Wedding Band: Show Or Surprise?

There are many traditions and expectations surrounding weddings, and one of the most significant is the exchange of rings. While wedding ring traditions have evolved over time, with modern couples often choosing to make their own rules, the question of whether to show your fiancé the wedding band in advance remains a dilemma for many. Some believe that the wedding band should be a surprise, unveiled only during the ceremony as a symbol of commitment. On the other hand, others argue that it is more practical and inclusive to involve both partners in choosing and purchasing the rings, ensuring that they are happy with the design and comfortable with the financial arrangement. With the rising cost of weddings and the pressure to follow traditions, this decision can be a challenging one for couples, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach.

Wedding band vs. engagement ring: what's the difference?

The exchanging of rings as a symbol of marriage dates back to ancient times. The ancient Egyptians believed that the circle represented eternity, and the ring was a symbol of eternal love between spouses. Ancient Romans and Greeks had a similar tradition, but the ring was used as a promise of fidelity. Nowadays, the meaning behind the rings remains the same, but there are many more options for couples to choose from.

Engagement Ring

An engagement ring is given to a partner as a symbol of love and commitment, and to signify a couple's intention to get married. It is usually worn on the fourth finger of the left hand, also known as the "ring finger", as it was once thought that this finger had a vein that led directly to the heart. The engagement ring is typically worn from the proposal onwards, until the wedding day.

The design of an engagement ring often features a dominant stone, such as a diamond or other precious gemstone, either on its own or surrounded by smaller stones. Solitaire diamonds are a popular choice, but some couples opt for coloured gemstones, multiple smaller diamonds, or unique designs incorporating different shapes and materials. The choice of ring should reflect the style and preferences of the couple.

Wedding Ring/Band

A wedding ring, or band, is exchanged during the wedding ceremony and is a symbol of the couple's union and commitment to each other. Wedding rings are usually simpler in design, traditionally a plain metal band, which may feature embellishments or diamonds. The simplicity of the ring is meant to symbolise the couple's unending love.

In some cases, couples may choose to use the engagement ring as their wedding ring, or the wedding ring may be designed with the engagement ring in mind, so that the two can be worn together as a coordinated set.

Ultimately, the choice of whether to have both an engagement ring and a wedding ring, or just one ring, is a personal one. Some couples may prefer the traditional look of wearing both, while others may find it more practical or comfortable to wear just one ring. There is no right or wrong answer, and the most important thing is that the ring or rings have enduring meaning for the couple.

Do you need both?

Ultimately, the decision to have both an engagement ring and a wedding band depends on your personal preference and relationship. While most couples choose to follow the tradition of wearing both, there is no rule that says you have to.

An engagement ring is traditionally given during a marriage proposal or soon after a couple has decided to become engaged. It usually features one dominant stone, which may be surrounded by smaller stones. A wedding band is usually exchanged at the wedding ceremony as the official symbol of the union of marriage and is often a plain metal band or a diamond-encrusted eternity band. There is often a significant price difference between the two, with wedding bands being less expensive due to their lower carat weight.

If you decide to wear both, tradition dictates that you wear your engagement ring and wedding ring together on the fourth finger of your left hand, with the wedding band inside the engagement ring so that it's closer to your heart. However, some people choose to wear their engagement ring on one hand and their wedding band on the other, especially if the rings are diverse and cannot be easily stacked.

If you prefer a simpler approach, it is perfectly acceptable to wear just one ring to symbolise both your engagement and married status. A single ring can be more comfortable, less obtrusive, and easier to match than a combination of an engagement ring and wedding band. It also means there is one less ring to worry about losing or misplacing.

The decision to have one or both rings is entirely up to you and your partner, and there are no hard-and-fast rules that need to be followed.

How much should you spend?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to how much you should spend on a wedding band, and it's ultimately a personal choice that depends on several factors. Here are some considerations to help you determine an appropriate budget:

Current Financial Situation

Your financial situation will largely dictate how much you can comfortably spend on wedding bands. If you have significant debt or upcoming large expenses, an expensive ring might not be the best decision. As a rule of thumb, if a ring's price would make it challenging to cover your current bills, it's probably too expensive.

