The Best Man: Jewish Wedding, Non-Jewish Best Man?

The role of the best man is not a Jewish custom, but it is possible for a non-Jew to be a best man at a Jewish wedding. The best man can hold the wedding ring, be responsible for the ketubah (marriage contract), serve as a witness, and act as the master of ceremonies for the chupah. However, interfaith marriage in Judaism has historically been looked upon with strong disfavor by Jewish leaders and remains a controversial issue. While some branches of Judaism are more accepting of interfaith marriage, Orthodox Judaism refuses to recognize its validity or legitimacy and forbids sexual intercourse with a member of a different faith.

The role of a best man in a Jewish wedding

The best man can hold the wedding ring for the groom until it is needed during the ceremony. He can also be made responsible for the ketubah (marriage contract). The ketubah is given to the bride during the ceremony and needs to be safeguarded until the bride takes it home with her after the reception. The best man could also serve as a witness for the ketubah or as a master of ceremonies for the chupah (canopy), announcing those who will be honoured to recite the blessings over the cup of wine.

The best man comes down the aisle alone and goes under the chuppah on the left. The groom, escorted by his parents, then goes under the chuppah to the left of the best man. After the ceremony, the best man places a wine glass, wrapped in a white cloth or special bag, under the groom's right foot. The groom then breaks the glass, symbolising the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, the brevity of life on earth, and the idea that even in happy times, sorrow and death lie ahead.

The best man holding the wedding ring

In a Jewish wedding, the best man has a slightly different role compared to weddings from other cultures. In addition to holding the wedding rings, the best man in a Jewish wedding is responsible for escorting the groom and treating him as a VIP in the days leading up to the wedding. This role is known as a "shomer".

It is worth noting that the tradition of having a "best man" at a wedding may not be as prevalent in Jewish weddings, and the presence of groomsmen and bridesmaids is also less common. However, it is still possible to have these roles in a Jewish wedding, especially in more modern or liberal Jewish communities.

Ultimately, the decision of who holds the wedding rings, including the best man, is a personal choice for the couple. Whether it is the best man, maid of honor, officiant, or another trusted individual, the most important factor is selecting someone who is responsible and trustworthy to ensure the rings are safe and readily available during the ceremony.

The best man safeguarding the ketubah

The ketubah is a Jewish marriage contract and an integral part of a traditional Jewish wedding. It outlines the groom's responsibilities in relation to the bride and is signed by the couple, two witnesses, and sometimes the officiant at the wedding. The best man, as one of the closest male friends or relatives of the groom, would be an ideal candidate to witness the ketubah and ensure its safekeeping.

The ketubah is a unilateral agreement drawn by witnesses, in which they attest to the groom's promises and the bride's acceptance of the marriage proposal. It is not a ceremonial document but a legal contract, written in Aramaic, the technical language of Talmudic law. The contract includes the husband's guarantees to provide for his wife and pay a certain sum in the event of divorce or his death.

The best man, as a witness, plays a crucial role in safeguarding the ketubah. He ensures that the document is signed by all the necessary parties and that it is securely kept, typically by the bride or her mother. The ketubah is highly valued and often displayed prominently in the couple's home as a daily reminder of their vows and commitment to each other.

In addition to witnessing the ketubah, the best man can also have other responsibilities during a Jewish wedding. He may be called upon to assist the groom in the days leading up to the wedding, providing logistical and emotional support. On the wedding day itself, the best man can help with coordinating the ceremony, ensuring that everything runs smoothly, and offering a toast to the newlyweds.

The presence of a best man at a Jewish wedding is a blend of cultural influences, and while it may not be a traditional role, it is certainly not uncommon, especially in modern times. The best man, through his role as a witness and supporter of the groom, contributes to the significance of the ketubah and the overall celebration of the union.

The best man as a witness for the ketubah

The best man can be the witness for the ketubah, but there are a few requirements he must meet.

Firstly, the ketubah requires the signatures of two witnesses, so the best man would be one of two. The witnesses must be virtuous, observant, bar-mitzvahed men who are not related by blood or marriage to either the bride or groom. In Reform or secular Judaism, women can also be chosen as Ketubah witnesses, and some rabbis may even allow people of other faiths to serve as witnesses. The witnesses should be able to understand the Ketubah and the ceremonies outlined within.

The witnesses play a pivotal role in the marriage ceremony. They are needed several times during the course of the wedding, including during the signing of the ketubah, the kiddushin (betrothal), and the yichud (seclusion) room. The witnesses who stand beneath the chuppah and witness the kiddushin are the ones who witness the groom placing the ring on the bride's finger and hear the betrothal words he utters. After the chuppah, these witnesses follow the couple to the yichud room, where they ascertain that there is no one else in the room, and observe the door being shut and locked. They then wait outside the room for the amount of time halachically necessary for the couple to remain secluded.

The best man can be the witness for the ketubah, but it is important to ensure that he meets the requirements and is able to perform the necessary functions.

The best man as a witness for other parts of the ceremony

The best man, or shomer, is not a traditional part of a Jewish wedding ceremony. However, if you wish to include one, there are several ways to honour them during the ceremony.

The best man can hold the wedding ring for the groom until it is needed during the ceremony. He can also be responsible for the ketubah (marriage contract). This involves giving the ketubah to the bride during the ceremony, and then safeguarding it until the bride takes it home. The best man can also serve as one of the witnesses for the ketubah, or for other parts of the ceremony.

A Jewish wedding requires four pairs of witnesses, but the same witnesses can be used for all four parts: tanayim; ketubah; kiddushin; and yichud. Witnesses must be shomer-Shabbat, adult males, not related to the couple or each other, and known to be honest people.

The witnesses are required during the following parts of the ceremony:

• The signing of the tena'im (engagement contract)
• The signing of the ketubah (marriage contract)
• The kiddushin (betrothal), when the groom places the ring on the bride's finger
• Following the couple to the Yichud Room, where they ensure no one else is inside, and observe the door being shut and locked. They then wait outside for the amount of time required for the couple to remain secluded.

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