A Wedding Without Legal Marriage: Is It Possible?

A wedding is a ceremony in which two people commit their lives to each other, but it is also a legal contract that grants certain rights and protections to the couple. In some cases, people may choose to have a wedding ceremony without getting legally married, often referred to as a commitment ceremony. This could be due to a variety of reasons, such as not believing in the legal aspect of marriage, financial or personal reasons, or simply finding the legal process inconvenient. While a commitment ceremony allows couples to celebrate their love and commitment without legal recognition, it is important to understand the potential consequences and implications of not having a legally binding marriage.

Commitment ceremonies

During a commitment ceremony, couples can exchange vows, rings, and even kiss in front of their nearest and dearest. However, the celebrant will not be able to pronounce the couple legally wed. Instead, they will likely declare the couple "committed to one another".

Some people may choose to have a commitment ceremony and then sign the legal paperwork before or afterward, especially if they want to get married in a different country or state from where they live.

It is important to note that a commitment ceremony is not a legal wedding, and participants should not refer to themselves as a bride or groom. Instead, they should use the term “partner". Additionally, it is recommended to be transparent with guests about the nature of the ceremony to avoid any confusion or deception.

Civil ceremonies

A civil ceremony is a non-religious, legal marriage ceremony performed by a government official. In the United States, civil ceremonies may be performed by town, city, or county clerks, judges, justices of the peace, or others with legal authority to support the marriage as the wedding officiant. In the United Kingdom, the person performing the ceremony is typically called a registrar.

To have a civil ceremony, you will need to obtain a marriage license. First, check if you need to book an appointment and if there is a required waiting period between obtaining the license and the ceremony. Then, find out which legal documents you need to bring to the appointment, such as state IDs, birth certificates, or social security cards. Finally, contact close friends or family to serve as witnesses if necessary.

Elopements

While elopements are often done without the knowledge of family and friends, particularly parents, some couples choose to invite a small number of guests, usually fewer than 20 people.

Avoiding religious elements

A wedding without legal marriage is possible, and there are a few options for those who want to go down this route. One option is a commitment ceremony, which is a way to have a wedding ceremony without the marriage license. This type of ceremony is not legally binding, and the couple is not married in the eyes of the law afterward. Another option is a civil ceremony, which is performed by a government official with no religious affiliation. This type of ceremony is a good option for couples who want to avoid religious elements in their wedding.

If you want to avoid religious elements in your wedding, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to understand the marriage laws and rules of your wedding destination, as these can vary by jurisdiction. In some places, like the UK, a registrar-led marriage ceremony cannot be religious in nature and must exclude hymns, chants, religious rituals, and readings from religious texts. In these cases, you may need to sign the legal paperwork separately from your ceremony if you want to avoid religious elements entirely.

When creating your ceremony, you have the freedom to be creative and include only the elements that resonate with you. You can work with your partner and your officiant to craft a ceremony that reflects your beliefs and values. Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Include non-religious rituals: Instead of including religious rituals, you can incorporate non-religious rituals such as a unity ceremony, a sand ceremony, or a handfasting ritual.
• Secular vows: Write your own vows that reflect your commitment to each other without including religious references.
• Non-religious symbols: Use symbols that are meaningful to you without religious connotations. For example, you could include a non-religious prayer or moment of reflection that focuses on the power of love.
• Music: Choose music that is meaningful to you without religious lyrics.
• Readings: Select readings that are not from religious texts but still resonate with your beliefs and values.

Remember, the most important thing is that your wedding ceremony feels personal and authentic to who you are as a couple. By working with your officiant and being open about your desires, you can create a ceremony that is both meaningful and free from religious elements.

Couples who cannot get married by law

A commitment ceremony is a marriage ceremony in which two people commit their lives to each other, but it is not legally binding. Commitment ceremonies are often chosen by couples who cannot get married by law.

In some countries, same-sex marriage is illegal, so LGBTQ+ couples in these regions can only share their vows via a commitment ceremony. Polyamorous couples also opt for a commitment ceremony as their relationship is not legally recognised.

In addition, some couples who are unable to marry due to previous marriages or divorces that have not been finalised may choose to have a commitment ceremony as a way to celebrate while waiting for other details to be finalised.

Frequently asked questions