Wedding Night Intimacy: Did You Make Love?

The wedding night is often thought of as the perfect end to a perfect day, but the reality is that many couples are too tired, drunk, or overwhelmed to have sex. In fact, less than 40% of couples have sex on their wedding night. For some, it's important to consummate the marriage as soon as possible, and for others, it's more important to be realistic about energy levels and manage expectations. Some couples even decide to plan their wedding day to start later or end earlier so they can get some sleep before jumping into bed.

The pressure to have sex on your wedding night

The wedding night is often thought of as the best night of your life, a time to be spent with the person you've committed to spending your life with. It is also expected to be a time of passion and sex. However, this is not always the case. There is a lot of pressure to have sex on your wedding night, but it is important to remember that it is okay to not have sex and that it is normal for many couples to wait until after the wedding night to get physically intimate.

There are many reasons why a couple might wait until after the wedding night to have sex, and often it is because they are simply too tired. By the time the wedding reception is over, the couple may just want to sleep. There is also the pressure to have enjoyable and romantic sex, which can be a turn-off for many people. It is important to remember that sex is not just about pleasure and orgasms but also about intimacy and respect.

For some couples, the wedding night is a time to connect and be vulnerable with each other. It can be a time to talk about expectations for their sex life and to share any nervousness or anxiety. It is also a time to discuss their sexual past and any potential sexual baggage they may have. Normalizing talking about sex openly and honestly can help establish a good foundation for the marriage.

Some couples may choose to wait until the morning after the wedding or even until the honeymoon to have sex. This can be a more realistic expectation, especially if the couple has been partying and drinking all night. It is important to communicate about expectations and desires and to be flexible and empathetic towards each other. Ultimately, the decision to have sex on the wedding night should be made by the couple based on their own wants and needs, not external pressure or expectations.

How to prepare for your wedding night

Preparing for your wedding night can be an exciting but nerve-wracking experience. Here are some tips to help you get ready for this special occasion:

Discuss Expectations

It's important to talk about your expectations for the wedding night with your partner. Are you planning to have sex? If so, what do you hope to get out of the experience? Be honest and vulnerable with each other about any nervousness or anxiety you may be feeling. Remember that it's normal to feel a range of emotions, and it's essential to be on the same page.

Plan Your Schedule

Consider the timing of your wedding day. If you want to have sex on your wedding night, you might want to plan an earlier start or a later end to the festivities so you're not too exhausted. Think about where you'll be staying the night and if you need to leave for your honeymoon the next day—giving yourself a day or two to recover before departing is ideal.

Address Your Sexual History

If one or both of you are not virgins, it's essential to share this with your partner. You don't need to disclose all the details, but be transparent about any past sexual partners and your experiences with pornography or erotica. This conversation can help set expectations and address any potential issues, like sexual baggage or lust.

Understand Male and Female Bodies

Learn about how male and female bodies experience pleasure differently. For example, orgasms may happen faster for men than women, so patience and communication are key. Seek advice from older married couples or trusted resources to better understand each other's needs and preferences.

Make Practical Preparations

Think about what you'll need for the wedding night. If it's your first time having sex, consider buying water-based lube and having a small washcloth nearby. You might also want to create a specific atmosphere with candles, music, rose petals, or chocolate. If you plan to wear lingerie, try it on beforehand to ensure you feel comfortable and confident.

Pray or Meditate

If you're feeling anxious or insecure, consider praying or meditating to help calm your mind and connect with your partner on a deeper level. Sex is not only physical but also mental and emotional, so taking time to relax and be present can enhance the experience.

Remember, it's normal to feel a range of emotions about your wedding night, and it's okay if things don't go exactly as planned. The most important thing is to communicate, be flexible, and enjoy this special time with your partner.

Expectations vs reality

Expectations

For many couples, wedding night sex is an important part of their wedding day. It is often viewed as the perfect end to a perfect day, with the expectation that it will be passionate, hot, and chemistry-filled. Some couples feel pressured to have sex on their wedding night, as it is seen as a tradition and a way to consummate the marriage. There may be an expectation, especially if the couple are virgins, that it will be a magical and special experience.

Reality

However, the reality is that wedding night sex is not always what couples expect it to be. In fact, less than 40% of couples have sex on their wedding night. This is often due to tiredness and exhaustion from the wedding celebrations, with many couples just wanting to crash and sleep.

The pressure to have amazing sex can also be a turn-off for some, leading to disappointment if the experience does not live up to expectations. It is important to remember that sex is not just about physical pleasure but also about emotional intimacy and connection. For couples who are virgins or have little sexual experience, there may be a learning curve, and it may take time to figure out what works for both partners.

Additionally, there can be logistical challenges, such as removing bobby pins from hair, taking off intricate wedding dresses, and dealing with family or friends staying close by.

A Positive Spin

That being said, some couples do manage to have a fun and memorable wedding night experience, whether it involves sex or not. Some couples prioritise wedding night sex and plan ahead to ensure they have the energy and privacy for it. Others enjoy simply spending time together, cuddling, or falling asleep next to each other.

Ultimately, it is important for couples to communicate their expectations and be flexible and empathetic towards each other. Wedding night sex is not a dealbreaker, and it is normal to have different scenarios play out.

The morning after

If you're feeling up to it, an early morning walk could be a great way to start the day. You might stroll hand-in-hand to a nearby café for a leisurely breakfast, or simply wander the streets, taking in the morning air and enjoying the feeling of being newly married. You could even take a dip in the hotel pool, if there is one, to wake yourselves up.

If you're feeling a little delicate, room service could be the way to go. Order a hearty breakfast to set you up for the day, or opt for something lighter if you're not feeling too hungry. You could even order a celebratory bottle of champagne to toast your future together.

It's also a good idea to take some time to reflect on the previous day. You might want to look through any photos or videos you have, or read through any cards or messages you received. This can be a lovely way to relive the happiest moments of your wedding day and savour the memories.

Finally, don't forget to check out of your hotel or accommodation. You might be heading off on your honeymoon, or perhaps you're returning home. Either way, make sure you have everything packed and ready to go before you leave.

How to deal with disappointment

Communicate with your partner

If you are feeling disappointed about your wedding night, it is important to communicate your feelings to your partner in a respectful way. Holding in these emotions can lead to resentment, so be open and honest about your thoughts and experiences.

Recognise the other emotions of your wedding day

While you may feel disappointed about your wedding night, try to acknowledge and be grateful for the other emotions you felt on your special day. From love and gratitude to joy and pride, there were likely many positive emotions that you experienced. Don't let one aspect of your day overshadow all the other wonderful moments and memories.

Reflect on the things you did instead

Perhaps you spent the night mingling with loved ones, tearing up the dance floor, or simply sleeping blissfully. It's important to recognise and appreciate these experiences and the memories you made, even if they didn't go exactly as planned.

Manage your expectations

It's easy to get caught up in unrealistic expectations, especially when it comes to sex, which is often inaccurately depicted in films and TV shows. Remember that sex is a natural part of life and doesn't need to be perfect or mind-blowing every time. By managing your expectations, you can reduce potential disappointment and pressure.

Seek support

If you are struggling to cope with disappointment, consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor. They can help you process your emotions and provide tools to manage them effectively. Additionally, lean on your support network of family and friends, who can offer a listening ear and help you put things into perspective.

Focus on the future

While your wedding night may not have gone as planned, remember that this is just the beginning of your married life together. Focus on building a strong foundation of intimacy and communication with your partner, and know that there will be many more opportunities to create special memories in the future.

Frequently asked questions