Rhiannon Hendricks
Jewish weddings are steeped in tradition and ritual, with customs varying across sects. While dress rehearsals are not mentioned in sources, there are many other aspects of the ceremony that are carefully planned and orchestrated. From the veiling of the bride to the signing of the ketubah (marriage contract), each step holds symbolic meaning for the couple and their families. Guests are encouraged to dress modestly, with guidelines varying between Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform weddings. The wedding ceremony itself is a fluid process, with opportunities for personalisation, but the basic structure remains consistent.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Wedding attire | Women wear skirts or dresses that fall below the knee and cover their shoulders or elbows. Men wear black, navy, or grey suits with a white shirt and tie, and a kippah, a religious head covering. |
| Wedding customs | The wedding ceremony ends with the breaking of a glass, symbolizing that even in joy, there is still pain in the world. The couple's first meal together after the ceremony is also considered a day of forgiveness, and some couples choose to fast until this meal. |
| Wedding processional | In a Jewish wedding ceremony, the bride is on the right, and the groom is on the left, with both sets of parents standing under the chuppah (marriage canopy) during the ceremony. |
| Wedding traditions | The ketubah, a symbolic Jewish marriage contract, is signed by the couple and two witnesses. The veiling of the bride by the groom, known as the bedeken, is also a common tradition. |
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What You'll Learn
- Dress codes for guests vary depending on the type of Jewish wedding
- The ketubah, a symbolic Jewish marriage contract, is signed during the wedding
- The veiling ceremony, or bedeken, is when the groom veils the bride
- The wedding ceremony ends with the breaking of a glass
- The wedding procession is different from a traditional Christian ceremony
Dress codes for guests vary depending on the type of Jewish wedding
At Orthodox weddings, women usually wear formal knee-length skirts or dresses with their shoulders, elbows, and cleavage covered. Men typically wear black, navy, or grey suits with a white shirt and tie, along with a kippah, a religious head covering. In the morning, they may also wear a tallit, a prayer shawl.
Conservative weddings are similar to Orthodox weddings in terms of modesty, but there is more flexibility with the length of the hem, neckline, and sleeve length. Women can wear dressy pantsuits, short sleeves, or lower necklines. Men can wear suits and ties or dress shirts and nice slacks. Wearing a kippah is suggested but not mandatory.
Reform weddings are the most relaxed and do not have a strict dress code. However, modesty is still important. Women can wear dresses, pantsuits, jumpsuits, gowns, or maxi dresses. Men can wear suits and ties or dress shirts and slacks.
In general, it is recommended to avoid casual clothing, such as sportswear, denim, leggings, and sneakers. Instead, opt for semi-formal or formal attire. The dress code can also be influenced by the location and time of day, so it is crucial to check the invitation for specifics and take the venue into account.
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The ketubah, a symbolic Jewish marriage contract, is signed during the wedding
Jewish weddings have varying levels of formality, from Orthodox and Conservative to Reform, and each has different traditions and dress codes. While wedding ceremonies differ, a common feature of a Jewish wedding is the ketubah, a symbolic Jewish marriage contract that is signed during the wedding by the couple and two witnesses. The ketubah outlines the groom's responsibilities to his bride.
The ketubah is usually signed before the ceremony begins, in private with the rabbi. During the wedding ceremony, the ketubah is traditionally read aloud under the chuppah (wedding canopy). The reading of the ketubah is done in the original Aramaic, or sometimes in translation. Non-Orthodox Jewish couples may opt for a bilingual ketubah or a shortened version to be read out.
The chuppah is a significant part of the Jewish wedding ceremony, symbolizing the new home being built by the couple as they become husband and wife. In many Orthodox Jewish communities, the bride is escorted to the chuppah by both mothers, and the groom is escorted by both fathers. The ceremony takes place under the chuppah, with the bride on the right and the groom on the left—the opposite of a traditional Christian ceremony.
In terms of dress, modesty is a key consideration for guests and the wedding couple. Women at traditional Jewish weddings wear skirts or dresses that fall below the knee, with shoulders covered, and elbows covered in more traditional circles. Men often wear kippot (skullcaps), and women may also wear them in some circles.
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The veiling ceremony, or bedeken, is when the groom veils the bride
The veiling ceremony, or bedeken, is a Jewish wedding tradition where the groom veils the bride. It is a symbolic act that focuses on the inner beauty and qualities of the woman he is marrying. The veiling ceremony is held only for a bride's first marriage. The groom, rabbi, fathers, and the whole entourage proceed to the bride, who is flanked by both mothers, for the veiling ceremony. The groom places the veil over the bride's face and recites a blessing given to Rebecca by her mother and brother before she left for her marriage to Isaac: "Achotenu: at hayi le alfei revavah—"Our sister, be thou the mother of thou-sands of ten thousands" (Genesis 24:60).
The veiling ceremony is a reminder that marriage is not only of the physical realm but also of the spiritual. The veil is a symbol of the married woman, expressing a dignity reserved for women of stature. It is mentioned in the Bible, where Rebecca veils herself as she is told that Isaac is approaching: "And she said to the servant, 'What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us?' And the servant said, 'It is my master.' And she took her veil and covered herself" (Genesis).
