Best Man, Brotherly Bond: Wedding Traditions

The best man at a wedding is usually the groom's brother, but it doesn't have to be. The groom can choose anyone to be his best man, be it a friend, a male relative, or even a woman. The groom can also decide to have no best man at all. The best man is typically responsible for making sure the rings are available during the wedding ceremony, organizing rehearsals, giving a speech, and providing toasts. It is essential to choose someone reliable and trustworthy for this role, as they will play a crucial part in making the wedding a success. So, if you're wondering if your brother needs to be your best man, the answer is no – you can choose whoever you believe is the best fit for this important role.

You can choose whoever you want as your best man

Ultimately, it's your wedding and your decision. You can choose whoever you want as your best man, and there are no hard and fast rules about it being your brother. It's a common question for grooms, and the short answer is no, your brother does not have to be your best man.

The best man has a lot of important duties, from providing moral support to the groom, giving a speech, and making sure the rings are safe and brought to the ceremony. It's a role that should be given to someone you trust and who will be reliable. It's also a role that comes with a lot of attention, so you may want to choose someone who is comfortable in the spotlight and well-groomed.

If you don't choose your brother, it's a good idea to give him another role in the wedding to include him in your day and avoid any family drama. You could ask him to be a groomsman, usher, driver, or even the ring bearer. If your brother has a particular skill, like baking or graphic design, you could put that to use and ask him to make your cake or design your stationery.

So, while you can choose whoever you want as your best man, it's important to consider the various roles and duties they will have and choose someone who will be reliable and supportive. It's also a good idea to think about how to include other important people, like your brother, in your wedding party or celebrations.

The best man's duties

While there is no obligation to choose your brother as your best man, it is entirely up to you if you want him to take on this role. If you decide to go with someone else, there are still plenty of ways to include your brother in your wedding.

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to person throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself. Here are some of the duties that the best man is expected to fulfil:

Before the Wedding

• Lead the groomsmen: Introduce everyone and facilitate communication and coordination.
• Shop for formalwear: Assist the groom in choosing and purchasing or renting wedding attire for himself and the groomsmen.
• Plan the bachelor party: Organise a celebration that suits the groom's style and preferences, taking into account everyone's schedules and budgets.
• Attend pre-wedding events: Participate in events like the engagement party, rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner.
• Provide moral support: Be a supportive friend to the groom throughout the planning process and offer honest opinions when needed.
• Coordinate travel and accommodations: Ensure that all groomsmen book their travel and accommodations in a timely manner.
• Create an emergency kit: Prepare essential items like toiletries, bandages, tissues, and a stain remover for the wedding day.

During the Wedding

• Get dressed with the groom and groomsmen: Be a relaxed and upbeat presence while everyone is getting ready, and assist with tasks like tying ties.
• Ensure groomsmen wear boutonnieres: Make sure everyone's boutonniere is pinned on properly before walking down the aisle.
• Keep things on schedule: Help the wedding party stay on track with the timeline of events and volunteer to assist the venue coordinator or wedding planner.
• Hold the wedding rings: Keep the wedding rings safe until the ring exchange during the ceremony.
• Stand next to the groom: Show your love and support by standing up straight and looking interested during the ceremony.
• Deliver officiant's payment: Ensure that the wedding officiant receives their payment after the ceremony.
• Sign the marriage license: Act as a witness and sign the marriage license, which is crucial for the legality of the marriage.
• Pose for pictures: Cooperate with the couple's requests for wedding portraits and group photos.
• Stand next to the bride in the receiving line: Greet guests as they enter during the cocktail hour or reception.
• Be announced with the maid of honour: Make a grand entrance with the maid of honour at the reception.
• Dance with the maid of honour: Traditionally, the best man dances with the maid of honour during the first guest dance.
• Make sure the groom eats and drinks: Help the groom stay hydrated and well-fed during the busy wedding day.
• Give a speech: Prepare and deliver a thoughtful and engaging best man's speech, usually after the father-of-the-bride's toast.
• Decorate the getaway car: Join the groomsmen in decorating the couple's car for their reception exit, with their permission, of course!

