Wedding Bands: A Groom's Choice

Wedding bands are steeped in tradition, but who buys the wedding bands is pretty up in the air. Traditionally, the bride or her family is expected to buy the groom's wedding band, while the groom or his family pays for the bride's. However, this tradition is becoming a thing of the past, with many couples choosing to split the cost of their wedding rings or go with a different payment plan that works for them.

Who traditionally buys the groom's wedding band?

Wedding traditions have evolved over time, and the exchange of wedding bands is no exception. While there is no hard-and-fast rule, several traditions and modern approaches guide who buys the groom's wedding band. Here is a detailed look at the topic:

Traditional Approach:

According to tradition, the bride (with or without help from her family) is typically expected to buy the groom's wedding band. This custom stems from a time when men were assumed to financially provide for the wedding, including purchasing both wedding rings. In a broader sense, tradition dictates that each person in the couple pays for the other's wedding band, creating a romantic gesture of mutual gift-giving.

Modern Interpretations:

Today, many couples prefer to make their own choices, disregarding traditional guidelines. Modern understandings of relationships and shared expenses have led to various scenarios. Some couples choose to split the cost of their wedding rings, especially if they have already combined finances or are jointly paying for other wedding expenses. Others may opt for individual purchases, with each person buying their own ring, or one person buying both rings, depending on their financial situation and preferences.

LGBTQ+ Couples:

The modern "rule" of each person buying their partner's ring also extends to LGBTQ+ couples, ensuring equality and mutual gift-giving in their weddings.

Communication is Key:

Regardless of tradition or modern interpretations, open communication between the couple is vital. Discussing finances, spending habits, and future plans will help determine the best approach for their unique situation. Whether they follow tradition or forge their own path, the decision should be a mutual agreement that considers their relationship dynamics and financial capabilities.

How do LGBTQ couples decide who buys the wedding bands?

For LGBTQ+ couples, the decision of who buys the wedding bands can be a special opportunity to affirm their commitment to each other and express their unique story as a couple. While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, here are some considerations and approaches that can help guide the decision-making process:

Equality and Mutuality

One modern approach that aligns with the values of equality and mutuality in LGBTQ+ relationships is for each person to buy the other's ring. This approach underscores the idea that both partners are equals in the relationship and that their commitment is mutual. This option also allows each person to put their own thoughtful touch on selecting or designing a ring for their partner.

Financial Considerations

For some couples, the decision may be influenced by financial considerations. If one person in the couple is the primary breadwinner, they may opt to purchase both rings. Alternatively, if one partner has already purchased an engagement ring, the other partner may choose to buy both wedding bands to balance the overall spend. In other cases, couples may decide to split the cost of the wedding bands, especially if they have combined their finances or are sharing the expenses for the wedding.

Symbolism and Sentiment

The choice of who buys the wedding bands can also be influenced by the symbolic meaning the couple wants to convey. For example, wearing the wedding band on the right hand has been a way for LGBTQ+ couples to differentiate themselves and make a statement about the uniqueness of their relationship, especially in the context of historical challenges to their right to marry. In this case, the couple may jointly decide to purchase rings that are specifically designed for the right hand, reinforcing their shared commitment to this symbolic gesture.

Communication and Personal Preferences

Ultimately, the decision of who buys the wedding bands should be guided by open and honest communication between the couple. Discussing their preferences, financial situation, and the symbolic meaning they want to convey can help them arrive at a decision that feels right for both partners. This conversation can also extend to other aspects of the wedding planning process, ensuring that both individuals are comfortable and aligned with the choices being made.

In summary, LGBTQ+ couples may consider a range of factors when deciding who buys their wedding bands, including their shared values, financial circumstances, and the symbolic significance they wish to convey. By engaging in open dialogue and considering each other's perspectives, they can arrive at a decision that reflects their unique bond and commitment to each other.

What are some tips for shopping for a wedding band?

Shopping for a wedding band is an important part of wedding planning. The rings you and your partner choose will forever symbolise your love and commitment to one another, so it's not a task to be taken lightly. Here are some tips to help you find the perfect wedding band.

Start Shopping Early

It's a good idea to start wedding ring shopping about three to four months before your wedding day. This will give you plenty of time to find the perfect band without feeling rushed. If you have a short engagement period, wait until six to eight weeks before the wedding. Starting early will also give you more time to gain insights and make more educated decisions about your wedding band choices.

Do Some Pre-Shopping Research

Before you hit the jewellery stores, it's a good idea to do some research and thinking. First, come up with a budget and decide who will be paying for the rings. You can also browse online to get a sense of the different collections and styles you may like, and then make an appointment to see the bands in person. Keep in mind that jewellery often looks very different in person than on a screen. It's also a good idea to get your fingers professionally sized before starting the shopping process.

