Chabad Rabbi At A Yemenite Wedding: Is It Allowed?

A Chabad rabbi can officiate a Jewish wedding, but it is not a requirement for a rabbi to perform the ceremony. In fact, a Chabad rabbi can even perform a Yemenite Jewish wedding.

According to Jewish law, a wedding celebration for first-timers lasts a week. However, among Yemenite Jews, the wedding is a six-week affair, with each week bringing its own unique customs, rituals, and guest list.

The role of a rabbi at a Jewish wedding

The rabbi at a Jewish wedding has two primary functions. Firstly, they ensure that the entire wedding is conducted according to Jewish law and custom. This includes making sure that all the "paperwork", such as the ketubah (marriage contract), is in order, that the marriage witnesses meet halachic criteria, and that all other parts of the ceremony conform to halachic standards. The second function of the rabbi is to recite a blessing in place of the groom, who is likely to be too nervous to do so himself, before the groom places the wedding ring on the bride's finger.

The rabbi also has a role to play in the wedding ceremony itself. The wedding ceremony typically starts in the midafternoon and ends late at night, but it can be longer or shorter. The rabbi recites a blessing over a cup of wine and then the betrothal blessing, giving thanks to God for sanctifying the couple with the mitzvah of betrothal before consummating their marriage. The groom and bride then sip from the cup. The groom then places the wedding band on the bride's finger, saying: "With this ring, you are consecrated to me according to the law of Moses and Israel." The rabbi also reads the ketubah, or marriage contract, aloud. The ketubah details the husband's principal obligations to his wife, including providing her with food, clothing, and affection, along with other contractual obligations.

The rabbi also has a role in the final stage of the marriage ceremony, the nisu'in, which is effected by the chuppah (marriage canopy) and the recitation of Sheva Brachot (the "Seven Benedictions"). The rabbi honours friends and relatives by inviting them to recite these blessings. The honorees stand beneath the chuppah and hold the cup of wine while reciting the blessing. The first blessing is the blessing on wine, and the remaining six are marriage-themed blessings, including special blessings for the newlywed couple. The bride and groom sip from the wine in the cup.

Chabad wedding customs

A Chabad wedding is a tapestry woven from many threads: biblical, historical, mystical, cultural, and legal. It is a powerful and uplifting event, linking generations to each other and to the Revelation at Sinai, when the Jewish nation emerged.

Kabbalat Panim: The Pre-Wedding Reception

The wedding traditionally begins with a special "kabbalat panim" (reception) in honour of the bride and groom. The bride and groom sit on ornate, throne-like chairs. Their friends and family approach, offer congratulations and well-wishes, and share food, drinks, and 'l'chaims'. In many communities, this is when the 'tenai'm' (engagement contract) and the 'ketubah' (marriage contract) are signed. The mothers of the couple then break a china or glass plate, with shouts of 'Mazal Tov'!

Badeken: Veiling the Bride

After the receptions, the groom and his entourage go to the bridal room, where he covers the bride's face with a veil. This custom, which originated with the matriarch Rebecca, symbolises the groom's interest in the bride's inner beauty and her innate modesty. The bride's parents then bless her, and she and the groom proceed to the chuppah.

The Chuppah: Marriage Canopy

The chuppah is a canopy held up by four poles, usually ornately decorated. The marriage ceremony takes place beneath the canopy, which is open on all sides, symbolising the couple's commitment to establishing an open home. The chuppah is traditionally held under the open sky, recalling God's blessing to Abraham that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars. The groom wears a 'kittel', a long white frock, and the bride wears white, symbolising God's atonement and perfect purity. The Shechinah, Divine Presence, graces the ceremony, and the deceased ancestors of the couple are said to descend from heaven to join the celebration.

The Wedding Procession

The bride and groom are accompanied to the chuppah by escorts, usually their married parents. The escorts lock elbows with the couple and carry lit candles, symbolising the wish that their life together be one of light and joy. The groom goes first, and the bride circles him several times, creating an invisible wall around him, into which she will step to the exclusion of all others. The cantor sings Hebrew greeting hymns and requests God's blessing for the couple.

The Betrothal

The rabbi holds a cup of wine and recites a blessing, after which the groom and bride sip from the cup. The groom then places the wedding ring on the bride's finger and says: "With this ring, you are consecrated to me according to the law of Moses and Israel." The betrothal must be witnessed by kosher witnesses to be valid.

