Deborah Chan
As the mother of the groom, you are likely to be very involved in your son's wedding. It is important to officially RSVP to your son's wedding, as it helps the couple finalize their guest list and make other arrangements, such as seating charts and catering. It is recommended that wedding guests respond to invitations as soon as they know whether they can attend. This helps the couple plan and avoids the need for the couple to follow up on non-responses. It is also important to be mindful of the RSVP deadline, which is typically around four weeks before the wedding day.
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What You'll Learn
How soon to respond to an RSVP
As a guest, you should respond to an RSVP as soon as you can. It is considered good etiquette to respond promptly, whether your response is positive or negative. This allows the host to confirm numbers and plan with confidence. It is also good manners to inform the host as soon as possible if you need to change your RSVP response.
When you receive an invitation, check to see if there is an RSVP card or response card included. If there is, fill it in and return it to the host. If there is no card, look for any prompts, such as a “reply by” date. If there is no deadline on the invite, it is usually fine to assume that an RSVP is not required.
If you are sending wedding invitations, it is standard to send them out between six and ten weeks before the wedding. This gives your guests enough time to decide and arrange travel accommodations if necessary. It is recommended that you set an RSVP deadline of around four weeks before the wedding day and include this clearly on your invitations and wedding website.
If you are the host, it is a good idea to give people a few different ways to respond to an RSVP. You can include a paper RSVP card with the invitation, or use an online system to collect RSVPs through your wedding website.
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What to do if you can no longer attend
It is considered good etiquette to officially RSVP to your son's wedding, and it is important to do so promptly. This helps the couple plan their big day and finalise numbers for the venue and caterers.
If you have already RSVP'd and can no longer attend, it is important to let the couple know as soon as possible. It is considered rude and unfair to the couple to cancel at the last minute, especially if they have already paid for your attendance. It is best to call or text the couple directly and explain that a family emergency has come up and that you are sorry but you won't be able to attend. If you feel comfortable, you can explain the situation, and they will likely be understanding.
If you are no longer able to attend, it is a considerate gesture to offer to reimburse the couple for the cost of your meal, especially if they have already submitted their final headcount to the venue. It is also a good idea to send a card or a gift to show your well wishes for the couple, even if you are unable to attend.
If you are unsure whether you will be able to attend, it is best to let the couple know as soon as possible. This will allow them to adjust their plans and numbers accordingly. It is also a good idea to have a backup plan, such as a babysitter or alternative transport, in case your plans change unexpectedly.
It is important to remember that your absence may impact the couple's plans and cause them additional stress, so it is always best to communicate any changes in your attendance as early as possible.
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When to send out invites
When it comes to wedding planning, there are no set rules for most decisions. However, there are a few tasks that have guidelines, including when to send out wedding invitations.
The general consensus is that wedding invitations should be sent out six to eight weeks before the wedding. This gives guests enough time to clear their schedules and arrange travel accommodations if necessary. It also means that you can set your RSVP deadline in line with proper wedding invitation etiquette. Sending invitations too early may result in guests forgetting to RSVP, while sending them too late may not give guests enough time to plan their attendance.
If you have guests travelling from overseas, it is recommended to send their invitations nine to ten weeks in advance, or even earlier if you're planning a destination wedding. This will allow for extended shipping and delivery times and give your international guests more time to make travel arrangements.
Save-the-date cards are not required but are a fun way to get your guests excited and prepared for your upcoming wedding. These are typically sent out four to six months before the wedding, or even earlier for destination weddings. Sending save-the-date cards will give your guests a heads-up about the wedding date, and they can then plan ahead even before receiving the official invitation.
The RSVP deadline should be set around three to four weeks before the wedding. This gives you enough time to organize your final guest list, create seating charts, and provide final numbers to your vendors.
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How to track RSVPs
While it is not explicitly stated that parents of the couple getting married have to officially RSVP, it is generally understood that everyone who is invited to a wedding should respond to the invitation. This is so that the couple knows how many people to cater for, how much to budget for drinks, and how much transportation will cost.
Spreadsheets
A simple way to keep track of RSVPs is to create a spreadsheet with your guests' names and update it with 'yes' or 'no' as you receive their responses. You can also use the spreadsheet to track other information such as meal preferences and plus-ones.
Online Forms
There are various online platforms that can help you manage your guest list and track RSVPs. Websites such as The Knot, Zola, and Joy allow you to collect RSVPs through your wedding website, and some even offer the option to add a QR code to your physical invitations. These platforms can help you keep track of other important details like meal choices and song requests.
Text My Wedding
Text My Wedding is a service that allows you to send out save-the-dates and invitations via text message. Guests can then respond to your phone number directly, and you can easily collect their RSVPs.
Physical RSVPs
If you prefer to receive physical RSVPs, it is a good idea to set a deadline for responses and clearly state it on your invitations. You can also include a paper RSVP card with a pre-addressed and stamped envelope to make it easier for your guests to respond.
Follow-up
No matter which method you choose for tracking RSVPs, it is important to follow up with guests who have not responded by the deadline. Give them a week or so after the deadline has passed, and then pick up the phone and give them a call.
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What to do if you don't hear back
As a parent of the groom, you are likely to be involved in the wedding planning process, so it is important to set a good example and officially RSVP to your son's wedding.
If you are waiting for RSVPs to your son's wedding and have not heard back from guests, here are some steps you can take:
- Set an RSVP deadline of around three to four weeks before the wedding. This gives you enough time to finalise the guest list and make any necessary adjustments.
- Clearly communicate the deadline on the invitations and wedding website.
- Provide multiple ways for guests to respond, such as including an RSVP card with the invitation, offering an online RSVP option, or listing a phone number they can call.
- If you haven't heard from guests by the deadline, start following up with them. Pick up the phone and give them a call or send a message.
- When reaching out, be assertive and polite. You can say something like, "I am calling because our caterer needs final numbers, and we haven't received your RSVP. If I don't hear back from you by [date], I will have to assume you cannot make it."
- If you are still unsure whether they will attend, you can follow up with a message such as, "We hate that you are unable to make our wedding—you will be missed, and we hope to get together soon."
- If you don't hear back after the follow-up, it is reasonable to assume they are not coming.
Remember, it is considerate to reach out at least once to confirm their attendance or absence. However, avoid pestering or hounding guests for a response.
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Frequently asked questions
Yes, it is important to officially RSVP to your son's wedding as soon as you know whether or not you will be attending. This helps the couple with their planning and gives them an idea of the final guest count.
It is best to respond as soon as possible, especially if it is a destination wedding or you know that many guests will be travelling. The couple will likely set an RSVP deadline of around three to four weeks before the wedding, but it is best not to wait until the last minute.
The invitation should include details on how to RSVP, which may be by post or online. If you are responding by post, be sure to send your response a week before the RSVP deadline to ensure it arrives on time.
It is still important to respond to the invitation by the deadline. If you are unsure, you can always check with the couple to see if they would prefer you to decline or to accept with the knowledge that your plans may change.
It is possible that if you do not officially RSVP, the couple will not be able to accommodate you on the day. It is important to respect the planning process and the couple's chosen method of receiving RSVPs, and to respond in a timely manner.
