Best Woman: Gender Roles At Weddings

It is becoming increasingly common for brides and grooms to break with tradition and opt for wedding parties that better reflect their closest friends and family. While the role of 'best man' has traditionally been filled by a male relative or friend, the role is now often being given to women. This has led to the emergence of new titles such as 'best woman', 'grooms-woman', 'groom's honour attendant', and 'man of honour'. While the title may change, the role of the best man/woman remains the same: to support the groom on the wedding day and in the lead-up, including planning a bachelor party, keeping the wedding rings safe, and giving a speech.

Bachelor Party Planning

Planning a bachelor party can seem like a daunting task, but with the right tools and preparation, it can be a fun and rewarding experience. Here are some detailed and instructive tips to help you plan an unforgettable bachelor party:

Talk to the Groom:

Start by having a conversation with the groom about six months or more before the party. Discuss their likes, dislikes, and any specific dos and don'ts they may have. While a surprise party might be tempting, it's essential to at least involve the groom in deciding the basic details such as timing, location, and activities. This will make it easier to plan a party that aligns with their interests and ensures they have a good time.

Finalize the Guest List:

Work with the groom to decide on the guest list. This typically includes the groomsmen and the groom's close male friends and family members. However, the groom may want to include other guests as well. It's important to get their input and sign-off on the list before sending out any invitations.

Determine the Budget:

Discuss budget expectations with the guest list planned. Send out a Google form or conduct an informal group text to understand everyone's budget constraints and their willingness to spend on travel, accommodations, and activities. Traditionally, the groom's expenses are covered by the bachelor party group, so factor that into the overall budget as well.

Pick a Theme or Party Style:

Figure out the general vibe and theme of the party based on the groom's and the group's interests. Are they looking for a relaxed and chilled-out evening, or do they prefer a more adventurous and active weekend? Popular themes include camping trips, golf outings, sporting events, or exploring the nightlife.

Choose a Date and Location:

Select a date and location that aligns with the groom's availability and the group's interests. Consider destinations that offer activities the group will enjoy. Some popular bachelor party locations include Austin, Texas; Nashville, Tennessee; Jackson Hole, Wyoming; Miami, Florida; and New Orleans, Louisiana. Try to plan the party one to three months before the wedding, giving the groom some time to recover and finalize wedding details.

Book Travel and Accommodations:

Start booking travel and accommodations, such as flights and rental homes, about three to four months before the party. Ensure you have confirmation from everyone in the group before making reservations to avoid any financial burdens on a smaller group.

Finalize Activities:

Reserve any remaining activities, such as restaurant bookings, event tickets, golf outings, brewery tours, or comedy shows. Be sure to leave some downtime in the schedule for guests to relax and enjoy themselves.

Confirm Attendees and Share the Itinerary:

A few weeks before the party, confirm the guest count and create a detailed itinerary. Share the timeline with the group, including important details such as hotel information, arrival times, and contact information. This is especially helpful for multi-day bachelor parties, but even a simple timeline for a single-day outing can be beneficial.

Pack and Travel:

Start packing and planning any decorations or party supplies you may need. As the host, plan to arrive at the destination earlier than the rest of the guests to handle any last-minute setup or preparations.

Regroup and Say Thanks:

After the party, send a quick thank-you note to the group, expressing your appreciation for their time and presence. This is also a good time to follow up on any missing payments or outstanding expenses.

Remember, the most important aspect of planning a bachelor party is ensuring the groom has a memorable time with their closest friends. By following these steps and tailoring the party to their interests, you'll create an unforgettable celebration.

Wedding Attire

The best woman's attire will depend on her personal preference and comfort. She can opt for a tuxedo or suit, with female styles available, and accessories that coordinate with the groomsmen or match the maid of honour. Alternatively, she might prefer to wear a dress, in a colour that matches the groomsmen's suits or tuxedos.

If the best woman would like to wear a tuxedo or suit, there are female styles available that will fit her perfectly. She can accessorise with items that coordinate with the groomsmen or match the maid of honour. For example, if the groomsmen are wearing navy suits with wine accessories, she could wear a navy dress with burgundy shoes.

On the other hand, she might prefer to wear a dress. In this case, she can choose a dress in the same colour as the groomsmen's suits or tuxedos. For example, if the groomsmen are wearing navy suits, she could wear a navy dress. Alternatively, she could wear a dress by the same designer as the bridesmaids, but in a colour that matches the groomsmen's outfits.

The best woman should also feel free to choose a title that she is comfortable with. Popular options include "best woman", "best dude", "groomswoman", "grooms-person", "groomslady", or "groom's honour attendant".

Groomsmen Attire

The groomsmen's attire should complement the groom's without overshadowing it. They should opt for suits or tuxedos that align with the wedding's dress code and the season. For example, for a summer wedding, they might choose lightweight fabrics and lighter colours like beige, light grey, or pastels. For a winter wedding, they could opt for richer fabrics and deeper colours like navy, forest green, or burgundy.

