Married First, Wedding Later: A Valid Option?

Getting married before having a wedding can be a great option for many couples, and it's becoming increasingly common. There are several reasons why couples might choose to do this, such as having a destination wedding, reducing stress, enjoying the benefits of marriage, or including people who can't attend the big celebration. It can also be a way to have two celebrations and choose any date you want for your wedding. Ultimately, it's up to the couple to decide what works best for them and their situation.

Save money by having a small civil ceremony first

Weddings can be expensive, and if you're trying to save money, one option is to have a small civil ceremony first and then a larger celebration later. This can be a great way to get the legalities out of the way and then plan a bigger event when you have more financial flexibility. Here are some things to consider if you're thinking of going down this route:

Legal Requirements

Firstly, it's important to understand the legal requirements for getting married. While you don't need to have a traditional wedding ceremony, there are still some legal steps you need to take. This includes applying for a marriage license, exchanging a declaration of intent to marry in front of an authorized officiant and any required witnesses, having the officiant sign your license, and returning the completed license to the appropriate office.

Courthouse Wedding

One option for a small civil ceremony is to have a courthouse wedding. This typically involves going to the courthouse with your partner, a judge, and a few witnesses. The process is usually straightforward and simple, and the cost is relatively low (often less than $100). This type of ceremony is perfect for couples who want a no-frills, quick, and inexpensive option.

Timing and Finances

If you choose to have a small civil ceremony first, consider the timing of your larger celebration. Some couples choose to have the celebration soon after the civil ceremony, while others wait until they have more financial stability. Weigh your priorities and financial situation to decide which option is best for you.

Full Day Celebration or Short Ceremony

Another thing to consider is whether you want your civil ceremony to be a full-day celebration or a short, quick ceremony. If you opt for a full-day celebration, you can spend the day with your partner doing activities you both enjoy, such as having a picnic, going for a hike, or sharing a meal cooked by a private chef. On the other hand, if you prefer a short and sweet ceremony, a quick trip to the courthouse might be the best option.

Religious Elements

If you and your partner are not religious, don't share the same religion, or simply don't want your religious beliefs to be part of your ceremony, a civil ceremony can be a good option. A civil ceremony is performed by a government official who is not affiliated with any organized religion. However, you can still incorporate religious elements into your civil ceremony if you choose to.

Celebration of Marriage

If you have a small civil ceremony first, your larger celebration later will be a "Celebration of Marriage" or a vow renewal since you are already technically married. You can still make this celebration as elaborate or simple as you like and include many of the traditional elements of a wedding, such as exchanging rings and vows.

By having a small civil ceremony first and a larger celebration later, you can save money, reduce stress, and still have the wedding of your dreams when the time is right. It's a great option for couples who want to get married without breaking the bank.

Avoid the stress of planning a big wedding

Planning a wedding can be stressful and overwhelming, especially without the help of a professional wedding coordinator. If you're feeling daunted by the task, one way to reduce stress is to separate the legal marriage from the celebration.

Firstly, decide whether you want to keep your legal wedding a secret or be open about it with your guests. Keeping it a secret may be the best option if you want to avoid any potential hurt feelings from guests who weren't invited to the initial ceremony. However, being transparent about it can help to avoid any confusion and ensure your guests understand the situation.

Reduce Wedding Day Anxiety

Getting married beforehand can help to minimise your fears and worries about what could go wrong on your wedding day, especially in front of a large crowd. By separating the legal ceremony from the celebration, you can view your wedding day as a fun party with friends and family rather than a monumental and stressful occasion.

Focus on the Intimacy of Your Vows

If you feel overwhelmed about committing to your partner in front of a large number of guests, an initial private ceremony allows you to fully focus on the intimacy of your vows and the commitment you're making.

Take the Pressure Off the "Perfect Day"

A lot of stress can come from the expectation of having a "perfect" wedding day. By getting legally married beforehand, you can take the pressure off and focus on enjoying the celebration with your loved ones.

Extended Wedding Celebrations

Splitting your legal ceremony and wedding celebration into separate dates gives you more time to savour the special moments. It also allows you to wear your wedding attire multiple times and spread out the costs of the reception.

Save Money

Elaborate weddings and receptions can be expensive, and the costs can quickly add up. By opting for a small civil ceremony first, you can save money and then take your time to build your budget for the larger celebration.

Share an Intimate Moment

Not everyone wants to exchange vows and become married in front of a large crowd. Eloping or having a small civil ceremony allows you and your partner to share a private, sentimental experience with only your closest friends and family.

Less Coordination

On your wedding day, you'll need to coordinate with various vendors, such as the photographer, caterer, DJ or band, and ensure your guests are greeted and taken care of. By separating the legal ceremony from the celebration, you'll have less to worry about on the day and can focus on having fun with your guests.

So, if you're feeling stressed about planning a big wedding, consider getting legally married first and then taking your time to plan a celebration. This approach can help reduce anxiety, save money, and create a more intimate and enjoyable experience for you and your partner.

