A Guide To Self-Solemnizing Your Own Wedding

Officiating your own wedding is known as self-solemnization or self-uniting marriage. This means performing a wedding ceremony yourself without an officiant, judge, or third-party pastor. Self-solemnization is a way for couples to take control of their union and celebrate their commitment in a deeply personal way. While it is not legally recognized in all jurisdictions, certain locations, such as Colorado, California, and Illinois, allow couples to legally marry themselves without an officiant. This option is especially appealing to adventurous couples eloping outdoors, as it removes the need to hire and coordinate with an officiant. It also allows couples to create a wedding that is unique and personal to them, free from the constraints of traditional wedding vows and structures.

Self-solemnization/self-uniting marriage

Self-solemnization, or self-uniting marriage, is a way to marry your partner without a third party such as an officiant, celebrant, or judge overseeing the ceremony. This means that you can marry yourself, or you can opt to have an officiant who isn't legally ordained, like a friend or family member.

Self-solemnization gives you the option to have your ceremony completely by yourself, allowing for a more private and intimate setting. It also gives you complete freedom to customize your ceremony, choosing your own location, timing, and format.

In the US, self-solemnization is legally recognized in some states, including Colorado, California, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Washington D.C., Kansas, and Maine. However, each state has its own requirements and regulations, so it's important to research the specific laws and guidelines in your desired location. For example, while Colorado has no requirements for witnesses or a special form of application, California requires the signatures of two witnesses for a "non-clergy marriage."

If you're considering a self-solemnization ceremony, here are some tips to keep in mind:

• Research local laws and regulations to ensure self-solemnization is recognized in your jurisdiction.
• Prepare the ceremony by deciding what aspects of a traditional wedding you want to include, such as vows, exchange of rings, or readings.
• Choose a meaningful location that holds significance to both partners.
• Create heartfelt vows and consider exchanging rings or other meaningful tokens.
• Document the ceremony with photographs or videos, which can also serve as evidence for future legal processes.
• Be aware of the implications for a marriage green card application, as self-solemnization may impact the process. Consult an immigration attorney for specific requirements.

Self-solemnization is a way to take control of your wedding ceremony and celebrate your commitment in a deeply personal way. With its legal recognition in certain jurisdictions and the freedom it provides, it is an appealing option for couples seeking a unique and intimate celebration.

Legality and recognition

The legality of self-solemnization varies depending on the jurisdiction. In the US, self-solemnization is recognized in some states, including Colorado, California, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Washington, D.C. However, it is important to note that even within these states, there may be specific requirements or conditions that need to be met. For example, in Wisconsin, couples are required to sign a form acknowledging that the government cannot guarantee their self-uniting marriage will be acknowledged in all contexts.

In states that do not recognize self-solemnization, couples can still have a private ceremony but will need to complete the legal paperwork separately, either before or after their commitment ceremony. This ensures that their marriage is legally recognized.

When considering self-solemnization, it is crucial to research the laws and regulations in the specific jurisdiction where the marriage will take place. Different regions have their own requirements, and self-solemnization may not be recognized as a legally binding ceremony in all areas.

Additionally, for those seeking a marriage green card, it is important to note that self-solemnization can impact the application process. Consulting with an immigration attorney is recommended to understand the specific requirements and implications for your situation.

While self-solemnization offers couples the opportunity to take control of their union and celebrate their commitment in a deeply personal way, it is important to be aware of the legal implications and requirements to ensure that the marriage is legally recognized.

Planning the ceremony

Know the Legal Requirements

First, research the laws and regulations in your jurisdiction. Different regions have their own requirements for weddings, and self-solemnization may not be recognized as a legally binding ceremony everywhere. Be sure to understand the rules and any necessary paperwork before planning the rest of your ceremony.

Choose a Meaningful Location

Select a location that holds significance for both of you. It could be a beautiful outdoor setting, a place with sentimental value, or even the comfort of your own home. The choice of location should reflect your personal journey and connection.

Outline the Ceremony Structure

Traditionally, a non-religious wedding ceremony includes an introduction and/or remarks on marriage, vows, a ring exchange, a first kiss, and final remarks or announcements. You can change, move around, or remove these elements as you see fit. Think about what's important to you and plan the order accordingly.

Personalize Each Moment

This includes the vows, readings, unity ceremony, music, and grand exit. Write your own vows to make them more meaningful, and consider including personal touches such as unique unity ceremony ideas or music that holds a special meaning for you.

Involve Your Guests

Instead of having a single reader, ask multiple guests to participate by dividing the reading into shorter segments. You can also include guests in a unity ritual, such as lighting a candle or pouring sand into a vase to represent the blending of your lives.

Choose an Officiant

The officiant plays a significant role in your ceremony. Look for someone you connect with and feel comfortable with. If you don't already have a relationship with a pastor or officiant, consider asking a friend or family member to become ordained specifically for your wedding.

