The Best Man: Family Ties And Nuptial Bliss

Choosing a best man is a significant decision, and while it is often a friend, family members are also commonly selected. The role of the best man is crucial to the wedding, and the person chosen will be sharing the spotlight with the newlyweds. The best man is typically responsible for the rings, organising rehearsals, giving a speech, handling administrative tasks, and providing toasts. In addition, the best man is expected to be a reliable and trusted companion to the groom, offering moral support and ensuring the groom doesn't get cold feet! While there is no obligation to choose a family member, it is a special way to honour a relative and include them in the wedding. A brother is often an ideal candidate as they know the groom well and can plan an appropriate bachelor party. However, there are some cons to consider, such as the potential for added family pressure, etiquette clashes, and the possibility of the family member being busy on the wedding day with other responsibilities. Ultimately, the decision rests with the groom, and it is essential to choose someone who meets the criteria and can fulfil the duties of this important role.

The pros of having a family member as your best man

There are many pros to having a family member as your best man. Firstly, it is a special honour for them and a great way to involve them in your big day. If you have a close relationship with your family member, you will love having them by your side.

Family members can provide supreme honesty throughout the wedding planning process. They always want what is best for you and can be relied on to give their true opinion when it comes to attire, venues, and other aspects of the planning process. No one knows you better than your family, so they can provide intuitive support throughout the journey and especially on the big day. They know your feelings better than anyone, know how to make you laugh, and can read your emotions.

In addition, it is common for the best man to be the groom's brother, so if you have a brother, this could be a great option. If you have multiple brothers, you could even have them both take on the role, or pair with a best friend.

The cons of having a family member as your best man

While it's a wonderful idea to honour a family member by making them your best man, there are some potential drawbacks to consider. Here are some cons of having a family member as your best man:

• Clash with Etiquette: Traditional etiquette suggests that certain wedding-related tasks, such as throwing a bridal shower or planning a bachelor/bachelorette party, are not typically handled by parents. Having a parent as your best man could lead to some awkwardness or complications in navigating these traditional roles and expectations.
• Busy on the Wedding Day: Your parents will likely have their own responsibilities and guests to attend to on your wedding day. Adding the duties of a best man, such as organising rehearsals, giving a speech, and handling administrative tasks, could make their day hectic and overwhelming.
• Takes a Spot Away from Someone Else: Choosing a family member as your best man means you may not be able to offer that role to a close friend or another relative. This could be a delicate situation, especially if you have multiple people vying for the position. Remember that your family members will likely feel special and appreciated regardless of their official role in the wedding party.
• Potential Awkwardness: While parents can offer honest advice and support throughout the wedding planning process, there may be certain pre-wedding events or activities where their presence could be uncomfortable for you or other attendees. For example, you may not feel completely free to "let loose" at your bachelor/bachelorette party if one of your parents is in attendance.
• Conflict of Interest: In some cases, a family member may have their own opinions about your wedding plans that differ from yours. They might have a harder time staying objective and may offer unsolicited advice or try to influence your decisions in a way that isn't always helpful.

Remember, while these are potential cons, every family dynamic is unique, and you know your family best. If you feel that a family member would excel in the role of best man and make your wedding day even more special, don't be deterred by potential challenges. Communication and clear expectations can help mitigate many of these concerns.

The groom's brother as the best man

While it is not mandatory to have your brother as your best man, it is a common choice for grooms. If you are close to your brother, it can be a great way to honour him and include him in your wedding. However, if you are not close or prefer to choose someone else, that is also perfectly acceptable.

If you do decide to have your brother as your best man, there are several duties he will be expected to perform. These include planning the bachelor party and giving a speech. When writing the speech, it is a good idea to take a trip down memory lane, recalling funny stories and shared experiences from your childhood. You could also talk about how your brother and his new spouse complement each other and wish them a happy future together.

In addition to the speech, the best man is responsible for ensuring the rings are safe and brought to the ceremony, organising rehearsals, handling administrative tasks, and providing toasts. It is important that the best man is reliable, organised, and able to provide moral support to the groom.

If you have multiple brothers, you could consider having them all serve as best men or including them in other ways, such as groomsmen, ushers, or ring bearers.

The groom's parent as the best man

The role of the best man is an important one, second only to the bride and groom. The best man is responsible for a variety of duties, including ensuring the rings are present at the ceremony, organizing rehearsals, giving a speech, handling administrative tasks, and providing toasts. However, the most crucial duty is to provide moral support to the groom.

While it is not customary for the groom's father to be the best man, it is not unusual either. Ultimately, the choice of best man is the groom's decision, and he can choose whoever he wants, whether it is a friend or family member. Some grooms may opt for a close friend, while others may prefer to have their father, brother, uncle, or cousin by their side.

There are several advantages to choosing the groom's parent as the best man. Firstly, it is a special honor for the parent and a way to incorporate them into the wedding day. Secondly, parents can provide honest opinions and support throughout the planning process, as they know the groom better than anyone else.

However, there are also some potential drawbacks to consider. The groom's parent may already have responsibilities on the wedding day, such as mingling with their guests. Additionally, it could clash with traditional etiquette, especially if the parent is expected to plan and attend the bachelor or bachelorette party.

Ultimately, the decision rests with the groom, and there is no right or wrong answer. The groom's parent can be a great choice for best man if they have a close relationship, but it is essential to consider the potential pros and cons to make an informed decision.

Cultural expectations of the best man

The role of the best man comes with a set of cultural expectations that vary across different societies. In Western cultures, the best man is usually the groom's brother, father, uncle, cousin, or best friend. It is also acceptable for the groom to have two best men, who can divide the duties equally or perform a humorous 'double act' speech.

In Italy, the best man greets the wedding guests with a tray of liqueurs and cuts the groom's tie into little pieces. In parts of the US Midwest, the best man collects money in a hat to 'auction' the garter instead of throwing it. In Germany, the best man takes the bride to a bar, and the groom must rescue her and pay the bill.

Historically, the role of the best man was to protect the groom from any violent objections from the bride's family during the wedding ceremony. The best man was chosen for his strength and fighting skills, rather than his organisational abilities.

Frequently asked questions