Catholics' Private Weddings: What's Allowed And What's Not?

While the Catholic Church requires that weddings be held in a Catholic parish, it is possible for Catholics to have a private wedding. According to Canon Law, a valid Catholic marriage requires the couple, a priest, and two witnesses. However, permission from the local bishop is needed to hold the ceremony outside of a church. This permission is rarely granted, and usually only in cases where there is a serious illness or injury, or for celebrities who require more privacy.

The minimum number of people required to be present at a Catholic wedding

A Catholic wedding must be witnessed by an authorized representative of the Church, usually a priest or deacon, and two other witnesses. This means that the minimum number of people required to be present at a Catholic wedding is four: the couple getting married, the priest or deacon, and two witnesses.

However, it is worth noting that some parishes may require the couple to have attendants or official witnesses who stand up at the altar with them, in addition to the two witnesses. This means that, in some cases, the minimum number of people present at a Catholic wedding may be more than four.

Additionally, while not strictly required, it is common for parishes to request at least six months of marriage preparation before the wedding. This period of preparation ensures that the couple fully understands the nature of sacramental marriage and is ready for the responsibilities that come with it.

The Code of Canon Law and its requirements for a Catholic wedding

The Code of Canon Law outlines the following requirements for a Catholic wedding:

The Parties Involved

The Code of Canon Law states that a valid marriage is established by the lawfully manifested consent of persons who are legally capable. This consent cannot be supplied by any human power. The consent must be an act of the will by which a man and a woman mutually give and accept one another for the purpose of establishing a marriage.

The Officiant

The Code of Canon Law requires that a Catholic wedding be contracted before the local ordinary, pastor, or a priest or deacon delegated by either of them. This person assists in the wedding by asking for the manifestation of the consent of the contracting parties and receiving it in the name of the Church.

Witnesses

In addition to the couple and the officiant, the Code of Canon Law requires two witnesses to be present at the wedding.

The Location

The Code of Canon Law states that marriages are to be celebrated in a parish where either of the contracting parties has a domicile, quasi-domicile, or month-long residence. With the permission of the proper ordinary or pastor, marriages can be celebrated elsewhere.

The Form

The Code of Canon Law outlines specific requirements for the form of the celebration of marriage, including the presence of the necessary parties and witnesses and the manner in which consent is given.

The Age of the Parties

The Code of Canon Law sets a minimum age for valid marriage, with men being at least 16 years old and women being at least 14 years old. The Episcopal Conference may establish a higher age for the lawful celebration of marriage.

Other Requirements

The Code of Canon Law also includes various other requirements and provisions regarding marriage, such as the necessary freedom of the parties, the absence of diriment impediments, the consent of parents for minors, and the obligation to remove dangers of defecting from the faith in the case of mixed marriages.

The possibility of a Catholic wedding outside a Catholic church

It is possible for Catholics to have a wedding outside of a Catholic church, but it requires permission from the local bishop, known as a "dispensation from canonical form". This is usually only granted in exceptional circumstances, such as serious illness or injury, or preventing family alienation.

If a Catholic couple wishes to marry outside of the Catholic Church, they must first complete the regular Catholic marriage preparation and the Catholic party must attest to their intention of not leaving the Catholic Church and promise to baptise and raise any children in the Catholic faith. The non-Catholic party must also be informed of these promises and agree not to interfere in their fulfilment. After this, the priest will petition the bishop on the couple's behalf for permission to marry outside of the Catholic Church.

If a Catholic couple marries outside of the Church without the necessary dispensation, the marriage is considered invalid and is not recognised by the Church.

It is important to note that even with a dispensation, the marriage must still be officiated by a priest or deacon to be considered valid by the Church.

The difference between a valid and an invalid Catholic marriage

Catholics can have a private wedding, as long as there are at least two witnesses in addition to the couple and the priest or deacon.

