Franklin Dean
Same-sex marriage is now legally recognized in many places around the world, including all 50 states in the US. This has allowed gay men to celebrate their weddings with the same legal recognition and rights as heterosexual couples. While some gay weddings follow traditional heterosexual wedding customs, others choose to reinterpret or ignore them altogether. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and gay weddings can be customized to reflect the couple's personal style, values, and identities. Traditions are being reimagined, and language is evolving to be more inclusive of the LGBTQ+ community, with terms like bride and groom being replaced by gender-neutral alternatives like partner or spouse. Ultimately, the most important aspect of any wedding is the love and commitment shared between the couple.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Traditions | Gay weddings are not bound by traditions. Couples can choose to follow, modify, or ignore traditional wedding customs. |
| Legal recognition | Same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states in the US, and gay weddings have the same legal recognition as traditional weddings. However, some local governments and district courts in the US may refuse to license same-sex marriages. |
| Terminology | Terms like "gay wedding" are being replaced by more inclusive terms like "same-sex wedding" or "LGBTQ+ wedding". Gender-neutral terms like "partner", "spouse", or "sweetheart" are preferred over gendered terms like "bride", "groom", "wife", or "husband". |
| Planning | Couples can choose to have unique traditions and celebrate their love in their own way. LGBTQ+-friendly wedding venues, vendors, and resources are available for planning. |
| Etiquette | Etiquette rules for LGBTQ+ weddings are generally the same as for straight weddings, but there may be some unique considerations. Guests should focus on loving, supporting, and celebrating the couple. |
| Names | Same-sex couples may choose to use one partner's name, hyphenate their names, choose a new name, or keep their original names. Non-gendered terms like "Mx." are becoming more popular. |
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What You'll Learn
History of same-sex marriage
Same-sex marriage, also known as gay marriage or same-gender marriage, is the marriage of two people of the same legal sex or gender. As of 2025, same-sex marriage is legally recognised in 38 countries, with a total population of 1.5 billion people (20% of the world's population). The most recent jurisdiction to legalise same-sex marriage is Thailand.
The history of same-sex marriage is a long and winding road, with many cultural and historical manifestations of unions that were called marriages in their own time. In the 17th century, writer Li Yu and scholar-bureaucrat Shen Defu wrote about a system of male marriages in the Fujian region of China. In the early Zhou dynasty period of China, there is a record of an egalitarian male domestic partnership between Pan Zhang and Wang Zhongxian. In ancient Europe, males entered into similar arrangements, and at least two Roman Emperors were in same-sex unions. Nero, for example, is reported to have married two men on different occasions. In late medieval France, it is possible that the practice of entering a legal contract of "embrotherment" provided a vehicle for civil unions between unrelated adult men. In 16 April 1061, two men, Pedro Díaz and Muño Vandilaz, were married by a priest at a small chapel in the Galician municipality of Rairiz de Veiga in Spain.
In the United States, same-sex marriages have taken place throughout history, though they were not the long-term relationships that we might now think of as marriages. In the 1970s and 1980s, the gay rights movement saw some advancements, such as the election of Harvey Milk as the first openly gay man elected to public office. In 1989, the San Francisco Board of Supervisors passed an ordinance allowing homosexual couples to register for domestic partnerships, granting hospital visitation rights and other benefits. In 1993, the Hawaii Supreme Court ruled that a ban on same-sex marriage may violate the state constitution's Equal Protection Clause, but in response, the U.S. Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in 1996, defining marriage as between a man and a woman. In 2003, the Supreme Court struck down laws criminalising sodomy and recognised a constitutional right for adults to engage in private, consensual sexual conduct. In 2004, the Massachusetts Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples had the right to marry in Goodridge v. Department of Public Health, and the first marriage licenses were issued on May 17, 2004. In 2008, the California Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples had a right to marry in the state, but this was later overturned by the passage of Proposition 8, which added restrictive language to the state constitution. Finally, in 2015, the Supreme Court legalised same-sex marriage nationwide, granting same-sex couples in all 50 states the right to marry.
