Junior Rasmussen
Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding whether or not to invite children. Many couples opt for adults-only weddings to avoid potential disruptions caused by kids and to create a more relaxed atmosphere for their guests. While some may consider this decision offensive or insensitive, it is ultimately the couple's choice to make. To communicate this preference politely, couples can use subtle wording on their invitations, such as intimate ceremony or adult reception, or address the envelopes to the invited guests only. They can also provide babysitting services or specify the age limit to accommodate their guests with children.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Etiquette | It is considered rude and impolite to specify "no kids" on the invitations. |
| Invitation Wording | Suggest a child-free event by using phrases like "intimate ceremony" or "cocktail reception" held at a "luxury hotel" or "downtown nightclub". |
| Age Limit | The age limit for an "adults-only" wedding is open to interpretation. Some consider it to be 18 or above, while others assume it to be 21 or above. |
| Childcare Alternatives | Provide guests with babysitting options or book a childcare provider and set aside a room for kids. |
| Exceptions | Allowing exceptions for certain children, such as those in the wedding party, can be controversial and may upset other guests. |
| Announcement | Clearly communicate the adults-only nature of the event on your wedding website or through word of mouth. |
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What You'll Learn
Childcare options for guests
Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a personal choice. Many couples choose to have child-free weddings, but this can be considered an unpopular opinion and may cause some sticky situations. If you do decide to have an adults-only wedding, it is important to consider how to politely communicate this to your guests.
If you are set on not having children at your wedding, there are several childcare options you can suggest or provide for your guests:
- Suggest local babysitters: You could provide guests with the names and contact information for local babysitting services. This allows parents to make their own arrangements and choose a babysitter they feel comfortable with.
- Hire a professional babysitter: You could hire a professional babysitter or childcare service to supervise the children in a separate room at the wedding reception venue. This option ensures that parents can attend the wedding with peace of mind, knowing that their children are being well cared for and entertained. It also allows children to attend the wedding and participate in age-appropriate activities. You can work with the babysitting service to plan these activities and provide kid-friendly meals.
- Offer a dedicated kids' room: If you choose to hire professional babysitters, you can set up a dedicated "kids' room" at the venue. This allows parents to easily check in on their children throughout the wedding.
- Arrange for individual babysitters: If your guests are staying at hotels separate from the venue, you can arrange for babysitters to travel to their hotel rooms and offer childcare services according to each family's unique needs.
- Provide a space for parents: If you decide not to hire professional babysitters, you can still offer a space at the venue for parents to take their children if they become restless or need a break.
When communicating your adults-only wedding to your guests, it is important to follow proper wedding invitation etiquette to avoid causing any offense. Avoid using phrases such as "no kids" or "no children" on your invitations, as this is considered impolite. Instead, use phrases such as "Adult Reception", "Adults Only Reception", or "Adult-Only Ceremony and Reception" on your "Save the Date" cards. You can also mention that this will be an "adults-only" affair and that you hope this advance notice will allow them to make appropriate arrangements.
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Etiquette for communicating the adults-only nature of the wedding
Deciding to have an adults-only wedding is becoming more common, but it can still be an awkward topic to discuss with loved ones, and it may hurt some feelings. It's important to be clear and consistent from the very beginning, so that fewer guests are surprised when the invitation arrives. Here are some ways to communicate your adults-only wedding with grace and respect:
The Invitation
A simple statement on the invitation itself is the most direct approach. This method works best if you want to convey the request clearly without needing further clarification. For example, you could write: "We politely request no children attend the ceremony and reception. Thank you in advance for your understanding." However, some sources suggest that this approach may ruffle some feathers, so it's important to consider other options as well.
Addressing the Invitation
Addressing the envelope specifically to the invited adults only is a subtle way to set expectations. Traditionally, the names of those invited are listed on the inside envelope, so only including the names of adults here will make it clear that children are not invited.
RSVP Cards
Including the adults-only request on your RSVP card can reinforce the message without making it the focus of the invitation. You might write: "We are unable to accommodate children at the ceremony and reception."
Save the Date Cards
You can mention on your "Save the Date" cards that the wedding will be an "adults-only" affair, and that you hope this advance notice will allow plenty of time to secure babysitters or make other arrangements. The only correct wording for your "save the date" cards is "Adult Reception," "Adults Only Reception," or "Adult-Only Ceremony and Reception."
Wedding Website
Your wedding website is a great place to include additional information, especially if your wedding will be adults-only. Adding a short FAQ section or polite note about your preference can clarify for guests. For example: "We are unable to accommodate children at our wedding venue, but we're hiring a babysitter at the guest hotel for convenience." You can also provide a reason for your request, if needed, and indicate nearby childcare options, if available.
Word of Mouth
You can attempt to simply pass on the notion of "no children allowed" via word of mouth. However, this method may not yield the results you hope for. If someone asks if they can bring their "well-behaved" children, you should know in advance how you will respond.