Share an intimate moment with your partner

Sharing an intimate moment with your partner is a great reason to consider getting legally married before your wedding ceremony and celebration. Exchanging vows and becoming husband and wife are private moments that not everyone wants to share with a large crowd. By eloping or having a small private ceremony, you and your partner can focus on the significance of the day and your commitment to each other.

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and it's easy to become overwhelmed. On your wedding day, you will not only be getting married but also coordinating with vendors, greeting guests, and more. By getting legally married beforehand, you can minimize your stress and take your time planning a celebration for a later date. You will have less to worry about when you elope because the ceremony will have fewer guests and festivities.

You can also keep your celebration going by breaking up your wedding and reception into separate dates. This gives you more time to savour the experience and wear your wedding garments multiple times!

Additionally, eloping or having a small private ceremony first can help you spread the costs of your wedding and reception. Elaborate weddings and receptions are expensive and require booking vendors, venues, and more. By having a small, intimate ceremony first, you can take the time to save up and plan your dream reception for a future date.

If you're considering this option, be sure to check the requirements for obtaining a marriage license in your area, as they vary by state and county. You may also need to bring a witness or two, so choose those closest to you and your partner to make the occasion more memorable.

Remember, your wedding is about you and your partner, so do what feels right for both of you. Whether you decide to get legally married first or wait until your wedding day, make sure it's a decision that aligns with your values and priorities as a couple.

Make your wedding day less nerve-wracking

Yes, you can get legally married and then have a ceremony and reception later. This can be a great option if you're experiencing financial difficulties or if you're unable to have the wedding you want right away due to other circumstances. In this case, you can treat the later celebration as a "Celebration of Marriage" or a vow renewal.

Now, here are some tips to make your wedding day less nerve-wracking:

Delegate tasks and ask for help

If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't be afraid to delegate tasks to family members, friends, or a wedding planner. Trying to control every aspect of the wedding planning process can increase stress and anxiety. Allow yourself to let go and trust others to help make your vision a reality.

Don't compare your wedding to others

Social media can put a lot of pressure on couples to have the perfect wedding. Remember that your wedding should reflect who you are as a couple. Focus on your dreams and what's important to you, rather than trying to outdo others.

Plan ahead and be prepared

Create a detailed plan and try to organise as much as possible in advance. This will help you feel more in control and reduce last-minute stress. Have a backup plan for potential issues, such as bad weather.

Take care of your physical and mental health

Wedding planning can be exhausting, so make sure to prioritise self-care. Eat healthy meals, exercise, and get enough sleep. Incorporate stress-reducing foods like dark chocolate, green tea, and avocado into your diet. Practise deep breathing and meditation to calm your mind and body.

Spend quality time with your partner

Don't forget to spend time with your partner in the lead-up to the wedding. This will help you stay connected and focused on why you're getting married. Plan dates or activities that are unrelated to the wedding to take your mind off the planning and enjoy each other's company.

Don't strive for perfection

Recognise that imperfections are part of what makes your wedding day unique and special. Embrace the unexpected moments and focus on the love and commitment you're celebrating.

Spread out the cost of your wedding and reception

Weddings can be expensive, and costs can quickly add up. If you're looking to spread out the cost of your wedding and reception, here are some tips to consider:

Eloping and Postponing the Reception

Eloping with a small group of guests is significantly cheaper than throwing a big wedding. By choosing to elope first and have a larger celebration later, you can spread out the costs. This option also comes with several benefits, such as having a more intimate moment with your partner and reducing the stress of planning a large event. You can take your time to save up and plan the reception of your dreams without compromising on the wedding itself.

Destination Weddings

If you're planning a destination wedding in another country, you may need to apply for your marriage license in your hometown first. This involves heading to the local courthouse, filling out the necessary paperwork, and becoming legally married before your destination wedding. By separating the legal process from the celebration, you can better manage your budget and plan for any additional costs associated with your dream location.

Intimate Civil Ceremony

A civil ceremony is a non-religious, legal marriage ceremony that can be a more affordable option. These ceremonies often take place at city hall and can be attended by a small group of guests. By opting for a civil ceremony first and a larger reception later, you can reduce the initial costs while still having the celebration you want. Remember to check the requirements for obtaining a marriage license, as fees, documentation, and waiting periods may vary depending on your location.

Extended Wedding Celebrations

Instead of having your wedding and reception on the same day, you can choose to spread out the events. By separating the wedding and reception, you'll have more time to enjoy each part of your celebration and create lasting memories. This option also gives you the opportunity to wear your wedding garments for both events and make the most of your dream outfit!

Prioritize and Plan

If you have your heart set on a particular venue or vendor, you can start by booking the essentials first and spreading out the payments. Prioritize what is most important to you and your partner, whether it's the dream venue, a specific band or DJ, or a particular caterer. By booking the must-haves first and spacing out the payments, you can better manage your budget and ensure you're getting the key elements you want for your special day.

Frequently asked questions