Personalized Wedding Vows: Can I Get Help?

Writing your own wedding vows can be a daunting task, but it's a great way to make your ceremony more personal and meaningful. If you're not sure where to start, there are plenty of resources and experts available to help. Here's a step-by-step guide to writing your own wedding vows, with tips and examples to inspire you.

Step 1: Start Early

Give yourself plenty of time to write, revise, and practise your vows. It's recommended to begin the process at least three months before the wedding to ensure you're not rushed or overwhelmed.

Step 2: Discuss Expectations

Talk to your partner about what you both want from your vows. Agree on the length, tone, format, and level of humour or sentimentality. Consider whether you want to include any religious elements or traditional phrases.

Step 3: Brainstorm Ideas

Jot down your thoughts, feelings, and memories about your partner and your relationship. Make lists of the things you love about them, your favourite memories together, and the promises you want to make. Include concrete examples and personal stories to make your vows unique and engaging.

Step 4: Write and Edit

Use your notes to draft your vows, following the agreed-upon format. Keep them concise and authentic, and don't be afraid to include a touch of humour if that suits your style. Edit your draft several times, taking breaks in between to ensure you're happy with the final version.

Step 5: Practise and Deliver

Practise reading your vows aloud, focusing on your speed, tone, and intonation. Ask a trusted friend to listen and give you feedback. On the big day, remember to speak slowly and clearly, making eye contact with your partner.

Reciting vs. Writing Vows

The decision to write your own wedding vows or recite traditional ones is a highly personal choice and can depend on several factors. Here are some things to consider when deciding whether to recite or write your own wedding vows:

Public Speaking Comfort

Public speaking is a common fear, and the prospect of reciting your own vows in front of an audience may be daunting for some. If you or your partner feels anxious about speaking in front of a crowd, you may opt to stick to traditional vows, where you simply respond to the officiant with "I do" or "I will". Alternatively, you can have the officiant lead you through the vows, requiring minimal input from you.

Creativity and Self-Expression

Writing your own vows allows you to express your unique personality and creativity. You can include inside jokes, references, and sentiments that hold special meaning for you and your partner. This approach gives you the freedom to be as romantic, humorous, or serious as you like. It also enables you to share your love story and make promises tailored to your relationship.

Time and Effort

Writing personalised vows takes time and effort. It requires thoughtful reflection on your relationship, brainstorming, and multiple drafts. If you and your partner have busy schedules or feel overwhelmed by the wedding planning process, reciting traditional vows may be a more convenient option.

Religious or Cultural Considerations

If you are having a religious wedding ceremony, your choice of vows may be prescribed by the faith or tradition you are following. In such cases, you may not have the option to write your own vows and will need to recite the traditional ones. However, you can still infuse creativity into the ceremony by adding personal touches in other ways, such as through music, readings, or rituals.

Keeping the Moment Special

While writing your own vows can make the moment more personal and meaningful, it's important to consider the overall experience for you, your partner, and your guests. Inside jokes or overly lengthy vows may detract from the solemnity of the occasion or leave your guests feeling confused or excluded. Traditional vows, on the other hand, can be just as powerful and meaningful, especially if they hold cultural or religious significance for you.

A Combination Approach

You don't have to choose between reciting and writing your vows exclusively. You can combine both approaches by reciting traditional vows and then adding your own personalised vows afterward. This way, you honour the traditional aspect while still expressing your unique sentiments.

Ultimately, the decision to recite or write your wedding vows depends on your personal preferences, comfort level, cultural background, and the amount of time you can dedicate to the task. Both options can result in a meaningful and memorable wedding ceremony as long as the vows come from the heart.

Tone and Format

The tone and format of your wedding vows are important to consider when writing your own. While traditional wedding vows tend to follow a specific structure, your handwritten promises can take on any format and include any content you see fit.

It is important to discuss your expectations with your partner so you are on the same page. Plan to come to a consensus about the length of your vows, when you'll recite them, who will say them first, the tone, and how personal you intend to make them.

Your vows can be lighthearted, humorous, and filled with inside jokes, or they can be more serious, stoic, and traditional. You can even include song lyrics or quotes from your favourite books or movies. It is up to you and your partner to decide on the tone and format that best reflects your relationship.

