Honoring Deceased Parents: Wedding Program Options

A wedding is a joyous occasion, but it can also be a difficult time if you're missing a loved one. It's perfectly valid to feel the absence of a friend or family member who can't be there to celebrate with you. Honouring a deceased parent at your wedding is a thoughtful way to remember and celebrate their life, and there are many ways to do so.

Including deceased parents in the wedding program

Wording and Placement

You can choose to list your deceased parent as part of the wedding party. When listing the parents of the bride or groom, include your living parent first, followed by the deceased parent's name and a designation such as "the late". For example, "The Late Mr. Arthur Den". This simple approach recognises your deceased parent without adding an entire page to the program.

Alternatively, you may want to dedicate a separate section of the program to honour the deceased. Most people choose to place this section at the end, separating the celebratory tone of the main program from the more solemn nature of remembrance. You can introduce this section with headings such as "Dedication", "Thank You", "In Memoriam", "We Remember" or "In Memory Of".

What to Include

In this dedicated section, you can list the names of the deceased relatives and explain their relationship to the couple, for example, "grandmother of the bride". You can also include a heartfelt message such as, "On this joyous day, we remember those who could not be with us" or "We lovingly remember [name], who is with us today in spirit and in our hearts forever."

If your parent had a special recipe they loved to cook or bake, you can include it in the program with a note such as, "Although she cannot be here today, we honour the late Isabella Perez by including her recipe. Please use it to spread love and joy to your own families."

Involving Guests

If you wish to involve your guests in honouring your deceased parent, you can hold a candle-lighting ceremony or a moment of silence during the wedding. You can also set up a memorial table with framed photographs and memorabilia of your parent, allowing guests to reflect on their memories as they enter the reception.

Other Considerations

When deciding whom to include in the program, most people choose to list only immediate family members, such as parents, siblings and grandparents. However, you can also consider stepparents, grandparents, siblings, friends, uncles and aunts, depending on the relationship you had with them.

Before finalising the program, consider sending a draft to your closest living relatives for their feedback and approval, especially if there are any deceased individuals who have not been included.

These suggestions offer ways to respectfully and meaningfully include deceased parents in your wedding program, ensuring their presence is felt on your special day.

Wording to describe a deceased parent

It is common to want to include a deceased parent on a wedding program, and there are many ways to do so. Here are some ideas for wording to describe a deceased parent:

In the Wedding Party Section

When listing the parents of the bride or groom, include the living parent's name first, followed by the deceased parent. For example:

> Parents of the Bride

Mr. and Mrs. John William Doe

The Late Mr. Roger Smith

In a "Dedication" or "In Memoriam" Section

Create a section at the end of the program with a heading such as "Dedication", "Thank You", or "In Memoriam". Here, you can list the names of the deceased and include a heartfelt message:

> On this joyous day, we remember those who could not be with us, especially my father, the late Mr. Arthur Den.

In a Recipe Section

If your parent had a special recipe, you can include it in your program with a dedication:

> Although she cannot be here today, we honour the late Isabella Perez by including her recipe in this program. Please use it to spread love and joy to your own families.

In a Candle Lighting Ceremony

Include your guests in honouring your deceased parent by holding a short candle lighting ceremony. Have your wedding officiator include a short statement and pause to allow you to light a candle:

> On this day of celebration, we want to stop and reflect on those who have passed. Let’s take a brief moment of reflection to think about those who could not be with us today.

In a Toast

During the reception, raise a glass to your deceased parent:

> Thank you all so much for being here. I wanted to quickly raise a glass for my dad, who couldn’t be here today. I know he would have loved to walk me down the aisle and be a part of today’s celebration. Let’s all toast to my father, Mr. Wicks.

Memorial sections in wedding programs

A wedding is a joyous occasion, but it can also bring bittersweet emotions and thoughts of loved ones who are no longer with us. Many couples choose to memorialise deceased relatives in their wedding programs. Here are some ideas for how to do this:

Memorial Wording

The memorial section could include a short statement in remembrance of all loved ones who have passed, a list of names, or a saying (such as a poem or verse) that captures the feelings of the bride and groom. It could also be a mixture of these things. Here are some examples:

• "In Loving Memory Of [names] and other loved ones who could not be here today, but are with us in spirit."
• "Never to be Forgotten. On this joyous day, we remember those loved ones who could not be with us. We feel your presence in our hearts."
• "We Remember. On this day of celebration, our thoughts are also with loved ones who have passed on and could not be here. May their presence grace our hearts today, and every day of our marriage."
• "Remembering with Love. On this day, we remember [names] and all our loved ones who could not be here today. We love you and will always hold you dear in our hearts."
• "Remembrance. A single red rose has been placed on the altar to symbolise the spiritual presence of [name]. A single white rose has been placed in a seat in the front row to symbolise all the loved ones who could not be here today."

