Giving Myself Away: Wedding Tradition Reimagined

The tradition of giving away the bride has evolved over the years. In the past, women were viewed as property, and the act of giving away the bride represented a transfer of ownership from her father to her husband. Today, the tradition is seen as a gesture of uniting families and showing love and respect for the new marriage. Couples now have the freedom to reinvent this tradition to suit their beliefs and family dynamics. Some brides choose to walk down the aisle with their father, while others opt to walk with both parents or even by themselves, demonstrating that marrying their partner is their choice. Ultimately, the decision of whether to include the giving away tradition in a wedding ceremony rests with the couple, who can personalise it or discard it as they see fit.

Walking down the aisle alone

Walking down the aisle solo is also a way to honour your own journey and the life you are leaving behind as you start a new chapter. It can be a symbolic move that demonstrates you are an independent woman, confident in your choice of partner. It is a way to showcase your strength and autonomy, and to assert that you do not need to be "given away" as you are more than capable of giving yourself.

If you decide to walk down the aisle alone, you can still incorporate meaningful moments into this part of the ceremony. For example, you could hug your parents and show them to their seats before continuing down the aisle. You could also have your parents or another significant person in your life give a reading or blessing during the ceremony to include them in a different way.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to walk down the aisle alone or be escorted is a personal one. You may want to take some time to think about the different options and how they would make you feel. There is no right or wrong choice, and you should go with the option that feels most comfortable and authentic to you.

Asking someone else to walk you down the aisle

When deciding who to ask, consider choosing someone who brings you a sense of calm and who you have a strong relationship with. This person should be someone who has supported you in the past and will continue to do so in your new chapter of life.

There are many ways to ask someone to be your wedding ceremony escort. Here are some ideas:

• Write a thoughtful letter or card. Share some memories and explain why you think they would be the perfect person to walk you down the aisle.
• Spend the day with them. Plan a fun outing or do something you both enjoy together, like a baseball game or getting your nails done. You can ask them during this quality time or celebrate with them knowing you've already popped the question.
• Send them a gift. Flowers, treats, a personalised glass, a vase, a handkerchief, a wine gift box, or socks for the big day are all great options. You can even include a note with your request.
• Ask them in person at a meaningful location. Invite them to a special restaurant or a place with good memories. You can also ask them at a place you've always wanted to try or an upscale spot to match the tone of the occasion.
• Offer to pay for their hair and makeup on the wedding day and invite them to join in on the morning-of festivities.
• Give them a picture that shows how special they are to you. You could also give them an empty frame and let them know they can put a picture of them walking you down the aisle in it.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to ask, so do what feels authentic and comfortable for you.

Rewording the tradition

The tradition of "giving away" the bride is rooted in the idea of women being considered property. In the past, a father would give his daughter away in exchange for a dowry, essentially selling her. Understandably, many modern brides are uncomfortable with this tradition and are choosing to adapt or forgo it altogether.

• Involve both your parents: Instead of the traditional "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?", the officiant can ask, "Who presents this woman to be married to this man?". The bride's parents can then reply together, "Her mother and I do" or "Her family and I do".
• Make it about both partners and both sets of parents: The officiant can ask, "Who presents this woman and this man to be married to each other?". All parents can then reply in unison, "We do".
• A feminist option: The officiant can ask, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?". The bride can then reply, "She gives herself, but with her family's blessing.".
• Walk with both parents: The bride can walk down the aisle accompanied by both her mother and father, without the traditional "giving away" language.
• Walk with your partner: The bride and groom can walk down the aisle together, demonstrating that they are choosing to be there and come together as a family.
• Skip the aisle walk: The couple can choose to mingle with their guests at the beginning of the night and then walk together with their guests to the ceremony space.
• Meet in the middle: One partner walks halfway down the aisle, and then the other meets them, and they walk the rest of the way together.
• Honour your father in a different way: Instead of having your father give you away, you can honour his role in your life in another way, such as by asking him to read a poem or give a blessing.

Walking down the aisle with your partner

If you are planning to walk down the aisle with your partner, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, decide who will walk with whom. Some couples choose to walk side by side, while others prefer to walk towards each other from opposite ends of the aisle and meet in the middle. Another option is for one partner to walk halfway down the aisle alone and then be joined by the other partner for the remainder of the walk. This last option symbolises the couple's journey towards each other and their decision to unite as one.

Additionally, consider the choreography of the walk. Will you walk slowly or at a brisk pace? Will you hold hands, link arms, or simply walk side by side? Will there be any pauses or turns along the way?

Finally, think about the music that will accompany your walk down the aisle. Choose a song or instrumental piece that holds special meaning for you as a couple or reflects the mood and tone you want to set for the ceremony.

Remember, there are no rules when it comes to your wedding. You can personalise your walk down the aisle in any way that feels right for you and your partner. The most important thing is that you both feel comfortable and happy with the decision.

Having no aisle walk at all

The idea of being "given away" at a wedding is rooted in the antiquated notion of women being considered property. In the past, a bride's father would "give her away" to her husband, symbolising the transfer of ownership from father to husband. Thankfully, this practice has evolved, and modern brides often choose to discard or challenge this tradition.

One alternative is to simply skip the aisle walk altogether. This option is becoming increasingly popular, with about three-quarters of couples choosing to forgo the traditional aisle walk in favour of a more seamless, music-only entrance. This option allows the couple to enter the ceremony space to the backdrop of their chosen processional song, creating a smooth and uninterrupted transition into their wedding ceremony.

Another variation of this idea is for the couple to mingle with their guests at the beginning of the night and then lead their guests in a procession to the ceremony space. This approach creates a sense of community and involvement for the guests and can be a beautiful way to start the ceremony.

For those who want to include their family in the ceremony but don't want to be "given away," there are a few options. One idea is to walk down the aisle with both parents, hugging them and showing them to their seats before taking your place at the altar. This option allows you to honour your parents without implying that you are their property being transferred to your new spouse.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to include an aisle walk in your wedding is a personal one. Many brides choose to walk down the aisle alone as a symbolic gesture of their independence and confidence in their choice of partner. This option empowers the bride and reinforces the idea that the decision to marry is hers and hers alone.

Whatever you decide, remember that there are no rules when it comes to your wedding. Feel free to break with tradition and create a ceremony that reflects your unique personality and values.

Frequently asked questions