Franklin Dean
Wedding speeches are a great way to add a personal touch to your big day. They are also a chance for loved ones to share their favourite memories of you and your partner. While it can be a daunting task, it's important to remember that you don't have to be a professional writer or speaker to give a good wedding speech. The key is to be sincere and
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Occasions | Rehearsal dinner, wedding reception, during the ceremony |
| Speakers | Parents/parent figures, wedding party members, best friends, close relatives, maid/man of honour, groom's family, bride |
| Length | Under five minutes, closer to three minutes if possible |
| Preparation | Write it in advance, make it personal, add humour, sincerity, and sentiment |
| Content | Start by introducing yourself and sharing how you know the couple, include a short anecdote or story, conclude by sharing your love and raising a glass to the newlyweds |
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What You'll Learn
Who should give a speech?
Wedding speeches are typically given at the rehearsal dinner, wedding reception, and sometimes during the ceremony. They are usually given by the couple's parents or someone hosting the event on their behalf. This can include the father of the bride, who often gives the first speech, the mother of the bride, and the groom's family. The maid or man of honour also typically gives a speech, focusing on the bride and her journey. Other important people in the couple's lives, such as wedding party members, grandparents, or close friends, may also give speeches, usually at the rehearsal dinner.
It's important to remember that wedding traditions are just that—traditions, not rules. The couple can choose to follow a traditional speech order or customise it to suit their specific situation. For example, they can ask whoever they want to give a speech if it will make their day more meaningful.
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How long should a wedding speech be?
Wedding speeches are traditionally given at the rehearsal dinner, the wedding reception, and sometimes during the ceremony. The father of the bride's speech is traditionally the longest, lasting between 7 and 9 minutes, and ideally no more than 12 minutes. This is usually the first speech given during the wedding reception and includes a thank-you to everyone involved in putting together the wedding, as well as a dedication to the bride. The groom's speech comes second and should last between 6 and 8 minutes, but no longer than 10 minutes. It should be a thank-you note to all those who have supported the relationship and wedding planning. The best man's speech usually comes third and should be around 5 minutes, but this can vary depending on the number of speeches and personal preference.
It is important to keep in mind that wedding speeches should ideally be kept under five minutes, with three minutes being perfect and five minutes being the absolute maximum. This is to prevent people from getting bored and restless. However, it is also important to ensure that the speech is not too short, as the speechmaker might feel like they haven't done the bride or groom justice. A simple template can help keep the speech concise and on point, including an introduction, a short anecdote, and a conclusion raising a glass to the newlyweds. Ultimately, a great wedding speech should evoke emotion and convey genuine happiness for the couple.
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What to include in your speech
Wedding speeches are a dance between humour, sincerity, and sentiment. While you don't need to be a proficient writer or public speaker, your speech should be heartfelt and original. The attention will be on the couple, so make sure to keep the focus on them and their journey together.
A great wedding speech evokes emotion and conveys genuine happiness for the couple. It should be short and sweet, ideally under five minutes, and closer to three minutes if you can manage it. Start by introducing yourself and sharing how you know the couple, then move on to a short anecdote or story, and finally, conclude by sharing your love and raising a glass to the newlyweds.
If you're the father of the bride, you might begin by welcoming the guests and thanking them for coming. You can include a heartfelt anecdote about the bride and offer some words of wisdom for the couple. The groom's family usually speaks after the bride's father, followed by the best man and the maid of honour, who will share heartwarming, encouraging, and lighthearted stories about the couple.
When writing your speech, it's a good idea to create an outline or template to keep you on track. A story should have a beginning, middle, and end, and you can use the rule of threes to keep it concise. For example, in your introduction, you might share three reasons why you love the couple or three memories you have of them. Make sure to inject your personality into the speech, and don't be afraid to be sincere—the crowd wants to laugh and cry, so don't hold back!
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When to give a speech
Wedding speeches are traditionally given at the rehearsal dinner, the wedding reception, and sometimes during the ceremony. The wedding ceremony is the most popular time for speeches, as it is likely to be the last moment when all guests are seated together, and the day can quickly become lively and raucous after the formal proceedings are over.
The wedding reception is about the newly married couple, but with music, socialising, and food to consider, it can be hard to get everyone's attention for the speeches. It is therefore considered the "sweet spot" to start the speeches about three-quarters of the way through dinner, as guests are finishing their meals. This means that once the speeches are over, guests can get up and dance, and the party can begin.
The rehearsal dinner is another popular time for speeches, as it is more casual and intimate, and there is more flexibility with the number of speakers. The couple's parents usually speak first during the rehearsal dinner, welcoming everyone and saying a few words. The floor is then open for others to speak.
There is a specific order for traditional wedding speeches, with the father of the bride usually going first, followed by the groom's family. However, this is not set in stone, and couples can decide on the wedding speech order that makes the most sense for them.
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How to prepare
Preparing for a wedding speech can be daunting, but with the right approach, you can deliver a memorable and heartfelt toast. Here's a step-by-step guide to help you prepare:
Step 1: Understand the Basics
Firstly, it's essential to know the purpose of a wedding speech. It's not about you or showcasing your talents. The primary focus should be on the couple—sharing their special moment and conveying genuine happiness for them. Keep in mind that sincerity and sentiment are key. While humour is important, it should be used to enhance your message, not overshadow it.
Step 2: Know Your Role
The structure and content of your speech will depend on your relationship to the couple. Traditionally, the father of the bride gives the first speech, welcoming guests and sharing anecdotes about the bride and words of wisdom for the newlyweds. The groom's family speaks next, followed by the best man and maid of honour, who offer a lighthearted perspective on the couple. However, modern weddings may deviate from this order, so clarify your role with the couple or the event organiser.
Step 3: Plan and Outline
Start by introducing yourself and explaining your connection to the couple. Then, share a short anecdote or story that showcases the couple's strengths, resilience, or special moments. Conclude by expressing your love and raising a toast to the newlyweds. Keep your speech concise, aiming for around three minutes. A simple outline will ensure your message is clear and well-structured.
Step 4: Write and Practice
Don't leave your speech to chance—take the time to write it down. Use a brainstorming technique that works for you, such as mind-mapping on paper or using apps. Structure your speech like a story, with a beginning, middle, and end. Make it personal and specific. Instead of vague compliments, share concrete examples of the couple's positive attributes. Practice your speech by reading it aloud to someone else, which will help you refine it and make it more engaging.
Step 5: Delivery and Presence
On the day of the wedding, remember to eat and avoid overindulging in liquid courage. Be mindful of the timeline and stick to your allocated time. When delivering your speech, be yourself and let your personality shine through. Don't worry about being perfect—focus on sincerity and emotion. Engage with the audience, make eye contact, and savour this special moment.
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Frequently asked questions
It is entirely up to you whether you want to give a speech at a wedding. However, if you are the father of the bride, the maid or man of honour, or the best man, you are usually expected to give a speech.
The mother of the bride, the groom's family, and the couple themselves might also give a speech.
Speeches are usually given during the wedding reception, often during the meal. They can also be given at the rehearsal dinner, which is often more casual and intimate, and sometimes during the ceremony, such as readings or blessings.
It's best to keep your speech under five minutes, and closer to three minutes if possible.
A wedding speech should be heartfelt and sincere. It should be about the couple and can include anecdotes and stories. It can be a good idea to follow a simple outline: introduce yourself and explain how you know the couple, share an anecdote, and conclude by raising a glass to the newlyweds.
