Franklin Dean
Wedding speeches are a time-honoured tradition and a chance for close friends and family to express their happiness and joy for the newlyweds. While there are no hard and fast rules about who should speak, traditionally, the father of the bride, the maid of honour, the best man, and the couple themselves are expected to give a speech. The timing of the speeches is also flexible, with some sources recommending doing them during dinner, while others suggest doing them before or after the meal. Ultimately, it is up to the couple to decide what they prefer and what works best for their wedding timeline.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| When to give wedding speeches | During dinner, towards the end of the meal |
| Who gives wedding speeches | The bride, groom, maid of honour, best man, parents of the couple, grandparents, close friends, siblings, DJ or band leader |
| Length of wedding speeches | 3-6 minutes |
| Tone of wedding speeches | Heartwarming, encouraging, lighthearted, funny, sad |
| Who decides who gives a wedding speech | Ultimately, it is up to the couple getting married |
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What You'll Learn
Speeches during dinner
There are differing opinions on the best time to hold wedding speeches. Some sources suggest that speeches should be held during dinner, around three-quarters of the way through the meal. This timing ensures that guests are already seated and avoids a long period of sitting after dinner. It also means that once the speeches are over, tables can be cleared, and guests can move on to dancing and mingling.
However, others suggest that speeches before or after dinner are preferable. Holding speeches before dinner can help to avoid the anticipation nervous speakers may feel and allow them to relax and enjoy the wedding sooner. It also gives catering staff more time to prepare. On the other hand, holding speeches after dinner is traditional and marks the end of the day's formalities, allowing the party to begin. It also ensures that guests have been fed and may be more appreciative of the speeches.
Ultimately, the decision of when to hold wedding speeches is a personal one, and there are no hard and fast rules. It is important to consider the preferences of those giving speeches, the number of speeches, and the overall flow of the day.
In terms of who gives speeches, this is also a personal choice. Traditionally, the main contributors to the wedding budget, such as the parents of the bride and groom, are invited to speak. The maid of honor, best man, and parents of the couple may also give speeches, with the couple themselves often giving a joint thank-you speech. However, some couples choose to forgo speeches altogether or allow anyone who wishes to speak to do so.
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Who should give a speech?
Ultimately, whoever gives a speech at a wedding is up to the couple getting married. That said, there are certain people who traditionally speak at weddings.
The main people who contributed financially to the wedding are typically invited to offer a few words at the reception. At weddings with a bride and groom, it is common for the bride's parents to give a welcome speech. If both sets of parents contributed to the wedding financially, it is a nice gesture to invite them both to say a few words.
The maid of honour and best man also usually give speeches. The maid of honour's speech will usually follow an outline similar to the best man's, but with an emphasis on the bride and her journey to this milestone. The tone for both speeches is typically heartwarming, encouraging, and lighthearted as they are usually the people who know the couple the best.
The father of the bride and mother of the bride's speeches are often very emotional. The bride's parents may share a heartfelt anecdote about the bride, mention their new son or daughter-in-law, and perhaps offer some words of wisdom for the couple. This speech can be given by any guardian of the bride who she deems important to her life.
In some cultures, the father of the bride is seen as the host of the wedding, and so gives a speech to thank the guests for attending his daughter's wedding.
The couple getting married may also wish to say a few words, usually to thank everyone for coming and to thank those who helped with the wedding.
If there are other important people in your life who would like to say a few words, such as wedding party members, grandparents, or close friends, you can ask them to give a speech at the rehearsal dinner.
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Speech length
Wedding speeches are traditionally given by members of the wedding party, such as the best man, maid of honour, and the newlyweds themselves. Parents of the couple may also give a speech, often during the dessert course.
The ideal length for a wedding speech is a topic of much debate, with various sources offering different advice. The general consensus is that wedding speeches should be kept concise, with a maximum duration of around five to seven minutes. This length is considered sufficient to convey meaningful sentiments, share anecdotes, and offer thanks without causing restlessness among the audience.
Some sources recommend an even shorter duration, suggesting that three minutes is the perfect length for a wedding speech, with five minutes being the absolute maximum. This ensures the speech remains engaging and avoids rambling.