A valid Catholic marriage results from four elements:

• The spouses are free to marry.
• They freely exchange their consent.
• In consenting to marry, they intend to marry for life, to be faithful to one another, and be open to children.
• Their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister.

Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by church authority. If a Catholic wants to marry a non-Catholic, they must seek permission from the local bishop. If the non-Catholic is a Christian, this permission is called a "permission to enter into a mixed marriage." If the non-Catholic is not a Christian, the permission is called a "dispensation from disparity of cult."

A Catholic marriage is not just a social or family event but a church event. For this reason, the Church prefers that marriages between Catholics or between Catholics and other Christians be celebrated in the parish church of one of the spouses. Only the local bishop can permit a marriage to be celebrated in another suitable place.

If a Catholic marries a non-Catholic invalidly in the eyes of the church, they should approach their pastor to try to resolve the situation. The marriage can be rendered valid using a canon law procedure known as radical sanation, which does not require a new marriage ceremony. For a radical sanation to take place, several conditions must be met, including that both parties intend to persevere in conjugal life and that their consent to the marriage is valid and exists simultaneously.

The process of marriage preparation in the Catholic Church

The Catholic Church considers marriage a sacrament and encourages couples to invest time and energy into preparing for their married life together. The marriage preparation process should be started 6 to 9 months before the anticipated wedding date.

Marriage preparation programs can take different forms, including weekend retreats, one-on-one mentorship, online courses, and marriage preparation classes. The goal of these programs is to help couples develop a better understanding of the sacrament of marriage, evaluate and deepen their readiness to live married life, and gain insights into themselves as individuals and as a couple.

• Understanding of Marriage: Couples should discuss their vision of married life, their expectations from the marriage, and their individual ideas and beliefs about marriage.
• Wedding Planning: While the wedding itself is important, the focus should be on preparing for the marriage rather than just the wedding day. Couples should work together to plan the wedding details, including the guest list, venue, catering, clothing, and other logistics.
• Psychological Health: It is important to be open and honest about any psychological or emotional issues that may impact the marriage. This includes issues such as anxiety, anger, depression, or conflict management.
• Time Management: Couples should evaluate how they spend their time and make adjustments to ensure they have quality time for each other.
• Living Together: If possible, considering moving in together before the wedding can provide a deeper understanding of each other's habits and how to manage a home together.
• Finances: Discussing financial matters, including savings, expenses, spending habits, and future financial goals, is crucial for a stable marriage.
• Communication and Disagreement Management: Effective communication is key to a healthy marriage. Couples should work on establishing healthy communication patterns and learning how to manage disagreements or conflicts respectfully.
• Religion: If religion is important to one or both partners, it should be discussed to ensure that both individuals can respect and support each other's religious beliefs and practices.
• Sexual Expectations: Couples should be open and honest about their sexual expectations and needs to maintain a satisfying sex life within the marriage.
• Family Planning: Discussing whether or not to have children, how many children to have, and the desired timing of starting a family is crucial for aligning expectations and ensuring both partners are on the same page.
• Career Decisions: Understanding each other's career goals and aspirations, including any potential impact on location or lifestyle, is important for long-term compatibility.
• Meeting Family and Friends: Getting to know each other's family and friends can provide valuable insights into the personality and values of the future spouse.
• Division of Household Chores: Couples should discuss how they will manage household responsibilities and divide chores equitably.
• Monogamy or Polygamy: Having an open conversation about expectations regarding monogamy or polygamy is essential for establishing boundaries and defining the relationship.
• Shopping Together: Going shopping together can help couples understand each other's likes and dislikes and make more informed decisions about their future together.
• Self-Awareness: Spending time reflecting on one's own tendencies, strengths, and weaknesses can help individuals identify areas for personal growth and improvement within the marriage.
• Premarital Counselling: Seeking premarital counselling can provide valuable skills and guidance for navigating challenges and conflicts that may arise during the marriage.

Frequently asked questions