A Wedding Shower: Better Late Than Never

Wedding showers are a great way to celebrate the happy couple before the big day. But is it possible to have a wedding shower 20 years after the wedding? While there is no definitive answer, it seems that wedding showers are typically held anywhere from a few weeks to a few months before the wedding. This timing allows for the couple to be the center of attention and gives them a chance to interact with their guests in a less stressful environment. It also provides an opportunity for both sides of the family to meet and get to know each other. However, there may be instances where a couple wants to have a wedding shower long after their nuptials, perhaps as a way to renew their vows or simply as a fun celebration of their marriage. Ultimately, the decision to have a wedding shower at any time is up to the couple and their loved ones, and there are no hard and fast rules that dictate when a wedding shower should or should not be held.

Timing: Plan the wedding shower a few weeks to a few months before the wedding

The timing of a wedding shower is important to get right. It's best to plan the event for a few weeks to a few months before the wedding. This gives the couple enough time to set up their wedding registry and provides guests with enough time to purchase gifts from the registry.

Tradition (and Emily Post) states that the bridal shower should take place between two weeks and two months before the wedding. However, this isn't a strict rule. The most important thing is that you and your partner have started planning your wedding and have a date set. If you're travelling to your wedding, it's a good idea to host your shower on the same weekend as your dress fitting, to cut down on trips.

You should also consider the timing of other pre-wedding events, like the engagement party, wedding outfit fittings, and bachelorette party. You don't want to schedule your shower too close to these events, to ensure you don't take over your friends' social calendars and to give them time to budget for travel.

It's also important to keep your guests in mind when planning the date of your wedding shower. Check with your VIP guests to see when they are available and present the bride with a few options for the date. Invitations should be sent out between four and six weeks ahead of the party, to give guests enough time to make travel arrangements and purchase gifts.

If you're having a destination wedding or your guests are spread out across the country, you may want to consider having two bridal showers, one at a destination and one local. You could also livestream the bridal shower festivities for guests who can't attend.

Location: Choose a venue with the right atmosphere, size, and budget

While there is no explicit information on hosting a wedding shower 20 years after a wedding, there are some general guidelines and considerations for choosing a venue for a wedding shower. Here are some tips for selecting the right location:

Atmosphere:

The venue should have the right atmosphere for the event. Consider the type of shower you want to host, whether it's a casual gathering or a more formal affair. Choose a venue that aligns with the desired mood and theme of the shower. For example, if you're planning a garden-themed shower, you might opt for a venue with a beautiful garden or outdoor space.

Size:

Select a venue that can comfortably accommodate the number of guests you plan to invite. Consider the space required for any activities and games, or food and drink stations you plan to have. It's important to ensure that the venue is neither too cramped nor too spacious for your guest list. If you're expecting a large number of guests, consider venues such as event halls or restaurants, which typically have larger capacities.

Budget:

When choosing a venue, it's essential to consider your financial constraints. Venue prices can vary significantly, so it's important to find one that fits within your budget. Restaurants and event halls may have higher rental fees, while hosting the shower at someone's home can be a more budget-friendly option. Additionally, consider the costs associated with catering, decorations, and any other rental fees that may be incurred.

Timing and Availability:

Keep in mind that popular venues may have limited availability, especially for larger groups. It's advisable to start scouting venues and book your chosen location at least a month in advance, if not earlier. This is especially true if you have your heart set on a specific spot. However, if you're open to flexibility, hosting the shower at a private residence can offer more flexibility with timing.

By considering these factors, you can choose a venue that sets the right tone, comfortably accommodates your guests, and fits within your financial plan. Remember to book your venue early to avoid disappointment and ensure a smooth planning process for your wedding shower.

Guests: Decide on a guest list and ensure VIPs are available

While there is no clear consensus on whether it is appropriate to have a wedding shower 20 years later, there is plenty of advice on how to organise one in the lead-up to a wedding. Here is some advice on how to decide on a guest list and ensure VIPs are available.

The Guest List

Bridal showers are intimate, celebratory gatherings, and the guest list should reflect a sense of closeness to the bride. Traditionally, the guest list includes the bride's close female friends and family members, like her bridesmaids, mother, sisters, and future in-laws. However, in recent years, bridal showers can also include close male friends or relatives if the bride wishes. Inviting people with a meaningful connection to the bride is what's most important.

The bride ultimately decides the number of guests, but it is the host's responsibility to consult with the bride-to-be about how many she feels comfortable with. The host should ask the bride for a list of must-have guests to ensure her closest friends and family are included. It is also important to discuss venue constraints and budget limitations that may impact the guest count.

It is considered inappropriate to invite someone to the bridal shower if they are not invited to the wedding. It may offend them, and it may seem like you are pandering for gifts. Therefore, it is essential to connect with the bride-to-be and discuss who is on the final wedding guest list before crafting the bridal shower guest list.

