Lyla Dejesus
The tradition of kissing at weddings is a long-standing one, with couples locking lips to seal the deal since ancient Rome. While some couples may lean into this romantic moment, others may feel uncomfortable with public displays of affection (PDA) or simply want to shake things up. Whether it's due to religious reasons, personal preferences, or anxiety, skipping or replacing the wedding kiss is a valid option. However, it's worth noting that guests may find it odd, and the couple may face gossip or speculation as a result. Ultimately, the decision to kiss or not at a wedding is a personal one, and there are no right or wrong answers.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Is it necessary to kiss at your wedding? | No, it is not necessary. Some couples may choose to skip the kiss for various reasons, such as anxiety or discomfort with public displays of affection (PDA). |
| Kissing traditions | The tradition of kissing at weddings is rooted in ancient Rome, where a public kiss sealed the contractual agreement of marriage. |
| Alternatives to kissing | Couples can choose to hug, high-five, or simply skip the kissing part without drawing much attention. Other unique alternatives include releasing doves or butterflies, popping champagne, or a forehead kiss. |
| Practicing the wedding kiss | Some couples may choose to practice their wedding kiss beforehand to feel more comfortable and reduce anxiety. |
| Photography | The wedding kiss is a popular moment for photography, with photographers capturing the intimate moment between the newlyweds. |
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What You'll Learn
Traditions and history of the wedding kiss
Traditions and superstitions have always been an integral part of weddings. Couples often incorporate these into their weddings, be it wearing "something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue", smashing a vase, or the customary first kiss.
The wedding kiss is a highly anticipated moment in the wedding ceremony, with the phrase "You may now kiss the bride" signalling the couple to lock lips. This tradition is said to have originated in the church, with ancient Catholic ceremonies involving priests giving the groom "a kiss of peace", which the groom would then pass on to the bride. This is believed to be the origin of the phrase "you may now kiss the bride".
In the past, when illiteracy was widespread, kisses were used to seal agreements, hence the expression "to seal with a kiss". The wedding ceremony kiss was considered to be the first time a couple kissed, symbolising the fulfilment of the scripture "and the two shall become one flesh" from the Bible (Mark 10:8).
Today, the wedding kiss is often seen as a romantic gesture and a way to commemorate the couple's newlywed status. While some couples eagerly await this moment, others may feel shy or uncomfortable with public displays of affection (PDA). Ultimately, the decision to kiss or not at a wedding is a personal choice, and couples can choose to skip it or replace it with other symbolic gestures, such as a hug or a high five, to celebrate their union.
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Alternatives to kissing at your wedding
While kissing is a common tradition at weddings, it is not mandatory. If you are uncomfortable with kissing your partner in front of your friends and family, there are several alternative ways to commemorate your newlywed status.
A simple hug can be a sweet way to celebrate your marriage without engaging in a kiss. You can also modernise this idea by coming up with a secret or not-so-secret handshake to share with your partner, which is sure to get your guests laughing and create a memorable photo opportunity.
If you want to avoid physical contact altogether, you could try popping open a bottle of champagne (or your drink of choice) and clinking glasses to seal the deal. Alternatively, you could set something free, such as doves or butterflies, to symbolise the start of your new life together.
For those who are comfortable with a kiss but want to make it more personal, you could practice your wedding kiss beforehand so that you know what to expect and can feel comfortable. You could also add a unique twist, such as dipping your partner or simultaneously kissing your shared pet on the cheek.
Remember, it's your special day, so feel free to celebrate in a way that feels authentic and comfortable for you and your partner.
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How to prepare for your wedding kiss
Preparing for your wedding kiss can be a daunting task, especially with the added pressure of being in the spotlight. Here are some tips to help you prepare for this special moment:
Practice Makes Perfect
The best way to prepare for your wedding kiss is to practice. This may seem unnecessary, but it can help you feel more comfortable and confident on the big day. Practice kissing your partner ahead of time, considering factors such as the duration, intensity, and placement of hands to ensure you are both on the same page. This will help you create a natural and comfortable moment that reflects your personalities and dynamic as a couple.
Know Your Comfort Zone
Discuss with your partner the type of kiss that feels right for both of you. Consider your comfort levels with public displays of affection (PDA) and decide on a kiss that aligns with your personalities. If you are a shy couple, a simple and quick peck may be more suitable. On the other hand, if you are comfortable with PDA, a more passionate kiss may be your style. Remember, the kiss should feel natural and authentic to who you are as a couple.
