Choosing Friends As Bridesmaids: A Valid Option?

Choosing your wedding party can be a daunting task, especially when it comes to friends. How long you've known someone doesn't necessarily dictate whether or not they should be a bridesmaid. Some people opt to include friends they've known for years, while others go for newer friends. It's also worth noting that you're not obligated to have a bridal party at all. If you're unsure about whether to include a friend as a bridesmaid, consider factors such as the depth of your friendship, how often you talk or see each other, and whether you can imagine getting married without them by your side. Ultimately, it's your decision, and you should choose the people who are closest to you and will support you on your special day.

How to choose bridesmaids without upsetting friends

Choosing your bridesmaids can be a stressful task, especially when you want to avoid upsetting your friends. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

Consider the Nature of Your Friendship

The strength of your bond with a potential bridesmaid should be based on how close you are in the present, rather than the length of your friendship. Choose friends that you genuinely trust, enjoy spending time with, and who make you feel special. It is also important to select individuals who will be supportive of your relationship and life goals, and will continue to be there for you even after the wedding. If you have drifted apart from a friend or had a falling out, it is understandable if you decide not to include them in your bridal party.

Evaluate Their Supportiveness and Potential Complications

When choosing your bridesmaids, consider how supportive each person is and whether they will complicate the wedding planning process. Planning a wedding can be stressful, and you don't need anyone complaining about every decision you make. Faithful friends who know you on a personal level, love and support your partner, and are available to help on your big day are ideal choices.

Be Mindful of Reciprocity

If a friend has asked you to be a bridesmaid at their wedding, you may feel obligated to return the favour. However, this is not a requirement, especially if the wedding was more than a few years ago and your friendship has changed or faded over time. If the wedding was recent (within the last three years), it is polite to consider reciprocating. If you decide not to include them as a bridesmaid, you can still invite them to attend your wedding as a guest or involve them in other ways, such as having them prepare a speech at the rehearsal dinner or helping you get ready on the day.

Keep Your Wedding Party Size in Mind

The size of your wedding party can influence your choices. If you prefer a smaller bridal party, it is understandable if only your closest friends or family members are included. However, if you plan to have a large bridal party, you may want to consider adding more people to avoid hurt feelings. It is essential to decide on the size of your wedding party with your partner, as your sides of the altar don't need to be completely even.

Be Honest and Communicate Your Value

When deciding who will not be a bridesmaid, honesty is crucial. If a friend assumes or hints that they expect to be a bridesmaid, it is best to gently let them know that they are not part of the wedding party. You can explain your decision while also expressing your value for their friendship and asking if they would like to be involved in other ways, such as doing a reading during the ceremony or helping with wedding preparations. While these conversations may be difficult, they can help prevent potential misunderstandings and preserve your friendships.

Include Friends in Other Ways

There are numerous ways to include friends who are not bridesmaids in your wedding celebrations and activities. You can invite them to join you for cake tasting, wine and alcohol tastings, pre-wedding pampering sessions, or ask them to help with wedding decorations or oversee the guest book. They can also be included in your bridal shower, bachelorette party, or other wedding-related events. By giving them other roles, you show that you value their friendship and want them to feel involved.

Remember, choosing your bridesmaids is a personal decision, and it's important to select individuals who will make your wedding day truly special and provide the support you need. Be thoughtful and considerate in your approach, and try to find ways to involve your friends, even if they are not part of the bridal party.

How long you've known a friend doesn't always matter

When it comes to choosing your bridesmaids, there are many factors to consider. While it's an honour to be asked, it can also be a stressful and expensive undertaking, so it's important to choose carefully and not feel pressured into selecting someone out of obligation.

Firstly, it's crucial to decide how big you want your bridal party to be. A large group of bridesmaids and groomsmen can be fun, but it can also be costly and logistically challenging. On the other hand, a smaller bridal party can be more intimate and easier to manage. It's also worth noting that you don't have to have a bridal party at all if you don't want to – it's your wedding, and you can choose to forgo this tradition entirely.

Now, regarding the question of whether friends of two years can be bridesmaids: the simple answer is yes. The length of your friendship doesn't always dictate the strength of your bond. Sometimes, we click with someone instantly and know they will be a lifelong friend. Other times, a friendship develops slowly over time. It's not about how long you've known each other but the depth of your connection and how well you know each other.

When choosing your bridesmaids, consider the people you are closest to and who have supported you through thick and thin. These could be old friends from childhood, college roommates, or even newer friends you've made in recent years. The key is to pick people who you can't imagine getting married without by your side. It's also a good idea to think about whether you would be excited to be a bridesmaid if they were getting married. If the answer is yes, then they are likely a good choice for your bridal party.

Remember, your bridal party should ultimately be comprised of people who make you happy and who you want to celebrate this special day with. Don't worry too much about the length of your friendships or feeling obligated to include certain people. Go with your gut, and choose the friends who you truly want standing beside you on your wedding day.

