Bridesmaids' Attendance: Showers And The Unspoken Expectations

There is a lot of pressure and expectation on bridesmaids to attend pre-wedding events, but ultimately, it is up to the individual to decide whether or not they want to go. While it is considered good etiquette for bridesmaids to attend the bridal shower, it is not mandatory, and there are many valid reasons why someone might not be able to make it. For example, financial constraints, prior commitments, and short notice are all valid reasons for a bridesmaid to miss the bridal shower. It is important to remember that being a bridesmaid is a commitment, and while it is not obligatory to attend every pre-wedding event, it is generally expected that bridesmaids will be there to support the bride.

Invitations and RSVPs

The bridal shower is a pre-wedding event that is exciting and cherished by the bride and her nearest and dearest friends and family. It is a time-honoured tradition to gift the bride with goods for her new home and lifestyle. The bridal shower is usually hosted by someone in the wedding party, along with help from the bride's relatives and friends.

The bridal shower guest list should be limited to people who are also invited to the wedding. The number of people invited depends on how large the event is intended to be. The bridal party, the couple's family, and close friends are usually included.

Bridal shower invitations should be mailed out four to six weeks before the event, either by post or email. Details to include are the bride's name, date, time, location, registry information, RSVP details, and the names of whoever is hosting. It is also a good idea to include a line on the RSVPs for guests to note any dietary restrictions.

The bridal shower can be as formal or casual as desired, but it is helpful to include some sort of dress code guide in the invitation.

Timing and location

Bridal showers are typically held anywhere from a few weeks to a few months before the wedding. It's best to choose a date that is convenient for the bride and the most important guests. If the bride lives in another state, it may be more convenient for her to travel to the shower if most of the guests live locally. The specific location depends on the type of shower and the host's budget. It could be in a friend's or family member's home or backyard, at a local restaurant, or somewhere more specific if the shower has a theme (such as a cooking school or a wine-tasting room).

Bridal shower invitations should ideally be mailed out four to six weeks before the event, either by post or email. This gives guests enough time to RSVP and make any necessary travel, schedule, or childcare arrangements. Sending them too early might lead to guests forgetting the date, and sending them too late could result in low attendance due to conflicts.

If you're hosting, it's a good idea to choose a date that coincides with the bride's trip home or another get-together, such as a bachelorette party in the evening following an afternoon shower. This can help accommodate everyone's schedules, especially if you're planning something a little further in advance.

Costs and budgeting

Being a bridesmaid is a significant financial commitment, and there are several costs that you can almost always expect to incur. The biggest of these is the bridesmaid dress, which typically costs around $100 but can vary depending on the bride's preferences and your choices. Bridesmaids are usually expected to pay for their own dresses and any additional wedding-day accessories, such as jewellery and shoes. If you're on a budget, consider shopping at thrift stores or looking for deals online.

Another major expense is the bachelorette party, where bridesmaids typically plan and pay for their own costs, which can include travel, lodging, decorations, and activities. It is not uncommon for bridesmaids to cover some or all of these expenses for the bride-to-be as well.

The bridal shower is another event that bridesmaids are expected to contribute financially towards, especially if they are part of the planning process. The total cost of a bridal shower can range from a few hundred dollars to several thousand, depending on the number of guests and the venue. This cost is typically split evenly among the hosts, which usually includes the maid of honor and bridesmaids. Remember to factor in costs for food, drinks, decorations, favours, and a gift for the bride.

Additionally, there are other pre-wedding events and associated costs that bridesmaids may need to budget for, such as engagement parties and themed events. While not mandatory, these events can add up financially, especially if you're expected to purchase new outfits or contribute gifts.

Finally, as a bridesmaid, you may also want to budget for a wedding gift for the couple, which is traditionally expected but can be a small item from the registry or a group gift with other bridesmaids.

To manage these costs effectively, it is essential to have open and transparent communication with the bride, maid of honor, and other bridesmaids about financial expectations and your budget. Being honest about what you can realistically afford will help alleviate financial stressors and ensure a more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