Bridal showers are typically more personal and smaller in scale than weddings, so it is okay to keep the guest list tight. You shouldn't feel obligated to invite significant others or friends of relatives unless the bride-to-be has a close relationship with them. However, it is important to create a well-rounded list that represents the bride's different social circles, such as family members, childhood and college friends, and coworkers.

VIP Availability

When deciding on a date for the bridal shower, it is crucial to consider the availability of the bride's VIP guests, such as her mother, grandmother, bridesmaids, or mother-in-law. Contact these VIPs to ask about their availability and present the bride with several date options that work for them.

Inform your guests of the bridal shower date as early as possible, ideally mailing invitations between four and eight weeks ahead of the party. This gives guests, especially those travelling from afar, enough time to make travel arrangements and RSVP. Sending invitations too early may cause guests to forget the date, while sending them too late may result in low attendance due to conflicts.

Additional Considerations

When creating the guest list, it is essential to ensure that the bridal shower guests are also invited to the wedding. The only exception to this is when coworkers wish to throw an office shower for the bride, even if they are not invited to the wedding.

If you are planning multiple bridal showers, be sure to invite different guests to each party. Generally, only close family and members of the wedding party may be invited to more than one shower.

Finally, be mindful of the type of shower you want to host. For example, if you plan a couples' shower, which includes both the bride and the groom, you can choose themes such as the room of the house, hour of the day, gourmet cook, or great outdoors.

Gifts: Prepare a gift registry for guests to choose from

While it is not a requirement to prepare a gift registry for a bridal shower, it is a courteous way to guide your guests in choosing gifts for you and your partner. Here are some tips to prepare a gift registry for a bridal shower, even if it is 20 years later:

• Timing: It is ideal to prepare the gift registry at least two to three months before the bridal shower. This gives your guests enough time to purchase gifts from the registry.
• Know your guests: Consider the demographics of your guests, as this will help you cater to their preferences and budgets. For example, if you have many guests who are avid travellers, you may want to include travel-related items on your registry.
• Variety of gifts: Offer a range of gift options at different price points to accommodate various budgets. This can include a mix of traditional and modern gifts. Traditional gifts may include home essentials, kitchen appliances, and dinnerware, while modern gifts can be more unique and personalised, such as a custom address sign, a map serving tray, or a wine preservation system.
• Registry details: Provide clear and detailed information about the gifts on your registry. Include the item's name, price, and any relevant specifications or customisation options. You may also want to indicate the quantity needed if you are asking for multiple items of the same type.
• Communication: Ensure that your guests are aware of your gift registry. You can include this information on your bridal shower invitations or wedding website. It is also a good idea to inform your bridal party or close friends so they can spread the word.
• Update regularly: Remember to update your gift registry regularly as items are purchased. This helps to ensure that you receive a variety of gifts and that your guests have a range of options to choose from.
• Consider alternative options: If you and your partner already have many of the traditional home essentials, you may want to consider alternative gift options. For example, you could suggest donations to a charity of your choice or contributions towards your honeymoon fund.
• Be mindful of shipping and delivery: Keep in mind that some guests may need to ship their gifts, especially if they are attending virtually or from a distant location. Choose items that are easy to ship and provide shipping address details if necessary.
• Be thoughtful: While it is customary for guests to bring gifts to a bridal shower, it is not mandatory. Be mindful of your guests' financial situations and communicate that their presence is more important than a gift. You can also suggest inexpensive or DIY gift options if you wish to provide a wider range of choices.
• Express gratitude: No matter what gifts you receive, remember to express your gratitude to your guests. Send thank-you cards or notes to show your appreciation for their attendance and their thoughtful gifts.

Etiquette: Avoid hosting the shower on a public holiday or a religious holiday

When planning a wedding shower, it's important to be mindful of the date and avoid hosting the event on a public or religious holiday. Here are some tips and considerations to keep in mind:

Firstly, check your calendar and ensure that the chosen date does not coincide with any national holidays. This consideration is crucial to ensure that your guests can fully enjoy the celebration without the added pressure of competing holiday commitments. It also allows your guests to recover from any holiday spending.

Secondly, if you are planning an interfaith or intercultural wedding, be mindful of religious holidays or traditional festivities that may clash with your chosen date. Respecting the religious observances of your guests is essential to fostering an inclusive environment.

Additionally, consider the preferences of your guests. For example, a Mother's Day bridal shower may detract from guests' plans to celebrate with their mothers. Similarly, a shower on a high holy day, such as Yom Kippur, may result in guests feeling conflicted or unable to attend due to their religious practices.

When selecting a date, it's advisable to consult with the bride or groom, as well as the wedding party, to ensure their availability and accommodate their preferences. While there is no set rule, bridal showers typically occur anywhere from a few weeks to a few months before the wedding.

In conclusion, when planning a wedding shower, it's essential to avoid public or religious holidays and to consider the availability and preferences of the couple and guests. This ensures that the event is enjoyable for all and respects the diverse backgrounds and commitments of your attendees.

Frequently asked questions