How to include friends in a wedding without making them bridesmaids

There are many ways to include friends in a wedding without making them bridesmaids. Here are some suggestions:

Involve them in pre-wedding activities

Ask your friends to join you for a private celebration before the wedding, such as a bridal luncheon or a spa day. This is a great opportunity to spend quality time with your friends and make them feel valued. You can also include them in your bachelorette party or bridal shower, where they can help with planning and organising.

Ask them to get ready with you

One of the special moments of the wedding day is getting ready with your closest friends. You can still enjoy this experience with your friends, even if they are not bridesmaids. Offer to spring for hair and makeup services, and enjoy mimosas and music while getting ready together.

Include them in wedding photos

Make sure to get some special photos with your friends at the wedding. This will ensure they feel included and valued, and it will be a lasting memory of their importance to you.

Invite them dress shopping

Your friends can still be part of the fun of choosing your wedding dress, even if they are not bridesmaids. Ask them to join you for dress shopping, and they can give you advice and share this exciting experience.

Ask them to do a reading or perform at the ceremony

If your friend is comfortable with public speaking, you could ask them to do a reading during the ceremony. Alternatively, they could sing a meaningful song, play an instrument, or lead a prayer. This is a wonderful way to include them in the nuptials and make them feel honoured.

Assign them special roles based on their talents

Think about your friend's talents and how you can incorporate them into the wedding. For example, if they are creative, they could design your bouquet or do your makeup. If they are good with people, they could help your families mingle. If they are organised, they could act as the Day of Coordinator. These special roles will make your friends feel important and valued.

Ask them to be "honoured guests"

You can still involve your friends in the procession and give them a special role as "honoured guests". For example, you could ask them to walk down the aisle with a flower or a pin, or give them a special place to sit during the reception. This way, they feel honoured without the additional costs and responsibilities of being a bridesmaid.

Include them in other wedding events

There are many other wedding events where you can involve your friends, such as the rehearsal dinner. You could ask them to say a few words, make a speech, or propose a toast. This will make them feel included and valued.

Remember, there are no rules when it comes to your wedding. You can involve your friends in whatever way feels right to you, and they will surely appreciate being included in your special day.

How to politely decline a friend's request to be a bridesmaid

Being asked to be a bridesmaid by a friend is exciting, but it can also be a big ask in terms of time, energy and money. If you've been asked to be a bridesmaid and you don't want to accept, it's important to decline as politely as possible to avoid hurting your friend's feelings or damaging your friendship. Here are some tips on how to do this:

Be Honest and Direct

Explain to your friend that you have a lot on your plate and that you don't want your other commitments to detract from her celebration. Be frank about the financial burden—ask her for an estimate of the costs involved and be upfront about your budget. It's also a good idea to offer alternative ways to be involved, such as helping with the bridal shower or bachelorette party, giving a speech at the rehearsal dinner, or being part of the wedding in another way.

Be Kind and Gentle

Saying no should be done gently and with good reason. Present your reasons for being unable to fulfil the commitment in a soft, thoughtful and measured way. Remember, it's her special day, so try to be as understanding as possible while still standing your ground.

Don't Wait Too Long to Decline

If you know from the start that you can't be a bridesmaid, it's best to let your friend know as soon as possible. This will give her time to make other arrangements and avoid any last-minute disruptions. However, if you initially say yes but then have to change your answer due to unforeseen issues, most good friends will understand.

Offer Alternative Ways to Celebrate

If you're unable to commit to being a bridesmaid, offer other ways to celebrate your friend's wedding. You could take her out for dinner and drinks, or find other local ways to mark the occasion. This will show her that you care about her and are still excited for her special day, even if you can't be part of the bridal party.

Example Scripts

"I am so honoured that you asked me to be in your wedding. It's not easy for me to say this, but I'm unable to accept your invitation. You're a close friend, and I would love to be a part of your big day in some way, but I'm dealing with some personal issues right now and I don't want to take away from your happiness during this exciting time."

"I am thrilled for you and your partner. Being part of a wedding is a big commitment, and unfortunately, I'm not in a position to devote the necessary time and energy. I hope you understand, and please know that I value our friendship and will always support you."

Remember, it's important to be sensitive and considerate when declining a friend's request to be a bridesmaid. Be honest, kind and timely in your response, and try to offer alternative ways to celebrate and support your friend's wedding.

Can married friends be bridesmaids?

While traditionally, bridesmaids were chosen from unwed young women of marriageable age, this is no longer the case. You can absolutely have married friends as bridesmaids! The idea that a bride needs to be surrounded by unmarried women is an outdated tradition, and unless all your closest friends are unmarried, there is no reason to abide by this. Being a bridesmaid is more like being a "Ms." than a "Miss."

Ask the people that matter to you, and don't worry about the titles. You can refer to a married friend as a bridesmaid in your programs and everywhere else, with no need for a "matron" or "bridesmatron" title. It is your wedding, and you can do it however you want.

If you are concerned about the number of people in your bridal party, it might be worth adding one more person to avoid hurt feelings. However, if you would rather have a smaller bridal party, no one will be offended if you don't include them. It is also important to remember that you are not obligated to include someone in your bridal party just because they included you in theirs.

Frequently asked questions