Christians And Cohabitation Weddings: To Attend Or Not?

Cohabitation is a common phenomenon in today's society, with more than two-thirds of couples choosing to live together before marriage. This trend has also made its way into the Christian community, with a majority of white evangelicals deeming it acceptable if the couple intends to marry. However, the question arises: Can Christians attend cohabitation weddings?

From a Christian perspective, cohabitation before marriage is generally discouraged as it contradicts the biblical ideals of purity and God's plan for marriage. The Bible emphasizes that sexual relations should be reserved for marriage, and cohabitation can lead to a higher risk of divorce and instability in the long run. Nevertheless, Christians are called to engage with the world and spread the light of Christ. Attending a cohabitation wedding can be an opportunity to support the couple and demonstrate Christian values without necessarily condoning their lifestyle choices.

Ultimately, the decision to attend such a wedding is a matter of personal discernment and prayer. Christians should weigh the potential impact on their witness and relationships while also considering the couple's level of religious understanding and the specific cultural context. In some cases, a private conversation with the couple or guidance from a pastor may be advisable before making a decision.

Cohabitation and God's plan for marriage

Cohabitation, or living together before marriage, is a common practice in today's society. However, from a Christian perspective, this practice raises several concerns and is not aligned with God's plan for marriage. Here are some key considerations regarding cohabitation and its implications for Christians:

God's Design for Marriage

God has a specific design and purpose for marriage, as outlined in the Bible. Marriage is intended to be a sacred covenant between a man and a woman, reflecting the relationship between God and the church (Ephesians 5:25-27). In biblical times, marriage was a significant step that involved a man building a home with his father before taking his bride to start their new life together. This tradition symbolized the importance of marriage as a lifelong commitment.

Sexual Intimacy and Covenant

Sex is meant to be a reaffirmation of the covenant between a married couple (Hebrews 13:4). It is a way of giving the deepest part of oneself to another person within the bonds of marriage. Cohabitation separates sex from this covenant, leading to a withholding of full commitment. God forbids sex before marriage because it creates a painful wound when two people ultimately do not stay together (Mark 10:8).

Higher Likelihood of Divorce

Research suggests that couples who live together before marriage have a higher likelihood of divorce. This may be due to the nature of cohabitation, which is a commitment with an easy out. Couples who cohabit tend to view their relationship as having an option to leave without the complexities of divorce, and this mindset can persist even after marriage. As a result, they may be more inclined to leave the relationship when difficulties arise.

Impact on Intimacy and Sanctification

Living together before marriage can shift the focus from sanctification to compatibility. Marriage is intended to conform us more into the image of Jesus Christ, exposing our weaknesses and providing a secure context for growth. By prioritizing compatibility, cohabitation can short-circuit this process, leading to a focus on harmony rather than solid commitment.

God's Standard for Sexual Morality

God frequently speaks about sexual immorality in the Bible, urging believers to "flee from sexual immorality" (1 Corinthians 6:18). The biblical definition of immorality includes all sexual activity outside of marriage. By engaging in sexual intimacy outside of marriage, couples are displeasing to God, violating His moral standards and grieving His heart.

Myths and Realities

Popular media often perpetuates the idea that cohabitation ensures a happier marriage and is a temporary solution. However, these are myths. Couples who cohabit before marriage still face issues such as financial disagreements and higher divorce rates. Additionally, cohabitation can lead to an over-reliance on sexual expression rather than meaningful conversation and other forms of communication, hindering the development of lasting friendship.

In conclusion, cohabitation is not aligned with God's plan for marriage as outlined in Scripture. Christians are called to live according to God's design for relationships, which includes abstaining from sexual intimacy outside of marriage and honoring the sanctity of the marriage covenant.

The Church's stance on cohabitation

Cohabitation, or "living together", is a common practice today, with more than two-thirds of couples choosing to live together before marriage. While society may approve of this arrangement, the Church considers it a matter of serious concern. The Church's teachings on cohabitation are based on interpreting and passing on God's laws and commandments, which include a sexual relationship belonging only within the bounds of marriage.

The Church is concerned about the impact of cohabitation on families and individuals, as it goes against God's plan for marriage and can lead to unhappiness and instability in the long run. The Church cares for its followers and wants to protect them from potential harm, as research suggests that cohabitation increases the chances of marital failure and divorce.

The Church encourages couples to reflect on their reasons for cohabitation, as these reasons may not always be well-evaluated. For instance, cohabitation for convenience or financial reasons may not adequately prepare a couple for the demands of married life. Similarly, the idea of a "trial run" at marriage through cohabitation is misguided, as it can lead to superficial communication and a lack of commitment within the relationship.

The Church also emphasizes that sex is a sacred act that seals and renews the covenant between a married couple before God. Sex outside of marriage is considered a sin and is disrespectful to the sacrament of marriage and human dignity.

To summarize, the Church's stance on cohabitation is rooted in its interpretation of God's laws and commandments. It believes that cohabitation can cause unhappiness and instability, and it encourages couples to reflect on their reasons for choosing this arrangement. The Church emphasizes the sacredness of sex within marriage and considers sex outside of marriage to be a sin.

The Bible's teachings on sex before marriage

For example, 1 Corinthians 7:2 states, "But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband." This verse presents marriage as the solution to sexual immorality, implying that any sex outside of marriage is immoral. Similarly, Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." Here, marriage and sexual intercourse within marriage are held as honorable, while all other sexual activity is condemned as immoral and worthy of God's judgment.