To ensure a well-received speech, it is important to prepare in advance, practice, and time your speech. A good wedding speech is heartfelt, personal, and includes a balance of humour and sincerity. It should focus on the couple and their story, rather than the speaker's life story or talents.
While there is no one-size-fits-all rule for wedding speech length, keeping it within the suggested time frames will help to ensure the speech is well-received and contributes to the flow of the wedding celebrations.
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Before or after dinner?
Wedding speeches are a key part of a wedding reception and typically take place during the meal. The timing of the speeches depends on the couple's preference and the wedding's timeline. Here are some advantages and considerations for having the speeches before or after dinner:
Before Dinner:
- Starting with the speeches ensures guests have something to grab their attention and avoid small talk as they sit down.
- It gives guests a topic to discuss if the speeches conclude before the meal is served.
- It provides catering staff with additional time to arrange things, especially if there is a room turnaround.
- Guests are likely to be fresh and attentive as they've just arrived, ensuring their undivided attention.
- A toast is a lovely way to start the meal, and the toasting wine can already be poured at each guest's place setting.
- If guests have had canapes during a cocktail hour, they won't be hungry while waiting for the meal to be served after the speeches.
- It can be a good option if the best men or other speakers have young children they need to attend to during the meal.
During Dinner:
- It is a convenient time as guests are already gathered and seated, reducing the time they are left sitting at the tables.
- Starting the speeches about three-quarters of the way through dinner is ideal. Guests will be finishing their meals, and once the speeches wrap up, tables can be cleared, and the party can begin.
- It is a good time to capture guests' attention if they are served their main course, as this part of the meal is the longest, allowing for more talking time without interruptions.
After Dinner:
- Doing the speeches after dinner follows tradition and brings an end to the day's formalities before the party begins.
- Guests are likely to be hungry, especially if they haven't had time for lunch due to wedding preparations, and speeches before the meal can leave them hungry and distracted.
- If the speeches are done too early during the meal, guests may still be finding their seats or chatting, creating a noisy environment.
- After dinner, guests may want to mingle and dance, and doing the speeches earlier can help maintain the flow of the evening.
Ultimately, the decision rests with the couple, and whether the speeches are before or after dinner will not make or break the day.
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Rehearsal dinner speeches
Wedding speeches are traditionally given by the bride and groom, the bride's parents, the maid of honour, and the best man. However, rehearsal dinners are becoming an increasingly popular time to give a speech, particularly for those who won't be speaking at the wedding reception. Rehearsal dinners are more intimate and casual, providing the perfect opportunity to show the couple some love and unite the two families.
When crafting your rehearsal dinner speech, it's important to be concise and engaging. Avoid generic, impersonal toasts, and instead, focus on meaningful memories and anecdotes that showcase the couple's relationship. It's okay to be nervous, and you don't need to memorise your speech, but it's best not to read from your phone. Rehearsal dinner speeches can include well wishes, words of wisdom, and heartfelt toasts to the couple's future.
If you're planning to speak at a rehearsal dinner, it's a good idea to touch base with the event planners to get clear direction on when to begin your toast. It's also essential to give yourself ample time to prepare your remarks beforehand. Rehearsal dinner speeches are a wonderful way to share your love for the couple and bring both families together in celebration.
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Frequently asked questions
No, wedding speeches are not mandatory. It's your wedding, so it's completely up to you whether you want to include speeches or not.
Ultimately, whoever gives a speech at a wedding is up to the couple. Traditionally, the best man, maid of honour, and parents of the couple give speeches. However, some couples choose to give a speech themselves, and others ask close friends or family members to speak instead.
Wedding speeches are typically given during the meal at the wedding reception, around three-quarters of the way through. This means that guests are already seated and have something to talk about after the speeches. However, some couples choose to give speeches before or after the meal.
Wedding speeches should be kept concise, with a sweet spot of around three to six minutes. If there are multiple speeches, they should be shorter, and if there are three or more, they should be capped at five minutes each.
Wedding speeches can be heart-warming, sad, or funny. They often include anecdotes about the couple, well-wishes, and thanks to guests for attending. Speeches can also be used to thank those who helped with the wedding.
