Who Can Officiate My Wedding? Ask Mom!

The idea of having a family member officiate a wedding has its pros and cons. On the one hand, it can make the ceremony more intimate and personal, especially if the family member is close to both partners. It can also be a way to honour that family member, giving them a place of honour in the ceremony. However, there is a risk that the family member may back out at the last minute, and it may be awkward or confusing for more traditional family members. In addition, it is important to ensure that the family member is comfortable with public speaking and has the legal requirements to officiate a wedding, as these vary by location.

Pros and cons of a family member officiating

Having a family member officiate your wedding can be a great way to make the ceremony more intimate and personalised. However, there are also some potential drawbacks to consider. Here are some pros and cons of having a family member officiate your wedding:

Pros:

• It can add a sentimental touch to the ceremony as the officiant can share stories and memories about the couple, making the event more meaningful.
• It is a way to honour a loved one and include them in the wedding.
• The couple has more control over the phrasing, structure, and length of the ceremony.
• It can be cheaper than hiring a professional officiant.
• The family member may be more flexible and willing to incorporate the couple's wishes into the ceremony.

Cons:

• The family member may not be experienced in officiating weddings and could make mistakes or freeze up during the ceremony.
• There is a potential for legal issues, as getting ordained can be a tricky process, and it may not be recognised in certain states or countries.
• It can create extra work for the couple, as they may have to write a script, obtain legal documents, and guide the family member through the process.
• The family member may become too emotional during the ceremony.
• For larger weddings, it may be stressful for the family member to handle crowd control and organisation.
• There is a chance that the family member might back out at the last minute.

Ultimately, the decision to have a family member officiate the wedding depends on various factors, including the size of the wedding, the comfort level of the family member, and the legal requirements of the location. It is essential to carefully consider the pros and cons before making a decision.

How to get ordained to officiate a wedding

If you want your mom to officiate your wedding, she will need to be ordained. The Universal Life Church is a popular option for this, and it is free and quick to complete the online ordination application to become a legally licensed minister. This is recognised in all 50 states, but you should check the local laws of the specific state where the wedding will take place, as some states require additional documentation. For example, in New York, if the wedding takes place in New York City, you must purchase and submit the New York City Wedding Set, whereas for weddings taking place elsewhere in the state, this is not necessary.

In addition to checking the rules of the state, you should also check the rules of the county where the wedding will be held. For example, in New Jersey, most counties require you to submit your ordination certificate or minister's licence, but it is important to check the specific rules of the county.

After the wedding, it is important to ensure that the marriage is legally binding by submitting the completed marriage license. For this, your mom will need to sign the marriage license along with the couple and their witnesses. Her official title will be "Minister", the ceremony type is "Religious", and the denomination is "Non-Denominational".

Public speaking skills of the officiant

Public speaking is a key aspect of being a wedding officiant. It's important to master certain techniques to engage the audience, convey the right emotions, and create a lasting impression. Here are some tips to help your mom deliver a memorable and impactful speech during your wedding ceremony:

Body Language and Vocal Variety

Your mom's body language and vocal variety can significantly impact how her speech is received. Maintaining good posture, making eye contact, and using appropriate gestures can make her appear confident and engaging. She should also vary her tone, volume, and pace to keep the audience's attention and emphasize key points, creating an emotional rollercoaster that takes them on a journey through the highs and lows of your relationship.

Practicing and Rehearsing

Practicing and rehearsing the speech is crucial to ensuring a smooth and confident delivery. Your mom can identify potential stumbling blocks and improve her timing by rehearsing in front of a mirror or recording herself. This will help her internalize the content and make her delivery more natural and effortless.

Knowing the Audience

It's important to tailor the humor and content of the speech to the audience. While your mom might want to share a funny story about your wild bachelorette party, it might not be suitable for Grandma to hear! Keeping the content clean and appropriate for all guests will ensure that everyone feels included and respected.

Balancing Humor and Heartfelt Moments

Including humor in the officiant's speech can be a great way to engage the audience and highlight your personalities. However, it's essential to strike a balance between lighthearted moments and the ceremony's sentimental aspects. Your mom can include humorous anecdotes while also weaving in heartfelt reflections, creating a well-rounded speech that honors your love story with warmth and joy.

