Deborah Chan
Planning a wedding can be a daunting task, with endless terminology, traditions, and rituals to consider. One of the most important aspects of the big day is the wedding ceremony, where the couple exchanges their vows and rings. While there is no legal requirement for specific words to be used, there are certain elements that must be included for the marriage to be legally valid, such as the Declaration of Intent and the Pronouncement. Couples are increasingly seeking unique and personalized ceremonies, incorporating creative rituals, readings, and music to make their celebration one-of-a-kind. With so many options available, it's essential for couples to carefully choose their words and plan their ceremony well in advance to ensure their special day is truly memorable.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Legally required words | None, but the Declaration of Intent and the Pronouncement must be included |
| Declaration of Intent | "Do you take _____ as your lawful/wedded _______?" and "I do," but can be worded as the couple prefers |
| Pronouncement | "And now, with the power vested in me by American Marriage Ministries, I pronounce you…" but can be made in any way the couple wishes |
| Ceremony script | Written version of the ceremony, including everything that will be said and done |
| Readings | Optional element, often performed by an honoured guest |
| Vows | Can be traditional or self-written |
| Ring exchange | Can be included, but not all religions or ceremonies include this |
| First kiss | Usually comes towards the end of the ceremony, after vows and rings have been exchanged |
| Music | Can be included during the ceremony, not just the reception and first dance |
| Length | Non-religious ceremonies are usually under 30 minutes, religious ceremonies are more fixed |
| Planning | Full or partial |
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Declarations of Intent
While there are no specific words or phrases that are legally required to be used in a wedding ceremony, there are two components that must be included for the marriage to be legal: the Declaration of Intent and the Pronouncement. The Declaration of Intent is when the couple verbally declares that they wish to enter into the marriage contract and commit to one another. This is often done by asking, "Do you take ______ as your lawful/wedded _______?" and the responding party says, "I do." However, this can be worded in any way the couple prefers. For example, "Do you, Dr. Cornelius, take this most amazing and awe-inspiring moral pillar of a woman to be your wife?"
The Declaration of Intent is often confused with wedding vows, but they are two different things. Wedding vows are promises exchanged between the couple and can be written by the couple themselves or can be traditional vows. Many traditional vows are determined by the religion that underlies the marriage ceremony, though interfaith and non-denominational ceremonies also have their own traditions. For example, in Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps, where they promise to excel in raising strong and virtuous children, among other things. In Jewish ceremonies, the groom says, "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel," and places the ring on the bride's finger. If the wedding is a double-ring ceremony, the bride recites the same words and places the ring on the groom's finger.
The Declaration of Intent is required because it represents the verbal equivalent of signing the marriage license. Both parties are verbally agreeing to enter into the marriage contract. The Pronouncement or Proclamation is the second legally required component of the wedding ceremony, where the officiant pronounces the couple as officially and legally wed. This is often heard as, "And now, with the power vested in me by American Marriage Ministries, I pronounce you…” but can be made in any way the couple wishes.
With no restrictions on the specific wording used in the wedding ceremony, couples can create a completely customized experience. The ceremony can be made interactive and entertaining, with creative rituals, readings, songs, and unity rituals. It is recommended to prepare and rehearse the ceremony script beforehand to ensure that every word spoken and action taken is approved by the couple.
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The Pronouncement
While there are no specific words or phrases that are legally required to be used in a wedding ceremony, there are two key elements that must be included for the marriage to be official: the Declaration of Intent and the Pronouncement. The Pronouncement, also referred to as the Proclamation, is the part of the ceremony where the officiant declares the couple to be officially and legally wed. This is often done with a phrase such as, “And now, with the power vested in me by American Marriage Ministries, I pronounce you…”. However, this proclamation can be made in any way that the couple chooses.
While the specific wording of the Pronouncement is flexible, it is important to note that the overall structure of the wedding ceremony should be carefully considered. The wedding ceremony is a significant event, and it is recommended that couples start planning the flow of the ceremony early on. This includes deciding on the readings, rituals, and wording that will be included. Couples can choose to incorporate creative elements, such as songs, skits, and unity rituals, but it is important to keep in mind that deviating too far from the traditional format may confuse guests.
To ensure a smooth and meaningful ceremony, it is advisable to rehearse the chosen words and actions beforehand. This includes the Pronouncement, which, as the moment the couple is officially wed, is a key element to get right. Couples can work with their officiant to craft a Pronouncement that aligns with their unique vision for the ceremony while still adhering to any legal requirements.
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Vows
Wedding vows are the promises a couple makes to each other during their wedding ceremony. While some couples opt for traditional vows based on their religion or culture, others prefer to write personalised messages to their future spouse.
Traditional wedding vows tend to follow a specific structure, and are often determined by the religion that underlies the marriage ceremony. For example, in Jewish ceremonies, vows are recited only when the ring is given, with the groom saying: "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel". In Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps, as they walk around a ring of fire to honour the Hindu god of fire, Agni.
