Chinese Wedding Etiquette After A Bereavement

In Chinese culture, it is considered taboo to attend a wedding after someone passes away. This is because mourners are expected to refrain from participating in any celebrations or entertainment, including weddings, within 100 days of the death as a form of respect for the dead. The mourning period can last up to three years, during which individuals are not supposed to attend weddings, birthday parties, or other social gatherings. This belief stems from the idea that attending celebrations during the mourning period is disrespectful to the deceased and may bring bad luck to the newlyweds.

It is considered disrespectful to attend a wedding during the mourning period

In Chinese culture, it is considered disrespectful to attend a wedding during the mourning period. This is because weddings are considered "red" events, symbolising celebration, while mourning is a "white" affair. The two are therefore thought to clash, bringing bad luck to the newlyweds.

The mourning period is said to last for 100 days after the death, during which time close family members are expected to wear a piece of coloured cloth on their sleeve to signify their mourning. More traditional families will wear these pieces of cloth for up to three years.

During the mourning period, it is customary not to attend any weddings, birthday parties, or other celebrations and social activities. It is also considered disrespectful to visit another person's house, or to have visitors.

Some people believe that these customs are not as strict as they once were, and that it is acceptable to attend a wedding during the mourning period if neither family is bothered by it. However, others still strongly adhere to these beliefs and would consider it very disrespectful if someone were to attend a wedding during the mourning period.

The mourning period is 100 days, or three years if a parent has died

In Chinese culture, the mourning period is a fundamental act of social participation, and the actions to be undertaken are prescribed by local custom. The length of the mourning period depends on the mourner's relationship to the deceased.

The five major mourning "grades" or "degrees" are collectively referred to as the "Five Kinds of Mourning Apparel" or "Five Clothes" (wǔfú). The five grades are:

• Degree 1 (zhǎn cuī)
• Degree 2.5 (jī nián) up to 1 year, but with fewer restrictions
• Degree 4 (xiǎo gōng)
• "Three years" in practice means one year plus two days, understood as one at each end, so that the entire period extends across one year and into two others, to a total of three.
• Degree 5

The first degree is the most intense form of mourning. The further the mourner is from the deceased genealogically, the more attenuated the mourning obligations become.

In the case of a parent's death, the mourning period is three years. This means one year plus two days, with the entire period extending across one year and into two others, to a total of three. During this time, the mourner should avoid normal activities, including weddings.

If the deceased is not a parent, the mourning period is 100 days. This is the length of time it may take for someone's soul to be reborn as another person. During this period, mourners may continue to wear grieving colours and may feel it inappropriate to attend celebratory occasions, like weddings.

At the end of the 100 days, a prayer ceremony is held to mark the dead person's passing into their new life.

Mourners are not supposed to visit other people's homes during the mourning period

In Chinese culture, it is customary for mourners to refrain from visiting other people's homes during the mourning period. This restriction is part of a broader set of customs related to death and mourning, which also include not attending any celebrations or social activities, such as weddings, birthday parties, or festive gatherings. The mourning period typically lasts for 100 days, although some families may observe a longer period of up to three years.

The custom of not visiting other people's homes during the mourning period is based on the belief that it is disrespectful to the deceased to engage in social activities. It is also considered taboo to bring mourning clothes or symbols into another person's home, as it is believed to bring bad luck and negative energy into their space.

During the mourning period, mourners are expected to focus on honouring the deceased and processing their grief. They may attend the funeral and participate in various rituals and ceremonies associated with the death. It is common for mourners to wear specific colours, such as black, blue, or green, to signify their mourning status.

While the custom of not visiting other people's homes is not universally followed, it is still widely respected, especially by older generations and those who adhere to traditional beliefs. Those who do choose to visit other people's homes during the mourning period may face social repercussions, such as being ostracised or criticised by their community.

In some cases, the mourning period may cause conflicts or dilemmas, especially if important events overlap. For example, if a wedding is scheduled during the mourning period, it may be necessary to postpone the wedding or make special arrangements to accommodate the mourners. Ultimately, the decision to follow these customs rests with the individual and their family, taking into consideration their personal beliefs and the potential impact on their relationships.

Mourners are not supposed to attend baby showers or one-month birthday celebrations

In Chinese culture, family is central to society. A new birth is a significant occasion, often marked by relatives and friends, both near and far. The continuation of the family bloodline is seen as an essential moral duty.

There are many customs and rituals surrounding pregnancy and childbirth. When a baby is born, the mother is required to "zuoyuezi" or stay in bed for a month to recover from childbirth. During this time, she is advised not to go outdoors, and to avoid cold, wind, pollution and tiredness, which are said to have a negative effect on her health and future life.

The one-month birthday celebration is an important milestone for the baby and the mother's recovery. In Taoist or Buddhist families, sacrifices are presented to the gods on the baby's 30th day to ensure the child's protection in later life. In modern times, the one-month celebration has been pushed to the 100-day mark to minimise the baby's exposure to outside germs.

Celebrations typically involve gifts and auspicious objects, such as red eggs, which symbolise life's changing process and represent good luck, fortune, and happiness.

It is considered bad luck to hold a baby shower before the baby is born due to high infant mortality rates in the past. However, in contemporary times, baby showers are becoming more common.

The colour red is associated with celebrations in Chinese culture, while white is linked to mourning. Mourners are expected to wear different-coloured mourning patches to indicate their ties to the deceased. The duration of the mourning period depends on the closeness of the relationship with the deceased, with immediate family members typically observing a 49-day mourning period.

While some may view these customs as mere superstition, others take them very seriously. Failing to adhere to these traditions may upset those who believe in them and cause a strain on relationships. Ultimately, the decision to attend celebrations while mourning rests with the individual, taking into account the beliefs and expectations of their family and community.

The bride and groom are not supposed to meet the day before the wedding

In the past, Chinese weddings followed the taboo that the bride and groom should not meet each other or sleep under the same roof the day before the wedding. However, this taboo is no longer strictly observed. Nowadays, the bride and groom will often meet up on the day before the wedding to finalise their wedding arrangements and collect their wedding outfits and flowers.

The taboo is now observed in a modified manner; the bride and groom will not sleep under the same roof the night before the wedding. This is because, according to Chinese beliefs, the bride and groom should avoid clashing their luck.

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