Personalizing the Speech

Personalizing the speech with inside jokes, special memories, and cultural or religious traditions will make it unique and memorable. Your mom can add intimate details that only close friends and family would understand, creating a sense of shared experience and connection with the audience. This can include cultural or religious elements, which should be accurately represented and respected.

Handling Unexpected Situations

While preparation and rehearsal are essential, unexpected situations can still arise. Your mom, as the officiant, should be prepared to handle technical issues, disruptions, or objections from guests with grace and professionalism. Having a backup plan, such as a handheld microphone or backup music source, can help navigate technical difficulties smoothly. If an objection is raised, she may need to pause the ceremony and address the issue privately to determine the appropriate course of action.

Legality of the marriage

The legality of a marriage is an important aspect to consider when deciding who will officiate your wedding. While having a family member such as your mother officiate your wedding can add a special, intimate touch to the ceremony, it is crucial to ensure that the marriage is legally valid. Here are some key points to consider regarding the legality of the marriage:

Requirements for Officiants:

• Religious, civil, ordained, or licensed ministers: They must have an active ministry and may need to provide proof of licensing or registration with the local town clerk.
• Judges, magistrates, justices of the peace: These individuals are authorized to perform weddings in most states but may have residency requirements in certain states.
• Notaries: In some states, notaries can be authorized to perform weddings, but it is important to check the specific laws and requirements in your state and local jurisdiction.
• Ship captains and chaplains: They must also be ordained or licensed ministers, justices of the peace, or judges to legally perform weddings.

Online Ordination:

Online ordination options are available for friends and family members who want to officiate a wedding. However, it is essential to check with the state and local town jurisdiction where the wedding will take place, as they have the final say on whether an online-ordained officiant can legally perform the ceremony.

Legal Requirements:

• It is crucial to research the legal requirements for officiants in the state and local town where the wedding will take place, as these requirements can vary.
• Ensure that your chosen officiant meets all the necessary qualifications and has the proper credentials to perform the wedding legally.
• The officiant is legally responsible for returning the marriage license to the appropriate authority within the specified timeframe.

Public Speaking Skills:

• Choose an officiant who is comfortable with public speaking. It is essential for them to be able to deliver the ceremony confidently and avoid simply reading from a script.
• Ask the officiant to rehearse the ceremony in advance and include them in the wedding rehearsal to ensure they are familiar with the ceremony space and comfortable with their role.

Setting Expectations:

• Communicate your expectations clearly to the officiant. Provide them with details such as readings, vows, prayers, and music selections to ensure the ceremony aligns with your vision.
• Don't assume that the officiant knows your desires and expectations; clear communication is key to ensuring a smooth and personalized ceremony.

Special moments for the mother of the bride

While it is possible for your mother to officiate your wedding, it is not a common choice. There are some legal considerations to take into account, and it may be an unusual choice for more traditional family members.

Now, here are some ideas for special moments for the mother of the bride:

Involve her in the ceremony

Ask your mother to give a reading during the service. She can either recite something you've selected, or you can include her in choosing one of the passages. This is a touching way to make her feel included in the wedding day.

Thank her

Be sure to thank your mother in your reception speech. An additional note in the ceremony program is also a thoughtful touch. While fathers typically share wedding speeches, you can ask your mother to give one if she would like to.

Give her a gift

After your mother helps you get ready for your big day, give her a gift to show your appreciation. It could be a piece of jewellery, a frame for a photo of the two of you from the wedding, or even a handmade gift. You could also write her a letter, letting her know how much you value your mother-daughter bond.

Wear something of hers

Ask your mother if you can wear something of hers for your bridal look. It could be a piece of jewellery or hairpiece, or you could wear her wedding dress and then change into a gown of your choice for the reception. You can also wear her veil, either in photos or as you walk down the aisle.

Include her in a dance

While the father-daughter dance is traditional, you could also have a mother-daughter dance at the reception. You could do a slow dance or a fun, choreographed routine to entertain your guests and show off your special bond.

Give her a bouquet or corsage

Make your mother feel special by giving her a unique bouquet or corsage. Make sure it's ready for your family portraits!

Include her in a rose ceremony

After walking down the aisle with your father, take a moment with your partner to each present your mothers with a rose before exchanging vows.

Frequently asked questions