Officiating Your Own Wedding: Is It Possible?

While the idea of officiating your own wedding may seem unconventional, it is a valid option in several US states. This type of wedding, known as a self-uniting or self-solemnizing marriage, allows couples to marry without the presence of a third-party officiant. While the specific requirements vary by state, this option is particularly appealing to those seeking a more personalized, intimate, and spontaneous ceremony. In some states, such as Pennsylvania, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Colorado, couples can legally marry themselves with only a few witnesses present and the necessary paperwork. However, it's important to note that most states require a third-party officiant, and it's essential to understand the local regulations before planning a self-uniting marriage.

Self-uniting marriage: a ceremony without a third-party officiant

A self-uniting marriage is a ceremony where a couple gets married without a third-party officiant. This type of marriage is sometimes called a "Quaker marriage" due to its roots in the marriage practice of the Religious Society of Friends, where members believe they have a direct connection to God and don't need a middleman to sanctify their marriage.

In the United States, self-uniting marriages are legally recognised in nine states: California, Colorado, Illinois, Kansas, Maine, Nevada, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and the District of Columbia. However, the requirements and stipulations for obtaining a self-uniting marriage license vary by state and even by county within a state. For example, in California, couples can obtain a "non-clergy marriage" license by specifying their religious society or denomination, while in Pennsylvania, self-uniting marriages have been recognised for centuries due to the state's strong Quaker roots and history of religious tolerance.

While some states, like Colorado, have no requirements for witnesses, others, like Pennsylvania and Maine, require two witnesses above the age of 18 to legally witness and sign off on the self-uniting marriage. It's important to note that even within a state that allows self-uniting marriages, certain counties may not offer this form of license or may restrict it to members of specific religions.

The process of obtaining a self-uniting marriage license typically involves appearing in person with your partner at the local marriage license bureau or county clerk's office. You will need to provide identification, historical information about your parents, and, if applicable, a certificate of divorce or death certificate of a previous spouse. The cost of the license varies by location, ranging from \$30 in Colorado to \$100 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Self-uniting marriages offer couples the flexibility to personalise their wedding ceremony according to their unique values, beliefs, and preferences. They can choose to include elements like exchanging personalised vows or having a family member or friend preside over the ceremony, creating an intimate and meaningful experience.

Civil wedding: another type of ceremony without an officiant

A civil wedding is a specific type of secular wedding ceremony. Secular marriage ceremonies are non-religious and non-spiritual, focusing on marriage as a legal and loving partnership between two people. Civil weddings are performed by government officials and appointed legal officiants, such as your local town clerk or county judge. While many civil ceremonies take place at a courthouse, town hall, or city hall, they can also be held at your home, in a local park, or another location if an official is willing to travel.

Civil ceremonies are generally short, following a standard script, and may not allow guests or only a limited number of guests. Couples may exchange written vows or wedding rings, but this is not required. The ceremony usually includes a familiar exchange of promises and vows, such as promises to 'love and cherish' each other and treat each other with respect and compassion.

In some US states, such as Pennsylvania, Illinois, Wisconsin, Colorado, the District of Columbia, California, Maine, Nevada, and Kansas, couples can have a self-uniting or self-solemnizing marriage. This means no third party, such as an officiant, is required for the marriage to be official. However, regulations vary by state and city, so it is essential to research the specific requirements of your location.

While a civil wedding or self-uniting marriage may not allow for much personalization, they offer a simple and affordable way to get married. They are ideal for couples who want a non-religious wedding or prefer an intimate ceremony without the need for an officiant.

State-specific rules: each state has its own rules about who can officiate

State-specific rules vary widely in the US, and it is the responsibility of the officiant to know the laws of the state (and sometimes the county) in which they are officiating. While your ordination is valid in all US states and territories, except Nevada and Virginia, each state has its own rules about who can officiate.

In Alabama, for example, any licensed minister of the gospel in regular communion with the Christian church or society of which he is a member may perform marriages. In Alaska, the minister, priest, or rabbi of any church or congregation in the state may perform marriages. In Arizona, any licensed or ordained clergyman may perform marriages. In Arkansas, any regularly ordained minister or priest of any religious sect or denomination may perform marriages.

Some states require officiants to register with the government. For instance, in Nevada, only ordained ministers in good standing with their denomination, and whose denomination is incorporated, organized, or established in Nevada, may perform marriages. Ministers are required to apply for a certificate of permission to perform marriages. In Ohio, to have legally recognized clergy status, one must have ordination papers from a church recognized in Ohio.

Some states require officiants to be US citizens. For example, in Nevada, minister registration laws make it prohibitive for non-US citizens to officiate wedding ceremonies. However, in most states, non-US citizens can officiate weddings.

While it is uncommon and generally not permitted, it may be possible to officiate your own wedding in certain states. Self-uniting or self-solemnizing marriages are possible in the District of Columbia, California, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Wisconsin, Colorado, Kansas, and Maine. However, each state has different requirements and regulations, and some still require the presence of a witness or two. It is important to carefully read and understand your state's policies and contact local authorities to ensure compliance with local marriage laws.

Getting ordained: the process of becoming qualified to perform weddings

The process of becoming qualified to perform weddings involves getting ordained, which can be done online or through the official process at the local county clerk's office. Here is a step-by-step guide on how to get ordained and officiate a wedding:

• Get Ordained: Check if the state where the wedding will take place requires officiants to be ordained ministers. If so, you can get ordained online through organizations like American Marriage Ministries, Universal Life Church, or Universal Ministries. Some states may have additional registration requirements, so be sure to review the local laws.
• Wedding Officiant Training: Beyond ordination, you can also receive training on officiating weddings, including information on government officiant registration, writing a ceremony script, and understanding marriage licenses.
• Spend Time with the Couple: Meet with the couple before the wedding to go over the marriage license and understand their vision for the ceremony. This will help you personalize the ceremony and make it more meaningful.
• Plan the Ceremony: Collaborate with the couple, wedding planner, and other participants to create a ceremony script that includes all the necessary legal requirements and personal touches.
• Rehearse and Refine: Practice your script aloud to ensure it stays within the designated time frame and make any necessary adjustments. Rehearse with a friend to get feedback and improve your delivery.
• Track the Marriage License: Remind the couple to obtain their marriage license within the required time frame and ensure it is available on the wedding day.
• Officiate the Ceremony: On the wedding day, conduct the ceremony according to the couple's wishes, sign the marriage license, and return it to the local county clerk's office within the specified timeframe.

Remember that the laws and requirements for officiating weddings vary from state to state, so it is important to research and understand the specific rules for the state where the wedding will take place.

Witnesses: some states require witnesses in place of an officiant

In some states, an officiant is not required for a wedding, and a couple can marry in front of witnesses and submit the necessary paperwork to the state. This is known as a self-uniting or self-solemnizing marriage.

Pennsylvania, for example, only requires the signatures of two witnesses in place of an officiant. Similarly, California allows "non-clergy marriages" if specified forms, including the signatures of two witnesses, are completed and filed.

Colorado is one of two states that allow self-solemnization without any restrictions or the need for witnesses.

In Wisconsin, self-uniting marriages are permitted according to the rules and regulations of the religious society, denomination, or sect to which the couple belongs. The county clerk may ask about the couple's religious affiliation and request proof of it. Secular humanism is an acceptable religious affiliation for obtaining a self-uniting marriage license in Wisconsin.

In the District of Columbia, couples can also officiate their own weddings, but specific religious affiliations may need to be noted on the forms and/or marriage license.

Frequently asked questions