• Keep inside jokes to a minimum. While it is nice to include a joke or two to lighten the mood, you want to make sure that your guests can still follow along and that your vows are not too cryptic or embarrassing.
• Be careful with humour. While it is a great way to keep your nerves down and engage the congregation, you need to be careful with your humour. Know your venue, your attendees, and yourself. Make sure what you want to say will work in that context.
• Avoid making fun of the wedding process. While it can be unique and funny to downplay or poke fun at the official nature of the day, it is important to remember that the vows are a serious, lifelong commitment that you are making in front of many witnesses.
• Avoid absolute words. When making promises, avoid using absolute words like "always" and "never." It is a huge commitment to vow to do something all of the time or never at all, and it is impossible to live up to.
• Be sentimental. There's no better time to be sentimental than your vow exchange. If the message feels true to you, don't worry about coming across as corny.
• Seek inspiration from pop culture. Movies, TV shows, books, and songs are filled with eloquent words and messages that capture the experience of being in love.
• Make a fresh copy for the ceremony. When you vocalize your vows at the altar, your guests will be able to see the medium that you're reading from. A scratched-out notepad might not be the best choice. Instead, print a fresh copy or write them in a vow booklet.
• Keep it concise. Aim for your vows to last about one minute or less per person. Get to the heart of what marrying this person means to you and pick the most important promises.
• Practice makes perfect. To give you the confidence to deliver your vows and to help with your delivery, practice reading your vows aloud. This will also help you gauge whether your promises are clear and complete.

Inside Jokes

While it's important to keep your wedding vows meaningful and sincere, adding a touch of humour can help lighten the mood and ease any nerves. However, it's best to avoid inside jokes in your vows, as these can confuse guests and may not be relevant to you and your partner in the future. Instead, opt for family jokes or light-hearted anecdotes that your guests will understand and that reflect your personality. Here are some ideas for funny wedding vows that incorporate jokes:

Self-Deprecating Jokes

• "I promise to finally clean out my side of the closet."
• "I promise to let you take a break from cooking once in a while and finally learn how to boil water."
• "I promise to always bring you home food, even when you say you don't want anything."
• "I promise to refill the toilet paper that you very likely will never refill. I mean, how hard is it, really?"
• "I promise to pause the TV when you want to talk the entire way through."
• "I promise to wear this ring as a symbol of our love and try really hard not to lose it at the gym."

Pop Culture References

• "I vow to be the ultimate Instagram spouse and take as many photos in front of that random brick wall as you want."
• "I promise to never watch the next episode of Euphoria without you."
• "I promise to love you as much as the Chicago Cubs and not hold your black-and-white striped dress against you."
• "I promise to always support your dreams, even the one about [insert far-fetched dream]."
• "I promise to always let you try my food, even when I've told you to order your own."
• "I promise to put up with your favourite TV shows if you put up with mine... and yes, this does include Love Island."

Light-Hearted Promises

• "I promise to always love you, even when the Giants lose to the Cowboys."
• "I promise to unclog the tub, even though I am the only one of us with long hair."
• "I promise to get up and get the remote from across the room, even if it was not I who placed it so very far away."
• "I promise to take your side when our children inevitably attempt to gang up on us."
• "I vow to laugh, for real, at your every joke no matter how stupid or poorly told. I love you that much."
• "I promise to let you have the last deviled egg—or at least split it with you."

Vows vs. Personal Statements

Wedding vows are a crucial part of the ceremony, and many couples choose to write their own. But what's the difference between vows and personal statements?

While vows and personal statements are both an opportunity for couples to express their love and commitment, there are some key differences. Vows are typically more formal and traditional, while personal statements can be more creative and personalised. Vows are often directed towards the couple themselves, while personal statements are usually addressed to the congregation.

Vows are also usually more structured, with a standard format that includes declarations of intent, such as "I do" or "I will". Personal statements, on the other hand, can be more free-flowing and narrative, often including stories and anecdotes about the couple's relationship. They can be a great way to add a unique and creative touch to the ceremony.

When it comes to the content, vows tend to focus on the promises and commitments being made, such as pledging to support and love each other through good times and bad. Personal statements, while still expressing love and commitment, can also include more lighthearted and humorous elements. They might include inside jokes, references to shared experiences, or even a funny story about how the couple met.

In terms of delivery, vows are often recited by the couple, while personal statements might be read from a scroll or a book. Vows are typically shorter and more concise, while personal statements can be longer and more detailed.

Ultimately, the choice between vows and personal statements is a personal one, and couples can choose to include both elements in their ceremony. The important thing is that the words are meaningful and reflect the couple's unique relationship.

Length

Wedding vows are typically between 30 seconds and three minutes long. This length allows for some personalisation without being too long.

Vows should be about 250 to 300 words, which takes about two minutes to recite at an average pace of 125 to 150 words per minute.

If you have more to say, you could write a letter to your partner to read on the morning of the ceremony, or recite private vows before the wedding.

Frequently asked questions