The Bible promotes complete abstinence before marriage, emphasizing that sex is a gift from God intended to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage. Genesis 2:24 states, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This verse highlights the spiritual significance of sex as a profound expression of love and unity between a husband and wife, reflecting the intimate relationship between Christ and the Church.

Engaging in premarital sex is considered a sin because it goes against God's design for sex, marriage, and the family. It defiles the body, which is meant to be a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Additionally, premarital sex can lead to various emotional and physical consequences, such as emotional bonds that are difficult to break, potential heartache and confusion, and the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies.

By waiting until marriage, individuals honor God's design for sex and uphold the sanctity of the marriage covenant. Saving sex for marriage is not just about following a rule but about living within God's protective boundaries. When individuals align with God's plan, they experience His blessings and protection.

The impact of cohabitation on marital stability

Cohabitation, or living together before marriage, has become increasingly common in modern society. While some view it as a logical step to take before making a lifelong commitment, others argue that it can negatively impact marital stability. So, what does the research say about the impact of cohabitation on the likelihood of a marriage lasting?

The Statistics

According to research by Pew Research Center, the share of US adults who have lived with an unmarried partner has risen as marriage rates have declined. Their study found that 59% of adults aged 18 to 44 have cohabited at some point, compared to 50% who have ever been married. Additionally, 69% of Americans find cohabitation acceptable even if a couple doesn't plan to marry. However, it's important to note that these views vary across age groups, with younger adults being more likely to find it acceptable.

The Christian Perspective

From a Christian perspective, cohabitation before marriage is often seen as conflicting with God's plan for marriage. Some Christians argue that living together before marriage goes against the biblical view of sex being reserved for marriage. They believe that cohabitation can lead to a lack of commitment and higher chances of marital failure. This view is supported by research suggesting that couples who cohabit before marriage have a 50% greater chance of divorce.

Communication and Compatibility

One argument against cohabitation is that it shifts the focus in a relationship from sanctification to compatibility. Marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment that allows for growth and transformation. By living together before marriage, couples may focus more on whether they "fit" together rather than on the deeper aspects of their relationship. Additionally, cohabitation has been linked to superficial communication and uncommitted decision-making once a couple is married.

Sex and Commitment

Separating sex from covenant is another potential consequence of cohabitation. In a Christian context, sex is meant to be a reaffirmation of the covenant between two people in marriage. By engaging in sexual relations outside of marriage, couples may be withholding their full commitment to each other. This can create a mindset of having an "easy out" if difficulties arise in the relationship.

Impact on Children

Research has also explored the impact of cohabitation on children's mental health and well-being. Studies have found that adolescents of parents who cohabited were at higher risk for externalizing symptoms, such as aggressive behaviors and social relationship difficulties. Additionally, children of cohabiting parents are more likely to spend time in a single-parent home due to higher rates of relationship dissolution.

In conclusion, cohabitation can have a significant impact on marital stability. While it may seem like a logical step before marriage, research suggests that it can lead to higher divorce rates, superficial communication, and a lack of commitment. From a Christian perspective, cohabitation conflicts with God's plan for marriage and can lead to negative consequences for both the couple and their children. However, it's important to note that every relationship is unique, and individual circumstances may vary.

Pastoral approaches to cohabiting couples

• Welcoming and Challenging: Priests should welcome couples with the gospel values of love, understanding, and acceptance while also challenging them with the gospel message of commitment and faithfulness. This involves addressing the issue of cohabitation gently but directly, as ignoring it may give the wrong impression that the Church approves of the arrangement.
• Discernment and Dialogue: Pastoral ministers should discern each couple's unique circumstances and approach the topic of cohabitation with sensitivity and respect. They should create a safe and non-judgmental space for dialogue, avoiding both cowardly resignation and arrogant indignation.
• Education and Catechesis: Marriage preparation should include education on the Church's teachings about marriage, sexuality, and cohabitation. This can be done through Pre-Cana classes or other resources. Couples need to understand the sacrament of marriage, the meaning of sexual love within marriage, and the potential negative consequences of cohabitation.
• Encouragement to Separate: Some priests may encourage cohabiting couples to separate before the wedding as a tangible sign of their commitment to each other and their willingness to follow the Church's teachings. This can be an opportunity for the couple to grow in their relationship and strengthen their commitment.
• Focus on Commitment: Pastoral ministers can help couples reflect on the true meaning of commitment and how it differs between cohabitation and marriage. They can explore the couple's reasons for cohabitation and help them understand the potential risks and challenges that may arise.
• Addressing Sexuality: As cohabitation often involves sexual relations, priests can guide couples towards a deeper understanding of sexuality within the context of God's plan for marriage. They can encourage chastity and sexual purity, both before and within marriage, emphasising the importance of reserving sexual intimacy for marriage.
• Personalised Approach: Each couple is unique, and pastoral ministers should tailor their approach accordingly. This may involve addressing specific issues such as family planning, natural family planning, or the impact of cohabitation on children from previous relationships.
• Reconciliation and Confession: Encouraging couples to participate in the Sacrament of Reconciliation can be an important part of the process. This can help them seek forgiveness, heal, and strengthen their relationship with God before entering into the sacrament of marriage.
• Emphasising the Positive: Instead of solely focusing on the negatives of cohabitation, priests can emphasise the beauty and blessings of a sacramental marriage. They can highlight the graces and benefits that come from following God's design for relationship and marriage.

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