Willingness to Spend

There is no "right" amount to spend on a wedding band. Some people follow the three-month salary rule, while others may not be comfortable spending that much. Ultimately, you need to decide on a budget that you and your partner are both happy with.

Retailer Choice

Some retailers are more expensive than others. Higher-end retailers will likely be pricier than local jewellers or more affordable jewellery stores and online retailers.

Ring Type

The type of ring you choose will significantly impact the cost. Intricate rings with diamonds or gemstones will be more expensive than a simple band. For example, plain wedding bands for women can range from $250 to $1,500, while those with diamonds or other stones can cost $1,000 to $6,000. The average cost of a wedding band for men is about $510, while for women, it's around $1,100.

Metal Choice

The choice of metal will also affect the cost. Platinum is the most expensive option and is very durable and low maintenance. Palladium is a good alternative, although it can be harder to find. Gold, including yellow, white, and rose gold, is a popular choice but is softer and less durable than platinum. The cost of gold depends on the number of karats, with higher karat gold being more expensive. Other affordable options include tungsten, wood, ceramic, and silicone.

Ring Details and Customisation

Adding details like diamonds or gemstones will increase the price of the ring. The size and quality of these stones will also impact the cost, with larger and higher-quality stones being more expensive. Customising the ring to match an engagement ring can also increase the price, especially if you opt for a custom design.

Lifestyle Considerations

Your lifestyle and profession can also guide your choice of wedding band. If you lead an active lifestyle or work with your hands, certain metals like platinum may be more suitable due to their durability. Additionally, consider the type of work you do—if you're in a profession where you frequently lift heavy weights, a flatter ring might be preferable to a raised one that could get scratched or damaged.

Total Wedding Budget

The cost of the wedding bands should also be considered in the context of your overall wedding budget. On average, couples spend around 3% of their total wedding budget on wedding bands, with engagement rings making up about 14%.

Should they match?

Wedding band traditions have evolved over time. In the past, wedding bands were made as matching sets to honour a couple's partnership. However, today, there is no rule that says wedding bands have to match. Couples are increasingly focused on doing what works for them instead of following historical traditions.

There are several reasons why a couple might choose to have matching wedding bands. Matching wedding rings could be a way for the couple to express their togetherness and compatibility. On a practical level, some couples might find it more convenient or affordable to choose a set of matching rings.

On the other hand, there are also many reasons why a couple might opt for unique wedding bands. Each individual has their own personality, tastes, and preferences, and a unique wedding band can be a way to express these within their new union. Some couples might have clashing styles, with one person preferring an old-fashioned sense of style while the other is more modern, or one person liking bolder jewellery while the other prefers a cleaner aesthetic. In these cases, there is no need for either person to settle on a ring they don't love.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to have matching wedding bands is a personal one, and there is no right or wrong answer. The most important thing is that both individuals choose a ring that they love and will be happy to wear every day.

How and when to wear them

There are many traditions and expectations surrounding wedding bands and engagement rings, but ultimately, it is up to the couple to decide what works best for them.

Traditionally, the wedding band is exchanged during the wedding ceremony and is placed on the left-hand ring finger, with the engagement ring stacked on top. However, this is not set in stone, and the rings can be arranged in any way that is comfortable and aesthetically pleasing, including wearing the rings on separate fingers. On the wedding day, the engagement ring can be moved to the right hand to leave room for the wedding band.

Some couples choose to follow the tradition of the bride (and/or her family) buying the groom's wedding ring, and the groom (and/or his family) buying the bride's. In more modern times, couples are opting to split the cost of the wedding rings, especially if they have combined finances or are paying for the wedding together. It is also becoming more common for couples to discuss wedding expenses, including rings, together as a team.

When it comes to timing, it is recommended that couples choose their wedding bands at least three months before the wedding to allow time for any custom work and sizing adjustments.

Frequently asked questions