Memorial Activities

In addition to, or instead of, a memorial section in the wedding program, there are many other ways to pay tribute to lost loved ones at a wedding:

• Setting up a "shrine" with pictures of the loved ones.
• Mentioning the deceased during the ceremony.
• Leaving one seat empty, possibly with a rose symbolising the departed's presence.
• Incorporating family heirlooms into the ceremony.
• Holding a candle-lighting ceremony in honour of the deceased.
• Reserving a seat for the deceased, with a small sign or a framed photograph.
• Arranging flowers in their honour.
• Toasting the deceased during the reception.

Honoring deceased parents during the wedding

It can be difficult to celebrate your wedding day without the physical presence of a deceased parent. However, there are many ways to incorporate their memory into your special day. Here are some ideas to help you honor your deceased parent during your wedding:

Before the wedding

You can visit your loved one's grave before the wedding ceremony or reception. Go alone or with your spouse, share your joy, and leave a bouquet of flowers.

During the ceremony

• In the wedding program: A small mention in your program is respectful and can mean a lot to both families. You can list your deceased parent as part of the wedding party or create a "`Dedication` page at the end of the program with a heartfelt message.
• Reserve a seat: You can honor your late parent with a front-row seat by reserving a place at your ceremony. Use one of their jackets, place a bouquet of flowers on the chair, or block off the seat with ribbons and a custom sign.
• Carry a memento: Consider wearing a memento or carrying one with you in your bouquet. It could be anything from their cufflinks and handkerchief to an heirloom necklace.
• Light a memorial candle: Lighting a candle is a beautiful symbol of unity. You can light a single candle to represent loved ones that have passed away.
• Flowers: If your parent had a favorite type of flower, you can include those in your wedding decor. Alternatively, choose flowers that symbolize remembrance, like rosemary or pansies.
• Moment of silence: Holding a moment of reflection is a way to honor your loved one and include your guests in the tribute. Ask your wedding officiant to announce a moment of silence at the start of the ceremony or before you exchange rings.
• Poetry or quotes: During the ceremony, have your officiant read a poem or quote that evokes a great memory of your loved one.

During the reception

• Toast: Raise a glass to your deceased parent and encourage your whole family and guests to honor them. Consider toasting with their favorite drink.
• Play their favorite song: Playing your loved one's favorite song is a great way to start the party and keep their memory close.
• Display photos: Set up a table to honor your loved one with their favorite photos in beautiful frames.
• Signature drink: What was their go-to drink? Find a way to work it into cocktail hour and consider naming the drink after them.
• Share a recipe: Did your parent have a favorite recipe? Share it with your guests. It could be a cherished dessert or an appetizer they made for family get-togethers.

Remember, you don't have to plan anything special if it's going to be too emotional for you on your wedding day. Check in with yourself and others who may also be sensitive about the situation.

Honoring deceased parents with a memorial table

Location and Setup:

• The memorial table is typically placed near the guest book and gift area, allowing guests to acknowledge and remember the loved ones who have passed away without drawing attention away from the festivities.
• Ensure the table is easily accessible and provides a comfortable, quiet space for guests to pay their respects and reflect privately if they wish.
• Decorate the table with framed photos, candles, flowers, and meaningful items representing the deceased loved ones. You may also include a candle that can be lit during the ceremony in their honor.

Personal Items and Mementos:

• As the saying goes, "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue." Consider carrying or wearing a memento, such as their cufflinks, handkerchief, or an heirloom piece of jewelry, with you during the ceremony or reception.
• If your parent was known for their culinary skills, include a special recipe of theirs in your program or serve it during the reception. You can add a note such as, "Although she cannot be here today, we honor her by including her recipe. Please use it to spread love and joy in your own families."

Involving Guests:

• Involve your guests in honoring your deceased parent by holding a short candle-lighting ceremony or including a moment of reflection during the ceremony. The officiant can introduce this moment with a brief statement and ask guests to pause for a moment to reflect.
• Play your parent's favorite song during the reception or as part of your playlist. This will keep their memory close as you celebrate.
• If your father has passed away, consider inviting a trusted loved one, such as an uncle, family friend, or sibling, to dance with you in his place during the father-daughter dance.

Memorial Table Ideas:

• Create a memory box where guests can write down and share their favorite memories of your late loved ones.
• Display family photos, heirlooms, or other items that remind you of your parents.
• If your parent had a favorite type of flower, include them in your memorial table arrangement or use them as a centerpiece. Flowers such as rosemary or pansies symbolize remembrance.
• Add a special note or dedication in your wedding program, such as "On this joyous day, we remember those who could not be with us and hold their memory close to our hearts."

Frequently asked questions