Franklin Dean
The wedding kiss has stood the test of time and is a tradition that many couples choose to uphold. However, it is not a legal requirement. The decision to kiss in public is a matter of personal preference for the couple. Some couples may feel uncomfortable with an obligatory public kiss, especially those who have anxiety around PDA, while others may worry about the level of affection displayed in front of their family. Some couples may also choose to omit the kiss for religious reasons. Ultimately, the wedding kiss is a choice for the couple to make, and there are many ways to celebrate a newlywed status beyond a kiss.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Is kissing mandated by law? | No |
| Is kissing a personal preference? | Yes |
| Is kissing a tradition? | Yes |
| Is kissing expected? | Yes |
| Is kissing uncomfortable for some? | Yes |
| Is kissing considered a symbol? | Yes |
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What You'll Learn
It's not legally required to kiss at a court wedding
Kissing during a wedding ceremony is not mandated by law. It is a matter of personal preference for the couple getting married. Some couples may not want a "forced" public kiss, especially those who are uncomfortable with public displays of affection (PDA).
For example, a bride-to-be on Reddit expressed her anxiety around PDA, especially in front of her family, due to her parents' emotional reservedness. She preferred a kiss on the forehead instead of a traditional lip-lock, but was concerned about deviating from her family's traditional values and attracting unwanted attention.
Another couple chose to include the traditional kiss in their ceremony script but changed the wording to "you may now kiss each other," making it gender-neutral and inclusive.
In Jewish tradition, the rabbi does not give permission for the kiss, and couples may choose to kiss at a different point in the ceremony, such as after stamping on the glass.
While kissing is not legally required, it is a long-standing tradition symbolizing the Bible verse, "and the two shall become one flesh" (Mark 10:8). It is considered a memorable and intimate moment in the wedding ceremony, often captured by photographers to cherish the memory.
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The wedding kiss is a longstanding tradition
The tradition of the wedding kiss is so enduring that it has even been incorporated into the wording of the wedding ceremony. The celebrant or officiant often invites the couple to share your first kiss as a married couple or you may now kiss the bride. This instruction is meant to set the mood for the big smooch and signal to the guests, photographers, and videographers that a kiss is about to take place.
However, the wedding kiss is entirely optional, and some couples may feel uncomfortable with an "obligatory" public display of affection. Couples may prefer a more private moment or a different way to celebrate their union, such as a hug, a handshake, or a forehead kiss. Ultimately, the decision to kiss or not during the wedding ceremony is a matter of personal preference for the couple.
While the wedding kiss is not mandated by law, it is a tradition that many couples choose to uphold, adding a romantic and memorable touch to their special day. It is a way to physically express their love and commitment in front of their family and friends, creating a lasting memory that will be cherished for years to come.
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Some couples don't want a forced public kiss
A wedding kiss is a long-standing tradition that symbolises the Bible verse, "and the two shall become one flesh" (Mark 10:8). It is a highly intimate and unforgettable moment shared between the newlyweds. However, it is not a legal requirement during a wedding ceremony. The decision to engage in a public kiss is a matter of personal preference for the couple. Some couples may feel uncomfortable with an "obligatory" public kiss, especially those who have anxiety around PDA, difficulty expressing emotion, or reservations about being the centre of attention.
For instance, a bride-to-be expressed on Reddit that she would prefer her fiancé to kiss her forehead instead of on the lips when prompted by the priest, as the idea of kissing in front of her parents is mortifying. She also shared that her parents never openly expressed emotions, which has made her uncomfortable with displays of affection. Similarly, another person commented that they would be afraid of not having chemistry with their partner during the kiss, which could be awkward.
Couples can choose to omit the kiss or replace it with other romantic gestures. Some alternatives include a hug, a handshake, publishing a selfie, involving pets or children, opening a bottle, or a simple forehead kiss. These options allow couples to express their love and excitement while respecting their personal boundaries and preferences.
It is worth noting that some families and guests may have certain expectations for the wedding kiss, especially in traditional or religious settings. Deviating from these expectations may cause unwanted discussions or attention. Ultimately, the decision to kiss or not during a court wedding depends on the couple's comfort level and preferences, and celebrants are usually accommodating of either choice.
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A kiss on the forehead instead of the lips
There is no legal requirement to kiss during a wedding ceremony, and the decision to do so is a matter of personal preference. Some couples may feel uncomfortable with an "obligatory" public kiss, especially if they have anxiety around PDA or come from a family that does not typically express emotion.
If you are considering a kiss on the forehead instead of the lips at your court wedding, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to consider your families' expectations and traditions. If you come from a traditional family, deviating from the typical wedding customs might cause unwanted discussions. For example, if you don't kiss on the lips, your families may ask why you didn't, and you may end up attracting more attention than if you had followed the tradition.
Secondly, it's essential to think about the message you want to convey with your kiss. Some people view a forehead kiss as paternalistic or maternal, implying that one partner is taking control of the marriage or that the kiss is coming from a parent. However, others find forehead kisses sweet and heartfelt, especially if the couple shares anxiety around PDA and wants to avoid a lip kiss in front of their family.
Ultimately, the decision of whether to kiss on the forehead or the lips at your court wedding is up to you and your partner. If you are worried about what your families or guests may think, you could consider other ways to celebrate your newlywed status, such as a hug, a high five, or releasing balloons or confetti. Remember, your wedding is for you and your fiancé, so do what will make you happiest.
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Consent and communication are important
Some people may feel uncomfortable with kissing in front of their family and guests due to anxiety, personal boundaries, or cultural backgrounds that discourage public displays of affection. In such cases, it is crucial to communicate these feelings to your partner and decide together what you are both comfortable with.
For instance, if you are uncomfortable with kissing on the lips, you could opt for a kiss on the cheek or forehead, or choose an alternative way to celebrate your union, such as a hug, a handshake, or a romantic selfie. By discussing your preferences and boundaries beforehand, you can ensure that you and your partner are on the same page and can create a ceremony that feels authentic and comfortable for both of you.
Additionally, consent training workshops can help individuals build the muscle of consent, making it easier to navigate situations where personal boundaries need to be communicated. Ultimately, the decision to kiss or not at a court wedding rests with the couple, and it is essential to prioritize consent and mutual understanding above adhering to traditions or external expectations.
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Frequently asked questions
No, kissing during a wedding ceremony is not mandated by law. The decision to do so is a matter of personal preference for the couple.
Some couples may be uncomfortable with an "obligatory" public kiss, especially if they have anxiety around PDA. Others may simply prefer to deviate from tradition.
Couples who choose not to kiss can opt for a hug, a handshake, a high-five, or a forehead kiss. They can also get creative and involve their pets or children, pop a bottle, or take a selfie together.
Author Diane Gottsman suggests keeping the kiss authentic and endearing, refraining from dramatic moves, and keeping it PG-13, especially in a church setting.