In modern times, the bedeken ceremony has lost favour among Jewish couples due to the critique of the bride needing to be modest and demure, and the idea of the groom "confirming" his bride as if possessing her. However, new interpretations have been applied, and a revision of the ceremony in a personalised manner has brought the bedeken back into practice.
Today, the bride and groom may both give the d'var torah or choose not to do so. They will both be present for the ketubah signing. Alternative Jewish wedding veil ceremonies have also emerged, capturing the spirit and emotion of the traditional bedeken. In one such variation, the bride and groom, with their eyes closed, are led into a room and stood back to back. They are then blessed by their families and invited to turn around, open their eyes, and accept each other for who they are.
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The wedding ceremony ends with the breaking of a glass
Jewish weddings are filled with meaningful traditions and rituals. One of the most well-known and beloved customs is the breaking of the glass at the end of the wedding ceremony. This tradition is steeped in symbolism and holds a significant place in Jewish weddings, marking the transition from the solemnity of the ceremony to the joyous celebration that follows.
The Act of Breaking the Glass
The breaking of the glass is typically done by stomping on a glass wrapped in a napkin or a cloth. The glass can be old, new, borrowed, or blue, and its shattering is meant to be loud, signifying the start of the celebrations. The breaking of the glass is often shared between the couple, although traditionally, it was the groom who performed this honour.
Symbolism and Interpretations
The symbolism behind the breaking of the glass is faceted and open to interpretation. One of the most common interpretations is that it serves as a reminder that even in times of great joy, there is still pain and bitterness in the world. This interpretation is often related to the destruction of the Jewish Temple. Additionally, the fragility of the glass represents the frailty of human relationships and the understanding that even the strongest love can be fragile and subject to disintegration. This act is often accompanied by the sentiment: "As this glass shatters, so may our marriage never break."
Another interpretation suggests that the breaking of the glass symbolically hopes for a long and happy marriage. The couple may wish to spend as many years together in happiness as it would take to collect and reassemble all the pieces of the shattered glass. Furthermore, the loud noise created by breaking the glass is believed to frighten away any unwanted spirits or demons that may be attracted to the happy couple.
Incorporating Modern Twists
While the tradition of breaking the glass is ancient, modern twists can be incorporated. For example, some couples choose to use a lightbulb wrapped in a linen napkin or tea towel to create a louder pop. Artisans may even fashion mementos out of the shards, creating unique keepsakes of the special day.
The breaking of the glass is a highlight of Jewish weddings, offering a moment of excitement and symbolism that resonates with both the couple and their guests. It is a tradition that has endured and evolved, reflecting the unique character of each couple and their families.
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The wedding procession is different from a traditional Christian ceremony
While there is no one-size-fits-all formula for Jewish weddings, the processional order differs from that of a traditional Christian ceremony. In a Jewish wedding, the bride stands on the right and the groom on the left when facing the chuppah (marriage canopy). This is the opposite of a traditional Christian ceremony, where the bride's side is typically on the left.
The wedding ceremony is conducted by a rabbi or cantor, who stands under the chuppah with the couple and sometimes their families and friends. Both sets of parents stand under the chuppah during the ceremony, while the grandparents take their seats right after the processional. The ketubah, a Jewish marriage contract outlining the groom's responsibilities to his bride, may be read by the rabbi or a friend during the ceremony. In a very traditional Jewish wedding, the groom recites an additional statement of marriage, while the bride stands silent.
The wedding procession also involves the groom's parents and the bride's mother, who join in the following order: rabbi and/or cantor, bride's grandparents, and groom's grandparents. The groom is escorted by his friends and family to meet the bride and veil her in a ceremony known as the bedeken.
The wedding ceremony ends with the breaking of the glass, symbolising that even in joy, there is pain in the world. This is followed by the lively circle dance, the hora, when the couple enters the party room.
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Frequently asked questions
The dress code for a Jewish wedding can be influenced by location and time of day, as well as the sect of Judaism practiced by the couple. At Orthodox weddings, women typically wear formal knee-length skirts or dresses with covered shoulders and elbows, while men wear black, navy, or gray suits with a white shirt, a tie, and a kippah. Conservative weddings are similar but less rigid, while Reform weddings are the most relaxed and do not have a strict dress code.
The processional and recessional order in Jewish weddings is different from that of traditional Christian ceremonies. The bride is on the right, and the groom is on the left when facing the chuppah (marriage canopy). Both sets of parents stand under the chuppah during the ceremony, along with the rabbi. The grandparents, groom's parents, and bride's mother join the processional in that order.
Jewish weddings have several unique traditions. The ketubah, a symbolic Jewish marriage contract, is signed by two witnesses and often read aloud during the ceremony. The veiling ceremony, or bedeken, is when the groom covers the bride's face with her veil. The breaking of the glass symbolizes that even in joy, there is still pain in the world. Other traditions include the hora dance, the Aufruf blessing, and the Sheva B'rachot blessings.
While there is no mention of dress rehearsals, Jewish weddings have many traditions and rituals that are planned and rehearsed, such as the processional order, veiling ceremony, and breaking of the glass.
