Lyla Dejesus
Turkish weddings are steeped in tradition and ritual, with customs varying across different regions of the country. While some traditions have evolved over time, others have endured. One such enduring tradition is the arranged marriage, where the male relatives of the bride receive guests at the bride's home and assess their suitability. However, this practice is not as strictly adhered to as it once was, and modern dating practices like online dating have also gained traction in Turkey. Turkish weddings are typically extravagant affairs, lasting several days and involving music, dance, and an abundance of food.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Arranged marriages | Still practiced, but less common than before |
| Role of women | More active than in the past, especially in courtship |
| Dating | Serious enterprise, with little casual dating |
| Living together before marriage | Not allowed |
| Sex before marriage | Not discussed |
| Online dating | Common |
| Wedding duration | Traditionally 3 days and 3 nights, but can be longer in rural areas |
| Wedding guests | Close relatives and friends |
| Wedding location | Groom's home |
| Bride's attire | Red sash, or "Maidenhood Belt", to symbolise virginity |
| Bride's transport | Horse or car |
| Groom's transport | Convoy of cars decorated with flowers and streamers |
| Wedding procession | Accompanied by drums, pipes, and traditional Turkish instruments |
| Wedding gifts | Gold coins, jewellery, cooking ware, or monetary gifts |
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What You'll Learn
Arranged marriages are still common in rural areas
In Turkish culture, the family plays an important role in the marriage process. The tradition of "isteme" involves the groom's family and relatives going to the bride's house to seek approval for the union. The bride-to-be makes and serves Turkish coffee to her guests, adding salt to the groom's coffee to see how he reacts. The engagement process, known as "Söz Kesme" or "Nişan", is a ceremonial occasion where members of the two families come together to exchange rings and offer prayers and good wishes for the couple.
In rural areas, arranged marriages are still common, and strange rituals persist, such as advertising a woman's single status with an empty bottle on the roof of her house. A man would knock the bottle off to indicate his interest, and the woman's father would assess his suitability. While this method of finding a partner is less strictly practised than before, it has not disappeared.
The persistence of arranged marriages in rural areas can be attributed to the conservative nature of Turkish society, especially outside of the larger cities. Traditional values remain strong, and there is no living together or sex before marriage. However, modern influences are seeping in, with online dating becoming popular even in rural areas. While arranged marriages may be seen as old-fashioned or strange by outsiders, they are rooted in Turkish culture and history, and many couples view their arranged marriages as strong and committed partnerships.
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Modern dating is becoming more popular in cities
While Turkey has a rich history of wedding traditions, dating customs are evolving, especially in the cities. Turkish weddings are important events steeped in tradition and ritual, and they vary across the country's different regions. Traditionally, marriages were often arranged, and this practice has not disappeared entirely, although it is less common now. In the past, a woman's single status would be 'advertised' with an empty bottle on her family home's roof, and a prospective suitor would knock the bottle off to express his interest. The family would then assess his suitability.
However, as Turkey has moved into the 21st century, traditions are changing, and women are taking on more active roles in courtship. Modern dating is becoming more popular in cities, and online dating is common. In larger, less conservative urban areas, dating is more relaxed, although it is still a serious enterprise, and casual dating is rare. An "I love you" tends to come early on, followed by romantic gestures such as flowers, gifts, or grand romantic gestures.
In more rural areas, the old traditions of arranged marriages are more likely to persist. In these communities, dating and courtship are more conservative. There is no living together before marriage, and sex before marriage is not discussed. However, even in these traditional areas, modern influences are making an impact.
Overall, while arranged marriages and traditional rituals still exist in Turkey, particularly in rural regions, modern dating is gaining traction, especially in the cities. The country is embracing a mix of modern and traditional practices when it comes to love and marriage.
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Traditions include the bride's family asking for a dowry
Turkish weddings are steeped in tradition, with many customs stemming from ancient times and religious rites. One such tradition is the "Ceyiz" or dowry, which is a package of essentials for the bride that is put together by those closest to her. The dowry typically includes quilts, bedding sets, clothing, and homeware, and is given to the bride's family by the groom's family as part of the marriage agreement.
In the past, the dowry would be handmade by the bride's mother and other female relatives, but nowadays, it is more common for the items to be store-bought. Despite this, the tradition of giving a dowry remains an important part of Turkish wedding culture, with the items reflecting the wealth of the bride's family.
The dowry is just one example of how Turkish weddings bring two families together. In some regions, it is customary for the groom's family to visit the bride's home multiple times to ask for her hand in marriage, even if consent has already been given. This tradition, known as "kiz isteme" or "isteme", is seen as the first step in formalizing the relationship between the couple and their families. During the "isteme" ceremony, the bride wears an evening dress and serves Turkish coffee to the groom and his family, adding salt to the groom's coffee to test his temperament.