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Planning a same-sex wedding
Planning a wedding can be a stressful experience for any couple, and this is no different for those in the LGBTQ+ community. However, same-sex weddings offer the opportunity to create unique traditions and celebrate your love in your own way.
The first step in planning a same-sex wedding is to release yourself from traditions. You don't have to subscribe to tradition, so think about what matters to you and choose to display that. Do you want a flower girl? Have one! Want only bridesmaids or groomsmen? Do it! It's your day, so do whatever makes you happy.
Once you've decided on the type of wedding you want, it's time to start planning the details. First, you'll need to obtain a marriage license. This document is the legal recognition of your marriage and is required for your union to be officially recognized. To acquire a marriage license in the United States, you will need to submit an application to the county clerk's office. The application typically requires some basic information about both partners, such as full names, dates of birth, and proof of identification. You may also need to pay a nominal filing fee to cover administrative costs.
Next, you'll want to start thinking about the logistics of your wedding. How many people do you want to invite? What type of venue do you want? Do you want a destination wedding? These are all important questions to consider when planning your big day. It's also important to remember that you don't have to plan your wedding alone. There are many LGBTQ+-friendly wedding planners and vendors who can help you create the wedding of your dreams. When choosing your vendors, it's important to reach out to them as soon as possible to reserve their services and ensure they are on the same page with your style and vision.
Finally, don't forget to send out your wedding invitations three to four months in advance so that your guests have enough time to respond and you can get an accurate headcount.
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Legal rights of same-sex couples
Same-sex marriage, also known as gay marriage or same-gender marriage, refers to the marriage of two people of the same legal sex or gender. As of 2025, same-sex marriage is legally recognised in 38 countries, with a total population of 1.5 billion people (20% of the world's population). Same-sex marriage is legally recognised in a large majority of the world's developed countries, with notable exceptions including Italy, Japan, South Korea, and the Czech Republic.
The legal rights of same-sex couples can vary depending on the country and local laws. In the United States, for example, same-sex couples have had the legal right to obtain a marriage license and have their marriage recognised in all 50 states since 2015, following a landmark Supreme Court ruling. This ruling ended any inter-state legal complications and ensured that married same-sex couples would have equal access to federal benefits, such as Social Security, health insurance, and immigration law. Additionally, the Respect for Marriage Act, passed in 2022, further protected the right to same-sex marriage by nullifying the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).
In other countries, the legal rights of same-sex couples may be more limited. For instance, in Taiwan, same-sex marriage is only available to Taiwanese citizens or foreign citizens of countries that recognise same-sex marriage who wish to marry a Taiwanese citizen. While Thailand recently legalised same-sex marriage, adoption rights are not always included in such legalisations, and some countries with legal same-sex marriage, like the United States, still face challenges in ensuring equal adoption rights for same-sex couples.
The legal recognition of same-sex marriage has been a relatively recent development, with the modern movement for support gaining traction in the 1980s and 1990s. Denmark became the first country to legally recognise same-sex relationships in 1989, establishing registered partnerships that granted most rights but fell short of full marriage equality. The first same-sex couple in modern recorded history to obtain a marriage license and have their marriage legally recognised was Michael McConnell and Jack Baker in Minnesota in 1971.
The legal rights of same-sex couples are important as they provide access to relevant government services, financial protections, and legal protections such as inheritance and hospital visitation rights. Scientific studies have shown that the financial, psychological, and physical well-being of gay people is enhanced by marriage, and children of same-sex parents benefit from being raised within a legally recognised marital union. Additionally, the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage can lead to stigmatisation and invite public discrimination.
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LGBTQ+ wedding terminology
- Bride and Groom: While these terms are still used by some, they are now seen as heteronormative and gender-specific. Anyone can be a bride, no matter their gender identity or orientation. Similarly, the term “groom” is no longer restricted to men and can be claimed by anyone who chooses to identify with it.
- Broom: A combination of the words "bride" and "groom", this term was coined in 2008 for those who present themselves as masculine but prefer a gender-neutral alternative.
- Marrier: A gender-neutral term for a person getting married or the person who performs the marriage ceremony.
