A Bride's Vision: Seeing The Groom Before The Vows

There is a long-standing superstition that it is bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the wedding ceremony. This tradition dates back to when marriages were arranged, and it was believed that if the couple met before the ceremony, the groom might find the bride unattractive and call off the wedding. In modern times, this superstition has become less common, with many couples choosing to do a first look before the ceremony to ease pre-wedding jitters. Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to see each other before the wedding is a personal choice that depends on the couple's preferences and beliefs.

The origins of the tradition

The superstition that a bride and groom must not see each other before their wedding ceremony dates back to a time when marriages were typically arranged by the families of the betrothed. Marriages were often arranged for business purposes, with little regard for the couple's romantic feelings. In fact, it was common for the couple never to have seen each other before the wedding day.

The bride's father usually made the arrangement, hoping to marry his daughter to a wealthy man to benefit his family. Understandably, the parents would worry that if the groom saw the bride before the ceremony, he might not find her attractive and could call off the wedding—leading to shame for the bride and her family. To avoid this risk to the family's reputation, the tradition of the couple not seeing each other until the ceremony was born.

The veil also plays a part in this tradition. By keeping a veil over the bride's face, the groom would not see her until the very last moment—at the end of the ceremony, when it was too late to back out.

The veil's role in the superstition

The veil is one of the oldest parts of a bridal ensemble, dating back to ancient Greece and Rome. In ancient Greece, respectable women wore veils as a symbol of modesty and chastity. In ancient Rome, brides wore a veil called a flammeum, which was deep yellow in colour, reminiscent of a candle flame. The veil was also seen as a good omen for lifelong fidelity to one man.

In Western Christian culture, the veil has been used to symbolise modesty before God, obedience, and chastity when it is white. The practice of the wedding veil is part of the wider Christian tradition of the woman's headcovering, rooted in 1 Corinthians 11:1–13.

In the context of weddings, the veil is often used to hide the bride's face from the groom before the wedding. This is based on the superstition that it is bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony. In the past, when marriages were often arranged, it was believed that the groom might call off the wedding if he found the bride unattractive. The veil was thus used to ensure that the groom would go through with the marriage.

In some cultures, the veil is also believed to protect the bride from evil spirits who might want to thwart her happiness. This belief dates back to ancient Rome, where brides wore veils down the aisle to disguise themselves from evil spirits who were jealous of their happiness.

Why the superstition is no longer common

The superstition that a bride and groom must not see each other before their wedding ceremony is no longer common because, in modern times, marriages are typically not arranged. In the past, when marriages were arranged, the superstition was born out of the fear that the groom would call off the wedding if he found the bride unattractive. Marriages were seen as business deals between families, so pulling out at the last minute could damage the family's reputation.

Today, couples are choosing to make their weddings personal and unique, and many are opting for a "first look" before the ceremony. This is a moment for the couple to appreciate each other and can be an emotional experience without an audience. The "first look" can also help ease pre-wedding jitters. While some couples still choose to stick to tradition and save the moment of seeing each other for the ceremony, it is no longer a widely held superstition that it is bad luck to see each other beforehand.

The veil and the practice of not seeing each other until the ceremony was originally intended to guarantee that the groom would go through with the marriage. Today, the veil is often still used, but more for the surprise and romance of the moment rather than out of superstition. Couples may also choose to keep their wedding attire a secret until the ceremony, adding to the excitement of the day.

Ultimately, whether or not to see each other before the wedding is a personal choice, and there are no hard and fast rules. Traditions are being adapted to fit the changing nature of weddings and relationships, and the superstition of not seeing the bride before the wedding is no longer widely followed.

Alternatives to seeing each other before the wedding

The tradition of the bride and groom not seeing each other before the wedding dates back to when marriages were arranged. It was considered bad luck if the couple met before the ceremony, as it was believed that the groom would call off the wedding if he found the bride unattractive. This superstition was born out of the desire to ensure the groom followed through with the commitment to marry, which was often a business deal between families.

Today, many couples choose to abandon this tradition and opt for a "first look" before the ceremony. This is a moment for the couple to appreciate each other and can be an opportunity for the bridal party to gather for pre-ceremony pictures. However, if you want to stick to tradition and not see each other before walking down the aisle, there are still ways to connect with your partner on the morning of the wedding. Here are some alternatives to physically seeing each other before the ceremony:

• Take photos back-to-back: With a little coordination from your wedding party and photographer, you can pick a time and place to meet before the ceremony and position yourselves back-to-back. This way, you can talk, calm each other's nerves, and get excited for the big moment without seeing one another.
• Put on a blindfold and hold hands: If you want to embrace your partner before exchanging vows, consider putting on a blindfold or keeping your eyes closed for a "first touch." You can reassure each other and share how excited you are. Just being in their presence for a few minutes can be a special moment.
• Record a video message: If you don't want to physically see each other, you can record a video message to send to your partner. You can share what you're most excited about and let them know you can't wait to spend the rest of your lives together. It will be a cute memento to look back on.
• Write a note and give a gift: Writing a note and giving a gift is a typical pre-wedding tradition. In your note, you can reflect on your relationship, share inside jokes, and let your partner know what moment you're most looking forward to. Be sure to read it before any makeup goes on in case it's a tear-jerker!
• First reading: If you have any favourite romantic poem or lines from a religious text, you can read them to your partner while facing away from each other. This can be a great way to connect without seeing each other face-to-face.
• First touch: This is a good option for couples who want something intimate and personal without taking away the surprise of the first look. You can hold hands while standing back-to-back or on different sides of a partition.

Alternatives to not seeing each other before the wedding

The tradition of the bride and groom not seeing each other before the wedding dates back to when marriages were arranged and was seen as a way to ensure the groom wouldn't back out of the wedding if he found the bride unattractive. However, this tradition is no longer common practice, and many couples choose to see each other before the ceremony. Here are some alternatives to not seeing each other before the wedding:

First Look

The first look is a moment when the couple sees each other for the first time on their wedding day, usually with just a photographer and/or videographer present. This allows for an intimate and emotional moment without an audience and can help ease pre-wedding jitters.

Father-Daughter First Look

If the bride wants to stick to tradition and not see the groom before the ceremony, she might opt for a father-daughter first look, which can be just as emotional.

Pre-Ceremony Vow Exchanges

Some couples choose to exchange vows privately before the ceremony, allowing for a more intimate moment without the pressure of being in front of family and friends.

Back-to-Back Photos

With a little coordination, the couple can meet and position themselves back-to-back before the ceremony. This allows them to talk, calm each other's nerves, and share their excitement without seeing each other.

Blindfold and First Touch

The couple can embrace or hold hands while one or both parties are blindfolded or keeping their eyes closed, especially if they already have their makeup on. This allows them to be physically close without spoiling the surprise.

Video Messages or Letters

If the couple doesn't want to physically see each other, they can send video messages or write letters to be opened on the wedding day. This modern twist on letter-writing allows them to share their excitement and reflect on their relationship.

First Reading

Couples can read their favourite romantic poem or religious text to each other while facing away or seeing each other's reactions. This can be a way to share private vows without the pressure of a crowd.

First Gift

The couple can exchange gifts as a symbol of their love, either hiding from each other or close enough to hear each other's reactions, creating a precious memory and a wedding keepsake.

Frequently asked questions