Franklin Dean
A Jewish wedding is a tapestry woven from many threads: biblical, historical, mystical, cultural, and legal. The ceremony traditionally begins with a special reception in honor of the bride and groom, who are considered royalty for the day. The wedding ceremony itself takes place under a chuppah (wedding canopy), symbolizing the new home being built by the couple. While Jewish weddings are steeped in tradition, they can also be modern and inclusive. For example, in the case of interfaith families, non-Jewish family members can be involved in the wedding in many ways, such as walking the bride down the aisle or reading blessings in English. However, it is important to note that Orthodox Judaism adheres strictly to historic attitudes towards intermarriage and refuses to recognize interfaith marriages as valid.
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What You'll Learn
Interfaith marriages in Judaism
In medieval Europe, Christian rulers prohibited marriages between Jews and Christians, often under penalty of death. However, over time, these restrictions were lifted, and interfaith marriages became more frequent. While Orthodox Judaism maintains a strict adherence to historic attitudes, refusing to recognize interfaith marriages as valid, other movements like Reform and Reconstructionist Judaism have become more accepting. A 1985 survey found that over 87% of Reconstructionist rabbis were willing to officiate at interfaith marriages.
The increasing acceptance of interfaith marriages reflects a shift in societal values and a desire to retain connections with Jews who intermarry. While some worry that intermarriage dilutes Jewish culture, others argue that it fosters creativity in defining Jewish identity. Additionally, the children of intermarried couples are more likely to identify as Jewish and intermarry themselves, contributing to the complexity of Jewish identity in the modern world.
In the context of weddings, the inclusion of non-Jewish family members in Jewish wedding ceremonies varies. Some couples opt for Orthodox ceremonies with female and non-Jewish friends and family participating by reading blessings in English after Hebrew readings. Other couples include non-Jewish parents by having them walk their child down the aisle or stand under the chuppah. Consulting with a rabbi well-versed in accommodating non-Jewish family members can help navigate these decisions.
While the debate around interfaith marriages in Judaism persists, the landscape is evolving. The diverse perspectives and practices of Jewish organizations contribute to a more inclusive environment, shaping how Jews navigate their religious and personal choices in an open society.
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Jewish wedding traditions
A traditional Jewish wedding ceremony takes place under a chuppah (wedding canopy), symbolising the new home being built by the couple. The chuppah is usually placed outdoors under an open sky, with a cloth canopy held up by four beams. The ceremony includes two distinct rituals: the betrothal (kiddushin) and the completion of the marriage (ni'usin). In the kiddushin, the bride accepts symbolic payment and a signed contract or ketubah from the groom. The payment is generally made with a ring, but in some weddings, it can be paid with a coin. The ketubah outlines the groom's responsibilities to his bride, including the conditions he will provide in the marriage, the bride's protections and rights, and the framework should the couple divorce. It is signed by the couple and two witnesses before the ceremony and is then read to the guests during the ceremony.
The ceremony also includes prayers and seven blessings (Sheva Brachot) shared by family members or friends, which focus on joy, celebration, and the power of love. They begin with a blessing over a cup of wine and end with a blessing of joy, peace, companionship, and the opportunity to have children. During the ketubah signing, the groom veils the bride's face, signifying that his love for her is for her inner beauty, and that they are distinct individuals even after marriage.
At the end of the ceremony, the groom (or sometimes the bride and groom) steps on a glass inside a cloth bag to shatter it. The breaking of the glass symbolises the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, reminding the couple and guests of the need to be mindful of unhappiness even at moments of great joy. After the ceremony, the couple traditionally fasts until their first meal together.
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Civil marriage and Jewish law
Civil marriage is a ceremony between Jews, celebrated in accordance with secular law rather than Jewish law. According to Jewish law, a woman is not considered a wife unless she has been married "properly", i.e. in one of the ways recognised by Jewish law. Therefore, any marriage celebrated according to secular law and not intended to be in accordance with the "Law of Moses and Israel" is not considered a "proper" marriage.
Orthodox Judaism adheres strictly to traditional Jewish attitudes towards intermarriage, refusing to accept intermarriages as valid or legitimate. Orthodox rabbis do not officiate at interfaith weddings and generally avoid facilitating them. Secular intermarriage is seen as apostasy, and intermarried individuals are effectively cut off from most Orthodox communities. However, outreach efforts by some groups, such as Chabad and Modern Orthodox Jews, target intermarried Jews, particularly intermarried Jewish women, as Orthodox law considers the children of Jewish women to be Jewish regardless of the father's status.
In the first century CE, Jewish marriage customs favoured endogamy, and conversion before marriage was often expected in cases of intermarriage. This practice was upheld by members of the Herodian dynasty, who insisted that their spouses convert. The Talmud asserts that a marriage between a Jew and a non-Jew is prohibited and does not constitute a valid marriage under Jewish law unless the non-Jew converts to Judaism.
In medieval Europe, Christian rulers prohibited marriages between Jews and Christians, often under penalty of death. Over time, these restrictions were lifted in many regions, and interfaith marriages involving Jews became more frequent. In 1807, Napoleon's Grand Sanhedrin declared these marriages civilly valid, though not recognised under Jewish law, and stated that they should not be treated as anathema.
Today, many Jews consciously choose to have a non-Jewish ceremony, such as a civil, church, or cult ceremony, or no ceremony at all. While civil marriages may offer important protections in the secular world, they are not a substitute for a Halachic Jewish marriage. A Jewish wedding is considered the highest and most recognised bond for two Jews, bringing together two halves of the same soul.