On the other hand, personalised wedding vows give you the opportunity to create promises that resonate with you and your partner, and to vocalise your love and hopes in front of your friends and family. They can take on any format and include any content you see fit. For instance, you can include allusions to hard times, or a favourite vow from a TV show, a beautiful line from a book or movie, or even just words or phrases you've heard at other weddings and liked.
If you're writing your own vows, it's important to connect with your partner about the structure and tone beforehand. You don't want to end up with one of you delivering comedic, lighthearted vows, while the other had been envisioning sharing more stoic words. It's also a good idea to practice reciting your vows in front of a mirror or a trusted friend before the big day, to ensure that you're happy with the tone and speed, and to avoid tripping over your words.
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Readings
Wedding readings are a great way to personalise your ceremony and share your feelings for each other in a unique way. They can be funny, romantic, or cheesy—whatever suits your style as a couple. Readings can be taken from anywhere, including literature, poetry, songs, and movies. You could even turn a song that didn't make the cut for your first dance into a wedding reading!
If you're having a religious ceremony, you'll likely select a passage or verse from a sacred text, or a religious poem or blessing. A secular reading, on the other hand, can be a poem, book excerpt, song lyrics, or even lines from a movie or television show.
When choosing a reading, it's important to select something meaningful that reflects who you are as a couple. You might want to involve a loved one in the reading to give them a special role in your big day. If you're asking a guest to do a reading, make sure you choose someone who will be comfortable standing up in front of your guests. It's also a good idea to have a backup reader in case your first choice can't make it.
The readings portion of your ceremony should last no more than five minutes, with each individual reading lasting one to three minutes. You don't want the reading to be too long, but you also want to make sure it's not too short, with gaps or setbacks. If you're having trouble choosing a reading, consider the people who will be speaking at your ceremony, and try to include something that will resonate with your relationship or fit with your wedding style.
> "You know all those things we've promised and hoped and dreamed—well, I meant it all, every word. Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment, you have been many things to one another—acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this—is my husband, this—is my wife."
> "I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving · but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close. You will be the clouds and I will be the sky. You will be the ocean and I will be the shore. You will be the trees and I will be the wind."
> "When he looked into her dark eyes, and saw that her lips were poised between a laugh and silence, he learned the most important part of the language that all the world spoke—the language that everyone on earth was capable of understanding in their heart. It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert. Something that exerted the same force whenever two pairs of eyes met, as had theirs here at the well. She smiled, and that was certainly an omen—the omen he had been awaiting, without even knowing he was, for all his life."
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Wedding Terminology
Declaration of Intent
This is where the couple verbally declares that they wish to enter into the marriage contract and intend to legally commit to one another. This is often heard as "Do you take ______ as your lawful/wedded _______?" with the response being "I do," but it can be worded however the couple prefers.
Pronouncement or Proclamation
This is where the officiant pronounces the couple as officially and legally wed. This is often heard as, "And now, with the power vested in me by American Marriage Ministries, I pronounce you…” but again, this can be made in any way the couple wishes.
Vows
Vows are promises made by the couple to each other during the wedding ceremony. These can be written by the couple themselves or they can choose to use traditional vows. In some cultures and religions, the declaration of vows symbolizes the moment when a couple officially becomes one.
Readings
Readings are when a couple asks an honoured guest to come to the front and read a pre-selected text to their guests. This can be a great way to involve loved ones in the ceremony and share meaningful words.
Shot List
This is a list of desired photos and videos that the couple would like the photographer or videographer to capture at the wedding events.
Mood Board
A mood board helps the couple to visually communicate their wedding inspiration and desired style. It can include images with certain colours or textures, as well as physical items that inspire them.
Palette
The palette refers to the range of colours used at the wedding.
Run Sheet
A run sheet is a document that lists all the action steps in the wedding planning process and on the day of the wedding.
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Frequently asked questions
No, you don't need to have a wedding ceremony. You can elope or have a courthouse wedding instead. However, if you choose to have a wedding ceremony, you have the freedom to create a customized experience that reflects your unique tastes and preferences.
No specific words or phrases are legally required in a wedding ceremony. However, there are usually two essential components: the Declaration of Intent and the Pronouncement (or Proclamation). The Declaration of Intent is where you verbally declare your intention to enter into the marriage contract. The Pronouncement is where the officiant officially pronounces you as a married couple.
Yes, you can include personalized vows in your wedding ceremony. You can write your own vows or modify traditional ones to make them more meaningful to you and your partner.
Absolutely! Music can enhance your ceremony and make it more memorable. You can choose songs for your entrance, exit, and other special moments. Regarding readings, you can ask a loved one to come forward and read a pre-selected text that holds a special meaning for you and your partner.
