Lyla Dejesus
Mormon weddings are a sacred affair, steeped in religious tradition and ritual. They are often held in temples, with only a few close friends and family invited. However, this exclusivity has led to some criticism, with non-Mormon friends and family of the couple left waiting outside. The couple may then host a larger wedding reception and luncheon where they invite all their friends and family who weren't able to attend the ceremony. While some may perceive this as rude, it is a result of the religious requirements of a Mormon wedding rather than any intentional slight.
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What You'll Learn
Exclusion of non-Mormons from the ceremony
Mormon weddings are often a topic of debate due to their exclusion of non-Mormons from the wedding ceremony. This exclusion extends not only to friends but also to immediate family members who are not part of the Mormon faith or are deemed "unworthy". This can be challenging for couples with loved ones outside the faith, as they find themselves unable to include everyone in their celebration.
The reason for this exclusion lies in the sacred nature of Mormon temples. Temples are considered sacred spaces, and only those who follow the Mormon faith and hold a valid temple recommendation are allowed to enter. To obtain a temple recommendation, individuals must adhere to certain rules, such as abstaining from certain substances and staying current with tithes. This requirement can be difficult for non-Mormon family members to fulfil, leading to feelings of exclusion and hurt.
To navigate this challenge, some couples choose to have two ceremonies: a civil ceremony followed by a private temple wedding. This allows them to include all their friends and relatives in the celebration, regardless of their religious affiliation. However, in some countries, such as the United States, there used to be a mandatory waiting period of one year between a civil ceremony and a temple wedding. This rule has since been updated, and couples are now permitted to hold both ceremonies on the same day.
While the exclusion of non-Mormons from the temple ceremony may seem rude or insensitive, it is rooted in the religious beliefs and traditions of the Mormon faith. The temple is considered a sacred space for worship, and the wedding ceremony is a deeply spiritual event for Mormons. By holding a separate civil ceremony, couples can ensure that all their loved ones feel included while also respecting the religious aspects of the temple wedding.
It is worth noting that not all Mormons choose to marry in a temple. Marriages performed by a bishop outside of a temple are considered non-eternal, but they allow for a more inclusive celebration with all friends and family present. Ultimately, the decision to have a temple wedding or a civil ceremony depends on the couple's religious beliefs and their desire to include their loved ones in the celebration.
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Guests must obtain a 'temple recommend'
Guests must obtain a temple recommend, also known as a "religious permission slip", to attend a Mormon wedding. This is because only endowed Church members with current temple recommends are allowed to enter the temple and attend the wedding. The temple recommend is issued by a church leader or bishop, and the guest must interview for it. Only adults over the age of 18 can receive a recommend.
The temple recommend is a crucial requirement for guests, as it ensures they are permitted to witness the sacred temple wedding ceremony. Mormon weddings are highly private events, and the secrecy surrounding them has sparked confusion, skepticism, and ambivalence, even within the faith. The temple recommend is not merely a formality but a testament to the guest's preparedness to comprehend and honour the sacred temple covenants.
To be eligible for a temple recommend, guests must demonstrate their worthiness and commitment to the Church. This eligibility is determined on an individual basis, and leaders do not rely on generalised criteria. The guest must be an endowed member of the Church with a current temple recommend themselves. Additionally, they should be prepared to respect the sacred nature of the wedding and adhere to the associated rules and guidelines, such as maintaining a quiet atmosphere within the temple.
For those who cannot obtain a temple recommend, it is still possible to be included in the wedding celebrations. Mormon couples often choose to host a civil ceremony in addition to the temple wedding, allowing all their loved ones to participate in the festivities. The couple may opt to hold both ceremonies on the same day, ensuring that all guests can share in their joy, even if they cannot attend the temple sealing.
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Modest dress code
Modesty is a key component of the Mormon dress code. This applies to weddings, where guests are expected to dress modestly, and brides are encouraged to wear wedding dresses that meet the standards of modesty.
For women, modesty means covering the shoulders, avoiding thin-strapped, strapless, backless, or sleeveless clothing, and wearing skirts or dresses that are no shorter than a couple of inches above the knee. Necklines should be modest, avoiding low-cut or revealing tops and dresses, and the back of the dress should not fall below the shoulder blades. Clothing should not be tight-fitting or revealing, and women are expected to wear modest and comfortable heels or flats.
