Who Can Give Me Away At My Wedding?

The tradition of being given away during a wedding ceremony is rooted in the idea of transferring ownership from a woman's father to her new husband. However, modern couples often choose to reinvent this tradition to reflect their own values and beliefs. While it is more common for the father of the bride to walk her down the aisle, some brides choose to break away from convention and involve other family members, such as their children, in this meaningful moment. Having a son give away his mother can be a way to recognise his importance in her life and celebrate the bond they share. It can also be a symbolic way of showing that the mother is letting go and that her son is choosing to unite with his partner. Ultimately, the decision of who to include in the wedding ceremony is a personal one, and there are many ways to make it a meaningful and memorable experience for all involved.

Who can give the bride away?

In traditional weddings, the bride is given away by her father. This practice dates back to when a woman was viewed as her father's property, and he transferred ownership of her to her new husband. Understandably, this antiquated tradition is no longer common practice.

Today, the bride can be given away by anyone she chooses. This could be her mother, stepfather, brother, uncle, grandparent, or a close friend. Some brides choose to have multiple people walk them down the aisle, while others opt for a solo entrance or even an entrance with their partner.

If you are a mother wondering whether your son can give you away, the answer is yes! Many brides have chosen to break away from convention and involve their children in this meaningful moment. This can be a beautiful way to recognise the importance of your child in your life and celebrate the love and bond you share. It can also add an emotional depth to the ceremony, making it even more personal and meaningful.

If you are considering having your son give you away, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, your son's age and maturity level will play a role in determining whether this is a good option. If your son is very young, he may not fully understand the significance of the gesture or the emotional weight of the moment. Secondly, communication and preparation are key. Discuss the symbolism behind "giving away" and what it means to you and your partner. Make sure your son understands the emotions involved and is comfortable with the responsibility. Finally, don't forget to involve your partner in the decision-making process! It's crucial to ensure that they are comfortable with your son's involvement and on the same page as you.

Alternatives to being given away

While it is not a traditional or common practice, it is not entirely uncommon for a son to give his mother away at a wedding. Here are some alternatives to being given away:

Walking Down the Aisle Together

One option is to walk down the aisle with your son, escorting one another. This modern approach symbolises your unity as you walk into your marriage together.

Processing with Your Son

Instead of having your son give you away, consider including him in your processional. He can walk down the aisle with the other wedding attendants and then take a seat of honour at the front.

Greeting Your Son at the End of the Aisle

Another option is to walk down the aisle on your own or with another companion and have your son greet you at the end. This allows for a special moment between the two of you before the ceremony begins.

Including Your Son in the Wedding Ceremony

Rather than joining the processional, your son can take on a different role in the wedding ceremony. For example, he can be a ceremony reader, light the unity candle, sign the marriage licence as a witness, or hold the wedding rings.

Involving Your Son in Other Special Wedding Moments

Even if you choose not to include the "giving away" tradition, you can still create special moments with your son. Consider doing a first look, arranging special family photos, asking him to give a speech at the reception, choreographing a special dance, or involving him in pre-wedding activities like outfit shopping.

Alternatives to the "Who Gives This Woman Away" Script

If you decide to keep the traditional "giving away" moment, you can modify the script to make it more modern and inclusive. Here are some alternatives to the "Who gives this woman away?" question:

• "Who supports [Bride's name] in her wedding to [Groom's name] today?"
• "Who presents this couple for marriage?"
• "Who supports [Bride's name] in marrying [Groom's name]? And who supports [Groom's name] in marrying [Bride's name]?"
• "Do you, [Bride's name] and [Groom's name]'s family and friends, promise to encourage and support them in creating a strong and vital marriage? If so, please say, 'We do.'"