In Israel, the only institutionalized form of Jewish marriage is the religious one, conducted under the auspices of the rabbinate. Specifically, the marriage of Israeli Jews must be conducted according to Jewish Law (halakha), as viewed by Orthodox Judaism. Consequently, Jews in Israel who cannot marry according to Jewish law, such as a Jew and a non-Jew, cannot marry each other. This has led to calls, mostly from the secular segment of the Israeli public, for the institution of civil marriage. Some secular-Jewish Israelis travel abroad to have civil marriages, either because they do not wish to have an Orthodox wedding or because their union cannot be sanctioned by halakha. These marriages are legally recognized by the State, but not by the State Rabbinate.
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Restrictions on Jewish weddings
Jewish weddings are subject to various restrictions, many of which are rooted in religious tradition.
Timing
According to Jewish law, weddings are forbidden on the Sabbath (Shabbat), which lasts from sundown on Friday to nightfall on Saturday. Weddings are also not held during certain Jewish holidays, including Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Passover. Weddings may be held on Purim, during Hanukkah, and on the intermediate days of Sukkot.
Location
Jewish weddings can take place anywhere, but they are often held in synagogues, banquet halls, or outdoors. In ancient times, it was customary for weddings to be held in the groom's or bride's home, sometimes with special quarters built for the married couple.
Participants
Orthodox Judaism forbids interfaith marriages and sexual intercourse with non-Jews. However, other Jewish movements may be more accepting of interfaith marriages, and it is not uncommon for non-Jewish family members to be included in Jewish wedding ceremonies. For example, both sets of parents can stand by the chuppah (wedding canopy) during the ceremony, and non-Jewish friends and family can read blessings in English after the Hebrew readings.
Rituals and Customs
A traditional Jewish wedding includes several rituals and customs. Before the ceremony, the groom agrees to the terms of the ketubah (marriage contract) in the presence of two witnesses, who sign the document. The ketubah outlines the groom's obligations to the bride, including food, clothing, and marital relations. Under the chuppah, the signed ketubah is traditionally read aloud in its original Aramaic or in translation. In Ashkenazi Jewish custom, the wedding ceremony takes place outdoors under a cloth canopy held up by four beams, symbolizing the new home being built by the couple. In Sephardic weddings, the groom's tallit (prayer shawl) may be used as the chuppah, and he wraps it around himself and his bride at the conclusion of the ceremony. In some traditions, the bride's face is covered with a veil before the ceremony, and she is escorted to the chuppah by both mothers, while the groom is escorted by both fathers. During the ceremony, the groom places a plain wedding band on the bride's right index finger and recites a declaration of consecration.
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Including non-Jewish family members
A traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, known as a chatunah, is a tapestry of biblical, historical, mystical, cultural, and legal customs and traditions. The ceremony takes place under a chuppah (wedding canopy), symbolising the new home being built by the couple when they become husband and wife.
Interfaith marriage in Judaism (also called intermarriage or mixed marriage) has been viewed with strong disapproval by Jewish leaders and remains a contentious issue within the Jewish community. According to Jewish law, or Halakha, derived from the Talmud, marriage between a Jew and a non-Jew is prohibited and considered void. Orthodox Judaism adheres strictly to these attitudes, refusing to recognise intermarriages as valid or legitimate.
However, in practice, many Jews today have interfaith weddings. A 2020 survey found that 42% of married American Jews had a non-Jewish spouse, rising to 72% when excluding Orthodox Jews. For those with interfaith families, there are ways to include non-Jewish family members in a Jewish wedding ceremony. For example, both sets of parents can stand by or under the chuppah, and non-Jewish family members can be involved in the wedding party. The ketubah (marriage contract) is usually signed by two witnesses who are not closely related to the couple, so family members can be present for the signing. The rabbi can also explain the various customs to ensure everyone feels welcome.
To include non-Jewish family members in the planning process, it is important to understand the various customs and rituals of a Jewish wedding. The wedding traditionally begins with a special "kabbalat panim" reception in honour of the bride and groom, where they are treated like royalty. The bride and groom traditionally refrain from seeing each other for a full week before the wedding. The veiling ceremony, or badeken, is when the groom covers the bride's face with a veil, symbolising his interest in her inner beauty. The chuppah ceremony is characterised by an air of solemnity, with brides and grooms often shedding tears due to the magnitude of the moment. The wedding day is considered a personal Yom Kippur—the holiest and most auspicious day of one's life.
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Frequently asked questions
Yes, goyim can be invited to a Jewish wedding. However, some Orthodox Jews refrain from inviting non-Jews to their weddings.
Yes, non-Jewish people can be included in the wedding ceremony. However, it is important to consult a rabbi and abide by religious norms, such as dressing modestly and ensuring there is no non-mevushal wine on the tables.
According to Halakha (Jewish law), marriage between a Jew and a non-Jew is prohibited and considered void unless the non-Jew converts to Judaism. However, civil marriages are sometimes performed in addition to the Jewish ceremony.
Interfaith marriage, also called mixed or intermarriage, has been viewed with strong disapproval by Jewish leaders and remains a contentious issue. From biblical times through the Middle Ages, exogamy was common, as was conversion to Judaism. During the Spanish Inquisition and in medieval Europe, marriages between Jews and non-Jews were restricted or prohibited. While these restrictions were later lifted in many regions, interfaith marriages continue to be controversial within the Jewish community.
There are differing opinions on this matter. Some people believe that it is cultural appropriation and a violation of history, tradition, and community ties. Others argue that it is simply a matter of style or taste and does not pose a threat to the Jewish community. Ultimately, it is up to the individual to decide whether or not to use Jewish wedding rituals, but it is important to consider the potential implications and respect the traditions and history of the Jewish community.