Themes and activities

There are endless options for bridal shower themes and activities, from the classic to the creative. Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Bookworm Bridal Shower: If the bride loves reading, this theme is a perfect fit. Pick one of the bride's favourite books to inspire the decor, food, and activities. Ask guests to bring books as gifts or hand out "mystery books" wrapped in plain brown paper as party favours.
• Paint and Sip Bridal Shower: A fun and creative theme for guests of all ages. Provide art supplies and refreshments, and let everyone unleash their inner artist.
• Astrology Bridal Shower: For the bride who loves all things zodiac, deck out the party space with astrological decor and hire a professional astrologer to do readings.
• Charity Bridal Shower: Instead of traditional gifts, ask guests to donate to the couple's favourite charity or non-profit organisation.
• Spa Day Bridal Shower: Treat the bride and guests to a day of pampering and relaxation with massages, facials, and soothing music.
• Cooking-Themed Bridal Shower: Hire a chef to lead a cooking class and host a friendly cook-off. Ask guests to bring their favourite recipe or kitchen item as a gift.
• Mamma Mia! Bridal Shower: Get everyone dancing with a disco-inspired shower, complete with disco balls, colourful streamers, and a playlist filled with ABBA and Mamma Mia! tunes.
• Gatsby Theme Bridal Shower: Transport guests back to the Roaring Twenties with feather centrepieces, sequined tablecloths, and sparkling crystal tableware. Encourage guests to dress up in their best 1920s-inspired outfits.
• Bridgerton Bridal Shower: Bring the Regency-era to life with lush floral arrangements, elegant china, and dainty finger sandwiches. Serve aromatic jasmine tea for a truly sophisticated affair.
• Beach Bridal Shower: Whisk the bride away to a tropical destination with piña coladas, colourful flowers, and beach-themed accents like pineapples, flamingos, and rattan furniture.
• Ice Cream Bridal Shower: Set up a DIY ice cream toppings bar and decorate with ice cream-themed decor. Serve milkshakes, root beer floats, and other ice cream-inspired treats.
• Travel Theme Bridal Shower: For the adventurous couple, incorporate maps, globes, mini suitcases, and details inspired by their favourite travel destinations.
• Western Bridal Shower: Yeehaw! Get your cowboy boots and hats on for this rustic-themed shower. Serve BBQ, corn on the cob, sweet tea, and cold beer. Decorate with hay bales, red checkered tablecloths, and cacti centrepieces.
• Coachella Bridal Shower: Bring the famous music festival to life with flower crowns, summery accessories, and a playlist of the bride's favourite songs.
• Wine-Themed Bridal Shower: Host a wine tasting, either at a local winery or in the comfort of your own home. Provide a variety of wines and charcuterie boards for a sophisticated afternoon.
• Pajama Party Bridal Shower: A comfortable and relaxed theme—ask guests to come in their favourite PJs and provide customised robes or slippers as party favours. Serve breakfast foods like waffles, pancakes, and mimosas.

These are just a few ideas to spark your creativity. Feel free to mix and match themes and activities to create a unique and memorable bridal shower that reflects the bride's personality and style.

Etiquette and expectations

Bridal showers are pre-wedding events that are meant to be fun, lighthearted celebrations for the bride-to-be, her nearest and dearest, and her family and friends. It is a time-honoured tradition that has evolved over the years, but the core idea remains the same: to shower the bride with good wishes, congratulations, and gifts for her new home.

While there are no hard and fast rules, certain bridal shower etiquette guidelines have been established over time. For instance, it is considered poor form to invite someone to the bridal shower if they are not also invited to the wedding. This is because doing so may offend the guest and may be perceived as a gift grab.

Traditionally, the bridal shower was hosted by the maid of honour and bridesmaids, but nowadays, anyone close to the bride can host, including the bride's mother. The host usually consults with the bride on the guest list, but ultimately, the host is responsible for bringing the shower to life. The guest list typically includes the bride's close female friends and family members, like her bridesmaids, mother, sisters, and future in-laws. However, in recent times, grooms and other male friends or relatives may also be included.

As for the bridesmaids themselves, while there is an expectation that they will attend the bridal shower, it is not mandatory. Attending pre-wedding events is not a requirement, and if a bridesmaid cannot attend due to work commitments, financial constraints, or other valid reasons, it is generally understood and accepted. It is important to communicate one's regrets and apologies in such cases, and perhaps offer to contribute to the hosting or send a gift.

The bridal shower usually takes place a few weeks to a few months before the wedding and includes food, drinks, games, and gift-giving. The groom often makes a brief appearance towards the end of the shower to greet the guests and help with the gifts.

In terms of planning, the host should choose a date that is convenient for the bride and essential guests, and send out invitations four to six weeks in advance. The invitation should include the bride's name, date, time, location, registry information, and RSVP details. The dress code can be formal or casual, but it is generally better to dress up than down.

The bridal shower can be held in the bride's hometown or a location convenient for most guests, and the venue could be a home, a restaurant, or a theme-specific location like a spa or winery. While a theme is not necessary, it can be a fun addition, such as a bridal tea party or a Parisian-inspired affair.

Overall, while certain expectations and etiquette guidelines surround the bridal shower, the most important thing is to ensure the bride feels celebrated and supported as she prepares for her married life.

Frequently asked questions