Mourning And Celebration: Can They Coexist?

The topic of whether a Jew in mourning can attend a wedding is a complex one, with various factors at play. While a mourner is generally forbidden from attending any celebration, especially a wedding, there are exceptions and considerations to be made. For instance, if the mourner's absence would cause significant distress to the bride and groom, they may be permitted to attend with certain restrictions. This is especially true for close relatives, as their absence could be seen as a public display of mourning, which is forbidden on Shabbat. In some cases, mourners may be allowed to attend if they work at the wedding or if it is their child's wedding. However, opinions vary among authorities, with some forbidding mourners from even attending the wedding ceremony. Ultimately, the decision may depend on specific circumstances and consulting with a rabbi is recommended.

A mourner can attend a wedding if they work at the event in a professional capacity

Many authorities rule that only relatives of the bride or groom may use the "waiter leniency" to attend a wedding, but not friends or acquaintances. There are those who rule that parents and grandparents may attend a wedding and participate as normal without the need to resort to the "waiter leniency". According to the view that parents may attend a child's wedding even during shiva, the parents should not sit at the head table and they should limit their exposure.

There are three views quoted in the Shulchan Aruch about attending the chupah only: some allow it; others allow it only if the chupah takes place outside of the wedding hall, e.g. in a shul or outdoors; others prohibit even that and require the mourner to stand outside the shul or hall while the chupah is taking place.

Upon consultation with a rabbi, there could be room for leniency to allow the following mourners to attend a wedding:

• Parents and grandparents of the groom and bride.
• Siblings who have been living together in one home.
• A shoshvin (one who escorts the bride or groom to the chupah).
• For the sake of family harmony (shalom bayis).
• If otherwise, there will be no minyan at the wedding.
• The mesader kiddushin.
• A cantor, sexton, musician, photographer, or anyone whose livelihood depends upon being present.
• In certain unique situations, when the absence of a relative will seriously interfere with the happiness of the groom or bride.

Parents and grandparents of the couple can attend without restrictions

Parents and grandparents of the couple can attend a wedding without restrictions, even during the shiva period. However, it is customary for them to refrain from certain activities, such as sitting at the head table with the couple, and they should limit their exposure. They should also help with serving the food.

According to some opinions, parents and grandparents may attend and participate as normal. This is because their absence would cause the couple pain and distress, and it is forbidden to publicly mourn on Shabbat.

If the wedding is taking place during the shloshim (the first 30 days of mourning), parents and grandparents may attend the wedding but should not take part in the dancing.

A mourner can attend a wedding if their absence will cause great distress to the couple

In Judaism, a mourner is generally forbidden to attend any celebration, especially a wedding. However, a mourner may attend a wedding if their absence will cause great distress to the couple. This is because their absence would be a conspicuous sign of mourning, which is forbidden on Shabbat.

According to some sources, a mourner may attend a wedding if they "work" at the event in some professional capacity, such as a waiter or another official role. In this case, the mourner must serve for the entire evening and not eat with the other guests. This leniency is usually reserved for relatives of the couple, and even then, only after the shiva period. Parents and grandparents of the couple may attend a wedding and participate as normal without needing to resort to this leniency.

If a mourner's relative is getting married, they may be permitted to attend the wedding to avoid family friction. This is especially true for parents, who may attend their child's wedding, even during the shiva period, though they should not sit at the head table or join in the dancing.

In the case of a child's wedding, a mourner may be permitted to attend if their absence will cause the child pain. However, it is recommended to consult with a rabbi for specific guidance, as there are conflicting opinions on this matter.

A mourner can attend a wedding during the shiva period if they are a parent of the couple

A parent observing shiva for a close relative can attend their child's wedding, but they should not participate in the dancing. While some customs dictate that they should sit separately from the other guests or help with serving, others permit them to sit with their child and take part as normal.

If the mourner's absence would cause the couple great distress, they are often allowed to attend the wedding, with several restrictions. For example, they may be required to work at the wedding in some professional capacity, such as a waiter. However, this is usually only done by relatives, and the mourner must serve for the entire evening, without actively joining in the celebration.

In the case of a mourner who is a rabbi, they are allowed to officiate at a wedding after the conclusion of shiva.

A mourner can attend a chuppa ceremony if it is in a different location to the wedding festivities

A mourner is generally forbidden to attend any celebration, especially a wedding. However, a mourner can attend a wedding, subject to several restrictions, if their absence would cause the couple great distress.

A mourner is permitted to attend a chuppa ceremony if it is in a different location to the wedding festivities. This is because, according to some authorities, a mourner is forbidden to even enter a wedding hall while a wedding is taking place.

There are several other circumstances in which a mourner may be permitted to attend a wedding:

• If they are a parent or grandparent of the couple.
• If they are a sibling of the couple, and they have been living together.
• If they are a shoshvin (one who escorts the couple to the chuppa).
• If their absence would cause family disharmony.
• If their presence is required for a minyan at the wedding.
• If they are the mesader kiddushin.
• If their livelihood depends on their attendance, such as a musician or photographer.
• If their absence would seriously interfere with the happiness of the couple.

Frequently asked questions