Deborah Chan
Assyrian weddings are often massive events, not only celebrating the union of a couple but also expressing Assyrian identity within a communal space. The weddings are characterised by folk dances, such as the Khigga, where participants stand side by side, clasping hands and moving in a circle to the beat of the music. Assyrian weddings also feature unique traditions, such as the 'Showering of the Groom' and the Burakha, as well as the exchange of money instead of gifts. The Assyrian community is close-knit, and weddings are an opportunity to connect with family and celebrate their ancient heritage.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Pre-marital affairs | Considered dishonourable and almost unknown |
| Elopement | Very disreputable and seldom practised |
| Public shows of affection | Frowned upon and considered improper |
| Arranged marriages | Common, with the authority lying with the father |
| Wedding celebrations | Massive events expressing Assyrian identity |
| Groom preparation | "Showering of the Groom" or "Khaybatat Khatana" |
| Wedding reception | Bride and groom dance with decorated handkerchief and cane |
| Wedding reception | Guests twirl decorated handkerchiefs and perform Assyrian folk dances |
| Wedding reception | Relatives request money or outings from the newlyweds |
| Wedding gifts | Money is preferred over gifts |
| Post-wedding rituals | Groom takes his bride to his father-in-law's home |
| Post-wedding rituals | Raisins, figs, and walnuts are tossed over the bridal pair |
| Post-wedding rituals | Bride is led in a procession to her new home |
| Wedding attire | Traditional Assyrian clothing with deep red hues and intricate patterns |
| Wedding dance | Khigga, where participants stand side by side, clasping hands and moving in a circle |
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![The Knot Guide to Wedding Vows and Traditions [Revised Edition]: Readings, Rituals, Music, Dances, and Toasts](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/81zk-i-TnpL._AC_UY218_.jpg)
What You'll Learn
Dowry and payment negotiations
Dowry negotiations are a key part of Assyrian wedding traditions. The groom's family pays a dowry, known as the "bride price" or "niqda", to the father of the bride. The amount of money is negotiated between groups of people from both families and is influenced by the social status of the groom's family. The groom's father may express his gratitude to the bride's father by kissing his hand.
During the dowry negotiations, the doors of the bride's home are shut and guarded by her uncle. Only when the groom's family has paid the exit fee is the bride allowed to leave with them.
In ancient Mesopotamia, which includes modern-day Iraq where the Assyrians originate, dowry negotiations were also a key part of the wedding process. The dowry was given by the father of the bride to the bridegroom. In some cases, the dowry was paid by the groom to the bride, and in the case of divorce, it had to be returned to her.
In Assyrian culture, the dowry negotiations are followed by a pre-engagement gathering called a "Mashmeta", or "the Hearing/the proposal". The suitor's family visits the parents of the bride and proposes marriage. The bride is expected to remain in her room during the negotiations. If the bride's family accepts, they will pick a day for the engagement party.
In Assyrian society, marriage is a matter of family convenience and is arranged by the parents, with the father having the ultimate authority. The dowry negotiations and pre-engagement gathering are therefore crucial steps in the Assyrian wedding process, preserving Assyrian culture and heritage.
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Groom preparation
The "Showering of the Groom" or "Bathing of the Groom" (Khaybatat Khatana) is a tradition where the groom's hair is trimmed, his face is shaved, and his body is washed. The groom's relatives and groomsmen gather at his home for this event. A younger relative may take a shower before the groom, and the groom's best man and friends will supply him with hot water, heated outdoors over a wood fire. As the water is being heated, a group of female singers, called barbiyyeh or barbiyeh, sing a special song called the lilyaneh or lilyana for the groom. After the ritual bath, the groom's friends dress him in colourful wedding apparel (julleh-d khumala), including a white conical cap (kusitha or sarkulawa) adorned with ostrich feathers.
Following the groom's preparation, his family goes to the bride's house, where they sing and dance to the music of the zurna (zorna) and bass drum (dawola). The groom's family then requests that the bride join them at church. The bride's relatives will ask for money from the groom's family, which is the dowry.
The wedding ceremony, or burakha, typically takes place early on a Sunday morning. The groom's party, including his qartwa, marches to the church in a large entourage, with the groom leading the front. The bride is conducted to the church separately by her parents and bridesmaids. The Assyrian nuptial rite is a long ceremony, lasting about two hours, and includes a series of benedictions and special prayers.
