Parents' Wedding Speeches: To Make Or Not?

Wedding speeches are a time-honoured tradition and a chance for friends and family to express their joy and well-wishes for the newlyweds. It is common for parents to give a speech at their child's wedding, with the father of the bride's speech being especially prominent due to cultural and financial reasons. However, this tradition is flexible, and any parent of the couple may give a speech, including both sets of parents if desired. The content of these speeches typically includes heartfelt anecdotes, words of wisdom, and a welcome message for the guests.

Who should give a speech?

The Hosts

The hosts of the wedding, usually the parents of the bride, should give a speech to kick off the evening. This first toast should be a combination of a welcome message to the guests and a toast to the happy couple. If you would like the parents of the groom to speak as well, they should do so following the parents of the bride. For same-sex weddings, the couple decides whose parents should speak first.

The Best Man and Maid of Honour

The best man and maid of honour usually speak towards the end of dinner while the guests are still seated but after the main course has been served. The best man should introduce himself and explain his relationship with the groom, congratulate the couple, share an anecdote, and end with a toast and best wishes. The maid of honour's speech usually follows a similar outline but with an emphasis on the bride. Both speeches are usually heartwarming, encouraging, and lighthearted.

The Couple

The couple may wish to say a few brief words to kickstart the reception meal and thank their guests for coming, or wait until it's time to cut the cake to make a speech. It is a nice touch to have at least one person from the couple say a few words.

The Parents

It is common for at least one parent to give a speech. Traditionally, the father of the bride prepares a wedding toast as he is often seen as the host and pays for the wedding. However, this tradition is flexible and can be adjusted to suit the couple. For example, the mother of the groom is also becoming a popular choice for a parental speech. If you want to include more parents in the speeches, it is common for one parent from each side to speak for three to six minutes.

Other Speakers

Ultimately, whoever gives a speech at the wedding reception is up to the couple. Other speakers can include grandparents, close relatives, or friends. If there are many people who want to make a speech, consider arranging the traditional toasts during the wedding and save the rest of the speeches for the rehearsal dinner.

When should parents give a speech?

There are many opportunities for parents to give a speech at a wedding. The wedding of a child is often a significant moment for parents, and their speeches can be a very meaningful part of the celebration.

Rehearsal Dinner

The rehearsal dinner is a good opportunity for parents to give a speech. This is especially the case for the groom's parents, as they traditionally host this event. The mother and father of the groom can give a speech together or individually, and it is a nice setting for a more intimate and casual speech. It is also a good opportunity for other close family members, such as grandparents, to share an informal congratulations.

Wedding Ceremony

During the wedding ceremony, parents can give readings or blessings. This is a good option if parents are not comfortable with public speaking, as readings are often shorter and less formal than a full speech.

Wedding Reception

At the wedding reception, the parents of the bride and/or groom may give a speech. Traditionally, the father of the bride gives a speech, as he is often seen as the host, especially if he is paying for the wedding. However, this tradition is flexible, and either parent from each side can give a speech, or they can choose to speak together. The parents' speech usually comes after the best man and maid of honour and before the couple's speech. It is customary for the parents to welcome the guests, share a story or anecdote about the couple, offer some words of wisdom, and raise a toast to the newlyweds.

Post-Wedding Brunch

The post-wedding brunch is another opportunity for parents to give a speech. This is a more relaxed setting, and parents can give a brief speech to thank everyone for coming and celebrate one last time with the newlyweds.

What should parents say?

If you're a parent giving a speech at your child's wedding, there are a few key things you'll want to include. First and foremost, it's important to combine a toast to the happy couple with a welcome message to the guests. Thank the guests for attending, and raise a glass to the couple and their future together. It's also a nice touch to mention your new son or daughter-in-law, and perhaps offer some words of wisdom for the couple.