The Ketubah: Marriage Contract

The ketubah, or marriage contract, is read aloud. It details the husband's principal obligations to his wife, including providing her with food, clothing, and affection. It is reminiscent of the wedding between God and Israel, when God, the groom, undertook to provide for the physical and spiritual needs of His beloved bride.

Finalising the Nuptials

The final stage of the marriage ceremony is the 'nisuin', effected by the chuppah and the recitation of 'Sheva Brachot' (Seven Benedictions). Friends and relatives are honoured with reciting these blessings, which include special blessings for the newlyweds. The bride and groom sip from the cup of wine once more, and the groom stomps and shatters the glass, reminding everyone of the destruction of Jerusalem. The couple then adjourns to the 'yichud' (seclusion) room to share private moments and exchange gifts.

The Wedding Reception

The wedding reception is a great mitzvah, and even the greatest sages set aside their Torah study to entertain a new couple with song and dance. The bride and groom are greeted with music, singing, and dancing when they emerge from the yichud room. Men and women dance separately, with a 'mechitzah' (divider) between them. The groom recites the 'hamotzie' blessing on an oversized challah, which is then shared with the crowd. The wedding meal is followed by the Grace after Meals and the recitation of the Sheva Brachot.

Yemenite Jewish wedding customs

A traditional Jewish wedding is a tapestry woven from many threads: biblical, historical, mystical, cultural, and legal. The rituals and traditions of the wedding derive from both its legalistic particulars and its underlying spiritual themes.

The wedding customs of Yemenite Jews are unique, even among Jewish communities. Here is a detailed overview of some of the customs and traditions of a Yemenite Jewish wedding:

Henna Ceremony

The henna ceremony is a pre-wedding ritual that takes place about a week before the wedding. The bride and her guests have their hands dyed with intricate patterns using temporary natural dye, symbolising fertility. This custom is also practised by Jews from other Arab lands. The three Hebrew letters that spell "henna" are said to be an acronym for the three mitzvot (commandments) especially treasured by married women: challah (ensuring the home is kosher), niddah (family purity), and hadlakat nerot (lighting candles for Shabbat and Jewish holidays).

The Bride's Attire

The crowning glory of the bride's attire is a majestic beaded headdress called a "gargush", shaped like a cone and resembling a tiered cake. The headpiece weighs over two pounds. The bride also wears an abundance of necklaces, including a "labbah", a thick collar of silver filigree beads braided into red yarn. The jewellery speaks to the tradition of jewellery-making in Yemenite culture, and the amber and silver necklaces historically represented wealth.

The Groom's Attire

The groom wears a triangular necklace, symbolising the three life principles: the Torah, work, and doing good deeds.

The Wedding Celebration

In most Jewish communities, the wedding celebration lasts a week. However, among Yemenite Jews, the wedding is a six-week affair, with each week's Shabbat bringing its own unique customs, rituals, and guest list.

The Wedding Gifts

In Yemenite Jewish weddings, the groom gives the bride a coin instead of a ring to cement their matrimonial ties.

The Wedding Reception

The wedding reception, or "Kabbalat Panim", is held in honour of the bride and groom, who are likened to royalty on their wedding day. Two separate receptions are held simultaneously, one for the bride and another for the groom, in adjacent rooms or in one room separated by a partition. The bride sits on a distinctive, ornate, throne-like chair, while the groom sits at the head of a large table. The receptions include food, drinks, songs, and words of Torah.

The Veiling Ceremony

After the receptions, the groom and his entourage proceed to the bride's reception room for the "Badeken", the veiling ceremony. The groom covers the bride's face with a veil, symbolising his interest in her inner beauty, which will never fade, and her innate modesty.

The Chuppah

The chuppah is the wedding ceremony held under a canopy, usually outdoors under the open sky. The bride and groom are escorted to the chuppah by their parents and sometimes grandparents. The groom is led to the chuppah first, and the bride circles him seven times, creating an invisible wall around him. A blessing is said over a cup of wine, and the couple takes a sip. The "ketubah", the marriage contract, is read aloud, detailing the husband's obligations to his wife. Seven blessings are recited, again over a cup of wine, and the couple sips from it. The groom then stomps on a glass, and the guests shout "Mazel Tov!".

The Wedding Feast

The wedding feast begins with the breaking of bread, and the meal is followed by the Grace after Meals and the recitation of the Sheva Brachot, the seven blessings. The seven blessings are recited over a cup of wine, symbolising the mystical connection between wine and marriage.

