Officiating Your Own Wedding: Is It Possible?

Self-solemnization, also known as a self-uniting marriage, is a type of wedding ceremony where the couple marries themselves without an officiant. This means no third party is required for the couple to tie the knot officially. While self-solemnization is not legally recognized in all jurisdictions, certain locations, such as Colorado, California, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Wisconsin, Washington D.C., Maine, Nevada, Kansas, and Washington state, allow couples to legally marry themselves without the need for an officiant. However, some states have specific requirements, such as Wisconsin, which requires a form to be signed acknowledging that the government cannot guarantee the marriage will be acknowledged in all contexts. In other cases, such as in Maine, only those of certain faiths can be exempt from needing an officiant.

Self-solemnization means no judge or officiant is required

Self-solemnization, also known as self-uniting marriage, is a way for couples to marry themselves without the need for an officiant or a third party to tie the knot officially. This means no judge or officiant is required.

In a self-solemnizing ceremony, the couple performs the marriage ceremony themselves. It is a legally binding marriage, recognized throughout the U.S. in various ways, and a U.S. marriage certificate is often recognized by other countries. Self-solemnization gives couples the freedom to truly do things their way, using the words and language that mean the most to them, surrounded by only the people they feel most supported by.

Some U.S. states, like Colorado, Washington D.C., Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Illinois, California, Maine, Nevada, Kansas, and Wisconsin, allow self-solemnization in some form. However, each state and even cities within them have unique regulations, so it is important to research the specific requirements and implications of self-solemnization in your jurisdiction. For example, in Wisconsin, it is not guaranteed that a self-uniting marriage will be recognized in all contexts, and a form must be signed acknowledging this stipulation. In Maine, only those of certain faiths can be exempt from needing an officiant.

Couples choosing self-solemnization should also be mindful of the legal process and paperwork involved. While an officiant typically handles the filing of the marriage license, couples opting for self-solemnization must ensure they understand the process and any applicable deadlines for submitting the paperwork.

Self-solemnization is an option for couples who want to take control of their union and celebrate their commitment in a deeply personal and meaningful way. It offers flexibility, privacy, and a stress-free approach to getting married.

Self-uniting marriages are legally recognised in some US states

Self-uniting marriages, also known as self-solemnizing marriages, are legally recognised in several US states. In these marriages, the couple marries without the presence of a third-party officiant. While this type of marriage is sometimes referred to as a "Quaker marriage", it is not limited to members of the Religious Society of Friends.

The following US states allow self-uniting marriages:

• California: Allows "non-clergy marriage" with specified forms, including the signatures of two witnesses.
• Colorado: Recognises self-solemnization without requiring a special form of application or witnesses.
• District of Columbia: Couples can officiate their own wedding without any restrictions.
• Illinois: Requires both parties to complete a marriage certificate form and forward it to the county clerk within 10 days, in accordance with the prescriptions of any religious denomination, Indian Nation, or Tribe.
• Kansas: Allows self-uniting marriages "in accordance with the customs, rules, and regulations of any religious society, denomination, or sect to which either of the parties belong".
• Maine: Only followers of certain religious faiths (Quakers and Baháʼí) are permitted to obtain self-uniting marriage licenses.
• Nevada: Recognises self-uniting marriages among "the people called 'Friends' or 'Quakers'".
• Pennsylvania: Has recognised self-uniting marriages for centuries due to its Quaker origins. These marriages require the signatures of two witnesses in place of an officiant.
• Wisconsin: Allows self-uniting marriages but requires a form to be signed acknowledging that the state cannot guarantee the marriage will be acknowledged in all contexts.

It is important to note that the requirements and stipulations for self-uniting marriages may vary by state and even by county within a state. Therefore, it is essential to research the specific regulations of the state or local city hall where the marriage will take place.

Research local laws before considering self-solemnization

Self-solemnization, or self-uniting marriage, is a way to marry without an officiant or a third party present. While this is a legitimate option in some places, it is not legal everywhere.