When it comes to the content of your speech, it's best to keep things short and sweet. A good rule of thumb is to aim for around three to six minutes, and to include a heartfelt anecdote or story about the couple. You could share your first impression of meeting the bride or groom, talk about how the couple met or got engaged, or share a childhood memory of the bride or groom. End your speech on a sentimental note with a heartfelt wish for the couple's future, or a quote about marriage.

If you're the parent of the bride, you may also want to include a toast to the groom's parents, especially if you are hosting the wedding. And, of course, be sure to congratulate the newlyweds and wish them a lifetime of happiness!

Remember, this is your chance to share your love and joy for the couple as they start their new life together. Speak from the heart, and don't be afraid to get creative. Whether you're giving a speech as a couple or as individuals, the most important thing is to let the bride and groom know how much you care about them and how happy you are for them.

How long should a speech be?

So, you're writing a wedding speech and want to know how long it should be? Well, it depends on a few factors.

First, the role of the speaker. If you're the father of the bride, your speech is likely to be the longest at between 7 and 9 minutes. The groom's speech comes second in terms of length and should be between 6 and 8 minutes. The best man's speech is ideally around 5 minutes, and the maid of honour's speech should be on the shorter side too, lasting between 4 and 6 minutes. If there are multiple bridesmaids making a speech, each should speak for less than 5 minutes. The mother of the groom's speech should be the shortest, lasting between 3 and 5 minutes.

Second, the tone of the event and the couple's preferences. If the wedding is a small, intimate affair, your speech can be shorter, perhaps just a few minutes. If it's a larger wedding, you may need to speak for up to 10 minutes. However, be mindful that guests may get bored or restless if speeches go on for too long. A good rule of thumb is to keep your speech under 5 minutes, or even aim for 3 minutes. If you have a lot to say, consider writing a heartfelt letter to the couple in addition to your speech.

Third, the overall flow and pacing of the wedding. There will likely be two or three speeches in a row, so keep your speech concise to ensure guests remain engaged. As a general guide, the 'wedding speech' portion of the reception should last no more than 40 minutes, but 20-30 minutes is better. If there are only two or three speeches, they can be a little longer. If there are many speakers, keep them shorter. To ensure fairness, divide the total time allocated for speeches by the number of speakers.

Finally, the content you want to include. A simple trick to keep your speech within the desired time frame is to watch your word count as you write—most people speak at a rate of 130 words per minute. So, for a 5-minute speech, aim for a word count of 750 words. Another trick is to read your speech aloud and time it. This will help you memorise parts of your speech and ensure you're speaking at a normal conversational rate.

Should parents give a speech together or separately?

Wedding speeches are often a highlight of the celebration, offering a chance for parents, the wedding party, and the newlyweds to share their happiness, gratitude, and well wishes. While there is a traditional order of speakers, modern couples can choose to adapt this to their preferences and relationships.

Traditional Roles and Modern Adaptations:

At weddings with a bride and groom, it is customary for the bride's parents to give a welcome speech, as they are often the hosts and financial contributors. However, if both sets of parents have contributed financially, it is considerate to invite them all to speak. This can be done separately, with each set of parents addressing the guests, or together, with one representative from each side.

Advantages of Separate Speeches:

Separate speeches allow each set of parents to have their moment to shine and express their unique sentiments. This option ensures an equal opportunity to speak, avoiding potential challenges of unequal speaking parts in a joint speech. Separate speeches also tend to be shorter, ensuring the reception stays on schedule and guests remain engaged.

Advantages of Joint Speeches:

A joint speech by the parents can be a lovely way to welcome the new couple and guests, presenting a united front and emphasising the coming together of two families. This option can be particularly meaningful if the parents have a close relationship or want to share a joint message of support and celebration.

In conclusion, whether parents give a speech together or separately depends on various factors, including cultural traditions, financial contributions, and personal preferences. Separate speeches allow for equal speaking time and shorter durations, while joint speeches symbolise unity and a warm welcome. Ultimately, the decision rests with the couple and their families, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach.

Frequently asked questions