The Complexities Of Mixed Weddings In Muslim Culture

In Islam, there are differing opinions on whether men and women can mix at weddings. Some Muslims opt for gender-separate weddings, where men and women celebrate in different rooms, upholding the strict observance of the hijab. However, according to the European Council for Fatwa and Research, Islam does not object to events or gatherings where members of the opposite sex are present as long as all abide by Islamic teachings and manners. It is forbidden for men and women to be in seclusion (khalwah), for women to reveal their attractions and awrahs (tabarruj), and for there to be physical contact between members of the opposite sex.

Islamic weddings are not forbidden as long as Islamic teachings and manners are followed

The following are forbidden:

• Khalwah (seclusion between two members of the opposite sex)
• Tabarruj (revealing women’s attractions and awrahs and all other forbidden acts such as seductive talk or walk)
• Physical contact between members of the opposite sex

Therefore, if a mixed wedding sticks to these instructions, it is allowed. However, if people do not abide by these conditions, then the presence of men and women in the same place is unlawful.

The term “mixed” is not used by either the Qur’an or the Sunnah, while most people believe it to be an unquestionable matter in Islam. This is one of the grave mistakes which many Muslims commit today.

Islamic Shari'ah does not object to men and women being present in one place on condition that three matters are avoided and refrained from:

• Seclusion (khalwah), that is a man and woman meet in a place where no one else can see them
• Adornment of women, that is a woman uncovers what Allah decreed to be covered of her body, or she wears perfume or jewelry or walks or talks in such a way that draws attention and raises ill-thoughts and feelings
• Physical contact.

If these three matters are avoided and refrained from, then there remains no legal objection to the congregation, whether it be a marriage ceremony or any other thing else.

However, people often do not abide by these conditions in weddings, and thus the presence of men and women in one place becomes unlawful.

The mixing of men and women is forbidden in Islam

The Quran and Sunnah provide many proofs of the prohibition of the meeting and mixing of men and women. For example, Verse No. 53 of Surat al-Ahzab, or the Confederates, says: "...for anything ye want, ask them from before a screen: that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs..."

Ibn Kathir explains this verse: "Meaning, as I forbade you to enter their rooms, I forbid you to look at them at all. If one wants to take something from them, one should do so without looking at them. If one wants to ask a woman for something, the same has to be done from behind a screen."

The Prophet enforced the separation of men and women even at the mosque, which is Allah's most revered and preferred place. This was accomplished via the separation of the women's rows from the men's; men were asked to stay in the mosque after the completion of the obligatory prayer so that women would have enough time to leave the mosque; and a special door was assigned to women.

Islam does not object to events or gatherings where members of the opposite sex are present in the same place as long as all abide by the Islamic teachings and manners. If such gatherings abide by the Shari'ah rulings, then there is nothing wrong with them. However, what is forbidden is khalwah (seclusion between two members of the opposite sex); tabarruj (revealing women's attractions and awrahs and all other forbidden acts such as seductive talk or walk); and physical contact between members of the opposite sex.

Islam forbids women from adorning themselves in ways that are haraam, such as wearing tattoos, hair extensions, or revealing clothes

Islam forbids women from adorning themselves in ways that are haraam, including wearing tattoos, hair extensions, or revealing clothes. In a Hadith narrated by Ibn 'Umar, the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) cursed both the maker and wearer of wigs, as well as those who tattoo and are tattooed. This prohibition extends to practices like fixing hair extensions and getting tattoos for beauty purposes. Abdullah ibn Mas'ud reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) cursed women who engage in tattooing and those who have themselves tattooed, along with those who alter their facial hair and teeth for beautification, contradicting the natural order created by Allah.

Islamic teachings emphasise that adorning oneself with tattoos or hair extensions is a violation of Allah's creation and is explicitly condemned. It is considered a form of unnecessary embellishment and body torture, deviating from Allah's design. Additionally, imitating the kuffaar in dress, such as wearing revealing wedding attire that showcases a woman's charms and body, is discouraged. Islam encourages modesty and cautions against wasting money on extravagant attire.

The Islamic Shari'ah provides guidelines for appropriate conduct during mixed-gender gatherings, including weddings. While the presence of men and women in the same place is not inherently forbidden, certain conditions must be met to avoid unlawful behaviour. These conditions include refraining from seclusion (khalwah), where a man and a woman meet in private; adornment of women, where a woman uncovers parts of her body deemed inappropriate by Allah, or wears revealing clothing, perfume, or jewellery that draws attention; and physical contact between members of the opposite sex.

It is important to note that the term "mixed" is not found in the Qur'an or the Sunnah, and the belief that mixed congregations are haram is considered a mistake by the European Council for Fatwa and Research. As long as Islamic teachings and manners are respected, there is no objection to men and women gathering in the same place. However, failure to abide by these conditions during weddings or other events can render the presence of men and women together unlawful.

Islam forbids men from shaving their beards for the wedding night

Islam forbids men from shaving their beards, and this ruling applies at all times, including the wedding night. Shaving the beard is considered haram in Islam, as it is forbidden to resemble the unbelievers. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) instructed Muslims to "be different from the polytheists" and to "let your beards grow and trim your moustaches." This ruling is based on the Quran, Sunnah, and ijma' (scholarly consensus).

According to Islamic teachings, the beard is a natural and inherent part of the biological characteristics of the male gender, serving to differentiate between men and women. It is also seen as a sign of respectability and adornment for men. In Islamic tradition, the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) is described as having a thick beard.

The prohibition of shaving the beard is not limited to the wedding night but is a general ruling for all Muslims to follow at all times. While there are differing opinions among Muslims regarding the permissibility of mixed-gender weddings, the ruling on shaving the beard is clear and universally accepted by Islamic scholars.

Therefore, Muslim men are expected to abide by this ruling and refrain from shaving their beards, regardless of the occasion.

Islam forbids drinking alcohol or eating pork at weddings

Islam does not object to events or gatherings where members of the opposite sex are present in the same place as long as all abide by the Islamic teachings and manners. If such gatherings abide by the Shari`ah rulings, then there is nothing wrong with them. However, drinking alcohol or eating pork is forbidden in Islam.

The following are some of the things that should be avoided at an Islamic wedding:

• Mixing of men with women, greeting and shaking hands with one another, and men and women dancing together.
• Taking pictures, whether men do that amongst themselves or women do that amongst themselves.
• Letting the husband come in to where the women are to take his wife.
• Women wearing revealing, tight or short clothes amongst themselves.
• Spending extravagantly or going to extremes in showing off in wedding parties.
• The husband and wife exchanging rings and thus imitating the non-Muslims.

In addition, the bride should avoid the following:

• Going to a male, non-mahram hairdresser to have her hair done.
• Adorning herself in ways that are haraam, such as thinning the eyebrows by plucking them, or wearing tattoos, or wearing hair extensions.

Similarly, the groom should avoid the following:

• Shaving his beard for the wedding night.
• Letting one's clothes hang below the ankle (isbaal).

Muslims in non-Islamic countries like the United States use Islamic institutions or imams to help them find partners. Islamic institutions like the ISNA (Islamic Society of North America), ICNA (Islamic Circle of North America), and MANA (Muslim Alliance of North America), allow individuals to meet others at annual conventions.

Frequently asked questions