Another tradition that involves both families is the wedding convoy, where successive vehicles from the bride and groom's houses drive to the wedding hall, tooting horns and shouting joyful words. This is followed by the bride and groom dancing to romantic music and being showered with gifts, usually gold coins or cash, by their guests.
While some Turkish weddings still uphold these ancient traditions, others are opting for more simple celebrations, reflecting the changing nature of Turkish society and the shift towards women having a more active role in courtship.
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The wedding is a mix of religious and civil ceremonies
In Turkey, weddings are a legally binding civil ceremony. However, due to the country's religious weddings not requiring an oath or documents, many couples choose to have a religious ceremony a few days before the legal one. This allows them to invite family and friends to a service and reception, much like Western-style weddings.
The build-up to a Turkish wedding is just as important as the ceremony itself. Months of preparation usually precede the wedding, including steps such as "isteme" (asking for the parents' blessing), "söz" (meaning "promise" and a step toward engagement), and the engagement. The "isteme" ceremony involves the groom's family and relatives going to the bride's house to seek approval for the union. The bride wears an evening dress and makes and serves Turkish coffee to the guests. The groom's coffee is flavoured with salt instead of sugar, and it is observed how he reacts to the taste. The promise ceremony, "söz kesmek", is often performed on the same day as the "isteme". Simple rings, not the engagement rings, are tied together with a red ribbon and placed on a silver tray, which is held out to the engaged couple to put on each other.
On the third night, the official wedding takes place at the groom's home. The couple dances and feasts on delicious foods. On the morning of the official ceremony, the groom and his groomsmen put the Turkish flag in front of the soon-to-be marital home, accompanied by drumming and pipes. In the afternoon, the groom's family picks up the bride in a convoy of cars decorated with flowers and streamers. Children sometimes follow the cars, waiting for passengers to hand out envelopes of money.
At the wedding, guests are expected to pin money onto the bride's dress or collect it in a small bag or basket. Both the bride and groom wear a wide red ribbon to which guests can pin gold or money. The gift ceremony is an important tradition. After accepting the gifts, the couple cuts the cake together and feeds each other, symbolising a happy life together.
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The celebration includes music, dance and lots of food
While Turkish weddings are not always arranged, families used to play a significant role in suggesting partners for their children. In the past, women's single status was "advertised" with an empty bottle on the roof of a house, and a man would knock it off to express his interest and be assessed for suitability by the woman's father. Nowadays, while the practice of arranged marriages still exists in rural communities, Turkish dating culture is evolving, with women taking on a more active role in courtship.
Turkish weddings are known for their vibrant celebrations, featuring an abundance of music, dance, and delicious food. The festivities often span multiple days, with a wedding party held at the bride's home two nights before the official ceremony. On the third night, the wedding takes place at the groom's home, where the couple dances and indulges in a feast. Traditional Turkish wedding songs, such as "Damat Halayı," and popular dance moves like the "Anatolian türkü," energize the dance floor.
Food plays a crucial role in Turkish wedding traditions. The most commonly prepared dish at weddings is "keşkek," a wheat and meat stew considered indispensable for the celebration. Other savoury dishes include rice pilaf, meat cooked with chickpeas or in a casserole, böreks (stuffed pastries), and various stuffed vegetables. Sweet treats are also abundant, with baklava, halvah, and zerde (a saffron-flavoured pudding) being popular choices.
In addition to the food and dance, Turkish weddings are marked by unique rituals and symbolic gestures. Before the official ceremony, the groom and his groomsmen raise the Turkish flag in front of the soon-to-be marital home, accompanied by drumming and pipes. On the wedding day, guests traditionally pin money onto the bride's dress as a form of congratulations. These traditions showcase the richness and diversity of Turkish wedding customs, blending ancient rituals with modern celebrations.
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Frequently asked questions
Yes, arranged marriages are a Turkish tradition. However, this practice is becoming less common, especially in larger cities.
The process begins with "isteme", where the groom's family visits the bride's house and seeks her parents' blessing. This is followed by "söz" or "Söz Kesme", which is the engagement ceremony where the families come together and exchange rings.
Turkish weddings are extravagant affairs with music, dance, and feasts. The wedding itself is referred to as "Düğün" and is usually a mix of modern and traditional practices. One unique tradition is the "bride pickup", where the bride is taken from her family home with a procession of cars or horses, accompanied by traditional Turkish instruments.
The groom's family traditionally pays for the wedding, which can range from 150 to 40,000 Turkish liras. The bride's family also has a significant role, with the bride's mother often preparing a "glory box" of store-bought or handmade items for her daughter.
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