.
Firstly, the groom and his family are responsible for all wedding expenses, including the proposal, engagement, henna night, wedding night, and takht jami. This is in contrast to many other cultures, where the bride's family bears a significant financial burden. The groom's family also traditionally provides the bride with gifts on special occasions, such as Iftari, Eidi, Nowrozi, and Barati. These gifts often include money, clothes, and traditional cuisines.
Secondly, the bride's family holds the power to accept or reject a marriage proposal. This decision can take months or even years, as the bride's family may investigate the groom's family before making a choice. Once they accept, the bride's family sends "Khimcha" and "Dismal" to the groom's family, indicating their approval. Khimcha is a tray filled with sweets and decorations, while Dismal is a piece of decorated cloth symbolizing the bride's arrival into the groom's family.
Additionally, the bride's family can demand a large sum of money, known as walwar, from the groom's family. This money is intended to cover the bride's necessities in her new home, and it can be substantial, leading to financial strain and even resentment towards the bride and her family.
The Afghan wedding customs, therefore, grant significant power to the bride's family, who play a pivotal role in negotiating and finalizing the marriage, while also being exempt from the financial burdens typically associated with weddings in other cultures.
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The groom must propose to the bride
In Afghanistan, weddings are traditionally started by the groom, who must send a proposal to the bride's family home. The bride's family then has the option to accept or reject the proposal. This process can sometimes take months or even years, as the bride's family may want to investigate the groom's family before agreeing to the marriage.
Once the proposal has been accepted, the bride's family will send "Khimcha" and "Dismal" to the groom's family. Khimcha is a tray filled with sweets and toffees and decorated with flowers and ribbons, while Dismal is a piece of decorated cloth that signifies the arrival of a new member of the family. The sweets from the Khimcha are distributed to all family members, and the occasion is called Shirini Khori, or "'sweets" in Persian.
After the acceptance of the proposal, the bride becomes the honour of the groom's family. The groom's family will then start sending gifts to the bride, including traditional cuisines, dresses, and money. These gifts are usually exchanged during special holidays and celebrations, such as Nowruz (the new year) and Eid.
In Afghan culture, the wedding is seen as a favour done by the bride to the groom, as she is leaving her home to join his life. This is why the bride's family is typically in a more powerful position than the groom's during wedding negotiations. The groom and his family are expected to pay for all wedding expenses, including the proposal, engagement, henna night, wedding night, and post-wedding celebrations.
In addition to the wedding expenses, the groom is also responsible for paying the "bride price" to the bride's family. The amount of the bride price is often based on family credentials, education, skills, age, beauty, and reputation. It is considered a financial obligation that a husband has to his bride and remains her property to use as she sees fit.
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The bride's family accepts the proposal with a tray of sweets
In Afghanistan, weddings are often traditional affairs, with many customs and rituals. One such custom is the proposal, which is initiated by the groom and his family. When the bride's family accepts the proposal, they send a 'Khimcha' and 'Dismal' to the groom's family. Khimcha is a tray filled with sweets and toffees and decorated with flowers and ribbons. The sweets are called 'Shirini' or 'shrini' in the local Afghan language and they signify the bond that has been made between the two families. The occasion is called 'Shirini Khori'.
The practice of accepting a proposal with a tray of sweets is a heart-warming tradition that brings the two families together in celebration. The sweets are distributed to all family members, and the groom's family may also send gifts to the bride and her family. This exchange of sweets and gifts is a joyful way to mark the beginning of the union between the couple and their families.
The bride's family holds a more powerful position in Afghan weddings, as it is seen as a favour done by the bride to the groom by leaving her home to join his life. This is reflected in the fact that the groom and his family are typically responsible for all the wedding expenses, including the proposal, engagement, henna night, wedding night, and post-wedding celebrations.
The acceptance of the proposal with a tray of sweets is just one of the many unique and meaningful traditions that make Afghan weddings so special. It is a time for both families to come together and celebrate the union of the couple, marking the start of a new chapter in their lives.
In addition to the exchange of sweets, there are other customs that take place during Afghan weddings. One such custom is the negotiation of the bride price, which is paid by the groom's family to the bride's family. The amount is based on various factors, including family credentials, education, skills, age, beauty, and reputation. The bride's family may also demand a large sum of money, known as 'walwar', to buy her the necessities she needs for her new home.
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The bride brings a dowry of basic necessities to the groom's home
In Afghanistan, weddings are a grand affair with music, dance, and delicious food. The ceremonies usually begin in the evening and end around 2 am, with guests dressed in their best attire. The bride and groom are seated at the front, with the Quran held upon their heads as they walk down the aisle.
The dowry is known as 'walwar' in Pashto, 'qalin' in Uzbeki, and 'shirbaha' or 'toyaana' in Dari. It is essentially a 'price' for the woman in marriage. However, it is worth noting that the practice of dowry is not rooted in Islam, and is instead a cultural tradition.
In some cases, the bride's family may demand a large sum of money from the groom, known as 'walwar', to purchase any additional items the bride may need. This is separate from the 'mahr', which is an amount of money or property given directly to the bride for her exclusive use. The 'mahr' is a prerequisite for a legally recognized marriage in Afghanistan, mandated by Shari'a law.
The process of proposing and accepting marriage in Afghanistan is a lengthy one, with the groom first sending a proposal to the bride's family. Once accepted, the bride's family sends 'Khimcha' and 'Dismal' to the groom's family – a tray of sweets and a decorated cloth, respectively. This signifies the acceptance of the proposal and the arrival of a new family member.
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Frequently asked questions
In Afghan weddings, the groom's family initiates a marriage proposal and sends it to the bride's home. The bride's family then decides whether to accept or reject the proposal. If they accept, the families negotiate the wedding price and the bride receives gifts from the groom's family on special occasions. The wedding ceremony usually begins in the evening and ends around 2 am, with musicians playing contemporary hits or traditional music. The bride and groom sit in decorated chairs with a table of candles in front of them.
In Afghan culture, the bride brings basic necessities to the groom's home, such as clothes, home accessories, and bedsheets. She also receives gifts from the groom's family on special occasions, including traditional cuisines, dresses, and money.
The groom is expected to send the marriage proposal and cover all the wedding expenses, including the proposal, engagement, henna night, wedding night, and takht jami. He is also responsible for raising the money for the wedding price.
The families of the bride and groom negotiate the wedding price and decide on the wedding arrangements. The bride's family is usually in a more powerful position and may even demand a large sum of money from the groom, known as walwar. The groom's family provides all the furniture and accessories for the couple's new home.
While there is no explicit mention of the bride and groom seeing each other during the wedding ceremony, they are described as sitting in decorated chairs with a table of candles in front of them, suggesting that they are together in the same room.