In the United States, self-solemnization is permitted in certain states, including Colorado, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Illinois, California, Maine, Nevada, Kansas, and Washington, D.C. However, the specific requirements and conditions vary by state. For example, in Wisconsin, couples must sign a form acknowledging that the federal government may not recognize their marriage in all contexts. Meanwhile, in Maine, only those of certain faiths can be exempt from needing an officiant.

Before planning a self-solemnizing wedding, it is crucial to research the local laws and regulations of the state or country where the marriage will take place. Each state and even certain cities within them may have unique requirements. Understanding the legalities beforehand will ensure that the marriage is legally recognized and valid.

In addition to researching local laws, it is important to consider the practical aspects of self-solemnization. This includes deciding on the location, duration, and guests, as well as ensuring that all necessary documents are in order. Couples should also be mindful of any witnesses required for the marriage license, which may include guests, photographers, or even a dog in some states!

While self-solemnization offers benefits such as privacy, intimacy, and the ability to customize the ceremony, it is essential to be aware of any legal implications or restrictions that may apply in the specific location. Therefore, researching local laws and regulations is a crucial step in planning a self-solemnizing wedding.

Self-solemnization ceremonies can be simple or elaborate

Self-solemnization ceremonies can be as simple or elaborate as you like. This type of ceremony allows couples to marry themselves without an officiant, giving them full control over their wedding and enabling them to celebrate their commitment in a deeply personal way.

If you're planning a self-solemnization ceremony, you can choose to include aspects of a traditional wedding, such as vows, the exchange of rings, or readings, or you can create a unique and personalised ceremony that reflects your values and beliefs. You might decide to write your own vows or letters to each other, or incorporate symbolic gestures like the exchange of rings or other meaningful tokens.

The location of your self-solemnization ceremony is also entirely up to you. You can choose a beautiful outdoor setting, a place with sentimental value, or even your own home. The location should reflect your personal journey and connection as a couple.

In terms of legality, self-solemnization is not recognised in all jurisdictions, so it's important to research the laws and regulations in your area before planning this type of ceremony. Some states in the US, such as Colorado, California, Illinois, Pennsylvania, and Washington D.C., allow self-solemnization without requiring extra applications or paperwork. In other states, there may be additional requirements, such as having witnesses present or signing a form acknowledging that the marriage may not be acknowledged in all contexts.

Overall, self-solemnization gives you the freedom to create a wedding ceremony that is truly personalised and reflective of your relationship. Whether you prefer a simple and intimate ceremony or a more elaborate and adventurous celebration, the choice is entirely yours.

You can still have guests at a self-solemnization ceremony

Self-solemnization is a great option for couples who want to keep things intimate but still want to celebrate with their nearest and dearest.

While self-solemnization means you can marry without an officiant or witnesses, this doesn't mean you can't have guests. In fact, many couples who opt for self-solemnization still choose to have guests at their ceremony.

If you're planning a self-solemnization ceremony with guests, you could act as your own officiant and write a script to recite during the ceremony. This could include a speech thanking your guests for their attendance and support, a story about how you met, and any milestones you've reached in your relationship. You could also include more traditional elements such as a unity ceremony or short readings.

Alternatively, you might prefer to keep things simple and only exchange vows in front of your guests. This could be a great option if you want to keep the ceremony short and sweet, or if you're not comfortable speaking at length in front of an audience.

If you're looking for ways to include your guests in the ceremony, here are a few ideas:

• Ask a guest to do a reading. This could be from a piece of literature, a religious text, or even a children's book.
• Do a ring-warming ceremony, where your guests pass your rings around during the ceremony, infusing them with their love and well wishes.
• Have a guest act as your officiant. This could be a fun way to involve a child in your ceremony and make them feel important.
• Have your guests pronounce you married in unison, just before your first kiss.
• Include a unity ceremony that involves your guests, such as a handfasting or a memory box that you'll open on a future anniversary.
• End the ceremony with a group hug to congratulate the happy couple.
• If your state allows it, have your guests sign your marriage license as witnesses.

Remember, the beauty of self-solemnization is that you get to decide exactly what your ceremony looks like. So, feel free to get creative and plan a celebration that's true to you and your partner!

Frequently asked questions