- Nearlywed or To-be-wed: Gender-neutral alternatives to "bride" or "groom" that imply someone is engaged without specifying gender identity.
- Fiancé or Fiancée: These terms are gendered, with "fiancé" being masculine and "fiancée" feminine. The gender-neutral alternatives are "fiance" or "betrothed".
- Bach Party: A gender-neutral term for a bachelor or bachelorette party.
- Wedding Attendants or Honour Attendants: Gender-neutral alternatives to "bridesmaids" and "groomsmen".
- Chief Attendant: A gender-neutral alternative to "chief bridesmaid", "maid of honour", or "best man".
- Best Person and Person of Honour: Gender-neutral alternatives to "best man" and "maid of honour".
- Parent or Caregiver: Inclusive titles that do not split families by gender.
It is important to use gender-neutral and inclusive language until you know how your clients identify. The LGBTQ+ wedding community embraces the freedom to make up their own rules and choose terminology that best suits their identities and preferences.
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Etiquette for guests at LGBTQ+ weddings
LGBTQ+ weddings are a celebration of love and should be memorable, meaningful, and inclusive. While LGBTQ+ weddings are now legally recognized in all 50 states, there may be some unique considerations and moments to plan for.
Be Mindful of Language and Terminology
When addressing your LGBTQ+ friends and their celebration, it is important to use inclusive language. Skip the stiff, traditional language that assumes gender roles or family dynamics. Instead, opt for gender-neutral language or wording that reflects the couple's vibe and their preferred terminology. For example, some non-binary individuals may prefer gender-neutral wording on invitations, while others may prefer wording that fits their gender expression.
Respect Their Traditions and Dynamics
LGBTQ+ couples may choose to create their own traditions for their wedding, so it is important to respect their choices and dynamics. Be mindful that LGBTQ+ weddings are not bound by heteronormative traditions, and the couple may choose to modify or forgo certain customs. Focus on celebrating their love and commitment in a way that feels true to them.
Support Inclusive Vendors and Businesses
When selecting a gift for the couple or planning an LGBTQ+ wedding yourself, consider supporting LGBTQIA+-owned businesses and vendors. These vendors can provide a second pair of eyes to ensure that your choices, from invitations to venues, feel inclusive and reflective of the couple's relationship.
Communicate and Ask Questions
If you are helping an LGBTQ+ couple plan their wedding, remember that clear communication is key. Share your expectations and be open to learning from them about their unique needs and circumstances. This will ensure that you can provide meaningful support and reduce any anxiety surrounding unfamiliar planning processes.
Celebrate Love and Inclusivity
Above all, LGBTQ+ weddings are about celebrating love and creating a space where everyone feels included and accepted. As a guest, embrace the couple's chosen traditions and terminology, and join in on the celebration of their commitment to each other.
By following these guidelines and respecting the couple's wishes, you can be a supportive and thoughtful guest at an LGBTQ+ wedding.
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Frequently asked questions
In the US, gay men have the legal right to obtain a marriage license in all 50 states, but specific requirements may vary slightly from county to county. To acquire a marriage license, an application must be submitted to the county clerk's office, along with basic information and proof of identification.
Gay weddings are an opportunity to create unique traditions and celebrate love in a personalised way. Couples may choose to reinterpret or ignore traditional wedding customs. For example, some couples may opt for a gender-neutral wedding ceremony script, avoiding gendered words like 'bride' or 'groom'.
LGBTQ-friendly wedding venues can be researched, and resources such as 'Tide The Knot Beach Weddings' can be explored to help plan a memorable and inclusive celebration.
As a guest, it is important to respect the couple's preferences and use appropriate terminology. Avoid assuming gender and sexuality, and instead, use gender-neutral language until you know how your LGBTQ friends identify. It is also appropriate to ask about name changes after the wedding to address any correspondence correctly.
Yes, in the US, gay marriage is legal across all 50 states, and LGBTQ+ weddings have the same legal recognition and rights as traditional weddings. Scientific studies show that gay marriage enhances the financial, psychological, and physical well-being of gay people and provides legal protections.
