A Prison Wedding: Can Families Attend?

Getting married in prison is a unique experience, and while most US prisons allow prisoners to marry, there are many restrictions and challenges to navigate. From obtaining a marriage license to choosing an officiant, the process is often complicated by legal hurdles, strict procedures, and security clearances. The non-incarcerated spouse typically handles the formalities, which can include premarital counseling, obtaining necessary documents, and adhering to prison regulations. The ceremony itself may be limited to a few guests, and traditional elements like music, cake, and a bridal bouquet are usually not allowed. While weddings in prison are far from conventional, they are a testament to the enduring power of love, even in the face of adversity.

Marriage license and paperwork

The first step in getting married to someone in prison is to confirm that the prison allows marriage ceremonies. Certain restrictions may apply to particular correctional institutions and inmates.

Once confirmed, the non-incarcerated future spouse typically handles the legalities and arrangements, as this process necessitates securing unique permissions and comprehensive knowledge of state laws.

The couple must complete all paperwork required by the prison. Many state and federal prisons require a packet of paperwork to be completed by both spouses before granting permission for the wedding to take place. The specific paperwork and procedures vary between facilities, so check with the warden or other appropriate prison officials to confirm what you'll need to submit. Some common paperwork requirements include proof that both spouses are of legal age to marry and a statement explaining why the wedding is being requested while one spouse is incarcerated.

The couple is also responsible for obtaining their marriage license with the help of their case manager or an administrator. Every state requires potential spouses to get a marriage license prior to becoming legally married. Contact the warden or other appropriate official in the facility to determine the process for obtaining this license. In most cases, the inmate and the non-incarcerated partner are responsible for any costs or fees associated with obtaining the marriage license.

The documents that prison authorities usually require are:

• Birth certificates of both parties
• Copies of the current divorce judgments from prior unions

The required paperwork varies depending on the facility. While some require more paperwork than others, some have minimal requests.

Guest restrictions

Guests must also be approved ahead of time and added to a visitors list. They may need to pass background checks or request approval prior to the ceremony. They will also be subject to clothing restrictions. For example, the facility may not allow heels, open-toed shoes, or clothing that exposes too much skin. Metal objects, such as belts, jewellery, and clothing decorations, are likely to set off metal detectors.

Dress code

Dressing for a wedding is always a challenge, but a prison wedding comes with its own unique set of considerations. Here is a guide to help you navigate the dress code for a prison wedding:

Clothing Restrictions

Most prisons have strict dress codes for wedding guests, which must be adhered to. It is important to research the specific requirements of the prison where the wedding will take place. Some general guidelines to keep in mind include:

• Avoid clothing that might be mistaken for inmate garb due to its colour or pattern, such as military attire or orange, khaki, or green shirts or pants.
• Bare skin must be covered. Low-cut necklines, spaghetti straps, and exposed waistlines are not allowed.
• Metal objects like belts, jewellery, and clothing decorations are not permitted as they will set off metal detectors.
• Costume jewellery is also not allowed as it will set off the alarm.
• High-heeled shoes with nails are prohibited.

What to Wear

• Opt for modest and conservative attire that adheres to the prison's dress code.
• Choose clothing made from lightweight and breathable fabrics to ensure comfort.
• Consider the weather conditions and dress appropriately.
• You can still look beautiful without the glitter and exposed skin. Be creative and remain positive.

What Not to Wear

• Revealing or form-fitting clothing is not appropriate for a prison wedding.
• Avoid clothing with multiple pockets or places for storing contraband, such as cummerbunds and flowing skirts, as they may result in a pat-down.
• Do not wear shoes with metal components, such as heels with nails, as they will set off the metal detectors.
• Leave any metal accessories, jewellery, and decorative clothing items at home.

Rings and other items

While a prison wedding may not be a conventional ceremony, it is still a celebration of love and commitment. Here are some considerations for rings and other items for the big day.

Rings

Rings are a traditional part of a wedding ceremony, symbolising the couple's love and commitment. However, not all prisons allow inmates to exchange wedding bands with their partners. Some facilities may permit the exchange of rings but with strict limitations on their design. Plain bands with no gems or additional components are generally allowed, and there may even be price restrictions. It is important to check with the specific prison to understand their policies on wedding rings.

Wedding Attire

The wedding attire for the couple and guests may be subject to the prison's dress code and security restrictions. Metal objects, such as jewellery, belts, and decorative clothing items, are likely to be prohibited due to security concerns. The prison may require the inmate to wear their standard uniform, while the spouse may be restricted from wearing a formal gown or tuxedo. It is advisable to consult the facility's guidelines to ensure compliance with their dress code.

Other Items

When it comes to other items and decorations, prisons typically have strict limitations. Music, wedding cakes, and elaborate photoshoots are often excluded from prison weddings. Some facilities may allow a few photographs to be taken, but this is subject to the prison's regulations. It is important to remember that the focus of the ceremony will be on the couple's vows and the celebration of their love, rather than the material aspects of a traditional wedding.

Gifts

While gifts are a customary part of a wedding celebration, they may not be feasible for a prison wedding due to security and logistical concerns. Instead, guests may consider sending gifts to the couple's home address or contributing to a honeymoon fund or other special experiences for the couple to enjoy after the inmate's release.

Communication and contact

• Be prepared for limited face-to-face interaction: Due to the restrictions in prisons, you may not have much time for in-person visits. Accept this reality and make the most of the communication channels you do have, such as letters and phone calls.
• Improve your writing skills: Writing letters can be a great way to express your thoughts and feelings when you can't be together in person. Take the time to write thoughtful, honest letters to your partner, and encourage them to do the same.
• Make the most of phone calls: Phone calls may be your primary means of direct communication with your incarcerated partner. Use this time to have meaningful conversations, and try to call as often as possible.
• Be honest and open: It's important to be honest with each other about your feelings, struggles, and mental health. This will help you solve problems together and ensure that you are both on the same page.
• Prepare for their release: The time after your partner's release can be challenging as you navigate life outside of prison together. Prepare in advance by creating a plan for this transition period to increase your chances of success.
• Think of your relationship as long-distance: Viewing your relationship as long-distance can help you mentally adjust to the separation and make you stronger between visits.
• Frequent visits: Try to visit your partner as often as possible, as allowed by the prison. This can help you maintain a sense of closeness and connection.
• Use secure communication channels: Some prisons may have restrictions on communication methods, so ensure you are using approved and secure channels to protect your privacy.
• Seek support: Being in a relationship with an incarcerated partner can be emotionally challenging. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you through this unique situation.
• Follow prison rules: Adhere to the prison's rules and regulations regarding communication and contact. This will help ensure that you don't lose privileges and can maintain a positive relationship with the prison staff.

Remember that communication and contact may look different when your partner is incarcerated, but that doesn't make your relationship any less valid or meaningful. Focus on the channels you do have, and make the most of them to maintain a strong connection with your partner.

Frequently asked questions