Consider Cultural and Family Traditions
Think about the cultural and family traditions associated with wedding kisses. Are your family and cultural backgrounds comfortable with public displays of affection? Consider adapting your kiss to respect these traditions while still expressing your love for each other. Discuss any differences in opinion on the wedding kiss and find a compromise that works for both of you.
Communicate with Your Officiant and Photographer
Before the ceremony, communicate your preferences to your officiant and photographer. Let them know if you plan to skip the kiss or if you have any specific requests for capturing the moment. This will help ensure that your wishes are respected and that your photographer can capture beautiful shots of your first kiss as a married couple.
Focus on the Moment
On your wedding day, try to block out distractions and focus solely on your partner. Savor the significance of the moment and take your time to enjoy your first kiss as a married couple. Remember, this is a once-in-a-lifetime moment, so soak in the love and emotion of the occasion.
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Christian couples waiting until marriage to kiss
While kissing the bride is a common tradition at weddings, it is not mandatory. Couples may choose to replace or forego the customary first kiss as newlyweds for various reasons, including personal preference, anxiety about public displays of affection (PDA), or religious beliefs.
For Christian couples, the decision to wait until marriage to kiss is a personal one influenced by their faith and interpretation of Biblical teachings. The Bible does not explicitly address kissing before marriage, but Ephesians 5:3 states, "But among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity... because these are improper for God's holy people." As a result, some pastors and Christian counselors urge couples to limit physical intimacy before marriage to holding hands, hugging, and light kissing.
Christian couples who choose to wait until marriage to share their first kiss may do so as an act of purity and holiness, striving to honor God with their lives and relationships. This decision can be a way to demonstrate their commitment to following Christian teachings and maintaining physical boundaries before marriage.
For example, Rebekah Hurford and Kirk Peter, a Christian couple, chose to wait until their wedding day to share their first passionate kiss. Similarly, on TLC's "Virgin Diaries," Shanna and Ryan abstained from all sexual activity, including kissing, until they were married and shared an uncomfortable first kiss at their wedding ceremony.
While some Christian couples opt to wait until marriage to kiss, others may decide to engage in light kissing or other forms of physical intimacy before their wedding day. Ultimately, the decision is a personal one, and couples should consider their own beliefs, values, and comfort levels when determining what is appropriate for them.
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Reactions to couples who don't kiss at their wedding
While it is a common tradition for couples to share a kiss at their wedding, some people may choose not to do so for various reasons, such as shyness or discomfort with public displays of affection (PDA). Here are some possible reactions that couples may encounter if they decide not to kiss at their wedding:
- Gossip and Speculation: Guests might find it unusual and may gossip or speculate about the couple's decision. Some may perceive it as weird or awkward, especially if it is a tradition in their culture or religion. This could lead to discussions among guests during and after the wedding.
- Judgment and Criticism: Some individuals, particularly those from older generations or with traditional values, may judge or criticize the couple for not adhering to the traditional wedding kiss. They might view it as a deviation from what is expected and may even express their disapproval openly or through subtle comments.
- Curiosity and Questions: Guests who are close to the couple or those who are simply curious may approach the couple or their families to inquire about their decision. They might seek clarification or try to understand the reasons behind the choice not to kiss.
- Support and Understanding: On the other hand, some guests might be completely understanding and supportive of the couple's decision. They may recognize that the couple has their own reasons for skipping the kiss and respect their choice without making a big deal out of it.
- Discomfort and Awkwardness: In some cases, the absence of a kiss could create a moment of discomfort or awkwardness, especially if guests are expecting it as a traditional part of the ceremony. This feeling might be fleeting, but it could be noticeable right after the moment when the kiss is usually expected.
- Relief and Empathy: For guests who also feel uncomfortable with PDA or have similar anxieties, seeing the couple skip the kiss might bring a sense of relief and empathy. They might feel a connection with the couple, understanding the decision from a personal perspective.
It is important to remember that every couple has the right to choose how they want to celebrate their wedding, and guests should respect their decisions, regardless of personal opinions. While some guests might have varying reactions, the couple should feel empowered to do what feels most comfortable and authentic to them.
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Frequently asked questions
No, it is not mandatory to kiss at a wedding. It is a personal choice and depends on the couple's preferences and comfort level.
Some alternatives to kissing include a hug, a high-five, setting free doves or butterflies, or popping champagne to celebrate the union.
The tradition of kissing at weddings began in ancient Rome as a way to seal the marital contract. Since signatures were not common due to illiteracy, a public kiss served as a validation of the marriage.
Practicing the wedding kiss beforehand can help you feel more comfortable and confident. Consider factors such as timing, the level of PDA, and positioning for photographs.
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