Renewing Wedding Vows: Can I Do It At Home?

Renewing your wedding vows is a special way to celebrate your marriage and publicly reaffirm your commitment to your spouse. It is often done on a big anniversary, but there are no rules dictating when you should renew your vows, and you can do so as many times as you like. A vow renewal ceremony is not legally binding, so it can be held anywhere and does not require a licensed officiant. The ceremony can be as simple or extravagant as you like and can take place anywhere from a couple's backyard to a dream holiday destination.

Choosing a venue

There are no rules when it comes to where you can hold your vow renewal ceremony. It can be held anywhere from a place of worship to a mountaintop, a beach, a garden, a library, a museum, or even your own backyard. If you're looking for a more traditional setting, you can choose to hold the ceremony at the same location where you had your wedding. For a more intimate setting, you could opt for a ceremony at your home.

If you're looking for a unique and memorable experience, you could plan a destination vow renewal at a dream holiday location. This option may require more planning and could impact the number of guests who are able to attend.

When selecting a venue, it's important to consider the number of guests you plan to invite. The venue should be large enough to accommodate your guest list comfortably. If you're planning an outdoor ceremony, you may need to provide seating for your guests or have them stand during the ceremony.

It's also essential to book your venue in advance, especially if you have your heart set on a specific location. Popular venues tend to get booked quickly, so reserving your space early will ensure that you have the venue you desire.

When choosing a venue, you should also keep in mind the overall theme or style of your vow renewal ceremony. If you're planning a formal event, a venue that matches the elegance and sophistication of the occasion is ideal. On the other hand, if you're going for a more casual and intimate gathering, a venue that feels warm and inviting would be a better choice.

Don't be afraid to get creative and choose a venue that reflects your personality as a couple. Whether it's a place that holds special memories for you or a location that embodies your shared interests, selecting a venue that resonates with you will make the ceremony even more meaningful.

Remember, the most important aspect of the vow renewal ceremony is celebrating your love and commitment to each other. So, choose a venue that feels right for you and don't be afraid to break free from traditional expectations.

Planning the ceremony

Know When the Time is Right

Renewing your vows is a special way to celebrate your marriage, and you can do it whenever you feel like it. Some couples choose to renew their vows on a big anniversary, like the 10th, 20th, or 50th, or when they've overcome challenges together. It can also be the big celebration you couldn't afford when you first got married.

Decide on the Scale of the Event

Determine whether you want a large celebration or an intimate gathering. Do you want a big party with lots of guests, or an intimate event with just close family and friends? Discuss with your spouse and agree on the type of celebration you both want.

Set a Budget

Vow renewal ceremonies can be as expensive as weddings, depending on their scale. Food and alcohol can be major cost drivers, so consider what kind of affair you want. You can have a big backyard gathering or an elegant reception—set a budget and plan accordingly.

Choose a Venue

Select a venue that suits the size and style of your event. If you're planning a large celebration, book the venue at least six months to a year in advance to ensure availability. For smaller events, you may be able to book the venue with less lead time. Don't limit yourself to traditional venues—beaches, mountaintops, or even your own backyard can be perfect spots for a vow renewal.

Select Your Attire

There are no hard and fast rules for what to wear. You can wear a traditional wedding dress or a party dress in one of your wedding colors. Etiquette suggests avoiding pure white, but it's ultimately your choice. Grooms can rent a tuxedo or a suit, or wear a military uniform if applicable. You can also exchange gifts, like jewelry, to wear during the ceremony.

Iron Out the Details

With your date and venue secured, it's time to plan the finer details. Send out invitations at least two months in advance. Choose an officiant, which could be a clergyman, a friend, or a family member. You don't need a legally authorized officiant since this isn't a legal ceremony. Decide on other vendors like caterers, musicians, photographers, and florists, and start putting down deposits.

Make a Guest List

Your guest list can be as long or as short as you like, keeping your budget in mind. You may also want to have a wedding party, including your original bridesmaids and groomsmen, or even involve your children or grandchildren in the ceremony.

Selecting an officiant

No Legal Requirements

Firstly, it's important to note that unlike a wedding ceremony, a vow renewal is not a legally binding event. There are no legal requirements or paperwork involved, and you don't need a licensed officiant to preside over the ceremony. This gives you the freedom to choose anyone you want to be your officiant, from a close friend or family member to your original maid of honour or best man. You can even have your children officiate the ceremony, adding a special touch to the celebration.