Think About Personalisation and Matching

Decide if you want to personalise your rings, for example, by engraving a date or a saying, or adding a hidden birthstone. You should also consider whether you want your ring to match your partner's. You can choose matching bands or unique styles that reflect your individual personalities.

Consider Your Lifestyle

Choose a ring that matches your lifestyle. If you lead an active lifestyle, select a ring that is practical and comfortable for everyday wear. Consider the type of metal and any gemstones or diamonds in the ring. Contemporary metals such as titanium, palladium, or tungsten are durable and comfortable options. If you plan to wear your ring to work, especially in a physical or labour-intensive job, consider a flat, comfortable band that won't cause any issues.

Complement Your Existing Jewellery

Think about the jewellery you already wear, such as a watch or an engagement ring. Your wedding band doesn't have to match perfectly, but it should complement your existing jewellery in terms of style and metal type.

Be Careful with Your Budget

It's easy to overspend when shopping for wedding bands, as the style, thickness, and size of the band can greatly affect the price. Stick to your budget by prioritising the aspects of the ring that are most important to you, such as the quality of the metal or gemstones. However, it may be worth splurging a bit on your wedding bands since you'll be wearing them every day.

What are some popular metals used for wedding bands?

Wedding bands are available in a wide range of different metals, each with its own advantages and disadvantages. Here are some of the most popular metals used for wedding bands:

Gold

Gold, particularly yellow gold, has traditionally been the most popular metal for wedding bands, with a history of use dating back to Ancient Greece and Rome. Gold is available in different karatages, with 14K and 18K being the most common. 14K yellow gold, made up of 58.3% pure gold, is one of the most affordable options for wedding bands. Yellow gold is easy to maintain and versatile, complementing olive and darker skin tones particularly well. However, it is quite a soft metal and is prone to scratching.

White gold, an alloy of pure gold and metals such as nickel, silver, and palladium, has become increasingly popular over the last decade. It is more durable than yellow gold and complements fair and rosy skin tones. However, it needs to be dipped every few years to maintain its rhodium coating.

Rose gold, an alloy of pure gold, copper, and silver, is considered by many to be the most romantic wedding ring metal due to its warm, pink hue. It is stronger than yellow or white gold, reasonably affordable, and complements all skin tones. However, due to its high copper content, it may cause skin issues, and its availability is limited.

Platinum

Platinum is a strong, durable, and naturally beautiful metal that symbolises pure, everlasting love. It has a stunning white colour and a shiny finish, making it a luxurious choice for wedding bands. Platinum is hypoallergenic, ages nicely, and is easy to polish. However, it is one of the most expensive options for wedding bands.

Palladium

Palladium is a naturally white, silvery-coloured precious metal. It is similar in appearance and strength to platinum but is more affordable and less dense. Palladium is lightweight and comfortable to wear. However, it shows scratches and can be tricky to resize.

Titanium

Titanium is a strong, lightweight, and comfortable metal that has become increasingly popular for men's wedding bands. It is incredibly scratch-resistant and easy to maintain, requiring no extra care. Additionally, it does not tarnish. However, titanium rings cannot be easily resized.

Tungsten

Tungsten is a very durable metal that resists scratches and wear, making it a good option for those with an active lifestyle. It is the most scratch-resistant metal available for wedding bands and is also affordable. However, tungsten is a brittle metal and can shatter if dropped or knocked against a hard surface. Like titanium, tungsten rings cannot be resized.

What are some things to consider when deciding who buys the wedding bands?

There are several things to consider when deciding who buys the wedding bands. Here are some options and factors to keep in mind:

Traditional Approach

Traditionally, the bride (with or without help from her family) buys the groom's wedding ring, while the groom (and/or his family) pays for the bride's ring. This tradition assumes a binary gender dynamic and has been influenced by societal expectations and financial dynamics of the past. However, this approach may still be preferred by couples who value tradition and find it romantic.

Modern Adaptations

Nowadays, there is no hard-and-fast rule, and couples have more flexibility in deciding who purchases the wedding bands. Here are some modern options:

• Each half of the couple buys the other person's wedding band, maintaining the mutual gift-giving aspect while adapting to more inclusive and gender-neutral language.
• Each person buys their own wedding band, which can be a practical option for financially independent couples or those who have specific preferences for their rings.
• The couple splits the cost of both rings, especially if they have already combined their finances or are sharing wedding expenses. This approach can be adjusted based on individual incomes to ensure a fair contribution from each partner.
• Families get involved by purchasing the wedding bands or contributing financially in other ways.

Communication and Personal Preferences

Regardless of the approach chosen, open communication is essential. Discussing financial situations, preferences, and expectations can help couples make informed decisions. Some couples may prefer to shop together, even if they decide to buy the rings separately, to ensure mutual input and the opportunity to pick out matching rings.

Ultimately, the decision about who buys the wedding bands should be based on what works best for the couple and their families. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and modern adaptations allow for more inclusivity and flexibility in wedding traditions.

Frequently asked questions