Bridesmaids' Choices: Can A Bride Include A Lesbian?

Bridesmaids are usually selected individuals who accompany a bride on her wedding day. While bridesmaids were traditionally all female, this is no longer the case, and anyone close to the bride, regardless of gender, can be a bridesmaid. This includes lesbians, who may or may not feel comfortable wearing a dress. It is important to be considerate of their preferences and offer them the option to wear something else, such as a suit or pantsuit. Ultimately, what matters most is that the bride's closest friends are by her side on her big day.

Bridesmaids' attire

When it comes to attire, bridesmaids are usually expected to wear identical dresses and veils to the bride, a tradition stemming from the belief that this would protect the bride from being kidnapped by jealous suitors or cursed by evil spirits. Nowadays, bridesmaids are often tasked with getting the bride drunk at their hen party!

However, traditions are changing, and it's becoming more common for bridesmaids to wear outfits that they feel comfortable in. For example, a butch lesbian bridesmaid might prefer to wear a suit and tie, or the same outfit as the groomsmen. It's important to communicate with your bridesmaids about what they feel comfortable wearing, and to be open to suggestions and feedback.

There are many options available for bridesmaids' attire, with a range of colours, styles, and price points to choose from. Some companies offer mix-and-match options, allowing bridesmaids to choose dresses in the same colour but with different necklines or cuts to suit their individual styles and body shapes. It's also possible to rent bridesmaids' dresses, or to buy affordable options that can be worn again.

Ultimately, the most important thing is that your bridesmaids feel comfortable and happy, so that they can support you and celebrate your special day.

Duties of bridesmaids

While the concept of a "bride" and "bridesmaids" is steeped in heterosexual and patriarchal history and tradition, a bride can certainly have a lesbian in her bridal party. In fact, some sources suggest that the modern concept of a wedding party holds a lot of meaning, and it is a great way to honour close friends.

Now, what are the duties of a bridesmaid? Well, there are quite a few! Here is a comprehensive list of a bridesmaid's duties before and during the wedding:

Pre-Wedding Duties:

• Communicate with the bride and other bridesmaids to know what is expected of you.
• Assist with the planning of pre-wedding events like the hen/bachelorette party.
• Assist the maid of honour with any tasks, such as DIY projects or planning the hen party.
• Shop for your wedding attire and attend all fittings. Be prepared to pay for your own attire.
• Offer honest opinions on things like wedding hair, makeup, and clothing, but do not force your suggestions on the bride.
• Maintain peace between everyone by not involving yourself in unnecessary drama and diffusing any awkward situations.
• Liaise with the other bridesmaids and choose a small gift for the bride.
• Attend the rehearsal dinner.

Wedding Day Duties:

• Host a pamper night or a gentle pub crawl for the bride and the bridal party.
• Lay out all accessories and jewellery, and prep any emergency kits.
• Limit your alcohol consumption to 1 or 2 glasses before the ceremony.
• Attend a final run-through of the wedding itinerary with the other bridesmaids and ushers.
• Hold onto the bride's personal belongings, such as her phone, perfume, or any other items she may need.
• Be the first person on the dance floor and participate in any entertainment to lift the atmosphere.

Post-Wedding Duties:

There aren't many tasks for a bridesmaid after the wedding. However, you can return any rentals and send any pictures you took during the day to the rest of the bridal party.

The bride's expectations

The bride should communicate clearly with her bridesmaids about what is expected of them, and be open to suggestions and adaptations to ensure everyone is happy. It is also important to be mindful of the fact that not everyone will be comfortable wearing a dress, and this should be respected.

The bride should encourage her bridesmaids to be themselves and express their true identity. This may mean allowing for a variety of different outfits and styles to be worn by the bridal party, rather than enforcing a specific dress code.

The bride can also involve her bridesmaids in other ways, such as giving them specific roles like walking her down the aisle, making a speech, or doing a reading.

Ultimately, the bride should want her bridesmaids to feel included, celebrated, and comfortable on her big day. She should be mindful of any potential stress or discomfort her expectations may cause and be willing to adapt them accordingly.

The lesbian bridesmaid's comfort

The Lesbian Bridesmaids Comfort

It is your wedding day, and you want everyone to be happy and comfortable. You have a lesbian bridesmaid, and you want to ensure she feels included and respected. Here are some tips and suggestions to ensure her comfort and create a positive experience for everyone involved.

Clothing Choices

One of the most significant concerns for a lesbian bridesmaid is often the clothing she is expected to wear. It is essential to communicate openly and offer flexibility. Allow her to wear something that aligns with her self-expression and identity. If she feels more comfortable in pants and a shirt or a suit, accommodate her request. You can suggest she wears something similar to the groomsmen or a women's suit or pantsuit that matches the colour scheme of the bridesmaids' dresses. The key is to make sure she feels like herself and is not forced to wear something that makes her feel uncomfortable.