The Mitzvah Tanz

In some Chassidic communities, there is a custom known as the "mitzvah tantz", where family members or respected individuals are called up to dance with the bride. They dance while grasping a cord that the bride is holding at the other end. The groom and the bride's father are the only ones who dance with the bride herself.

Jewish wedding attire

The dress code for a Jewish wedding is usually formal, but it can vary depending on the location, time of day, and the couple's religious and cultural background. It's a good idea to check with the couple or other guests if you're unsure about what to wear. Here are some general guidelines for Jewish wedding attire:

For Men:

• A tuxedo or suit is typically appropriate, but a buttoned shirt with long sleeves can also work if you're not a "tux guy."
• A kippah, or skullcap, is typically expected, and these may be provided by the couple.
• Black tie is usually optional unless explicitly mentioned in the invitation.

For Women:

• Modesty is a key principle in Judaism, so it's important to dress modestly, especially at traditional Jewish weddings.
• The level of modesty depends on the type of Jewish wedding:
• At Orthodox Jewish weddings, long dresses or skirts that fall below the knee, covering shoulders and elbows, and pantyhose or stockings are appropriate. Married women are also expected to cover their hair.
• Modern Orthodox Jewish weddings may be more lenient regarding dress length, sleeve length, and hair coverage.
• At Conservative Jewish weddings, dress codes are less strict.
• Reform Jewish weddings have no specific dress code requirements.
• It's best to avoid bright colors, especially white, as it's important not to upstage the bride. Dark colors, including black, are often preferred, especially at Orthodox Jewish weddings.
• If you're unsure, you can bring a jacket or wrap to add coverage when needed.

Other Jewish Wedding Traditions

Now that we've covered the attire, let's briefly mention a few other unique aspects of Jewish weddings:

• Jewish weddings usually take place on Sundays, as weddings are not permitted during the Jewish Sabbath, which runs from sunset on Friday to sunset on Saturday.
• The wedding ceremony, known as the Chuppah, typically lasts about 45 minutes and includes traditions such as circling the bridegroom, reading the Ketubah (marriage contract), exchanging rings, and breaking the glass.
• At the end of the ceremony, the groom stomps on a glass, and the guests shout "Mazel Tov," which means congratulations.
• Lively circle dancing, known as the Hora, often takes place during the wedding celebration, with separate circles for men and women in more traditional weddings.
• Jewish weddings usually include an open bar and a lavish dinner with Kosher or "non-offensive" menu options.

Jewish wedding gifts

A Jewish wedding is a tapestry woven from many threads: biblical, historical, mystical, cultural, and legal. The rituals and traditions of the Jewish wedding are derived from both its legalistic particulars and its underlying spiritual themes.

When it comes to Jewish wedding gifts, there are some special traditions. Here are some ideas for useful and appropriate gifts for Jewish newlyweds:

• Friday Night Essentials: A gift related to Shabbat (the Jewish Sabbath) is a great option as it enables the couple to use and appreciate your gift every week. For example, a pair of candlesticks, a lever-style rabbit corkscrew, a Kiddush fountain with cups, a silver turquoise washing cup, or an embroidered challah cover.
• Kitchen Organisation: Gifts that ease food preparation and kitchen organisation are always helpful, especially if the newlyweds are kosher-observant. A three-piece cutting board set for meat, dairy, and pareve foods, a Dutch oven, a crockpot, a food processor, or a non-stick 3-tier cooling rack are all great options.
• Judaica: Help the couple round out their Jewish home with some Judaica. A seder plate, extra menorahs, a Rosh Hashanah honey dish, a Havdalah set, or a mezuzah are all great options.
• Cookbooks: A cookbook is a great gift for a couple looking to develop their recipe repertoire. Some options include "The Whole Foods Kosher Kitchen", "The Modern Menu", "Soup: A Kosher Collection", "The Kosher Baker", and "Olive Trees and Honey".
• Money: In Jewish circles, it is customary to give money in multiples of $18, which corresponds to the numerical value of the Hebrew word "life" or "chai". Alternatively, you can make a charitable donation in the couple's honour.

Additionally, you can always refer to the couple's wedding registry or opt for traditional wedding gifts such as crushed wedding glass keepsakes, wedding glass mezuzahs, wedding glass jewelry, or decorative or sentimental mezuzahs and talism.

Frequently asked questions