Babysitting Services
You could consider providing guests with the names and numbers of local babysitters or even hiring a professional babysitting service to supervise in a separate room at your wedding reception site. Ask your wedding planner to help make the arrangements and work with the sitter service to plan age-appropriate wedding activities. You can also craft kid-friendly meals, like a pizza-making station or a breakfast-for-dinner mini-buffet.
Dealing with RSVPs
Even if you make every effort to communicate your adults-only wedding, you may still receive RSVPs that include the names of uninvited children. If you receive RSVPs that include the entire family, make a phone call immediately. Politely let your guests know that the invitation was only meant for the parents and, if you wish, explain your decision.
Defining "Adults-Only"
The term "adults-only" is open to interpretation, and different couples may have different interpretations of what "adult" means when it comes to their guest list. Generally, "adults-only" is intended to mean those aged 18 and over, but some may interpret it as 21+ due to the legal drinking age. If you have a specific age cutoff in mind, be sure to communicate this clearly to your guests.
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Potential for offence
The decision to have an adults-only wedding can be considered an unpopular opinion and may cause some sticky situations. Some may find it offensive, tacky, ungracious, or downright cold. It can be a sensitive issue for out-of-town family members, future in-laws, and close friends with children.
However, it is your wedding day, and you have the right to have it your way. It is crucial to follow proper wedding invitation etiquette and protocol to avoid giving anyone the wrong impression. Never use phrases such as "No Kids" or "No Children" on your wedding invitations, as this is considered impolite and bad etiquette. Instead, be subtle in your communication by using phrases like "intimate ceremony" or "cocktail reception" held at a "luxury hotel" or "downtown nightclub," which suggest a child-free event. Address your envelopes correctly, and only include the names of those invited on the inner envelope.
If you make exceptions for certain children, you risk upsetting other guests. It is best to either invite all children or none at all, including those in the wedding party, to avoid uncomfortable situations. If you do make exceptions, be prepared for some guests to leave early or even cut contact after the wedding.
To go the extra mile, you can provide guests with babysitting options or book a childcare provider and set aside a room for kids, especially if the reception is at a hotel. This will enable more of your loved ones to attend and show that you are considerate of their needs.
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Cost implications
The cost of hosting children at a wedding can be a significant consideration for couples. The per-plate charges for catering can be high, even for children, and providing meals for young guests can add up quickly. Some caterers and reception venues may offer children's menus, which can help reduce costs. However, it is essential to consider that not all venues or caterers provide such options.
If a couple chooses to host children, they may also need to factor in additional expenses for entertainment or activities tailored to younger guests. This could include hiring a professional babysitting service to supervise and engage the children in a separate room or area. While this can be a convenient solution, it adds to the overall wedding budget.
On the other hand, opting for an adults-only wedding can have cost implications as well. Some guests with children may decline the invitation due to childcare constraints, and the couple may need to consider providing resources or suggestions for babysitting services. Additionally, there may be costs associated with communicating the adults-only nature of the wedding, such as including additional cards or information in the invitations.
Ultimately, the decision to include or exclude children from a wedding has financial considerations. Hosting children incurs catering and entertainment costs, while adults-only weddings may require additional communication and can potentially result in a lower attendance rate due to childcare limitations. Couples should carefully weigh these factors when planning their special day.
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Exceptions for children in the wedding party
It is possible to have an adults-only wedding reception while still having children in the wedding party. However, this can be a sensitive issue, and some etiquette experts advise against making exceptions for any children, even those in the wedding party, as parents of children who were not allowed to attend may feel slighted.
If you do decide to make exceptions for children in the wedding party, it is important to communicate this clearly to your guests to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Be transparent about which children will be in attendance and why. This can be done through your wedding website, word of mouth, or by including a note on your \"Save the Date\" cards or invitations.
To accommodate guests with children, you could consider providing the names and numbers of local babysitters or childcare providers. You could even go the extra mile by booking a childcare provider and setting aside a room for kids, especially if the reception is at a hotel. This will enable more of your loved ones to attend and show that you are making an effort to include families.
Remember, your wedding day is your day, and you have the right to decide who will be in attendance. However, it is essential to consider your guests' needs and communicate any exceptions clearly to avoid any confusion or upset.
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Frequently asked questions
Your wedding guest list is ultimately up to you, and tons of couples choose to have a child-free celebration. However, this choice can be considered an unpopular wedding opinion and cause a few sticky situations.
The focus should be more on how you address your invitations rather than the specific wording used. Only those listed on the inner envelope are invited to the wedding, making it clear from the outset who is included. You can also include the announcement on your wedding website.
Here are some examples:
- "We love your kids but thought you might like a night off. Adults only please!"
- "To allow all wedding guests, including parents, a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry, we respectfully ask that no children attend the reception."
- "We wish we could include all children but are unfortunately only able to invite immediate family."
This is open to interpretation. Some people assume "adults only" means 18 and over, while others assume it means 21 and over due to the drinking age.