The traditional titles of "bridesmaid" and "maid of honour" may not fit comfortably with your lesbian bridesmaid. Consider offering her the option of a gender-neutral title, such as "Person of Honour" or "Important Person." This way, you can honour your relationship with her without imposing gendered expectations. Discuss roles and responsibilities, and let her choose the tasks she feels comfortable with, such as readings or pre-wedding preparations.

Gifts and Activities

When it comes to gifts for your lesbian bridesmaid, consider her interests and preferences. Avoid traditionally feminine gifts that may not align with her tastes. Opt for more neutral or personalised gifts that show your appreciation. Involve her in activities that she will enjoy and feel comfortable with. For example, if you are having a spa day, offer her the option of a pedicure or a massage instead of a manicure. Always invite her to participate, but understand if she feels more at ease opting out of certain traditionally feminine activities.

Family Dynamics

If your lesbian bridesmaid is part of your family, it is essential to navigate family dynamics sensitively. Support her by encouraging flexibility and understanding from other family members. Communicate openly with your family, explaining that respecting her identity and choices is crucial to you. If there are concerns about photographs, suggest creative ways to include her authentically. Remember, the most important thing is to celebrate your special day surrounded by loved ones who feel valued and respected.

Inclusion and comfort are vital to ensuring your lesbian bridesmaid feels welcomed and honoured on your wedding day. By offering clothing choices that align with her identity, providing flexible titles and roles, considering thoughtful gifts and activities, and navigating family dynamics with sensitivity, you can create a positive and memorable experience for everyone involved. Remember, open communication and respect are key to ensuring her comfort and happiness.

Alternatives to 'bridesmaid'

A bride can absolutely have a lesbian in her bridal party. In fact, many lesbian women are chosen as bridesmaids by heterosexual brides. However, the concept of 'bridesmaids' and the gendered traditions that come with weddings are steeped in heterosexual and patriarchal history.

If you are a bride-to-be and are looking for alternatives to the traditional bridesmaid, here are some ideas:

• 'People of Honour': This gender-neutral term can be used for all of your bridal party and can include your siblings and close friends. It demonstrates their importance to you without enforcing gendered roles or expectations. You can also adapt the title to include family relations, e.g. 'Mother of Honour' or 'Sister of Honour'.
• 'Important People': This title is intentionally vague and can be adapted to suit your needs. It conveys the importance of these individuals without signing them up to gendered roles or tasks.
• 'Wedding Attendants': This term is gender-neutral and can be used for all members of the bridal party, regardless of their gender.
• 'Bridesmen'/'Groomsladies'/'Grooms(wo)men': These terms can be used to indicate the gender of the bridal party member, without enforcing gendered roles or expectations.
• 'Bridespeeps'/'Bridal Brigade'/'Matrimony Homies': These fun alternatives to the traditional 'bridesmaid' title can be used to inject some personality and humour into your bridal party.

Ultimately, it is up to you how you choose to structure your bridal party and what titles you use. You may also choose to forgo a bridal party altogether and instead involve your loved ones in other ways, such as through readings or speeches.

If you are set on having a bridal party but are unsure about what roles and responsibilities to assign, here are some ideas:

• Pre-Wedding Preparations: Your bridal party can assist with planning the hen/bachelorette party, as well as any DIY projects. They can also offer support and assistance to the bride(s) or groom(s) in the lead-up to the wedding.
• Shopping for Wedding Attire: Your bridal party can join you for dress/suit fittings and offer their opinions on wedding hair, makeup, and clothing choices.
• Maintaining Peace: Your bridal party can help to diffuse any awkward situations or family drama that may arise, allowing the bride(s) or groom(s) to focus on enjoying their day.
• Gifts: Your bridal party can liaise to choose a gift for the couple as a memento of their special day.
• Rehearsal Dinner: Your bridal party should attend the rehearsal dinner to ensure everyone knows where to walk and stand during the ceremony.
• Hosting: The night before the wedding, your bridal party can host a pamper night or gentle pub crawl for the wedding party, providing an opportunity to relax and chat about any final details.
• Accessories and Emergency Kits: On the morning of the wedding, your bridal party can lay out accessories and jewellery, as well as prepare any emergency kits for the bride(s) or groom(s).
• Personal Belongings: One member of the bridal party can be assigned to hold onto the bride or groom's personal belongings, such as their phone, perfume, or any other items they may need throughout the day.
• Atmosphere: Your bridal party can help to lift the atmosphere by being the first on the dance floor or participating in any entertainment. They can also include other guests in the festivities, especially if the couple is busy taking pictures or speaking to other guests.
• Post-Wedding Tasks: After the wedding, your bridal party can assist with returning any rentals and sending pictures from the day to the group.

Frequently asked questions