To add a touch of individuality, the groomsmen can play with subtle variations in tie patterns, vest colours, or pocket squares. Ensuring a unified look among the groomsmen will strengthen the visual appeal of the wedding party and make those group photos stand out.

Groom's Attire

As the groom, your attire should complement the wedding's overall theme and colour scheme, as well as align with your bride's look. For evening weddings, black tie is the epitome of elegance, but you can also explore tailored options in midnight blue or charcoal for a sophisticated twist. Remember, the fit is crucial, so consider custom tailoring to ensure your outfit is perfectly sculpted to your form.

Father of the Bride Attire

The father of the bride often opts for attire that aligns with the groomsmen but still stands out as special. He can add a touch of distinction with a boutonniere that matches the bridal flowers, or a unique tie or pocket square that coordinates with the wedding's palette. The key is to balance elegance with subtlety, ensuring his attire is memorable without overshadowing the bridal party.

Bachelorette Party vs. Bachelor Party

The Basics

Bachelor and bachelorette parties are pre-wedding celebrations for the people getting married. They are often wild and crazy, serving as a "last hurrah" before the journey into married life. These parties can be as wild or as relaxed as the guest of honor wishes.

Guest List

Bachelorette parties tend to have more guests than bachelor parties. Bachelorette parties have an average of 10 attendees, while bachelor parties usually have eight. The guest of honor's friends of the same gender are usually invited, but sometimes people of other genders are invited if they are close to the guest of honor.

Budget

Bachelor parties tend to be more expensive than bachelorette parties. On average, male attendees spend $550 on a bachelor party, while female attendees spend $350. This is partly because men tend to travel longer distances, with five percent more men flying to their party destination than women.

Location

Bachelor parties are more likely to take place further from home than bachelorette parties. Men are also more likely to go to Las Vegas to celebrate than women.

Timing

Bachelor parties are more likely to take place in the summer, while spring is the most popular season for bachelorette parties. Both types of party usually take place within a month of the wedding.

Gifts

Bachelorette party attendees are more likely to give naughty gifts than bachelor party attendees. Brides are more likely to receive lingerie, sex toys, funny gifts, and money or gift cards, while grooms typically get alcohol, home items, and clothes.

Decor and Attire

Bachelorette parties are more likely to incorporate decor and special attire into their celebrations than bachelor parties. Over one in three bachelorette parties have custom gear created for the event, and one in five have specific attire guidelines.

Titles

The most common title for a female best man is "best woman". However, there are many other options, including:

• Best dude
• Groomswoman
• Grooms-person
• Groomslady
• Groom's honour attendant
• Groom's right honourable señora & mistress of ceremonies
• Man of honour
• Bridesman
• Groomswoman
• Man of honour

Ultimately, you should give her a title that she feels comfortable with.

Groomsmen or Bridesmaids?

The best woman would be considered part of the groomsmen. However, when it comes to photographs, she can choose to stand with either the groomsmen or the bridesmaids.

Wedding Photos

Let the Photographer Know

It's a good idea to give your photographer a heads-up that you have a female best man. That way, they can plan shots accordingly and ensure she's not left out of any important photos. Let them know whether she'll be standing with the groomsmen or the bridesmaids in group photos, so they can direct people on the day.

Discuss Picture Symmetry

Traditionally, wedding photos often feature symmetrical groupings, with the bride and groom flanked by their respective parties. If your best woman is standing with the groomsmen, this could throw off that symmetry. Discuss this with your partner beforehand, and decide whether you want to stick with tradition or mix things up. If you do go for symmetry, you could include your best woman on the bridesmaid's side, or simply have her stand with the groomsmen, embracing the unique setup.

Capture the Key Moments

Your best woman will likely be fulfilling traditional best man duties, so make sure to capture these moments on camera. From holding the rings and greeting guests to walking down the aisle, these are all special moments to remember. If your best woman is planning a stag do, consider having her feature in some fun photos with the rest of the group, whether it's a ''sten do' or 'hag do'!

Get Creative with Poses

Don't be afraid to get creative with your wedding photos. If your best woman is wearing a suit, play with androgynous poses that challenge traditional gender norms. Or, if she's wearing a dress, showcase the unique style and colour coordination with the rest of the wedding party.

Individual Portraits

Be sure to get some individual portraits of your best woman. These photos can showcase her personal style and the special bond you share. Whether it's a fun, candid shot or a more formal portrait, these photos will be treasured keepsakes for both of you.

Group Shots with the Wedding Party

Capture the dynamic between your best woman and the rest of the wedding party. Get shots of her with the groomsmen, showcasing their camaraderie. If she's close to the bridesmaids, get some fun, playful shots with them as well. These photos will highlight the unique energy she brings to the wedding party.

Remember, the most important thing is to ensure your best woman feels comfortable and celebrated throughout the day. By including her in your wedding photos, you'll create lasting memories of the special role she played on your big day.

Frequently asked questions