For men, modesty means wearing a suit and tie, with dress shoes, and maintaining clean-shaven or neatly trimmed facial hair.
At a Mormon wedding, guests are advised to dress as if they are attending a conservative church. Business dress is best, with men wearing suits and ties, and women wearing skirts or dresses that fall below the knee. It is also important to avoid anything that may be considered sexually suggestive, as this may make LDS members feel uncomfortable.
For brides, a wedding dress worn in the temple should be white, modest in design and fabric, and free of elaborate ornamentation. It should also cover the temple garment, with sheer fabric lined. The dress should have long sleeves or three-quarter sleeves, and should not have a train unless it can be pinned up or removed for the sealing ceremony.
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Lack of music, decorations, and rings
A lack of music, decorations, and rings is often considered a hallmark of Mormon weddings. These weddings are generally short, simple, and focused on the religious ceremony rather than extravagant displays.
Mormon wedding ceremonies typically do not include traditional wedding music or decorations. The focus is on the sacred nature of the union, with the couple pledging themselves to each other and God. The ceremony may include readings from scripture, quotes, and guidance for the couple from trusted leaders, along with blessings and promises made to them and their family.
The absence of music and decorations is in line with the modest and conservative nature of Mormon weddings. Guests are expected to dress modestly, with men wearing suits and ties, and women wearing skirts or dresses that are not revealing. The bride's wedding dress is also expected to be modest.
Rings are not a standard part of the ceremony, as the focus is on the sealing ritual and the spiritual union of the couple. In some cases, a separate ring ceremony may be held, especially if the groom is a convert to Mormonism, to include family and friends who are not Mormon and cannot attend the temple wedding.
The exclusion of non-Mormons from the temple wedding is a significant aspect of these weddings. Only select members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) are allowed to attend, and they must have a temple recommendation issued by a church leader or bishop. This can be challenging for couples with loved ones outside the faith, and it often results in a smaller guest list, with only four to 25 people in attendance.
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The bride 'gives herself' to the groom
Mormon weddings are not considered rude overall, but some people may find certain aspects of the ceremonies unusual or off-putting. For example, only those who follow the Mormon faith are allowed to enter the temple where the wedding ceremony is held. This means that some family and friends of the couple may be excluded from the ceremony and only invited to the reception.
Mormon weddings are based on the belief that marriage is part of God's plan for his people. During the ceremony, a couple pledges themselves to each other and God. The bride and groom kneel at an altar, representing their humility before God. The priest, or "sealer", gives a short speech about how to have a happy marriage and explains the meaning of the wedding. The couple then promises to honour, love, and care for each other, and to commit themselves to the teachings of the church. In a Mormon wedding, the bride says she gives herself to the groom, rather than taking the groom as her husband. This is different from a "basic marriage oath" where the bride and groom mutually give and receive themselves to each other.
Mormon wedding traditions originated from Bible verses about marriage and the teachings of the Latter-Day Saints. The ceremony may include readings from scripture, quotes, and guidance for the couple from trusted leaders. Blessings and promises are made to the couple and their family. The couple may also exchange wedding rings, although this is not part of the official ceremony.
Mormon temple weddings are considered sacred rites that bind a couple together for eternity, including in the afterlife. This belief in eternal marriage is central to Mormon doctrine and is reflected in the wedding rituals. To be married in a temple, members of the church must actively attend meetings and follow the commandments. Marriages performed outside of a temple by a bishop are not considered eternal and are only until death.
While some may find the exclusivity of Mormon temple weddings rude or disappointing, the ceremonies are deeply rooted in the religious beliefs and traditions of the Mormon faith.
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Frequently asked questions
No, Mormon weddings are only open to members of the Mormon faith. This means that non-Mormon friends and family members are not allowed to attend the wedding ceremony. However, they are usually invited to a big wedding reception party and luncheon.
Guests are expected to wear modest clothing, similar to what would be worn to a conservative church. For men, this means a white shirt and tie, or a suit and tie. Women typically wear a dress or a skirt.
Alcohol, coffee and tea are not usually served at Mormon weddings, as these beverages are not consumed by members of the Mormon faith. The dress code is also expected to be modest, with clothing covering the knees and up to the neck.
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