Choosing the Right Person

When selecting an officiant, consider someone who has a special connection to you and your partner. It could be someone who understands your relationship deeply and can help craft a ceremony that reflects your unique love story. If you're including cultural or religious elements in your vow renewal, you may also want to choose an officiant who is knowledgeable and respectful of those traditions.

Involving Your Original Officiant

If you had a special connection with the officiant from your wedding, you may want to consider reaching out to them. Having the same officiant can add a sentimental touch to your vow renewal, creating a sense of continuity between your wedding day and this new chapter in your married life.

Writing the Ceremony Script

Since vow renewals are highly personalised and unique, you'll likely want to work closely with your chosen officiant to create a ceremony script that reflects your vision. Discuss with them the tone and style of the ceremony, whether you want it to be light-hearted and joyful or more solemn and reflective. Consider including readings, blessings, or well-wishes from guests to enhance the ceremony.

Keeping It Intimate

Remember, a vow renewal is a deeply personal moment between you and your partner. If you prefer a more intimate setting, you can choose to forgo an officiant altogether. A private ceremony allows you to exchange your vows in a romantic setting, focusing solely on each other without any distractions.

Making It Meaningful

Ultimately, the choice of officiant should align with the vision you and your partner have for your vow renewal. Whether you choose a close friend, family member, or decide to go without an officiant, ensure that the ceremony reflects your love and commitment to each other in a way that is meaningful and authentic to your relationship.

Writing your vows

Start with a list

Begin by making a list of all the things that seem most relevant to your marriage. This could include anything from favourite memories and inside jokes to what you love most about your partner and your relationship as a whole. This will help you outline what you want to include in your vows.

Consider the occasion

Think about why you're choosing to renew your vows at this particular moment and what that means for your future together. For example, you might be celebrating a milestone anniversary or you might have just overcome a difficult period in your marriage.

Revisit your original vows

Look back at the vows you made on your wedding day. You can decide whether you want to reaffirm those promises or make new ones. If you're renewing your vows after a challenging period, you might want to mention any vows you've broken and use this as a way to re-establish your commitment.

Reflect on your marriage

Consider what your marriage means to you and how your life has changed for the better. How has your relationship developed and what have you learned about love? Reflect on the successes of your union and how you've grown together as a couple.

Make new promises

As well as revisiting your original vows, you might want to make some new ones. Reflect on your shared values and goals as a couple to help guide you in deciding what promises are most important to make.

Be yourself

Ultimately, it's important to be true to yourself and your relationship. If you're not writers, but you love music, you could recite a line from one of your favourite songs. Or you could ask members of your bridal party to briefly share what they love most about you as a couple.

Planning the reception

Choose a Theme or Style

Decide on a theme or style that reflects your personality as a couple. It could be anything from a casual backyard barbecue to a formal sit-down dinner. If you're feeling creative, you might want to theme the event around your anniversary, such as using silver decorations if it's your 25th anniversary.

Create a Guest List

Determine how many guests you'd like to invite. This will depend on the size of your home and your budget. Consider whether you want an intimate gathering with just close family and friends or a larger celebration with extended family and a wider circle of friends.

Food and Drinks

Based on your guest list and budget, decide on the type of food and drinks you'd like to serve. You can opt for a simple cake-and-coffee reception or go for something more substantial like a pasta buffet or salad topped with meat. If you're on a tight budget, bulkier types of pasta are a great choice as they seem more filling and reduce waste. Keep drinks simple with coffee, iced tea, and a basic lemonade or fruit punch.

Decorations and Table Settings

When it comes to decorations, you can go as simple or elaborate as you like. If you're on a budget, consider using potted flowers from your local nursery or single assorted flowers in vases on each table. You can also ask friends and family to borrow any decorations, tableware, and serveware they might have.

Music and Entertainment

Music can add a special touch to your reception. Create a playlist of your favourite songs or hire a musician or DJ if your budget allows. If you're keeping things low-key, you could simply use a portable Bluetooth speaker. Don't forget to appoint someone to be in charge of the music and make any necessary announcements during the reception.

Capture the Memories

Finally, don't forget to capture the memories of your special day. Ask a talented photographer friend to take photos, or set up a special email address where guests can send the photos they take on their cell phones.

Remember, the most important thing is to celebrate your love and commitment to each other, so feel free to personalise the reception to reflect your unique relationship.

Frequently asked questions