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Folk dances
One of the most well-known Assyrian folk dances is the Khigga, a simple dance where participants join hands to form a semi-circle or curved line. The Khigga is often the first dance performed at Assyrian weddings, with the bride and groom welcomed into the reception hall to the sound of this dance. The dance involves a variety of foot patterns, with participants gently moving one leg forward, then backward, and repeating with the other leg while shifting to the right. The Khigga'd Suria (Syrian Khigga) is a variation of this dance, performed by Assyrians from Syria, which is accompanied by a faster beat of around 110-120bpm. Dancers connect by their pinkies, waving their connected hands while taking steps forward and backward.
Another dance mentioned in Assyrian wedding traditions is the Sword Dance, performed by the closest male relatives of the couple. This dance symbolises the surrender of the bride to the groom and his family. The Tolama is a lively and energetic dance, where participants jump and kick their legs in the air while moving their torsos forward and backward. The Bagiye (Sheikhani Yaqoora) is a dance with a slower, more elaborate style, where dancers turn to face the back of the person in front of them, kick both legs in the air, and then sharply rotate their bodies while raising their arms.
Assyrian folk dances are often accompanied by decorated handkerchiefs called Yalikhtas, made of smooth silk or shiny organza with beading and sequins. These handkerchiefs are waved in the air by the dancers to express excitement over the union of the bride and groom.
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Mock weddings
Assyrian weddings are typically large events that express the marriage of a couple and showcase Assyrian identity. Marriage is considered a matter of family convenience and is often arranged by the father. There are several rituals and traditions associated with Assyrian weddings, such as the "Showering of the Groom" or "Bathing of the Groom" and the dowry exchange.
In the context of Assyrian culture, there is a mention of a new custom involving a mock wedding reception where the bride, groom, best man, and maid of honour are all young girls. This tradition is part of the Fast of Nineveh, an annual three-day celebration of prayers and fasting observed by various Assyrian Christian denominations.
In conclusion, while Assyrian weddings follow specific rituals and traditions that carry cultural and communal significance, mock weddings are light-hearted parodies or dramatic representations of marriage rituals, often organised as entertainment or fund-raisers within communities.
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Wedding attire
Assyrian weddings are typically large events that express not only the union of a new couple but also act as a way to showcase Assyrian identity within a communal space. Wedding attire is optional for Assyrians, with some choosing to wear traditional clothing and others opting for a more modern look.
For those who choose to wear traditional attire, deep red hues are most common for the base of the fabric, adorned with intricate floral or diamond patterns. Felt caps decorated with feathers are also customary during lighthearted times.
The bride typically wears a traditional Assyrian wedding costume, which includes a decorated handkerchief called a "yalekhta" or "yalikhta". It is made of smooth silk or shiny organza and has edges lined with iridescent beading and long sequins, creating a joyful noise as it is waved in the air during dances.
The groom, on the other hand, dances with a decorated cane known as the "kopala". During the wedding, he is also traditionally dressed by his relatives and groomsmen, who trim his hair and shave his face in a ritual known as "Khaybatat Khatana" or "Bathing of the Groom".
Assyrian weddings are often close-knit gatherings, with the Assyrian community inviting not only close friends and family but also acquaintances and church members. Therefore, wedding attire for guests can vary depending on individual preferences and comfort levels.
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Frequently asked questions
Assyrian weddings are large events that express Assyrian identity and heritage. Traditions include folk dances, such as the Khigga, where participants stand side by side, clasping hands and moving in a circle to the beat of the music. The bride dances with a decorated handkerchief, called a yalekhta, and the groom dances with a decorated cane, called a kopala. Guests twirl their own decorated handkerchiefs, called yalikhtas, and ululate in celebration.
Before the wedding, the groom's family goes to the bride's house to "pick her up". While the groom and his groomsmen wait at the church, the groom's female relatives sing a special song called lilyaneh for the groom, in a tradition known as Khaybatat Khatana or the "`Showering of the Groom". The groom's male relatives sing and dance with the bride's family, after which they request that the bride joins them at the church.
At the end of the wedding, guests pay money to the newlyweds instead of giving gifts. The following Sunday, the groom takes his bride back to his father-in-law's home, where raisins, figs, and walnuts are tossed over their heads as symbols of life and fruitfulness. The couple stays overnight with their in-laws before the bride is led to her new home the next day.