The history of the tradition

The tradition of "giving away" the bride at a wedding is rooted in the antiquated idea that women were the property of men. Thousands of years ago, a woman was viewed as the property of her father, and on her wedding day, she was transferred into the ownership of her husband. The groom would often pay a "brideprice" or "bridewealth" to the bride's father, or the bride's family would pay the groom a dowry. This practice has evolved over time, and today, the tradition is more about honouring the love and support of the bride's family, or celebrating the joining of two families.

In traditional weddings, the father of the bride walks his daughter down the aisle and "gives her away" to the groom. However, modern weddings often feature variations on this custom, with brides choosing to walk down the aisle with both parents, with a brother or mother, or even solo. Some couples opt to walk down the aisle together, symbolising their unity and commitment. Same-sex couples have also reimagined this tradition, creating meaningful rituals that celebrate their love and honour their unique family dynamics.

The wording of the "giving away" ceremony has also evolved. In the past, the person officiating the wedding would ask something along the lines of, "Who gives this woman (the bride) to this man (the groom) today?" to which the bride's father would respond, "I do." Today, this phrasing is often modified to be more inclusive and progressive, such as asking, "Who supports/blesses/affirms [bride's name] in her wedding to [groom's name] today?" or "Who invites this man to join this family?"

Ultimately, the decision of who gives the bride away and how the ceremony is worded is a personal choice that reflects the couple's beliefs and values. While some brides still cherish the classic tradition of being escorted by their father, others prefer to break away from convention and involve different family members, such as their sons, in this meaningful moment.

How to involve your son in the wedding

Involving your son in your wedding can be a beautiful way to recognise his importance in your life and celebrate the love and bond you share. Here are some ideas on how to include your son in your wedding:

Giving You Away

If your son is old enough to understand the significance of the gesture, you can have him give you away to your partner. This can be a powerful way to symbolise your son's blessing and support of your union. This tradition is usually performed at the beginning of the ceremony, immediately following the processional.

Walking You Down the Aisle

If you want your son to be part of your special day but don't want to include the "giving away" tradition, you can have him walk you down the aisle. This can be a meaningful way to include your son in your entrance, especially if you don't have a father or another male figure to accompany you.

Including Him in the Wedding Party

If your son is too young to give you away or walk you down the aisle, you can still include him in the wedding party. He can be a ring bearer, a junior groomsman, or even a best man if he's old enough. This way, he will still have a significant role in the ceremony and feel involved in your special day.

Special Ceremony Inclusion

You can also include your son in a special ceremony reading, prayer, or performance. For example, he could do a reading that symbolises the unity of your new family or perform a musical piece that has a special meaning for the two of you.

Private Ceremony or Ritual

If you want to share a more intimate moment with your son before the main event, you can plan a private ceremony or ritual. This could be a quiet moment of reflection, a prayer, or a simple blessing. This way, you can create a lasting memory with your son without involving him in the public ceremony.

Remember, open and honest communication with your son and partner is essential when deciding how to involve your son in your wedding. Discuss the symbolism behind different traditions and what they mean to you and your partner. Make sure your son understands the emotions involved and is comfortable with any responsibilities.

Wording for when a child gives you away

While the tradition of being ""given away" at a wedding usually involves a father, guardian, or significant male figure, it is becoming more common for brides to break away from convention and involve their children in this meaningful moment. Including your child in the "giving away" ceremony can be a beautiful way to recognise their importance in your life and celebrate the love and bond you share.

• "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"
• "Who gives [bride name] to be married to [groom name] today?"
• " [Child name], do you give [bride name] to be married to [groom name] today?"
• "Who supports [bride name] in her wedding to [groom name] today?"
• " [Child name], do you support [bride name] in her wedding to [groom name] today?"
• "Who invites this man to join this family?"
• " [Child name], do you invite this man to join our family?"
• "Who supports the marriage of this man and this woman?"
• "Her children do."
• "Who presents this couple for marriage?"

Remember, the specific wording is up to you and can be personalised to reflect your unique family dynamics and relationship with your child.

Frequently asked questions