Acknowledge the Past, Present, and Future

Regardless of the location or number of guests, every wedding acknowledges the past, celebrates the present, and honors the future. It's an affirmation of who you are as a couple at this moment and who you want to become.

Finalize Setup and Timing Details

Check with your venue about when your vendors can arrive for setup, and pass this information along to your vendors. Create a comprehensive wedding day schedule to ensure everyone is on the same page about timing and location(s).

Choosing a location

Legal Requirements

Before finalising your location, be sure to research the local laws and regulations of that area. Different regions have different requirements, and self-solemnization may not be legally recognised in all jurisdictions. Knowing the legal requirements will help you choose a location that fits within the boundaries of the law.

Significance to the Couple

Consider selecting a location that holds a special meaning for you and your partner. It could be a beautiful outdoor setting, such as a mountaintop or a lake, or it could be a place that holds sentimental value, like the comfort of your own home. The location should reflect your personal journey and connection as a couple.

Permissions and Logistics

If you choose a public or private space that is not typically used for weddings, remember to obtain any necessary permissions. Contact the relevant authorities or owners of the location to ensure you have the required approvals. Additionally, consider the logistics of the location, such as accessibility for your guests, parking availability, and any other requirements specific to your chosen spot.

Flexibility and Creativity

One of the benefits of self-officiating your wedding is the flexibility it offers. You can choose a location that fits your unique vision, whether it's a traditional altar, a treehouse, or even the edge of a mountain at sunrise. Let your imagination run wild and create a ceremony that truly reflects your personalities.

Guest Accommodations

If you plan on inviting guests to your self-officiated wedding, consider their comfort and convenience. Choose a location that can accommodate your expected guest list, and ensure it is accessible for those with special needs. Think about the overall guest experience, including their travel to and from the location, as well as any accommodations they may require during the ceremony.

Combining Legalities and Ceremony

If you are getting married in a location that does not legally recognise self-solemnization, you may need to combine your ceremony with a separate legal process. Consider the logistics of obtaining a marriage license and fulfilling any other legal requirements before or after your self-officiated ceremony. This may involve additional planning and coordination, especially if you are marrying in a different jurisdiction than your permanent residence.

Writing your own vows

Writing your own wedding vows is undeniably touching, but it can also be a daunting task. Here are some tips and ideas to help you craft meaningful and memorable vows for your special day:

Start with a Template

Using a basic template can provide a helpful structure for your vows. While traditional wedding vows often follow a specific format, personalised vows can take any form you choose. Here's a simple outline to get you started:

• Express your love: Begin or end your vows by declaring "I love you."
• Reaffirm your support: Commit to standing by your partner through thick and thin.
• Share personal stories: Include romantic, funny, or inspiring narratives about your relationship.
• Make meaningful promises: Go beyond cute anecdotes and share concrete pledges, such as always being there for your partner or killing spiders!
• Acknowledge your community: Thank your friends and family for their support and ask for their continued guidance in your married life.

Tips for Writing Your Vows

• Start early: Give yourself plenty of time to write and revise your vows. Aim to have a final draft at least three weeks before your wedding.
• Discuss expectations: Talk to your partner about the length, tone, and level of personal detail you both want to include.
• Brainstorm ideas: Jot down all your thoughts and feelings about your partner and relationship. Then, highlight the most important points to include in your vows.
• Limit your drafts: Writing too many drafts can lead to overthinking. Give yourself some space between revisions to gain clarity.
• Focus on key details: Instead of including everything about your relationship, pick the most meaningful moments, such as when you first met or said "I love you."
• Avoid absolute words: Steer clear of making promises with words like "always" or "never," as they can be challenging to keep.
• Embrace sentimentality: Don't worry about sounding cheesy. If the words are heartfelt, they will be meaningful to your partner and guests.
• Seek inspiration: Movies, TV shows, books, and songs can provide great ideas for expressing your love.
• Make a fresh copy: Ensure your vows are neatly written or printed for the ceremony. A scratched-out notepad may detract from the moment.
• Keep them safe: Store your vows in a secret place to maintain the element of surprise for your partner.

Delivery Tips

• Practice: Rehearse your vows aloud to build confidence and ensure clarity.
• Indicate pauses: Allow time for laughter or tears by speaking slowly and pausing at key moments.
• Seek feedback: Ask a trusted friend to listen to your vows and provide constructive criticism to help you improve your delivery.

Ideas and Inspiration

If you're still unsure what to write, here are some themes and examples to spark your creativity:

• Poetic vows: Infuse your vows with eloquent words and touching stories.
• Humorous vows: Embrace your sense of humour and include lighthearted moments or inside jokes.
• Romantic vows: Focus on loving promises and sweet memories.
• Religious vows: Include references to your faith or spiritual beliefs.
• Simple vows: Sometimes, a few well-chosen words can have the biggest impact.

Frequently asked questions