The Art Of Collaborative Vows: A Guide To Writing Wedding Vows Together

Wedding vows are a very important part of the ceremony. They are the promises you make to your partner, and they can be written in many different ways. Some couples write their vows together, while others write them separately to surprise their partner on the big day. There are many misconceptions about vows, such as the idea that they should be written in secret or that they have to be memorised. However, writing your vows together can be a great way to ensure that they complement each other and work together to create the perfect centerpiece for your wedding. It can also be helpful if you want to use similar phrases and make the same promises to each other. On the other hand, writing your vows separately can create a stunningly emotional response during the ceremony. Ultimately, the decision of whether to write your vows together or separately is a personal one, and there is no right or wrong answer.

Writing vows together vs separately

Writing vows is a deeply personal experience and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Couples can choose to write their vows together or separately, and both options have their advantages.

Writing vows together ensures that the sentiments, tone, and wording align and complement each other. It also allows couples to use similar phrases and make the same promises to each other. This approach is particularly helpful for couples who want to include joint or alternating vows in their ceremony, where they say each line of their vows one after the other.

On the other hand, writing vows separately adds an element of surprise to the wedding day. This can create a stunningly emotional response during the ceremony. However, it is important to choose a trusted person to review both sets of vows privately and ensure they are suitable and complementary.

Whether writing together or separately, it is essential to agree on the tone and length of the vows beforehand. Discussing expectations, such as the desired level of humour, romance, or poetry, will ensure the vows align and create a cohesive ceremony.

Additionally, it is crucial to start writing the vows well in advance, ideally aiming to have a final draft at least a few weeks before the wedding. This allows for practicing the delivery and making any necessary edits.

Ultimately, the decision to write vows together or separately depends on the couple's preferences and dynamics. Both approaches can result in meaningful, heartfelt vows that reflect the couple's unique relationship.

Keeping vows a surprise

Keeping your wedding vows a surprise from your partner until the ceremony is a popular choice. However, it is not necessary to keep them a secret, and there are several reasons why you may choose to share them beforehand. Here are some tips for keeping your vows a surprise:

• Start writing your vows early: Give yourself plenty of time to write and perfect your vows. This will help ensure that you are happy with them and reduce the risk of last-minute changes. Aim to have a final draft at least three weeks before your wedding day.
• Discuss expectations: Before you start writing, talk to your partner about what you both expect from the vows. Agree on the length, tone, and how personal you want them to be. This will help ensure that your vows complement each other and create a cohesive ceremony.
• Choose a trusted confidant: If you want feedback or are worried about your vows being too dissimilar, consider sharing them with a trusted friend or family member. They can provide an outside perspective and help ensure that your vows are well-received.
• Practice: Rehearse your vows to build confidence and ensure that your delivery is clear and engaging. This will also help you become familiar with the content, reducing the risk of becoming too emotional during the ceremony.
• Keep them safe: In the weeks leading up to your wedding, store your vows in a secret place where your partner cannot see them. This will ensure that they remain a surprise until the big day.
• Consider a fresh copy: If you plan to read your vows from a physical copy during the ceremony, consider printing a fresh copy or writing them in a vow booklet. This will create a neat and aesthetically pleasing presentation for your guests.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to write and deliver your wedding vows. Do what feels comfortable and meaningful to you and your partner.

Tone and content

The tone and content of your wedding vows are important to consider when writing them. While you can make them as humorous, romantic, or creative as you like, they should also reflect the gravity of the occasion. Here are some tips to help you craft the tone and content of your wedding vows:

• Discuss expectations with your partner: Before writing your vows, talk to your partner about what you both want. Discuss the length, timing, tone, and level of personalization you're comfortable with.
• Start with a brain dump: Begin by jotting down all your thoughts, feelings, and ideas about your partner and your relationship. Don't worry about perfect wording at this stage. Later, you can go back and highlight the points you want to include in your final draft.
• Keep it balanced: While it's good to include humor and lighthearted moments, remember that your vows are a serious, lifelong commitment. Balance the funny anecdotes with concrete promises that reflect the gravity of the occasion. Avoid inside jokes or overly personal stories that might make your guests feel like awkward eavesdroppers.
• Make it personal: Include specific references to your partner and your relationship. Share romantic stories, such as how you knew your partner was "the one," or recount humorous moments like how your first date went horribly wrong. These personal touches will make your vows more engaging and meaningful.
• Avoid absolute words: When making promises, steer clear of absolute words like "always" and "never." Instead of vowing to do something all the time or never at all, make more achievable and flexible promises.
• Incorporate meaningful elements: Think about including references to inside jokes, shared interests, or themes that are unique to your relationship. For example, if you both love Star Wars, you can incorporate galactic themes into your vows without making them hard to understand for your guests.
• Edit and refine: Once you've written your initial draft, go back and edit for tone and length. Decide on the overall tone you want to convey, such as poetic and romantic or humorous but touching. Refine your wording to ensure your vows sound like they're coming from your heart.
• Get a second opinion: Consider sharing your vows with a trusted friend or your wedding officiant to get their feedback. They can help you identify areas where you might need to adjust the tone or content to better suit the occasion.
• Practice, practice, practice: Don't underestimate the power of practicing your vows aloud. This will help you refine your wording, improve your delivery, and ensure your vows flow smoothly. It's also a great way to build your confidence for the big day.

Length and timing

When it comes to the length and timing of your wedding vows, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's important to start writing your vows at least a month or more before the wedding. Aim to have a first draft finished within a couple of weeks of the wedding and try to have your vows finalised by two to three days before the big day. This will give you time to practice reciting them and ensure you're comfortable with what you'll be saying.

In terms of length, wedding vows should typically be between 250 and 300 words, with an average time frame of 30 seconds to three minutes for reciting them. This allows for some personalization without being too long and keeping your guests' attention. If you have more to say, you can consider writing each other notes to read on the day or reciting private vows before the ceremony.

It's also a good idea to discuss the length of your vows with your partner, so they are roughly the same. If one person says just a few sentences while the other recites multiple pages, it can create a disjointed feeling during the ceremony.

Finally, don't feel pressured to memorise your vows. It's completely fine to have them written down, and you can even transcribe them into a vow book to have as a keepsake. Practising your vows beforehand will help you feel more comfortable and ensure you can deliver them with confidence on your wedding day.

Delivery and practice

Practice makes perfect

Once you have written your vows, it is important to practice reading them aloud. This will help you to feel more confident on the big day and will also help you to identify any areas that need reworking. For example, you may find that some parts are too long or too complex, or that the grammar needs to be adjusted for fluidity. Practising will also help you to get used to the tone and pace of your speech.

Ask for feedback

Ask a close friend to listen to your vows and give you constructive feedback. They can help you to identify areas that need improvement and ensure that your message will come across as intended.

Keep it concise

Your vows should be about one minute or less per person. This is longer than it sounds, so focus on the most important promises and save more personal thoughts for a letter or card that you can give to your partner on the morning of the ceremony.

Be mindful of your audience

While your vows should be personal, avoid making them too cryptic or embarrassing. You want your guests to feel included, so limit the number of inside jokes and deeply personal anecdotes.

Don't feel pressured to memorise

It is perfectly acceptable to read your vows from a vow book or some notes. You don't want to add the extra pressure of memorisation on top of what is already a nerve-wracking experience!

Remember to breathe

When the time comes to deliver your vows, remember to take your time. Breathe, pause, and look up at your partner. This will help you to connect with them and ensure that your message lands as intended.

Frequently asked questions