After the Wedding

• Help organise and safeguard gifts: Collect and store wedding gifts in a safe location until the couple returns from their honeymoon.
• Hand out vendor tips: Distribute tips or payments to vendors, ensuring that the cash is organised into labelled envelopes.
• Ensure groomsmen return rented attire: Remind and assist groomsmen in returning rented attire to avoid late return fees.

Including your brother in other ways

There are many ways to include your brother in your wedding without giving him the role of best man. Here are some ideas:

Groomsman

Your brother can still be included in the wedding party as a groomsman. He can even stand in the prime spot, immediately next to the best man.

Usher

Your brother can act as an usher, greeting guests, helping them find their seats, and getting them to mingle at the reception.

Escort

If you are including your grandparents in the processional, your brother can walk them down the aisle. He can hold your grandmother's arm while your grandfather follows closely behind.

Reading

Your brother can give a reading during the ceremony. This could be a Bible verse, a poem, or lines from your favourite song. If your brother is particularly sentimental, he could choose a reading that best represents your relationship.

Ring Bearer

While this role usually goes to younger children, your brother can serve as an adult ring bearer. He could also escort a younger ring bearer who might not be so confident on their own.

Surprises

If you have any surprises planned, your brother can be included in the planning and execution.

Driver

If your brother has a nice car, he can drive you to and from the wedding venue.

Speech-Giver

Your brother can give a speech and share fun stories from your childhood.

Music

Your brother can be included in the music selection for the ceremony.

Officiant

If your brother is a great public speaker, he could be your non-legal celebrant.

Baker/Crafter/Designer

If your brother has any special skills, you can put them to use. For example, if he is a graphic designer, he could create your wedding stationery.

Handyman

Your brother can be put to work setting up the venue, making collections, or hanging decorations.

The history of the best man

The role of the best man is an ancient tradition, but its history is not a great one. The earliest surviving written use of the term "best man" comes from 1782, but the role itself is believed to have originated in Medieval or Gothic Germany between 0 and 200 AD.

Back then, women operated under extremely culturally oppressive norms, and it was customary for a man to marry a woman from within his own community. When women became scarce locally, eligible bachelors would have to seek out and capture a bride from a neighbouring community. This was not a one-man job, so the future groom would be accompanied by a male companion—the "best man"—chosen for his fighting and strength abilities. The best man would help the groom forcefully take his bride, or kidnap her if her family did not approve of him.

The best man would remain at the groom's side throughout the marriage ceremony, well-armed and alert, ready to fend off any attackers or attempts by the bride's family to recapture her. The tradition of wearing swords at weddings, especially in the UK, stems from this history.

Thankfully, the role of the best man has evolved, and today he is more likely to be responsible for organising seating, helping the groom with his nerves, and planning the bachelor trip. He is still, however, expected to deliver a comical speech designed to embarrass the groom!

How to break the news to your brother

If you and your brother aren't close, he probably won't expect to be your best man, and he likely won't mind if you've chosen someone else. If you are close, he'll probably already know who you're going to choose, so he won't be put out.

However, if you think your brother will be disappointed about not being your best man, or if you think it will cause drama in your family, it's best to set expectations early and be upfront. You don't need to apologise or make a big announcement, you can just mention that you've asked someone else to be your best man. It's a good idea to have another role for your brother, such as groomsman, or another way to include him in your wedding.

• Usher: Your brother can direct guests to their seats for the ceremony, hand out booklets, and get guests mingling at the reception.
• Driver: If your brother has a nice car, he might like to show it off by driving you from A to B on your wedding day.
• Speech-giver: Your brother can give a speech and share fun stories from your childhood.
• Reading or music: Asking your brother to give a reading or perform music is another nice way to include him in the ceremony.
• Officiant: If your brother is a great public speaker, he could be your non-legal celebrant.
• Ring-bearer: Your brother can serve as an adult version of 'ring security' or escort a younger ring bearer.
• Baker/Crafter/Designer: If your brother has any special skills, such as baking or graphic design, you can put them to use by asking him to bake your cake or design your stationery.
• Handyman: If your brother is happy to help, he can set up the venue, make collections, or hang decorations.

Frequently asked questions